Forbidden Men Book 3: Be My Hero
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Linda Kage
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Prologue
MEET PICK RYAN
As Harvey and I crouched behind the lilac bushes in front of the old decaying house, a stiff breeze burst upon us, stirring a batch of dead leaves around my knees and freezing the fuck out of my arms.
I had decided coats were overrated after last week. I’d asked Vern, my newest foster dad, if he’d buy me a jacket since the weather had turned cold and I’d outgrown last year’s winter coat. He’d told me he’d consider it—if I sucked his dick.
So being a human icicle wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to me.
“Jesus, Pick.” Shivering beside me, Harvey wrapped my last year’s coat tighter around him—since it actually fit him—and burrowed deeper into its warmth. “Did you feel that? She must know we’re out here. She’s already casting some kind of voodoo shit spell on us. Let’s bounce already.”
“It’s called wind, you moron.” I smacked him lightly on the back of the head. “I seriously doubt she can make the wind blow. And we’re not leaving until it’s done.”
“Bet she can. She’s a witch. She can do anything. Just look at what she did to Tristy.”
My teeth clenched. What had happened to Tristy was exactly why I wasn’t budging until my mission was accomplished. I wasn’t leaving this place until the witch had paid for what she’d done.
Spurred on by the fresh wave of rage Harvey had instilled in me, I tightened my grip on the brick I was holding and darted out from behind the bushes. Spotty clumps of dead brown grass made the ground uneven, but even that didn’t deter my step. Sprinting for all I was worth, I reached the huge bay window of Madam LeFrey’s home and wound back my arm.
She’d get the message I’d tied around the brick. Leave Tristy Mahone alone. And she had better abide. Tristy had been through enough already.
Tristy and I hadn’t lived in the same foster home for over a year, not since I’d called the social worker on my last foster family and told them what was happening to her. But we still kept in touch, and I looked out for her. So when Harvey had told me why she was in the hospital, I felt as if I’d failed her. I never should’ve let her visit Madam LeFrey, who never gave anyone a cheerful fortune reading. I should’ve prevented it somehow.
But what was done was done, and I had to placate myself with paybacks. The shatter of breaking glass told me my avengement was complete.
“Oh, shit.” Harvey’s voice carried from the bushes. “You did it. You really did it.”
Shit, I really had. I’d never been the perfect choirboy type, but this was my first stint at vandalism. I thought I’d feel satisfied. Vindicated. But Tristy was still in the hospital with her wrists taped together. And I was still a low-life deadbeat who’d never amount to anything. Madam LeFrey would no doubt continue to freak kids out by giving them doomed fortune readings.
I stood there like a complete dumbass just staring at the cracks spider-webbing through the parts of the glass that were still intact. But now I was more pissed off than before because breaking a window had accomplished absolutely nothing.
Madam LeFrey’s porch light sprang on, jolting me out of my rigor mortis. As the ancient paint-chipped front door creaked open, Harvey screamed for me. Anxiety spurted through my veins in a panicked mess; I needed to reach him. Protect him.
I scrambled toward him, but to get there, I had to pass by the front porch where the witch was rushing from the house, toting—holy fuck—a shotgun that looked bigger than she was.
I skidded to a stop so fast the wet dead leaves under my shoes gave way, and I slid down, landing hard on my ass. I caught myself with one hand; my fingers dug into the muddy cold earth before I found enough purchase to push myself back up.
While I was busy wiping out, Madam LeFrey was equally busy wracking a shell into the chamber. The distinct sound of a loading gun echoed through my ears until that was all I heard. Springing upright, I stumbled away before I’d regained my footing. If I could just make it to the corner of her house, I was sure I could get out of her view long enough to find a nice dark shadow to escape into and be able to evade the mad old woman.
But I never made it to the corner.
I stepped on something solid that made a metallic click before it gave way and sucked my foot down. Sharp, knife-like teeth bit into my ankle and trapped me. I shouted out as I collapsed. The cold, wet earth enveloped me, and I curled into a fetal ball, clutching my shin. Waves of agony screamed up my leg while the ankle trap held me prisoner.
“Pick!”
Panicked and scared, Harvey’s voice shot another dose of fear into me. I’d let him follow me here tonight. If anything happened to him, it’d be on me. I glanced past the witch inching toward me, the barrel of her gun aimed between my eyes, and saw him hesitating at the edges of the bushes, wavering as if he didn’t want to leave me behind but didn’t want to stick around either.
“Go,” I choked out, waving him away.
The kid didn’t hesitate. He spun around and took off.
With him out of harm’s way, I finally looked up at my captor, ready to face my fate. She had to be the ugliest woman I’d ever seen. Her frizzled gray hair stood out in a crisp silhouette with the lights from her porch shining in around her, making her look as if she’d stuck her finger in an outlet and the electrical shock had split out every end in a different direction.
The loose moo-moo she wore only emphasized how wide and stoop-shouldered she was. And her moles looked like pieces of fruit wobbling around in a JELL-O mold. I caught sight of them dotting her second chin as she stepped close enough for me to make out her wrinkled, snarled-tooth sneer.
Blood left a coppery tang in my mouth. I must’ve bitten my tongue or lip. But my pain receptors fired too strongly in my ankle for me to feel discomfort anywhere else.
Mud and withered leaves clung to me as I panted on the ground in front of her, glaring up with all the defiant bravado I could muster.
Shuffling closer, she pressed the end of the barrel against the center of my forehead firmly enough that it’d no doubt leave a ring-shaped indention for days—if I survived that long.
Knowing this was probably it, I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, my nostrils flaring because I couldn’t stop breathing so hard.
I was going to die. Right here. Right now.
But at least it’d be quick. I probably wouldn’t feel a thing. I hoped I wouldn’t feel a thing.
The sad part was a sense of relief flooded me. The pathetic excuse that was my life was finally over. I didn’t care that I’d die a virgin or that Harvey, who was a year younger than I was at thirteen, had already bagged a girl before I had. After being chained and forced to watch Tristy get raped so often, I was kind of turned off to the whole subject of sex, anyway. Using my hand and sneaking peaks at nudey pictures in magazines suited me just fine.
There were other things I had wanted to try before dying, though. Driving. Getting a tattoo. Growing old enough to finally move out on my own. Or maybe finding a good family to adopt me.
Okay, damn. My life must really be flashing before my eyes, because I hadn’t thought up the whole maybe-someone-will-adopt-me-and-love-me dream since I was nine. It was lame and useless to want such a thing.
“Did you throw a brick through my window?” Madam LeFrey asked, her voice thick and guttural, and nearly impossible to understand. She nudged the barrel harder against me as if she thought she didn’t already have my undivided attention.
“Yes,” I gritted out from between my clenched teeth. “Did you tell Tristy Mahone no one would ever love her, and she’d die a miserable death, young and alone?”
The old bat’s shoulders twitched in what I assumed was her version of a shrug. “Like I know the name of some silly girl who came to me for her fortune.”
“So you give that reading to everyone who comes to you?” What a complete bitch.
“I say what I see. No more. No less. If your friend got a bad reading, then your friend’s a bad girl. She doesn’t care for anyone.”
“Doesn’t care for anyone?” I repeated incredulously. Anger caused me to shove the gun out of my face so I could give her the full intensity of my glare. “Yeah, she didn’t care so much that she went home after what you said and tried to kill herself. She cut her wrists open and almost bled out before someone found her. If she didn’t care about anyone or anything, do you really think she would’ve taken your words to heart like that?”
The witch made a gurgling sound in the back of her throat as if she wasn’t surprised to learn what Tristy had done, as if she felt no accountability or sympathy at all for Tristy’s near-death.
“You almost killed her, you fucking bat!” I swiped out again like the wounded animal I was, hurt and cornered, fighting back for my life.
Instead of shooting me as she probably should’ve done in return, Madam LeFrey scurried a couple steps away until she was well out of my reach. At the same moment I realized her feet were bare, I also realized tears were matted to my cheeks.
A strange surge of surrealism passed over me, making my head light and woozy. A barefoot woman was about to kill me, and I was bawling like a baby. That was just so fucked up.
My vision blurred. I blinked as Madam LeFrey cocked her head to the side, studying me intently.
“You love this girl?” she asked.
I rested my cheek in the mud and fisted my hand around a clump of grass. The pain was beginning to make my stomach revolt and my thinking dull. But I tried to come up with an answer to her question because, hell, I don’t know why. Maybe she’d put me out of my misery if I replied.
Did I love Tristy? God, no. Most of the time I didn’t even like her. We’d survived through hell together, though, and you didn’t just turn your back on a fellow hell survivor. They became a part of who you were and left you bound to always keeping watch over them.
“She’s under my protection,” I managed to answer, my words slurring for some strange reason. I had no clue if the pain was whacking me out, or if Madam LeFrey was pulling some voodoo crap on me, but I sure as fuck did not like being this vulnerable in front of her.
When ice-cold, gnarled fingers touched my pulse, I jerked under the pressure but couldn’t seem to pull away. Turning my face, I opened my lashes and looked up at her. Pale, watery blue eyes held me captive as she peered straight inside me.
“Your friend doesn’t care enough, no,” she said. “But you . . . you care too much.”
A hollow laugh escaped me. Here I was, ready and willing to die, and she was calling me caring. Yeah right, not giving a shit sounded real compassionate.
I had no clue what had happened to her gun, but it was nowhere in sight. If I had spotted it in that second, I might’ve grabbed it from her and pulled the trigger myself. But there was only me and her now. Her freaky pale blue orbs saw everything and more, making me shiver and wish she’d just put me down already.
“Please,” I begged, my words slurring in the cold breeze.
“You’ve had a hard life but possess a pure soul,” she said, ignoring me as I begged for death. “Hope drips from you like water in a leaky bucket. If it dries up, you’ll turn hard and brittle. Like your friend.” Her fingers shifted toward my eyes. I squeezed them shut right before she pressed both her thumbs into each of my sockets.
“What the fuck?” Was she going to pluck my eyeballs out? That sounded like it’d hurt. And I just wanted everything to stop hurting.
I grabbed her wrists to pull her off. “Let go.” But as soon as my fingers latched around loose skin draped over frail bone, something happened and I couldn’t move. My fingers locked into place around her, and I couldn’t retreat, couldn’t attack.
I was paralyzed.
“Don’t worry.” Her voice echoed between my ears as if she were speaking inside my head. “I’ll give you your hope back.”
That’s when it happened. I have no idea how else to explain it except I was transported, sucked right out of my body on that cold wet ground with my ankle on fire and bleeding until suddenly, I was warm and dry, without a pain in the world and stretched out on a bed, buck-ass naked while the softest skin of the girl under me slid against mine.
Whoa! I was having sex with someone on silky sheets and a comfortable mattress. And fuck. Sex felt good after all. It wasn’t as demented and perverted as that bastard who’d raped Tristy had made it look. It was sweet and warm, and just . . . really, really good. Better than good. Amazing.
Connected to my partner in the most unspeakable way, I buried myself deeper into her. Her sharp fingernails bit into my ass to keep me there. Desire rippled through my bloodstream as the sweetest, tightest wet heat hugged my dick. The link between us seemed to strengthen as her smell, her softness, her throaty sounds of pleasure attacked all my senses. I glanced down into her face, needing to see what she looked like.
She was beautiful, so beautiful. Probably in her early twenties, though I had a feeling I was too, and she had pale corn silk blonde hair that looked glossy and soft.
Dumbfounded by such pretty hair, I sank my fingers into it as I cupped her face in my palm. Grinning, she parted long, dark lashes to reveal the most amazing set of eyes I’d ever seen. Almost turquoise around the pupils, their color fanned out, turning stark blue and then a bright navy close to the rings of the irises. It didn’t seem possible that eyes could change three shades of one color like that, but they did.
Her features were flawless, matching her unique eyes to perfection. With olive skin that wasn’t pockmarked by blisters and sores as most of the methed-up girls in my neighborhood, she looked clean and wholesome. Pure.
“Tinker Bell,” I said, my voice shocking me because it was deeper and more grown-up than I’d ever heard it before. I was no longer fourteen.
She smiled and breathed out a sigh, staring up at me as if she—
“I love you,” she said, actually voicing the words I was aching to hear. It was the first time anyone had said that to me.
A shudder tore through me. Overwhelmed by a blasting warmth and a strangling, overwhelming desire to say it back, I pressed my forehead to hers and pumped my hips with an age-old rhythm that seemed as natural as breathing. Her wet warmth clamped even more snuggly around me and her spine arched up, smashing a set of full breasts against my chest as she gasped and threw her head back.
She was coming.
Most magnificent sight ever.
I had no idea how I knew what was happening to her, but I did, and the knowledge spurred my own body to respond. My balls tightened and my dick began to contract.
Before I could follow her into oblivion though, I was sucked away. Panicked, I clawed out to return to her, the perfect girl with the perfect body who said she loved me.
But then, there she was again. The bed under us disappeared and we were no longer naked. At least we were still twisted together—on a couch this time—and my chest still felt as weightless and free as it had in the last scene, as if I had nothing to worry about. I was . . . shit, I was happy.
So was she. Squirming underneath me, she tried to twist out of my grip as she laughed. I kept tickling her because I loved that sound, and I swear I loved her too. I had no idea how I knew that. I just knew. She was everything to me.
“Patrick Jason Ryan,” she scolded me. “I’m warning you.” But there was too much warmth and joy in her voice to be of any real threat.
She loved this as much as I did. My body responded, and I was ready for more of that sex I decided wasn’t so bad after all.
But just as I leaned in to kiss her, a small voice asked, “Mama? Daddy? What’re you guys doing?”
Startled the fucking shit out of me.
I wrenched my head around to find a little girl of four, five, hell, maybe six years old standing in the doorway, watching us curiously as she hugged a pink stuffed pig to her chest and sucked on her thumb. She was freaking adorable. Startling blue eyes, just like the woman on the couch with me, but darker hair.
Kind of like mine.
“Skylar.” The woman gasped, unable to break free of me. “Help me, baby. Tickle Daddy. Get him!”
Daddy?
My eyes widened, but the wider I tried to make them, the less I saw. With a bright flash of white, I was jerked away from both girls.
The woman returned, thank God. She had coiled her pale hair up into formal silky rolls with white pearls woven through the locks and a veil trailing down her back. I sucked in a breath as I saw the wedding dress she wore.
Surrounding us, hundreds of people became a distant muted blur as they milled around the large reception hall just as the deejay started a new song. Our song.
“And this one’s for the happy couple.” The deejay sent me a nod, telling me I was up.
Ignoring how stiff the shoulder pads in my tux jacket were, I held out a hand to the blonde in the wedding dress. “Mrs. Ryan,” I said, feeling as if everything inside me was going to burst out through my pores. “May I have this dance?”
This was my wife. My fucking wife. I couldn’t remember ever feeling more gratified than I did in that moment when she gave me a giddy grin and took my hand. I pulled her close and twirled us onto the dance floor as I lowered my mouth to her ear.
“Tink. God, I love you. So much.”
When I noticed the letters P.I.C.K. tattooed in neat black script just behind her ear, my heart pounded from all the emotions rushing through me. I buried my nose in her pearl-coiled highlights and breathed in the fresh scent of lilac.
She pressed her mouth against my neck, and I swear the impression of her kiss followed me as I was sucked into yet another scene, a backyard with vivid green grass that was perfectly trimmed on a warm, sunny day. I’d never lived in a neighborhood with a lawn so immaculate, which made me swell with pride because I knew this was my lawn. My home.
I was so fucking happy, even though the pair of scrawny arms wrapped around my neck were nearly choking me into unconsciousness. The weight of the small body pressed into my back made it worth it.
“Faster,” a boy’s voice encouraged in my ear. “Come on, Dad. Faster.”
So I spun faster, making my boy laugh as I whirled us in a circle on that amazing, lush lawn. The world around us blurred into a blissful oblivion. When I finally stopped after making us both dizzy, I bent down, resting my hands on my knees so he could slide off. And the little girl from the earlier vision—Skylar—immediately appeared before me, tugging on my elbow.
“My turn next,” she begged, her mommy’s blue eyes making it impossible for me to say no. “Please, Daddy.”
But from the house, the sliding glass door opened and the woman—Tinker Bell—appeared in the opening. She wore a bright red t-shirt that bulged over her very pregnant belly, but she radiated with a jovial glow that made everything inside me brighten.
“Pick!” she called. “Julian. Skylar. Time for dinner.”
And just like that, the vision was gone. In the next, a paper mask over my mouth and nose caused my hot breath to moisten my cheeks as a prickly cap wrapped snug around my head itched my scalp. When I realized I was wearing surgical scrubs, I arched an eyebrow. What the hell? Was I a doctor now?
But that voice—her intoxicating, amazing, love-filled voice—from the bed next to me had me turning until I saw her. My Tinker Bell lay on a hospital bed. Her face was flushed and damp but her tired eyes were lit with love as she grinned up at me. Cradling a small, wiggling bundle in her arms, she lifted the infant.
“Pick, come meet Chloe.”
A sense of peace and joy filled me.
Before I reached for our child, I cupped my wife’s cheek in my hand and just looked at her, trying to convey to her how much I loved her. “You did good, Tinker Bell.”
I was about to reach for my daughter, our little Chloe, when the darkness sucked me back in.
I cried out, scrambling, desperate to return to any of those visions, but I found myself back on the cold, wet ground in the witch’s front yard.
Madam LeFrey released her fingers from my eyes and I flopped limply to the ground, shuddering from loss and confusion. Keeping my lashes closed, I panted, willing myself back to wherever she’d just taken me. But the pain in my ankle kept me grounded to the bitter present.
Shuffling beside me told me Madam LeFrey was standing up and moving away, but I didn’t care about her anymore. My brain was jumbled, shifting between the pain in my leg and the memories stirring in my head.
“There. You have your hope back now.” Her ragged old voice angered me.
I opened my eyes and managed to glance up at her. “Wha . . . what was that? What did you do to me?”
“I gave you a glimpse.”
“You gave me a what? What the hell is a glimpse? What does it mean?”
“Mean?” She cocked her head as if confused by the question. “Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. It shows you what your life would look like if you lived it to your heart’s content.”
My yearning heart thumped hard in my chest. “So . . . so that’s going to happen to me? That’s my future?”
Shit. It didn’t seem possible. I had never done anything good enough to deserve a life like the one I’d just had a glimpse of. Elation roared through my veins until the fucking witch shook her head.
“No. It’s only your future if you live to your heart’s content,” Madam LeFrey repeated solemnly.
“So…” I gulped, wanting to deny it. “It’s not true then? It won’t really happen?” More tears filled my eyes. Would I never meet that girl? Would I never have a beautiful backyard with plush green grass? Never have three perfect children who meant the world to me? Never belong to a family?
“The future is not ours to know. I only showed you what could happen if you lived happily ever after. It’s up to you to make that happen.”
“But . . . “ I reached for her, desperate for answers. “How do I do that? I don’t even know that girl. I’ve never seen her before in my life. How do I find her?”
The witch had been busy picking her shotgun off the ground. But she paused at my frantic questions. “Girl?”
“Yes! The girl. The girl you kept showing me. Who is she? Is she even a real person?”
With a confused shake of her head, the old bat stared at me as if I was crazy. “I showed you only you. Five glimpses of you. That’s all. If you saw another in one of your visions, that means you love that person.”
“But I . . . she was in all of them, not just one.”
Stepping closer, Madam LeFrey eyed me as if I was a new species she’d never heard of. “Can it be?” she whispered in awe.
“What?” I demanded, almost panicking. I wanted to know more about that girl and how I could live that life with her where I’d been so fucking happy. I’d never been that content before.
Madam LeFrey shook her head as if unable to believe what she was about to tell me. “A soul mate,” she rasped. “How very rare.”
“What? She’s my soul mate?”
I was a little giddy over the idea. A soul mate sounded good. Soul mate, someone to love me, a happy future, a place to belong. Family. Now, all I had to do was find her.
Except the fucking old bat looked concerned. She grabbed my arm. “Find her,” she told me, urgency lacing her voice. “You’re not complete until the two halves come together. You’re only half a soul.”
I tugged my arm out of her grip. “Well, where is she?”
Instead of answering, she jerked backward as if I was tainted. Stomping on something by my ankle, she released the trap I’d been stuck in. I cried out from the rush of blood that shot to the injury and created a shit ton of pressure. As I gritted my teeth and clutched my leg, Madam LeFrey turned her back on me.
“Go away now,” she said, as if she were afraid of me. “Don’t come back.”
“But . . . wait! How do I find her? What’s her name?” When she didn’t even slow down, I growled out my anger and pain. “Damn it. Can’t you do some spell to draw her here? I just want what you showed me.” Why would she show me that if she wouldn’t help me get it?
When she reached the porch, she glanced back. “No spell can touch this. It’s bigger than any spell. It’s fate.”
Before I could say anything else, she scurried into her house and slammed the door, leaving me to find my own way home on a bum ankle.
Though I was no longer held prisoner, I just stayed there. Breathing hard and rattled in more ways than one, I held onto my injury and filled my head with all the damn glimpses the witch had given me. A cool mist on my face told me it had started to rain.
I knew I’d never be the same again. Up until tonight, I had convinced myself that my life would always be shitty and hopeless. But Madam LeFrey’s glimpses made everything even worse. Because now I wanted something. I wanted it so damn bad I could taste it. I wanted that future and happily ever after. And if I never found that girl, if I never found even a portion of those glimpses, the disappointment would probably kill me.
