I couldn’t stop my lips from curling up in a smile at my dancing nephews and niece. At six, four, and two, they were still little enough to not think twice about the way they looked in front of others. I wished I could give just a tiny bit of that to Goldie.
My smile slid to a scowl as I thought about our conversation before I left work Friday. I was sure she knew I wasn’t flirting with her just for the hell of it. And I was sure she would say something. I thought it was because she was my boss, but damn. When she brushed me off and said I was too young, I was pissed.
“What has your face doing that?” Sharon asked as she sat next to me. She was used to the dancing parade in front of me and barely blinked as her kids giggled and squealed. She’d been married to my brother, Arthur, for eight years and was family. Which meant she was nosy and didn’t mind her own business.
“He’s annoyed because he can’t get his boss to go on a date with him,” Arthur answered for me. Speaking of nosy and not minding their own business.
Sharon tilted her head and looked closely at me. “How could anyone resist this face?”
“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Mom said, wiping her hands on her apron. “If she’s not interested, he should move on.”
My scowl deepened at that thought. Goldie might be resisting, but that didn’t mean I was ready to give up on her. She was the only woman who’d ever captivated me the way she did. From the moment I walked into her office for my interview, I felt like something inside me locked into place. I couldn’t explain it then and I still didn’t have an answer for it, but I knew I wasn’t ready to give up hope.
“He’s in love with her,” Arthur said.
I told him he’s number one, with my middle finger, and glared hard at him. I adored my family, but damn, did they know how to get under my skin.
“He can’t be in love with her. He’s never been on a date with her,” Mom argued.
“Doesn’t matter. He’s gone, Ma. He thinks she’s the one,” Arthur said, continuing to needle me. His gaze strayed to his children as they launched into another twisting, twirling dance to the new song that came through the TV.
“Love doesn’t always make sense. And love doesn’t always wait for a certain time either,” Dick declared. Dick was my mom’s boyfriend. They’d been together almost a year. He walked into the salon one day and Mom was the only one available. Dick flirted with her while she cut his hair and asked her out for coffee afterward. She turned him down, but he kept coming back until she gave in and agreed. He lived a few towns over, but he’d inserted himself into Mom’s life after that.
“That’s very true. And I think it’s sweet Patrick found someone,” Sharon said. “Eventually, she’ll come to her senses and realize what a catch he is.”
“That’s why you’re my favorite,” I told Sharon as I stood. I kissed her cheek and winked at her. My brother was a lucky man. She was kind and smart and kept him on his toes. She was his best friend in high school. She came into our family at a time when we were all starting to fall apart after my dad died, and she tied us back together and gave us all new life. It took Arthur too many years and too many women to see what was right in front of him, but he finally did and held on tight.
“You better mean your favorite of those two,” Mom said, stepping away from Dick to grab my arm as I made a move to go past her into the kitchen, “or you’re not getting dinner.”
“Of course I do,” I placated my mother. I kissed her cheek, too, then snuck by to get another glass of water.
I needed a minute to myself. As much as I loved my family, they were a lot. Arthur and I had four years between us, which meant when our dad died, Arthur took on the role of caretaker as well as big brother. I was only seven, and almost twenty years later, he was still trying to take care of me.
“You doing okay?” Arthur asked quietly a minute later. Right on time.
I nodded. “Yep. All good.”
“Did something happen? You seem more on edge today than you usually are at Sunday dinner.”
I shook my head, knowing it wouldn’t fly with him. He had a sixth sense for when I was hiding something. It sucked as a teenager since he was the model child, and I was not, but as an adult, it meant admitting to shit I had no interest in admitting to.
“What did you do?”
“Why do you think I did something?”
“Because you’re acting guilty.”
“How does a guilty person act?”
“Avoiding eye contact,” Arthur said pointedly, crossing his arms and staring me down.
I met his gaze, the same blue one I saw in my mirror every day. He said we got our dad’s eyes, but I couldn’t remember. Whenever I looked at my brother, I wondered if a part of my dad could be looking back at me through him.
“What’s going on? You’re not usually like this with women. I haven’t heard you talk about dates in forever. What is it with this one?”
“She’s different. Special. I can’t explain it, but I can’t stop thinking about her. It wasn’t fair to go out with other women when I would spend the entire date wondering what Goldie would think of the meal or if she’d laugh at what I said or if she’d want me to come home with her. It was easier to just stop dating.”
“Wow,” Arthur said, leaning against the counter. His pose was casual, but he was anything but. Dressed in khaki pants and a blue button-down shirt, my brother was never casual. Even when he was relaxing, he looked professional.
Not that I was a slouch. My mother wouldn’t allow it. The kids were the only ones allowed to be casual for Sunday dinner.
“You really are in love with her, aren’t you?”
I snatched my glasses off my face and wiped at my eyes. I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to stave off the irritation. “I’m not in love with her. I just want to know her better. She’s smart and confident and amazing. She makes me want to be a better person. She takes charge and doesn’t take any shit, even from our dumbass of a mayor.”
“That’s good. With him in charge, it sounds like she needs to be more on top of her game than normal.”
“He’s such an ass. He cut our budget and expects her to just deal with it.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “She had a meeting with him Friday. We were under-budget last year, so he cut it for this year.”
“How much?”
“Fifteen percent.”
Arthur whistled. “That’s a tall order. Damn.”
“Yep. We spent all day Friday looking at places we could cut things. It’s not going to be easy to make it through the summer. Not with all the events we have planned. Goldie was really going to make a mark on MacKellar Cove.”
Arthur grinned at me. It was a mix of proud big brother and smirking know-it-all. I hated both looks.
“What?”
“You really do love her. Damn. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you fall in love.”
“I’m not in love with her. I just respect her a lot. And think she’s amazing.”
Arthur nodded. “Understood. Just make sure we get to sit up front for the wedding.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved my brother, laughing when he lost his balance and nearly fell over. He caught himself on the edge of the counter, knocking a serving spoon to the floor with a loud crash.
“What is going on in here?” Mom asked, walking into the kitchen. Her gaze bounced between us.
“He did it,” we both said, pointing at the other.
Mom rolled her eyes and threw up her hands. “Clean the spoon. We’re almost ready for dinner.”
I muscled my way past Arthur, leaving him alone in the kitchen to take care of the spoon he knocked to the floor. Really, I just needed out of the conversation.
Dinner was just as crazy as before dinner. Dick told stories about being a truck driver for the first few decades of his career. He stopped driving when his first wife got sick. After she died, he went back on the road because, as he put it, he had nothing to stay home for.
“Papa Dick, I want to be a truck driver like you,” Henry, my oldest nephew, said. Henry was the one who looked most like Arthur. When he was born, Mom said he looked just like our father. Hearing him talk about wanting to be like Dick was unpleasant. Dick wasn’t family. He wasn’t my father. He wasn’t anything. Just the guy who was sniffing around my mother.
“It’s not an easy life, Henry. But it’s important work. People always need things delivered.” Dick delivered the line with the seriousness of a man passing on the wisdom of the world.
I stared at my nephew instead of looking at Dick. It wasn’t that he was a bad guy, but he wasn’t right for my mom. He wasn’t right for our family. A little too loud, a little too opinionated, and a little too affectionate with my mother. His hand wrapped around the back of her neck and stayed there. My mother.
“I like trucks,” Henry said, as if that was reason enough to want to drive trucks. At six, it probably was.
Dick barked loudly, tipping his head back and belly-laughing like Henry made the funniest joke ever. I loved my nephew, but it wasn’t that funny.
I stood from my seat and carried my plate to the kitchen. I could still hear Dick laughing and talking. My mother’s house used to be quiet. Not the kind of quiet that would get into your head, but the quiet that would let you breathe for a few minutes. Since Dick started hanging around, the quiet was gone.
“Are you doing okay?” Mom asked from behind me.
“Yeah,” I said, pasting on a smile. “I don’t want to leave you with all the cleaning up. You fixed dinner for everyone. You shouldn’t have to clean up after us, too.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. That’s why I have a dishwasher.”
“I know. And I can help you load it.”
She walked over and hugged me close. She barely came up to my armpit, but she always insisted I duck down so she could wrap her arms around my neck like she did when I was little. She was my world. As much as I hated the moniker, I was a mama’s boy. Maybe it was because I didn’t really remember my dad, but I would do anything for my mom. Anything.
“You’re a good boy. A good man,” she corrected quickly. “I want to see you happy.”
“Who said I’m not happy?” I asked, bristling at the suggestion.
“No one. But if that Goldie isn’t interested, I think you should move on. She’s a bit older than you, too, isn’t she?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, my voice more harsh than I intended.
“It was just a question. I always thought you’d have kids one day. A family.”
I grumbled something noncommittal, mostly because I’d never been able to convince my mother I didn’t want kids. I’d mentioned it a few times, but she always insisted I’d change my mind eventually. I adored my nephews and niece, but I wasn’t sure I wanted the day-to-day full-time responsibility of other people. Not just because I didn’t want to be responsible for them, but because I didn’t know if it was the right life for me.
“I just want you to be happy, and I’m not sure you are. You’re distracted today.”
I couldn’t tell my mother I’d told Goldie to think about me. That I’d hoped she’d drive herself crazy all weekend imagining the things I wanted to do to her and would come into work Monday half insane. That was definitely something I was keeping to myself.
“I’m just thinking about work.”
“About work, or about Goldie.”
“Work, Mom.”
“Are you still enjoying your job?”
“I am. It suits me.”
She smiled. “I think so, too. You’ve always been organized and enjoyed keeping things in order. Especially me.”
“Yes, well, you needed it once upon a time. You seem to be doing okay now.”
She chuckled. “We’ve come a long way from those days when I could barely keep my appointments in order and you could barely keep yourself inside this house. Always sneaking out when you thought I didn’t know.”
“You knew?”
She shrugged. “Probably not always, but I knew enough.”
I gaped at her. I really thought I was being sly. “Are you just saying that?”
She shook her head. “Nope. It’s nice to be on a first-name basis with the cops in town. They had a tendency to look out for you and let me know.”
“You’re kidding.”
She grinned. “Nope. Thankfully, you weren’t too bad. It would have been hard to explain why you shouldn’t be in trouble if you actually caused trouble.”
“I was a good kid. Not as good as Arthur, but good enough.”
“Yes, you were. You were both good kids. I was very lucky to have you. I still am.”
I hugged Mom and held her close. We were lucky to have her, too. Growing up without my father was hard, but Mom made it bearable. She became both mom and dad. She never did anything for herself.
“Group hug!” Dick called, walking in behind Mom and pressing himself to her back so she was sandwiched between us.
Mom laughed and shook her head, squealing for him to let her go. He took a minute, but when he finally did, she slapped his arm and shook her head.
“Your mother is one hell of a woman,” Dick said.
I grunted and followed Mom out of the kitchen. I did not want to hear whatever it was Dick was going to say next.
I was practically vibrating in my seat when Goldie made it to work the next morning. I couldn’t sleep, and I just knew she was going to give in to my proposition and ask me out. I made sure not to commit to anything with my family all week, claiming work stuff was going to keep me busy leading up to Memorial Day weekend in two weeks.
Sharon saw right through my lies, but bless her, the woman didn’t call me on it. She just said they were available if Mom or Dick needed anything.
I jumped when I heard the office door open at exactly eight. Goldie was always in right on time. Never early because she took her son, Paul, to school. But she always stayed later than she needed to.
“Morning,” Goldie said on her way past my office.
“Morning,” I replied. It was like any other morning, but it was going to be different. I could feel it.
She stayed in her office half the morning. It wasn’t unusual for her to do so, but I really expected her to say something to me right when she came in. She was practically panting when I left Friday afternoon, and if she did what I said, she should have been ready for a date.
It was almost lunchtime before I saw her again. She called me into her office, and I knew it was go time.
I walked in and closed the door behind me. She looked up from her computer, stripping her sexy librarian glasses from the tip of her nose. “Why did you close the door?”
My confidence faltered. “Um, I thought… I’ll open it.”
She stared at me as I opened the door again, then took a seat across the desk from her.
“How was your weekend?” I asked.
“Fine.”
“Did you do anything…fun?”
She shook her head. “I had dinner with a friend Saturday night. That was really it.”
She barely looked up at me as she spoke. Did she forget about our conversation Friday? Did she not think about what I said at all?
“I’ve been working on this budget all morning. I have about five percent that I can cut, but I can’t even begin to think about where the rest could come from.”
“Can’t we just go over budget?”
“No. That’s not an option. We have to make this work.”
“Did you think about anything else this weekend? Anything besides the budget?”
She met my gaze. “Nothing is as important as getting this right.”
Well, then. I got my answer. Goldie was not interested.
That sucked.
