First Chance Book 3
Автор
Andrea Wood
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Chapter 45
Liam
“He’s going to propose,” I tell Layla, who’s sitting next to me, her legs bouncing non-stop since we got here.
“What?” Layla’s eyes widen.
“I mean, he’s planning to propose. He’s going to ask Nat to marry him.”
“He is? How? When?” she fires off questions.
“I don’t know all the details. Just that he’s going to ask. Probably after the baby is born,” I say. She covers her mouth, her eyes welling up. She’s going to cry.
I really hate when women cry.
“That’s the sweetest thing ever. I hope she says yes. If not, I might have to steal Ryan for myself,” she jokes.
Layla and I have been in the hospital waiting room all night. Ryan called me as soon as he and Princess got here. He was a mess.
“The baby is coming. The baby is—what do I do, Liam?” he’d asked me. The reality of becoming a father hitting him hard.
I didn’t know what to say. What did I know about raising a kid? Or childbirth?
I knew Natalie was pregnant, and I’d kept it from him for months. He hasn’t let me forget it, nor has he forgiven me—yet. But he will. He has to.
“I don’t know, Ryan. Just be there with Natalie. Hold her hand and whatever she says—don’t take it personally,” I advise.
“Can I really be a dad? What if I mess up?” His self-doubt is clear.
“You think people become great parents overnight? You learn. It doesn’t matter how many times you mess up, what matters is if you’re there to make it right. Now get your ass in there with her.”
***
The Queen, as I’ve started calling her, had her Princess last night. I think the last time I saw Ryan this happy was the day we got signed.
Temperance, a beautiful name for such an innocent and small being, looks just like her mother, but with Ryan’s blue eyes.
Before Layla and I left last night, we got to hold her for a bit. I was nervous as hell because I’d never held such a tiny baby before.
I thought I would drop her, but Natalie’s confidence in me helped. I picked her up, held her close to my chest, and held on tight.
We stayed for a few hours, and I was selfish with Temp, not even wanting her own parents to hold her.
The Queen and I share a bond. I don’t know why, or how, but we do, and that bond extends to her newborn child. I’m jealous that Ryan gets to be with her and have a family.
I want what he has.
I want to take care of her.
Forever.
My body, my emotions, they belong to her and she to me, but when it was time to leave, I kissed Temperance on the forehead, placed her in her father’s arms, and walked away.
I took a deep breath, swallowing my emotions. I hid my inner turmoil of jealousy well. But not well enough.
“We’re going to let you both get some rest. We’ll come visit in the morning,” I say, looking between Ryan and Natalie who are cuddled together on the hospital bed with Temperance lying on Natalie’s chest.
I take a step closer to them, almost punishing myself with the emotions of longing and loneliness that fill my heart.
I am my own worst enemy.
I take another step closer to Natalie’s side. I look down at the beautiful baby girl and then back into her mother’s eyes. “You did well, Queen,” I whisper. Then I place a gentle kiss on her cheek.
I stand up straight and see Ryan giving me a questioning look, but I ignore him and his unspoken questions.
Questions that I don’t want to answer.
I turn around and walk away.
Natalie doesn’t know it yet, but seeing her and Ryan together as a family on that bed made the decision for me. To cut this bond and walk away.
I can be her friend, but not her best friend. I can’t be that close. It wouldn’t be fair to Ryan, her, or me, and especially not Princess.
I make it back to the waiting room when I’m met by the guys. Gage, Jason, and Zepp all stand up to greet me.
I’d called them as soon as Ryan had called me to let them know that the baby was coming. I suggested they wait until the morning to visit. Thankfully, they didn’t listen.
I don’t want to have this conversation right now. All I want to do is get in my car and drive back to what used to be Layla and Natalie’s apartment, but is now mine and Layla’s.
When Natalie moved in with Ryan, I took her old room out of convenience.
Layla didn’t need a roommate to help with bills, but I couldn’t let her live alone, and if I were to be honest with myself, I wanted– no, needed something to hold onto of Natalie’s at the time.
We’ve postponed the tour until later next year, and Ryan installed a studio in the basement of his house so we could all conveniently work out of his house.
I refused to stay there like the other guys did. I knew I didn’t want to put down roots in Boston.
As much as my heart yearned to be close to Natalie, I knew that there would come a time when I had to distance myself from her due to my feelings that were more than friendly.
I just didn’t think it would be so soon. That it would have to be now.
“Well, aren’t you going to tell us how she’s doing?” Gage interrupts my thoughts.
I hesitate. I’d rather be anywhere else right now. These guys can see right through me.
I can try to hide my emotions all I want, but they’ll always see right through it. Effortlessly.
“She’s beautiful, the baby I mean,” I manage to say, tripping over my words.
“She looks just like her mother. They’re both pretty wiped out, but I bet they wouldn’t mind if you guys popped in for a bit,” I say, backing away awkwardly, not sure what else to add.
I’m not in the mood for their prying questions. They’re a curious bunch, that’s for sure.
I leave the waiting room and head for my car. That’s when Layla starts talking. I’d forgotten she was with me, and that I was her ride home.
“What’s your deal?” she asks.
“Nothing. I’m okay. Just tired, I guess,” I reply, trying to brush her off as I get in the car.
She sighs, clearly frustrated with my clipped responses. Ever since I moved in with her and Natalie, she’s been giving me a hard time about my feelings for Nat.
I’ve tried my damnedest to keep my feelings for Nat under control. I’ve always known she was Ryan’s, much to my disappointment.
But I couldn’t help how I felt. I tried, believe me, I tried. The more time I spent with her, helping her heal, looking out for her, the stronger my feelings got.
Her pregnancy just added fuel to the fire. I knew she wasn’t ready, and even though it made me a lousy friend to Ryan, I couldn’t help it.
You know the saying, the heart wants what the heart wants.
I slam the car door and jam the keys into the ignition while Layla’s fastening her seat belt. I keep my mouth shut tight, even though I’m losing the battle inside.
I was a fool to let myself fall so hard for something I can’t have. The word love is thrown around so much.
It’s a word I promised myself I’d never let myself feel, but the walls I’d built came crashing down the moment I saw her.
I felt this need to protect her, to shield her from all the bad things in the world. I really thought I could keep her safe from all the hardships and struggles.
Her overdose was a harsh reminder that I couldn’t be the hero I so desperately wanted to be. It also brought back memories I’d rather forget.
Stopped at a red light, I turn up the radio to create a barrier between Layla and me.
She’s a deep thinker, and I know if I don’t distract her, she’ll start firing off questions.
Questions I refuse to answer, because if I do, my feelings will be out in the open, and I’ll be vulnerable.
And the person I’d be vulnerable to is attached at the hip to the one person who means the world to me.
Good Man by Devour the Day starts playing, a song that perfectly captures my current predicament.
I tap my fingers on the steering wheel in time with the beat and start singing along when Layla suddenly turns off the radio.
I whip my head around, “What the hell?”
“Liam, I’m so tired of your mood swings. Whatever’s bothering you, you need to deal with it. You’ve known for nine months that she was going to have a baby. Nine. Months. Liam.”
“I’m not having mood swings. I told you, I’m fine,” I snap back.
“You’re lying. You haven’t been okay since the day Nat moved in with Ryan.
“I bet the only reason you’re still here is because you’re living in her room and you don’t want to lose that connection,” Layla accuses.
“Natalie isn’t why I stayed, Layla. I stayed because I didn’t want you to be alone and the rest of the band is here. I just didn’t want to stay at Ryan’s house.”
I crank up the volume on the radio. Again. Commercials are playing, so I hit the seek button until I find a song.
After flipping through a few stations, I land on one that’s playing one of our songs. I leave it there and start singing along.
Soon, we’re back at the apartment and I park the car. I try to get ahead of Layla, hoping to get to my room before she does.
I’m drained. I don’t have the energy to dodge her questions anymore. I wish she’d just stop.
If I can get to my room and lock the door, I can avoid saying something I’ll regret later. Whether it’s out of anger or desperation for her to stop.
I’d rather she keep guessing about my feelings than know the truth. I definitely don’t want Ryan or Nat to find out.
I unlock the front door and swing it open, letting Layla in when she gets to the door.
I breeze through the kitchen, grab a soda from the fridge, and head to my room.
I close my door and lock it from the inside. I pull my phone out of my pocket, unlock it, and open the music app. I pick a random playlist and set it on the dock.
I kick off my shoes and toss my shirt on the floor. I flip the light switch off and climb into bed.
Hoping the music will drown out Layla’s knocks on my bedroom door.
***
“Often a person meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.”
-Jean de La Fontaine
