Trees whipped by the window as Sam hurtled home. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the Jeep, wrapped in an old blanket from the back, my eyes filled with tears.
“Leslie didn’t hire me,” I ugly-cried. “He told me no one would buy my work because I’m an outsider.”
“Oh,” Sam said, his voice tender. “I’m sorry, babe.”
“I just got so fucking mad… I couldn’t stop it.” I sniffled. “The next thing I knew I was on the floor of Hawcroft Market naked and covered in frosting.”
“It’s your emotions,” Sam explained. “They got the better of you. I told you, it happens to all new shifters.”
“In the middle of the grocery store?” I covered my face in my hands. “If people didn’t like me before, now they’re gonna run me out of town with torches and pitchforks!”
“No, they’re not,” Sam said with the tiniest laugh. “When I was a kid, there was this wolf shifter in my class that couldn’t control his shifts till after puberty.
“We had this hot eighth-grade teacher, a swan shifter, and well…let’s just say the poor guy had a little problem with shifting into his wolf and humping the hell out of her leg.”
He shrugged. “Made you feel better.”
I noticed I was smiling.
He had me.
“Look,” Sam said. “All I’m saying is, this is shifter country. Things like this happen all the time. Sure, you’ll probably be a hot topic on the gossip circuit for a while… But people will forget about it. Everyone around here’s got a skeleton or two in their closet.”
I went quiet again, staring out the window.
“Sam,” I started. “I’m just really fucking nervous about shifting. I mean, the idea that I can’t control it. What if I hurt someone? I don’t know what I’m capable of!”
“Capable of?” Sam asked. “Babe, what do you mean?”
I wanted to tell Sam about Chris. Really, I did.
But on top of everything else I was going through at the moment—the job, the babies, the shifting, all of Forest Lake hating me, etc. etc. etc.—I wasn’t ready to share my secret. Not right then, anyway.
It was easier to leave what I’d done buried in the backyard.
“…I don’t know,” I said finally, biting my lip. “Maybe I’m just being overdramatic.”
“Babe, you have nothing to worry about,” Sam said. One of his hands left the wheel and came over to squeeze mine. “I’ll always be here to protect you. Even from yourself.”
I smiled slightly.
Back at home, Sam snuck me inside the cabin without Jack and Mom noticing. But as I ran up to the bathroom to shower off the crumbs and frosting, I didn’t see or hear any sign of them at all.
After a long shower, I got dressed in a tank top and jean shorts, then went looking for my favorite teddy bear. I wanted to make him a little lunch as thanks for rescuing me from Hawcroft Market—not to mention footing the bill for all those cakes.
“Sam?” I called as I wandered into the kitchen. “Saaaaaaaam?”
There wasn’t any response. I walked out to the living room.
“Sam?”
He wasn’t in there either. I looked out the window wall, hoping to see him outside.
And I did.
He was standing in the backyard with Jack and Mom, back near the tree line. They were taking turns poking a dirt mound with their feet.
I shrieked.
I bolted out of the house, running like I’d never run before.
Not until I’d told him.
“STOP!” I shouted. “STOP!”
Sam, Jack, and Mom looked up as I reached them. I bent over, sweating. Sam instantly came to my side.
“Helen, what’s the matter?”
“What are you”—I gasped—“what are you doing out here?”
Jack and Mom gave me a strange look.
“We were talking about cutting the trees back a little further,” Jack said. “Maybe make a nice little area for that bench Sam gave us for our wedding.”
“I never noticed this before, though,” Mom said, poking the dirt pile with her foot. “You think it’s termites?”
“NO!” I cried automatically.
“Could you excuse us a moment?” Sam asked, turning to our parents.
Mom and Jack nodded, eyeing me with concern as they made their way toward the house.
Tears were falling down my face for about the thousandth time that day as Sam turned back to me.
“Helen,” he asked in a calm, firm voice. “Penny for them?”
I took a deep breath. I couldn’t avoid it anymore.
I was terrified that Sam would never be able to see me as his mate ever again. But keeping this secret was eating me up inside.
Lying to Sam felt like opening a black hole inside of me.
I had to come clean.
I had to tell Sam the truth about what happened on that night three months ago.
The night Chris came to Bear Creek.
“Sam, I need to tell you something.”
I was sitting next to Helen on the porch. The same porch we sat on most nights.
But this evening was different.
I almost couldn’t believe the words I was hearing.
Helen was telling me all about the night she shifted and the reason behind her change.
I listened on quietly, trying to keep my expression in check.
When she’d finished her story and cried out all of her tears, she stared at me with soft, serious eyes.
But right then, I couldn’t even look at her.
I wanted to shift into bear form and go roaring off into the woods.
Thanks (or no thanks) to the mating bond, Helen seemed to sense my emotions.
“I’m sorry I never told you,” she said. “I wanted to. Eventually. I just… I—didn’t know how.”
“This is how!” I said. “‘Sam, I accidentally killed someone. What the hell do we do?’!”
“I was scared!”
I rubbed my eyes with a thumb and forefinger.
“I was scared, Sam,” she continued. “Scared that you’d think I was a murderer, a cold-blooded killer, a...monster.”
My gaze shot up to meet hers.
“I was scared you’d never look at me the same.”
“How did you think I was going to look at you?”
“The way you’re looking at me now.”
I sighed and stood up. I began to pace around the porch.
“You didn’t lie,” Helen countered. “I did.”
“It was self-defense,” Helen said. “That must happen all the time. I mean, don’t the rangers have to defend Forest Lake from hunters? What about the shots we heard on the lake that day?”
“We catch and release up here,” I explained. “Sure, you gotta stomp a hunter now and then, but never on our own land—there’s a hunting ban, and it goes both ways. Killing one of them out here will earn you a one-way ticket to Bear Justice.”
“What do you mean?” Helen asked, looking like a scared little girl.
“I mean that the punishment for killing a hunter on our land is a fight to the death.”
Her mouth opened in a silent gasp.
I ran a hand through my hair. Helen watched me nervously, taking anxious breaths. I didn’t like making her upset, but this was a big fuckup. One we might’ve avoided if she’d told me the truth before we’d faced Tove and the Bear Council.
“What the fuck are we gonna do?” I wondered aloud, gripping the railing of the deck. I stared out at the dirt mound in the backyard. Helen might’ve been able to hide this, but I couldn’t. Keeping this shit swept under the rug would only make trouble for our family.
We had to do something about Chris. But I had to calm Helen down first.
I turned to Helen, who was still watching me. I knelt at her feet and took her delicate hands. Hands I could’ve never believed had once transformed into fearsome killing machines.
Helen nodded. I kissed her hands.
“I just don’t know what to do, Sam,” she said. “I want to be a part of this world. I want to be a good mate for you. A good mom to our babies—our cubs. But this whole shifting thing…after what happened with Chris, it makes me so fucking scared.”
“Maybe that’s on me,” I said, realizing it was true. “I’ve been so focused on the babies, the new house, I haven’t taken the time to show you the ropes.”
I stroked her face. “Shifting’s a beautiful thing, Helen. When you’re in control of it. And one day soon, you will be.”
“I hope so.” She looked down at the deck.
“Look, babe,” I said, glancing at the trees behind her, trying to block out Chris’s gruesome grave marker for the moment. “Why don’t we go for a little walk in the woods today? Maybe I can give you some pointers on shifting. So you feel a little more comfortable.”
Helen met my eyes. “You mean like…a shifting lesson?”
I nodded. “Something like that.”
Helen threw her arms around my neck, and any anger I felt melted away.
We’d be able to handle what happened with Chris.
But right then, I had a responsibility to my mate.
Chris had been resting in peace in our backyard for three whole months, another few hours couldn’t hurt.
I stood up, lifting Helen with me.
“Come on,” I said, flashing her a grin. “Your first shifting lesson begins now.”
