Mike finally let me go, although reluctantly, and I headed over to Bite Me! Addi and Claire were already there when I arrived. Charlie handed over my favorite Chocolate Mousse cupcakes, for free as usual. I tried to get Charlie to let me pay, but she never would. We’d been friends for years after ending up in a management class together. I’d never had a friend like Charlie. Kind. Giving. Wonderful.
And with the number of cupcakes I could eat, she was lucky she wasn’t broke!
Charlie said she’d join us as soon as she could, but judging by the line behind me, I didn’t think that was going to happen anytime soon. Too bad because I’d love to know what Charlie thought about me breaking up with Mike.
I said hi to Addi and Claire and asked Claire how her husband, Aidan, was. Claire’s bright green eyes sparkled when I mentioned him and her cheeks turned pink. She and Aidan started dating the day I met Claire and the others, and they were married a few weeks later. We all thought she was pregnant, but it’d been months and she wasn’t showing so we knew it was just crazy love that made them get married.
“Aidan’s great. He’s working extra hours still, which I feel bad about. I’m working fewer hours so I can work with Never Alone. I probably won’t bring in a reasonable salary there for a year or more so Aidan is picking up the slack.”
I was confused. Claire had started up a rape prevention program a few months ago. She brought the program to the local schools and EAAC had helped with the funding for the program. But I had no idea why Claire wasn’t drawing a salary. She was the only employee.
“How are you not getting a salary? I thought EAAC covered your operating expenses for the first year,” I questioned.
Claire nodded as she took a bite of her Cinnamon Roll cupcake. When she finished chewing, she said, “I didn’t include a salary for me in the first year’s expenses. I never thought I would quit my job the first year, and I really thought it would take a bit longer for the program to take off the way it did. Now I’m wishing I could quit and concentrate on Never Alone full time, but we just can’t afford it.”
“I wonder if you could get some funding from other organizations. I’m sure you could rework your first year’s plan and projections with how well the launch went and increase your funding. I know a lot of companies look for organizations they can support. There’ve got to be some that would get behind a company like Never Alone. I’d start with woman-owned companies.”
Claire nodded as I spoke. “I never thought about that, but you’re right. This went so much better than I ever imagined. I know I don’t want to increase the price I charge the schools to come and speak because I don’t want them to stop working with us, but if I could do this full time I could reach more students. It’s really something I need to look into. Jeez, I don’t know what I would have done without you through all this.”
I shrugged. Claire would have figured it out, but I was happy to help her. I put her in touch with Becky, the plant contact for donations, and Claire was able to get everything she needed from EAAC and Becky.
“I’m sure you would have been fine, but I’m happy I could help you get things moving.”
“What moving?” Sam asked as she sat. Sam was almost like a kindred spirit for me. She was adorable with endless chestnut-colored hair and matching eyes framed by red glasses. Sam was stunning, but didn’t know it, making her even more beautiful. She was also a huge smart ass and said whatever was on her mind. And she totally understood sex without strings, and therefore didn’t judge me and my relationship with Mike.
“I was singing Lexi’s praises for helping me to get Never Alone off the ground. Without her I would have never gotten the support from EAAC Pigments and would still be trying to figure out how to make this whole program a reality.”
Sam looked over at me and grinned. “Lexi is definitely one of a kind.”
“Here, here,” Mandy sang as she dropped into the empty seat next to Claire. Mandy was notoriously late, but everyone loved her anyway. She’d gotten slightly better since being promoted to Customer Service Manager a few months ago, or so I’d been told, but she was still always the last one there. “Why is Lexi one of a kind?”
We all laughed with Mandy as Claire filled her in on our conversation. “Did you hear about the promotion yet?” Sam asked while Claire and Mandy were talking.
I wrinkled my nose and nodded.
“Ah, I’m sorry. I guess you didn’t get it. Do you think you’re going to be able to get along with whoever did get it?”
I sighed heavily, not sure I wanted to get into the discussion, but knew they wouldn’t let me out of it. “Mike got the job.”
Addi choked on her S’mores cupcake. Sam pounded her on the back while everyone gaped at me. They all knew about my relationship with Mike. And how awkward it would be to have him as my boss.
“What are you going to do?” Addi asked once she could breathe again.
I shook my head. “I already broke up with him.”
“Really?”
“I don’t blame you.”
“Why?”
“Good.”
The results were obviously mixed. I didn’t want to have to explain everything to them, but I was glad at least two of them understood why I broke up with him. Charlie joined us as they were all talking.
“What happened?”
“Lexi broke up with Mike because he’s now her boss,” Addi told her.
Charlie fell into the seat next to me. “Damn. You didn’t get it?” I shook my head. “Sorry. Are you okay with that?”
I shrugged. “Nothing I can do about it, but no, I’m not really okay with it. I wanted that job. But now Mike’s job is open so I still have an opportunity to move up. Or move, it’s not actually up.”
“You’re going to apply for his old job?” Mandy asked.
“Yep. I’m good at what I do, but I think I didn’t get the plant manager job because I don’t have anyone who directly reports to me. I influence and lead, but don’t manage. Getting a job where I’d have employees would give me another step toward plant manager.”
“The job Mike just got? How old is he?” Sam asked.
“35, only four years older than me. I know it’s not likely he’ll be leaving the job any time soon, but I want to be ready when he does.”
“Where is he going to go?”
I shrugged. “Usually plant managers end up moving into corporate, especially ones as young as Mike. He still has a long career ahead of him, twenty or thirty years if he wants, but they don’t leave people as plant managers more than five or ten years. He’ll move on eventually.”
“Are you okay with that? With him leaving?” Addi asked.
I nodded. “Sure, why not? We’re not sleeping together anymore. He’s free to do whatever works best for him.”
Charlie shook her head. “I can’t believe you broke up with him because he’s your boss. I mean, I get it, but I don’t get it, you know?”
“I agree,” Sam jumped in before I could say anything. “If I was getting regular sex from a hot guy, I wouldn’t break up with him for anything. Why not take advantage of it and get the inside scoop on what’s going on at work? Secure your promotion.”
I shook my head. She hit it exactly. All the reasons I didn’t want to keep seeing him were the reasons Sam was saying I should keep seeing him. It wasn’t right. I wasn’t going to sleep with him to advance my career. It was okay to be with him when we were on equal ground, but having him as my boss… It wasn’t for me. I couldn’t do it. I was good at my job. I wasn’t going to question every day if I got a promotion because I was good in bed or good in my office. I was going to make sure it was because I was good in the office.
I wasn’t my mother.
“That’s the point though, Sam. If I kept sleeping with him I wouldn’t know if he gave me a job because of our relationship. I don’t want to get a promotion like that. I want to know I earned it.”
“What better way to earn something than in bed,” Addi teased.
“I get what she’s saying,” Mandy chimed in. “When I was up for my job Melody almost got the job because she lied to Diana about me. She would have gotten the job simply because I was getting fired, but not because she earned it. As it turned out, the reverse happened. I got the job because she got fired, but in the back of my head I wonder if I was really the best candidate or simply the last one left standing. It’s hard to be in a job when you aren’t sure you deserve it. Especially knowing everyone else is thinking the same thing you are.”
“That’s exactly it. I’m sorry you feel that way, Mandy, but that’s exactly what I’m worried about. It’s not just that though. What if we do keep sleeping together and it blows up? Is he going to fire me? Am I going to end up demoted? If I get the job because I’m sleeping with him will anyone respect me? Will they work hard for me because they respect me or because they’re afraid I’ll say something to him? Who has the true power?”
I hated that Mandy felt exactly like I was afraid of feeling, but it was nice to know someone understood. Mandy didn’t use sex, or anything else, to get her job though. She could relate in a sense, but using sex for a promotion, even if it was unintentional, was grounds for dismissal. I could not take that chance.
“On top of that, using sex for power is exactly what Never Alone is out to prevent. I don’t think you would do it, Lexi, that’s why you broke up with him, but people will think it. Especially since your relationship has been kept a secret from everyone else so far. If all of a sudden you’re sleeping with the plant manager there are going to be a lot of people thinking you only did it for the promotion. It’ll taint your reputation.”
It could taint more than just my reputation, and I knew that firsthand. It happened to my mother, to my parents, and I wasn’t going to put myself through that. Mike was out of my personal life, and he would stay out.
“What did he say when you told him you were done?” Charlie asked. Even though she was my closest friend, Charlie hadn’t even met Mike. I never brought him around anyone. If we ate dinner together, it was at either my place or his, but rarely in public. We didn’t go out because it was too much like we were something more than we were.
“He wasn’t happy. He wanted to celebrate his promotion tonight, but I refused. I told him I wasn’t going to sleep with my boss. He tried to tell me it wouldn’t be like that, that we could just be us, but it doesn’t work like that. If we do talk, it’s always about work. Honestly, I don’t know him that well besides intimately. I could describe every dip and angle of his body, but I couldn’t tell you about his parents or upbringing.”
Mike had tried to get to know me, asking questions about my family and my past. I dodged his questions, preferring to answer him with my lips around his cock or my tongue down his throat. It never took long to distract him enough to make him forget his questions.
I didn’t ask questions. I didn’t want to get close. I didn’t want to get involved. I knew Mike and I would never be more than a fling, an opportunity for sex. That was all I ever wanted. Relationships weren’t for me. I didn’t believe in love and wasn’t willing to let someone think it was a possibility for us.
When Claire and Aidan got married I knew my time with Mike was getting close to the end. They’d only been together about a month when they got married. Yeah, it was quick, but it made me realize how quickly some people got attached. Mike and I had been together months, and I couldn’t risk him getting attached.
“It still baffles me that you sleep with someone without emotions. I wasn’t in love with every guy I’ve slept with, but I at least had some interest in who they were. I wanted to see if there could have been more to it. Sex without attachment is just so foreign to me,” Addi said, looking as confused as she sounded. I knew if they tried it, my friends would like sex without strings.
Then again, they were all women who believed in love. Maybe they wouldn’t like the distance required to have a relationship like that. The coldness. The lack of a heart.
I knew they wouldn’t understand the last one. Which was why I didn’t go into it.
“It works for me. I can’t get hurt if I’m not emotionally involved. And I never get emotionally involved. It just doesn’t work for me.”
They all looked at me like I had three heads. Most people didn’t understand why I didn’t like getting involved with men besides sex. I knew it was foreign. Usually the women were the ones in a relationship asking for more, wanting something deeper. I was an anomaly, and I knew it, but I liked it that way. I’d had enough pain from relationships to last a lifetime. My parents taught me to guard my heart and not to trust anyone with it.
Especially them.
The conversation continued around me. Charlie headed back to the counter to serve the customers who’d just walked in. Addi was sharing a story about her tennis team. They’d just had a tournament and did well. Addi was proud of her students.
They all had something to share. Some good news in their lives. Addi’s students were doing well, Charlie’s bakery was thriving, Mandy had just gotten a promotion, Sam loved her job, and Claire had just started Never Alone which was expanding quickly.
All of them had something great in their lives. I knew I did too, but looking through the lenses of the day I’d had, not getting the promotion and breaking up with Mike, I felt more alone than I ever had. Usually on bad days I’d call Mike and he’d make me feel better. He could sense when I didn’t want to talk, just needed to have the day melted away in a haze of endless orgasms. But that wasn’t an option any longer. Mike wasn’t a part of my life.
And it bothered me more than I ever thought possible. Not that I was going to do anything about it.
