Seaside Series Book 4
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Rachel Van Dyken
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41
Prologue
Alec
I was already broken when she came into my life — almost like a shell of the man I knew I should be but could never, ever hope to end up like. The thing about wanting to be good is just that.
And I was bad.
I am bad.
She just didn't know it. I wish I were a good person, because maybe then I could let her go. Maybe if I was good, I could release her before everything goes to hell. But I couldn't.
I wanted her too damn bad. I wanted us. And I'd do anything — be anything to keep her. Even if it meant that I had to be something that I wasn't.
Good.
I used to think life was easy — you got up, you ate, you drank, you did whatever the hell you did, and you went back to bed… I was wrong.
Maybe if I could have seen it coming, I could have prevented what happened. Hell. I know I could have prevented it from happening. But I didn't see that coming.
I knew it was only a matter of time before my control snapped. After all, I'd been on borrowed time for too long. I kept everything in boxes.
My relationship with Nat, my career, my issues with my brother, and then finally all the shit I put myself and everyone else through a few years ago.
Unfortunately, the sucky thing about packing away bad choices, memories, and just all-around stupidity, was that it always taunted you.
I knew it was only a matter of time before my own Pandora's box exploded and my control snapped. After all, as much as I told Demetri he needed to deal with all his baggage, I just ignored mine.
The cards weren't just stacked against me; they were collapsing on top of me. I fought for breath as Nat's hurt eyes bore into mine.
“So that's it?” Thick tears ran down her cheeks.
I cursed and ran my hands through my hair. “Yeah, Nat. That's it.”
“So what happens now?” She wiped some stray tears from her cheeks and crossed her arms protectively across her chest.
I would forever remember that moment. During those lonely nights when I was tempted to do something stupid, I'd remember the look of betrayal on her face.
“I stop hurting you.” I cleared my throat. “I'm sorry, Nat. But, this is goodbye.”
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