Forcing my strides to quicken, I stalked away from my mate, swiping away a tear that had escaped.
Thoughts filtered through my head, swarming around me, no matter how much I batted at them and tried to shove them away.
Memories piled up and played out before my eyes, causing shivers of disgust to run up my skin, touching me like phantom fingers.
I shoved open the front door and stepped out into the bright morning. I did not even bother to close the door behind me, knowing Terrin would no doubt be leaving the house as soon as I left.
I no longer lived in the huge castle the rest of my pack resided in. I had moved to this bustling city, hoping that its hubbub might make me feel less lonely.
Even with the staff that Cleo employed in the castle, the guards who were always on duty and, of course, the members of my pack, I had always felt so alone in that place. There was a gaping emptiness within me.
I had tried to run away from it, deciding that the city just outside the castle was sure to do the trick. There was always noise, regardless of the time of the day—or night for that matter.
I had hoped that I could find some comfort by being around thousands of people—be they strangers or not.
I had moved into a tiny townhouse, which was squished amid hundreds of others that lined both sides of the narrow street.
It hadn’t mattered though; that hollow emptiness followed me everywhere.
No matter where I went, no matter who I was with, the stinging loneliness created a void within me.
The only time it lessened was when I was around Terrin.
It never disappeared, not even when I was in the company of my mate, but every time we parted, that void only seemed to widen.
I feared that, before long, that gaping hole would stretch to its maximum, and there would be nothing left but dark loneliness. I was growing more afraid with each passing day.
Cleo had begged me to return. She could see better than the rest of my pack that I was changing—and not for the better. She saw past my fake smiles and light jokes. She could see because she had gone through the same thing.
These last two years that she had spent waiting to see if her mate would return, she had been in the same boat as me, feeling this never-ending loneliness that no one but our mates could fix.
The rest of my pack, those who I had called family for so long, were too focused on their own lives now.
Too busy and preoccupied to see that I was falling deeper and deeper into a pit I feared I would stop trying to claw my way out of. I did not resent them for it.
Now that the main threat had passed, Frayah and Sani had their hands full with their pups, and Innoko and Roshan had their own problems with pregnancy and a future with kids of their own.
Sitka was up to his neck in work, trying to shoulder the burdens of the alpha in Hakota’s absence. Cleo and the beta worked well together, now that they were civil toward each other.
As for the twins, well, they had always been in their own world, their past horrors connecting them in a way that no other bond could compare, save for perhaps a mating bond.
All I had had these last two years was Cleo, but now I had even lost that. Hakota had come back and was focusing all his attention on his mating bond with Cleo.
He was no longer the alpha that I had known. He had become a better male, not that consumed with revenge and the continuation of our race.
Everyone had enough problems of their own, so I kept my mouth shut and decided to figure mine out on my own. They didn’t need to step in and help me with Terrin, and I felt ashamed to ask.
A lycan’s mate was everything to them. What would they think of me if I couldn’t even take care of the one thing that meant the most to me?
They would lose trust in me, begin to doubt my strength, and pity me, perhaps even find me pathetic and disown me from the pack.
Terrin was my problem to deal with, and if I couldn’t do this on my own, then I deserved to lose my mate anyway.
I stumbled my way down the crowded streets, my shoulders brushing against countless others as I pushed and plowed my way through, walking a route I had long since memorized and become familiar with.
I finally reached the green door. The wooden plaque was hanging precariously by one rusty chain, the other broken long before I had even stumbled upon the establishment.
The roaring in my head and the emptiness in my heart threatened to drown me.
I pushed the door open and plopped myself down at the bar, holding up a finger to signal the barkeep.
The werewolf eyed me before sighing and making up my usual drink.
I watched as he poured my drink, mixing a tonic that was strong enough to get me drunk.
I noticed that he was skimping on the amount of hard liquor, using a bottle with a lower alcohol content than my usual.
I growled at him, and he sighed again before pushing the drink my way. He crossed his arms and leaned over the bar.
“Isn’t it a little early to be getting drunk? The day has barely started. What could that troublesome mate of yours have done since the sun rose”—he checked the clock—“two hours ago?”
I glared at the glass in front of me. “It was a bad morning,” I replied brusquely.
“I can tell,” he responded dryly as I downed my glass and pushed it back over to him for a refill.
He was about to pour me another glass from the same bottle, but I stopped him. “Don’t even think about giving me more of that weak stuff,” I snapped.
He slowly set the bottle down before giving me a look, pursing his lips. I returned it with a glower. The werewolf grimaced but retrieved another bottle and poured me a glass, filling it to the brim.
“Must have been a really bad morning, huh?”
I grumbled in response as I brought the glass to my lips. “I don’t know how you can still be surprised, Landon,” I said over the rim of my glass before downing it like water.
The barkeep shrugged. “This is early even for you, Syn. You sure you don’t want a sandwich or something instead?”
I growled again, and Landon put his hands up. “Just thought I’d offer.”
There was a moment of silence between us.
“So, what was it this time?”
“Are you ever going to fix that stupid sign?” I retorted with a question of my own, hoping he’d get the hint that I didn’t want to talk about it.
Landon shrugged. “I think it gives this place character, makes it stand out in the sea of stores and shops.”
“It makes this seem like a rundown dump,” I muttered.
“Hey now,” the werewolf said in an offended tone with a look to match. “No one’s forcing you to be here. If you don’t want to talk about that problematic mate of yours, then fine, but there’s no need to insult my pride and joy.”
I rolled my eyes.
“This is getting out of control, Syn. You need to talk to someone about this.
“You’ve been a regular, and I appreciate your business, but for Lune’s sake, you come here almost every day now. I feel obligated to make you a VIP and give you a permanent discount.”
“Sounds good to me,” I mumbled into the bottom of my glass, squeezing it between my hands and staring at the dark liquid. “Besides, I am talking to someone about it.”
“I don’t count,” Landon replied flatly. “Bartenders don’t count as therapists or close friends.”
“You’re the closest thing to a friend or therapist I’ve got.”
“Then maybe I should start charging you for our little talk sessions every day.”
I shrugged.
“For the love of Lune, Syn, I’m worried about you. I have half a mind to go to that castle and speak to your alphas about neglecting their pack members.”
“Don’t,” I said with enough bite that Landon bit his lip to refrain from saying anything else that would piss me off further.
“What did this mate of yours do anyway?” he questioned, steering the conversation off Cleo and Hakota. “I thought he avoided you like the plague. How did you find him so early in the morning?”
I stared at the countertop. Landon was right. Terrin did avoid me like the plague, and it usually took me a whole day to track him down. I had let Terrin have his freedom for the last two years.
There had been too much to worry about with Hakota’s absence that I had put my efforts at courting Terrin on hold to help my pack adjust to our new rise to power and peace.
In the last couple of months, when things had finally gotten stable, I had resumed my hunt for my mate.
He made no effort to hide his numerous affairs and relationships from me. Rather, he flaunted them, and it hurt me deeply.
Two nights ago I had caught him with yet another female he had been intending to spend a sleepless night with. It was the fifth one that week, and they had all been different females.
I wasn’t sure if I had gotten more upset by his number of conquests or because he had seemed to cling on to that one for longer than usual.
Either way, it had pissed me off, so I had snatched him up right then and there, slinging him over my shoulder, and had taken him home with me.
He had cussed me out the whole way there. I had been so angry at him.
Fed up with his whining, I had hauled his ass over my shoulder, surprising him enough by the action that I had succeeded in shutting him up for the rest of the trek to my little townhouse.
There I had tied him to a chair, knowing that he would run away the moment I turned my back.
I had made us dinner and had untied his hands, promising him that if he tried anything, I would bind them like the rest of his body and feed him myself.
The threat had been enough to make him behave, at least until he refused to eat his vegetables.
Which had led to things turning out the way they were now.
I finished off the glass and looked up at Landon, who was staring back at me with an expression of concern and curiosity. “I think I’ll take that sandwich now,” I said and began to sum up the last two days.
