I sat behind my desk to keep a barrier between us. I needed something to block me from her. To keep that distance. Her eyes said she’d lose it if I got close to her, but the pulse through my body said I needed to. I needed to show her exactly what she did to me.
I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. She was never going to find out how much I wanted her.
She walked into my office, leaving the door open. I wanted to tell her to close it, but it was her act of defiance. It was a moment for her. A minor victory. A challenge.
“Nurse Kempis, didn’t we talk last week about your personal behavior with patients?”
“Yes.” One word. I groaned internally.
“And didn’t I tell you to stop the highly personal nature of your conversations?”
“Yes.”
“Then what the hell did I just witness?”
She tilted her head to the side and sucked in a breath. Her breasts lifted with the move. My eyes were glued to them as they slowly fell again on her extended exhale.
“My patient shared something deeply personal with me. Without provocation. He is having a hard time. My job, Dr. Allison, is to put my patients at ease. To make sure they know they are not alone in their fight. That I’m there by their sides for everything. And that patient needs someone.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why does he need someone? Why you? They all need someone, but you’re their nurse, not their friend. What can you do?”
“This patient needs someone to talk to. Someone to let him know that not only can he get through this, but that he’s better off without his bitch of an ex-girlfriend who dumped him because she didn’t sign on for a life of cancer treatments.” Her chest heaved with her anger. Her face and neck flushed a sexy pink color. Her hands clenched at her sides.
I cleared my throat and tried to focus on her words instead of how badly I wanted to kiss her. She cared. It was a beautiful thing. I’d hired far too many nurses who didn’t, or who only cared to a point. What I loved about Laura was also what drove me crazy about her. I was jealous, according to Veronica, and it was only getting worse. In the last year, Laura had become different. She was more relaxed around the office, and she was dating. And the two things combined to make me extra crazy when I was near her.
“If all you’re doing is talking, it’s fine. But if you do anything else—”
“Lap dances are off the table then?” she asked with an angry glint in her gaze.
I drew in a breath. She was goading me. And it was working. “Please keep your actions professional.”
“I always do.”
I nodded for her dismissal. She hesitated a second, then spun on her heel and walked out of my office. I waited a few extra seconds until I was sure she was gone and released a deep breath. That woman could make me crazy in so many ways all at the same time.
I worked hard to keep my distance from Laura for the rest of the day. I saw patients, and she administered infusions, and the day ended without another interaction. Home was quiet, and before I knew it, I was back in the office and waiting for a call from Veronica.
“Good morning,” Veronica said as her face filled the screen in my office.
“Morning.”
She narrowed her gaze and tilted her head. “This is going to be different for me, and probably difficult. You look like you’re angry, but I can’t see you picking at your nails to know for sure if that’s the case.”
I stopped the habit I wasn’t aware I had and glared at Veronica. Her brown eyes glimmered with delight that she called me out. She loved being able to do that. We met in med school, two people who felt like we didn’t belong. She was a good friend almost instantly. We talked about everything off the bat. It wasn’t until we had almost finished school that I realized I did most of the talking and she listened. Because she was that good.
Asking Veronica to be my therapist was a no-brainer. She had built a large and successful practice with other psychiatrists working under her. Most of the clients Veronica saw herself were high-powered people, people who valued their privacy above all else.
She’d used the term narcissist a few times.
“What’s wrong?” she asked me.
Veronica had a way of making me talk that made me feel like we were just chatting. Like we were back in school in our apartment and sharing beer and pizza.
“Nothing,” I said.
She snorted. “What did Laura do now?”
“She’s flirting with the damn patients.”
“So? She’s a beautiful, single woman. Why shouldn’t she flirt?”
“Because it’s against policy.”
“We both know you never enforced that policy until she started working for you and you got jealous. You didn’t want to see her with other men.”
I grumbled and leaned back in my chair. I crossed my arms and glared at her. I hated when she called me on my shit.
“Don’t pout,” she said with a laugh. She tossed her long, dark hair behind her shoulders and leaned in. Her red top gaped in the front, but the only reason I noticed was because I didn’t want her to show it all off to everyone she spoke to.
I blocked the screen with my hand and shook my head. “Lean back. I don’t need to see that.”
“Am I popping out?” she asked. She straightened and fixed her shirt. “Dammit. I’m going to need to change before my next call. Thanks. Jeff will lose his shit if I’m sharing too much.”
I grinned. Jeff was Veronica’s husband and love of her life. They met at a fundraiser years before. She married him after only a few months. I told her it wouldn’t last and almost ruined our friendship. I’d never been happier to be wrong. Seeing Veronica happy made me realize how much was missing from my life.
Then I hired Laura.
“Okay, so, Laura is flirting with patients. Are you sure she’s flirting and not just talking to them? Some people seem like they’re flirting when they aren’t.”
“She told one guy she was on a dating app and to join it.”
Veronica’s brows rose, and I felt victorious. Until she said, “Did she invite him or just relay the information?”
I scowled, and she pursed her lips at me.
“You need to figure out a way to get over this. Either you need to ask her out and find out for sure if there’s something between you or you need to move on. This isn’t healthy for you. She has every right to date. And she should be dating. No woman, or man, should sit around and be miserable. That includes you.”
“I met someone,” I blurted.
“You did?” Veronica was more than a little skeptical.
“Online. I joined a dating app—”
“The one Laura told the patient about?”
I shrugged and avoided her gaze.
Veronica laughed. “You are a masterpiece. I love having you for a client because it’s guaranteed income forever. You will always find ways to fuck things up.”
“Should you really be talking to me that way?”
She laughed and shook her head. “For one, our conversations are private. For two, you and I both know if you had any friends you wouldn’t complain to me about Laura. You hired me because losing patients got to you. Because watching someone die brought it all back.” Her voice was soft. Her eyes full of emotion I didn’t want to think about. “I love you, Nico, but I want you to be whole. Years ago, that meant finding a way to deal with loss over and over again. Now, it means something else. I think you’ve separated yourself from loss and life so much that you’ve forgotten how to actually live. How to connect with another person.”
“I can connect,” I argued.
“Can you? Because we’ve known each other for a long time. I know we have a connection. I would do anything for you, and I know you would do anything for me. But it’s been a while since you’ve let another person in. I think you want to let Laura in, but it scares you. Love is terrifying, but it’s worth it. Especially when it’s with the right person.”
“You have Jeff. You think everyone else can find that. I don’t know if I’m cut out for a relationship.”
Veronica smiled. “You are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met in my life. You are kind and caring and you’re so funny and gentle and passionate. You are an amazing human, but you don’t show that side to people. You hold back. You bark and scare them off. I’d be willing to bet you’ve barked at Laura a little more than usual lately.”
I grumbled again, which made her laugh again.
“Okay. Let’s talk about this new person you met. Tell me about the dating app.”
I sighed. I wasn’t sure if she was mocking me or not, but we were there to talk, so I was going to talk.
“The app is designed by someone local, a former patient’s daughter actually. It doesn’t allow pictures, so there’s no way to really know who you’re talking to. I matched with three women over the weekend and started chatting with one of them. She’s funny and smart and it was fun.”
“This is good,” Veronica said. “You need someone to talk to besides Laura. Someone to think about. Keep talking to this woman. But I want you to do something else.”
“What?” I asked with dread. She was always giving me assignments that pushed me out of my comfort zone. I liked my comfort zone.
“Talk to a friend. It doesn’t have to be someone you hang out with, but have a conversation with someone you could consider a friend.”
My mind went blank. I worked and I read papers about cancer research and I worked some more. I didn’t socialize. I kept to myself.
“You don’t have one person there to talk to?” Veronica asked when I said nothing.
“I…”
“You’re a workaholic. Go out for a beer. Sit in a bar and strike up a conversation with someone. Ooh, no. What about the boat guy? Didn’t you say you two got along?”
“I will not go talk to the guy who built my boat and ask him to be my friend,” I said.
Veronica shook her head. “I didn’t say he had to be your friend. I want you to have people. You’ve been living up there for years. I know why you moved there, but you haven’t built a life. You’ve built a practice, but you need a life. Talk to the boat guy. Or go to a bar. Do something that gets you talking to a person who doesn’t work for you and doesn’t talk to you through chat in a dating app.”
I grimaced at how pathetic she made me sound. I couldn’t argue, though. She was right. I had no one in my life. No one to socialize with. At all. And I hadn’t since I moved away from her. It had been a long time since I’d had a friend.
“Fine,” I finally agreed.
Veronica grinned and said, “Okay, good. We’ll talk again in a week, but you know we’ll talk before then. I love you.”
“I love you, too. I think.”
She blew me a kiss and signed off. Smart woman. She knew if she stayed on, I’d try to talk us both out of the assignment.
Dammit.
I put off going to see Ian Jameson for two more days. All that did was prolong the inevitable. And make me more anxious. It was like asking a girl out in high school. I knew she was going to say no, but I did it anyway. Every single one of them said no.
I tried to tell myself it wasn’t the same with Ian. He was a good guy from what I knew. He was talented as hell, and he was always friendly. I still felt like an ass walking over to his shop when I’d never done it before.
The large garage door at the end was open. Music blared from inside the space. Someone sang along, their voice mixing with the sound of a sander or grinder or something. Tools were not my thing.
I walked in and looked around. I didn’t see anyone, but I followed the singing until it brought me around the edge of a large boat. Feet stuck out from underneath, toes moving along with the beat of the music.
I waited. Just like surgery, it wasn’t smart to startle a person when they had a tool in their hands.
It wasn’t long before Ian rolled himself out from under the boat and met my gaze. He drew back, obviously surprised I was his visitor. He set the tool down and stood, reaching to shake my hand.
“Dr. Nico Allison. What brings you by?”
I made up a story, a good one. Because dropping in on a man I’d never been friends with was weird. “I was thinking about doing a few upgrades to my boat. I wanted to get your thoughts. Maybe toss around a few ideas.”
Ian rubbed his chin and nodded. “Yeah, sure. Your boat could probably do with a few upgrades by now. It’s what? Seven years old?”
I nodded, surprised he remembered.
“The cabin is small, but I don’t think you need much since it’s mostly for going back and forth to Doc Rock.”
“Doc Rock?”
Ian grinned. “Yeah. You’ve never heard that?”
I shook my head.
Ian shrugged. “Most people in town call your island Doc Rock since you live there and the island is basically all rocks. I think it’s also because we’re totally jealous of you and love rhyming.”
I chuckled with Ian. I bought a condo when I first moved to the area, but I found it didn’t afford me enough privacy. Especially when I started to struggle to separate my patients’ health and my own life. Living in the Thousand Islands meant there were plenty of islands that offered all the privacy I could ask for. One came up for sale, and I jumped on it. I held onto my condo for the winter months and for when I worked late, but I went to my island on the weekends and whenever I could. It was the only place I felt truly comfortable.
“Anyway, the boat. So, what are you looking to do?” He glanced at his phone then back up at me.
“Am I keeping you from something?” I asked.
Ian shook his head. “No, it’s fine.” He stopped and examined me for a long moment. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but I wanted to pass whatever test I didn’t know I was facing. “Actually, what are you doing right now?”
“Uh, nothing?”
“Why don’t you come with me to get a beer and some dinner? I’m meeting up with some friends at O’Kelley’s.”
“Oh, no, I didn’t come here to intrude.”
“Nope, I insist. You work too hard, and I’ve never seen you there. And since I feel like I live there sometimes, it means you don’t relax nearly enough. One beer. Maybe a burger. Fries. They have a dart board. And friends. They can all help figure out what to do to your boat. Come on. Let’s go.”
I resisted everything he said, but I heard Veronica’s voice in my head telling me to have a conversation with a friend. Or go to a bar and get a beer. Maybe if I did both, she would leave me alone. It was already Thursday. One more day in town and then I could disappear to Doc Rock and no one would bother me for a few days.
I could do it. I could sit and talk to other men, have a beer. Veronica would be proud.
I nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”
Ian grinned. “Awesome. This will be fun. And hey, there are always some pretty women there. Not sure your type, but maybe you’ll meet someone since you’re going out.”
I snorted. “Not likely. Besides, I’m already…Um…”
Ian’s brows rose as he pressed a button to lower the massive door. “You’re seeing someone?”
“No. I mean, not really. I just started talking to someone the other day.”
“Yeah? What’s she like?”
“She’s funny and smart. She made me laugh.”
“Nice. Where did you meet?”
“Oh, um, well…Online.” I muttered the last word like it was a dirty word. Like I should be ashamed.
Ian laughed. “No shit? I met Blake online.”
“I thought you knew Blake forever.”
He shrugged and nodded. “I did, but she wasn’t interested in me. We were paired on Book Boyfriends Wanted and got to know each other in a whole new way. I don’t think we would have gotten married if it weren’t for that app. What one are you using?”
I stared at him, wondering if he was messing with me. “The same one.”
Ian chuckled. “Be careful. I think Karissa has magical powers. Almost all the guys we’re meeting have found someone on that app. This one you’re talking to might end up your future Mrs. Doc.”
“You do realize I have a last name, right?”
Ian laughed and opened the door to O’Kelley’s. “I do, but it’s kind of fun to watch you squirm a little.”
I raised an eyebrow at him and shook my head. I couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe Veronica was right about talking to a friend. If nothing else, I could tell her I tried.
