I can’t tell if these are my memories or his fantasies. But every night, my dreams are filled with threats, each one darker than the last.
I do everything I can to avoid sleep. I read books, watch TV, or blast music all night. But eventually, sleep always wins, leaving me vulnerable.
I glance around my tiny studio apartment and turn on all the lights, flooding the room in a comforting glow.
I love my new home. It’s small, but it’s bright. I’ve filled the space with so much color and beauty that it almost chases away the dark shadows of my past. Almost.
Once a hint of light is in the sky, I lace up my shoes for a run. Pushing my body to its limits, I leave the nightmares and fears behind.
As my feet hit the ground, my mind drifts to last night. Alpha Kieran. The way his hands felt on my hips. The fire in his eyes. The way my body felt drawn to him. Neither of us mentioned to the table that we’d met earlier; it was like it had never happened.
Maybe it didn’t. My dying mind may just be trying to give me a distraction. And Kieran is definitely that.
I think of the way he rushed to catch me, and the electricity in my body when our eyes met. I’m not creative enough to think of that on my own. It was definitely real.
I shake the thoughts out of my head. Kieran is an alpha, which makes him dangerous. I won’t go through that again.
I don’t know how long he’s in town, but I’ll try to keep my distance. I’ve had my fill of weird wolf things for a lifetime.
I run faster.
Exercise is the only thing that truly helps to silence the pain. Running in the morning. Lifting weights and boxing during the day between jobs. Workout videos at home at night.
“Alpha…Alpha, are you listening?″ Gamma Lochlan’s voice breaks into my thoughts.
“No,” I grumble, massaging my temples to try to concentrate. What’s wrong with me?
I can’t get that dark-haired waitress out of my mind. The way her hair bounced as she walked toward us, the curves of her body, the blush that spread across her cheeks when our eyes met.
The way her body felt as I held her in my arms.
Why did I hold her like that? Helping her was one thing, but standing there with my arms wrapped around her was too far. I don’t do things like that, but it felt like I was in a trance, drawn to her like a moth to the flame.
I’m sure I scared her. She’s a human, and they don’t behave like that. That’s probably why she ignored me through the rest of dinner.
My heart sinks at the memory of her avoiding my gaze as she quickly took my order. All I wanted to do was look at her, see if we would feel the connection again. But she never looked directly at me.
I need to push the experience out of my mind. It was probably nothing; it’s not like we could have a real future. Somewhere out there, I have a mate. It’s a waste of my time and disrespectful to that mate to think of anyone else.
But even now, I’m desperate to see the waitress again.
“Everything all right?” Lochlan asks, a knowing look in his eyes. “You’ve been off since dinner. Did Alpha Dawson do something?”
“No, no. I’m sure our trade agreement will be finalized soon.” Blue Mountain and Blood Moon have always gotten along well. Lochlan and I are only in town for a few days to hammer out some details about trading routes and protection plans.
“Is it the waitress? What was her name—Maze, Mazel, May…”
“Maisie.” Her name slips out before I can stop it.
My gamma chuckles. “Hmm, sounds like someone has a crush. Or maybe…”
A growl escapes my chest, causing Lochlan to cut off his sentence. “I’m not a teenager. I don’t get crushes. It’s nothing. Now, let’s focus on the treaty.”
He raises an eyebrow at me but stays silent. We both know he’s not the one having trouble focusing.
“Enough; we’ve done enough planning. Let’s take a break,” I snap, standing up.
“Okay, Alpha. What do you want to do instead? I think Blood Moon is hosting a breakfast at ten.”
Feeling restless, I walk away. “I’m going for a run. I’ll be back in time for breakfast.”
Running will help. Running always helps.
I make my way to the edge of the woods and undress before shifting into my wolf form. Immediately, I take off, my wolf leading the way through the paths.
Normally, I wouldn’t let Blitz take control while we’re outside our territory, but my mind needs a break, and Blood Moon is family. I can trust them.
A delightful scent of citrus and mint fills my nostrils. Blitz pauses, turning toward the smell to investigate. Maybe there’s a citrus grove nearby? That would definitely help calm my mind.
We run toward the scent, but it seems to get farther away no matter how fast we run.
We chase after it, but it’s like a game of tag, and I’m losing. I reach the edge of the forest without finding the scent.
I can’t go any farther. A wolf would be way too obvious loping through the streets of town, and it’s not like I can shift back and walk around naked. Humans seem to frown on public nudity. They’re a bit weird about things like clothes.
It’s unlikely that there’s a citrus grove in the middle of the Townsend town square, anyway. Maybe a sweet-smelling she-wolf was on patrol and then went into town? I’ll have to ask Alpha Dawson about it after the negotiations.
As I head back toward the Blood Moon pack house, the scent lingers in my mind. I can still smell it, over and over again.
Blitz howls in my mind, urging me to turn around and search the pack, the town…hell, the whole world for the owner of that scent. Could it finally be happening? Is my mate nearby?
My latest sleepless night is catching up with me by the afternoon, and I have no energy to protest when Elisa pouts at me, her voice stretching out the word, “Pleeeease!”
She adds, “Pleeease? For me!” Her lower lip juts out, her hands clasping together in a dramatic plea. “What’s the point of having a best friend if she never goes to parties with me?”
I shake my head. “No, absolutely not.” I busy myself with clearing tables at the café.
Elisa has a knack for trying to pull me into parties. Parties that I have no business going to. Even if I did want to go, which I don’t, what would be the point? It’s not like I’m going to dance and flirt with a cute man. I’m ten miles of red flags right now.
Elisa persists. “Come on! It’ll be a girls’ night. No flirting required; I promise!”
I shake my head again. “I can’t. Ask Emma or Hailey.”
“They’re busy. Come on! You need to relax, and I need to show off my hot new outfit to all my old high school friends.”
I frown, shaking my head again. New people might be exciting to Elisa, but I’ve learned my lesson. The last new person I trusted…gave me this festering scar on my neck.
For the next three hours, Elisa follows me around, pleading. Her reasons become more and more creative.
“Who will be your friend when I go back to school?”
“What if you meet Mr. Right?”
“We’ll just go for the music?”
“A zombie apocalypse is less likely to break out at the party than in town.”
Eventually, I lose all common sense and agree to go with her tonight to a hot spring in the woods outside of town, for some party where I don’t know a soul. One hour, and then we both leave. That’s our agreement.
I can survive one hour without any drama. Right?
