Bereft
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Alexander Grey
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Chapter 1
TOBY
I flung my arm over my eyes, the sheets twisted around my legs in silent protest against consciousness. The school year had barely begun, and my junior year of college had already wrung me dry.
Majoring in English had sounded romantic on paper. Studying the greats in dusty libraries, having intellectual debates, and writing late-night essays fueled by caffeine and poor decisions seemed like the quintessential collegiate experience.
No one warned me it would be the most mentally brutal ass-kicking of my life. My brain felt like it was constantly running marathons while my body was on the verge of collapse.
I needed an outlet, something where I could turn off for a few blissful seconds. Usually, I managed that through sex, but the messy emotional aftermath had been exceptionally draining lately.
I must have been half-delirious when I signed up to try out with the university’s championship-winning swimming team. Competitive swimming was the last thing I needed to start again, but returning to the water after all these years had this poetic draw that I just couldn’t deny.
I rolled onto my side, cracking my eyes open to see the soft glow of my white sheets in the sliver of morning light coming through the curtains.
Maybe I could just stay in bed. Sleep tugged at me sweetly, seductively luring me back. I probably didn’t make the team anyway, so why bother getting up to see that I failed?
“Rise and shine, you lazy bitch,” sang my roommate and best friend, Niall, as he charged in and threw open the drapes.
I groaned, covering my face with a pillow. “Go away,” I murmured, my voice thick with sleep and irritation. “Don’t you have class or something?”
I felt the bed dip as he sat down on the edge.
“In thirty minutes,” he replied. “Which is just enough time for you to get that annoyingly cute butt out of bed and get dressed so we can be there when they post the results.”
I peeked around my pillow, glaring at the cup of coffee he offered. “What’s the point?” I sighed, sitting up. “I haven’t swum competitively for years. There’s no way I made it.”
“Believe in miracles,” he said breezily. “Now, come on. Get moving. I made breakfast sandwiches so we can eat on the way.”
“You’re impossible,” I grumbled, dragging a hand down my face.
“But you love me,” he chirped as he left.
I grinned, taking a sip of my coffee as I climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
He’s right. What’s the worst that can happen?
***
The chlorine-scented air felt stifling as Niall and I stepped inside the athletic complex, our sneakers squeaking faintly as we crossed the damp, tiled floor. A crisp sheet of paper had been pinned to the bulletin board near the locker rooms.
Niall rushed toward it, his index finger tracing down the list of names. My stomach twisted as I hovered a few steps behind him, pretending that I wasn’t eager to hear the results.
I swam competitively throughout high school, making regionals without even having to try that hard. Being in the water just felt natural, and I hadn’t realized how much I actually missed it until I was on that starting block yesterday.
“Oh my god!” Niall squealed. “You did it! You’re in, Tobs! I’m so proud of you!”
He spun around, crushing me with a big bear hug, and I laughed despite myself, the sound echoing in the open space.
I made it. I actually did it.
He released me, a wide grin splitting his face. “We have to celebrate tonight,” he declared happily. “My boy just joined one of the best swimming teams in the state!”
I snorted. “Don’t you have that chem lab this evening?”
“There’s a makeup day,” he countered, flashing me that look that only promised trouble. “I won’t take no for an answer. Besides, I need my wingman. You know I’m hopeless without you.”
He pouted, and I laughed.
“That’s very true.”
He gasped, playfully smacking me in the arm. “Bitch.”
The men’s locker room door to our left slammed open, the low growl of masculine voices rumbling across the water. A group of guys exited, all of them tall and lean with a swimmer’s sleek form, but one of them commanded attention without even trying.
I watched him stalk toward the results sheet, his gaze closing the distance between us. Anger and frustration coiled in his posture, giving him this demanding presence I couldn’t ignore.
His medium-length auburn hair was slicked back, a few rebellious strands falling across his forehead as he stopped in front of me. The line of his jaw tightened, the corners of his full lips dipping into a slight scowl as he looked me over.
“You’re Tobias Harris?” he asked, his deep voice sending a shiver through me.
I gave myself a moment to check him out. A black exercise T-shirt clung to his lean, muscular frame like it had been painted on, the matching shorts riding dangerously high on his powerful thighs.
I bit my lip as I nodded, already fantasizing about tracing the curves of that infuriatingly beautiful body with my tongue.
“You can call me Toby,” I answered with a wink.
Beside me, Niall shook his head. I may have been panicking a little about joining the team, but my confidence in the bedroom was unshakable.
The glorious man crossed his arms over his massive chest, his nose curling like I was something offensive he’d found on the bottom of his shoe.
“How the fuck did someone like you manage to make the cut?” he sneered, eyes narrowing.
Any attraction I felt toward him evaporated in the blink of an eye. Are you kidding me? Who the fuck does this guy think he is?
“Excuse me?” I snapped, eyeing him angrily. “What do you mean, ‘someone like me?’”
“That’s enough, Alexander,” the guy to his left said. “He won his place on the team fair and square.”
I pulled my eyes away from the hunk in a hissy fit to look at his friend. He wasn’t quite as handsome as his pissed-off counterpart, more of that boy-next-door type than cover model, but the way his plump lips curved up into an apologetic smile said he made up for it with personality.
“Sorry about him,” the new guy murmured. “Alex can get a bit testy if his roster gets upset. He was really counting on me being the anchor for the relays this year.”
“Shut up, Jeremy,” Alexander snapped, clearly irritated at the interruption. “Do you realize that you may have just taken away our best chance at making regionals? Jeremy’s a senior. He’s had three years to get used to this team’s rhythms. You haven’t swum in years.”
“Someone’s done his homework. Careful, I might take it as a compliment.”
He shouldered his way past Jeremy, his furious gaze locking onto me. “Oh, I’ve heard all about you, Harris. I’m surprised you found time in your busy social schedule to even try out, what with all the parties and sleeping around you do. You seriously think you deserve a spot on this team?”
I clicked my tongue as Niall gasped. Alexander was starting to piss me the hell off. Sure, he was attractive, annoyingly so with his tall, broad-shouldered frame, but just because my hormones went haywire at the mere sight of him didn’t mean I was just going to bend over and take it.
Absolutely not.
“The results say I do,” I drawled, folding my arms and pouting with exaggerated sympathy. “It’s a pity, really. If you weren’t being such an ass, I’d ask you to join me at one of my many parties.” I eyed him cockily. “Maybe after a drink or two, you could manage to pull that stick you’ve got shoved up there out and replace it with something much more…enticing.”
“Oh snap,” Niall said, covering his mouth as he giggled.
Jeremy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, the corners of his mouth twisting as he bit back a laugh.
“You little…,” Alexander hissed, clenching his fists.
I ignored the delicious shiver that raced through me at the low, dangerous edge to his voice, stepping forward as I invaded his space.
“Face it,” I scoffed. “You’re stuck with me. So how about you suck it up and maybe try learning a thing or two from your much-nicer friend,” I continued sweetly. “Like…acceptance.”
His pale complexion flushed red with fury, his nostrils flaring as if he were seconds away from exploding.
I felt a rush of pride bloom in my chest. Standing up to someone clearly used to getting his way felt intoxicating.
“My, my,” Alexander said at last, folding his arms across his massive chest. A slow, dangerous smile tugged at his lips. “Foolish one, aren’t you? Talking back to me, the captain of the team, like that.”
My smile faltered. Wait, what?
