One week of practice was done, and so was one week of kitchen renovation. I wasn’t sure which was harder. The huffing and puffing of the runners at the end of the week was enough to vote for practice, but my own huffing and puffing when I muscled the last of my kitchen cabinets to the trash said maybe the renovation took the top spot.
Either way, both sucked.
So did spending my Friday night, the last one of summer, alone in my empty kitchen. My life was not what I always hoped it would be. It was my own fault, but it was hard to know nothing had turned out like I’d hoped.
I pushed the melancholy thoughts aside and surveyed the empty space. It was huge without everything in it. Nice problem to have. And with the entire kitchen torn out, down to the studs, I was ready to start building everything back up.
It all came apart easier than I expected, which was why I pulled off the drywall, too. I’d done enough renovation to know there was always a reason when things were easy. My reason was an old water leak behind the fridge that went unnoticed for a long time. The rot was bad enough that it made sense to replace the insulation and to bulk up the framing in the walls. I needed to pull some of it out for the new sliders anyway, so it wasn’t a huge hit to the budget, but it would change the timeline.
Knox still insisted I could finish by New Year’s.
I was about to order dinner when a text came in from Valentina.
Valentina was inviting me to spend the evening with her. Why was I hesitating?
I undressed as I walked through my house, carrying my dirty, dusty clothes with me to the bathroom. I tossed my clothes into the hamper, then turned on the hot water. I set my phone on the counter, then stepped under the hot spray.
I hadn’t run as much over the summer as I normally would, and my muscles were sore. Every other summer, I had nothing to do and no one to spend time with. I always saw Valentina and the rest of her family, but not as much as I did this summer. Without Dawson around, I spent more time with them than any other summer. I wasn’t complaining, but between her sweet treats and my lack of exercise, I was hurting.
Not that I would tell my team that. Or Jana.
I took a fast shower, washing my hair twice to make sure all the dust was out, then turned off the water and snagged my towel. I dried off as I walked through my bedroom to the closet, choosing boxer briefs, shorts, and a tee for the night.
My shoulder-length hair was still wet when I finished getting dressed, so I tied it up in a knot and grabbed my keys, wanting to get to Valentina’s as quickly as possible.
She opened the door a minute after I rang the bell and scowled at me. “I told you that you don’t need to wait for me to let you in. You have a key for a reason.”
“It’s not my house, Vee. I don’t want to catch you in a compromising position.” I wiggled my brows to tease her as my dick hardened at the thought.
Valentina rolled her eyes and walked away. “Please. I’m not worried about that at all. Nothing to compromise around here.”
“You might start dating one day.”
She snorted. “Not anytime soon.”
I followed her into the kitchen, letting the subject drop. I didn’t want to think about her dating, anyway. Not Dawson, not anyone. It was painful enough to watch her fall for him. Watching her fall for another guy might kill me.
“The girls already started walking. They wanted to find their friends. Can you carry this for me?” She turned and handed me a small bag of water bottles and a bottle of wine.
“Got it. What else do you have?”
She grabbed the massive basket from the countertop and nodded. “All set.”
“Let me carry that,” I told her. She could barely hold the thing, let alone carry it.
“I got it.”
“Vee, I’m right here. Let me help.”
She hesitated, then handed over the basket. “Thanks.”
Her soft voice was enough of a clue, but the way she avoided my gaze said I stepped in something. “Why are you upset about me carrying the basket?”
She shook her head and walked toward the door.
I followed her, basket and bag in hand. Whatever was going on felt important, and I wasn’t going to let her get away with ignoring me. “Talk to me, Vee. What did I do? The last thing I intended to do was upset you.”
She breathed a laugh and shook her head. “You didn’t. It’s just…” She looked up at me with watery eyes. “I was married for twenty-two years. Dawson and I dated for five years before that. I spent twenty-seven years of my life with him. Do you know how many times he offered to carry everything for me? How many times he tried to help when we would go to things like this? Hell, how many times he attended these events?”
I was pretty sure her questions didn’t require an answer, so I just waited for her to finish her thoughts. Especially when I was also sure I could guess the answer.
“None. In twenty-seven years, Dawson helped me zero fucking times. Nada. Twenty-seven years. Whenever there was an event, he said he was too tired from traveling. Of course, now I know he was too tired from fucking other women. He never did anything with me. Not the things I wanted to do. Why did I marry him?”
Again, I wasn’t sure she wanted an answer, but then she looked up at me with those big brown eyes that made me feel simultaneously like the most important man in the world and the most insignificant. I mattered if she was looking at me, but this was Valentina Hayes. The woman who held my heart and made the world spin for me. People loved her. She was special and she was stunning and she was not mine. Which made me feel like I was nothing.
“When you introduced us, I had the biggest crush on you. I wanted to ask you out, but I was too afraid. I’m glad I never did because that would have just been a disaster. But then Dawson was there, and I sort of thought you were hoping I’d like him so I wouldn’t be hanging all over you all the time. I was so shy, and I was so scared of college, and I know I was annoying. I always felt bad about the way I smothered you when we first went away. How I got in the way of you dating.”
Everything she said jumbled in my mind like she spit it into a blender and turned it on high. I couldn’t process any of it quickly enough. I knew I needed to respond, to tell her she misread everything, but there was so much in what she said that I couldn’t figure out how to explain all that to her.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for all of that years ago, and I wanted to make sure I’m not doing it again. When the girls asked the other day why you never got married, I realized I was doing the same thing I did back then. I’ve been monopolizing your time and cock-blocking you. I don’t mean to.”
“You are not cock-blocking me,” I finally choked out.
She chuckled. “Well, lemon-bar-blocking you, or whatever. I don’t want you to feel like you always have to drop everything for me. I know I’m the pathetic divorcée, but I promise you, I’ll get my shit together soon.”
“You are not pathetic. And you don’t have to get your shit together at all. You’re amazing. And I’m here because I want to be. I love you, Vee. You’re the most important person in my world. I would do anything for you. Anytime.”
She smiled up at me, her eyes shining with joy instead of the tears they held just minutes ago. “Thanks, Bee. I really don’t know what I would do without you. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t figure it out. Sorry. I’m doing it again. Ugh.”
“You’re not doing anything. Now, tell me again how you had this huge crush on me when we went to college.”
She laughed. “Oh, you so knew I did. I was so obvious.” She ushered me out of the house and locked the door before turning toward town. She slung the bag of drinks over her shoulder and left me with the basket. She slid her hand onto my arm, walking close to me.
“I promise you, I did not know you liked me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know how that’s possible. I liked you almost all of high school, and when we both chose the same college, I worried you were going to think I only went there because I knew you were.”
“I knew you were going there before I chose it,” I confessed.
“Oh, well, that’s good. I didn’t want you to think I was a stalker or something. But anyway, I just… I don’t know. I always thought you were cute, and you were always nice to me. I guess I hoped when we were away from MacKellar Cove it would be different and I’d find a way to tell you I liked you. Then you introduced me to Dawson, and he swooped in and made me feel like I was bothering you if I asked what you were doing when we went out.”
“He what?” My blood boiled at the thought.
“It was no big deal. He told me you were dating a lot and going to parties. I mean, that’s what college was for, right? It all worked out. I guess. If you count both of us being single at forty-five. Shit, that’s depressing.”
I coughed a laugh.
“Not you. Dammit. I didn’t mean you. I meant me. I’m depressing. You’re amazing, and any woman would be lucky to have you.”
“Even you?”
“Hell, yes, me. I am the luckiest of them all because I already have you in my life. You’re my best friend, Bee.”
“And you had a huge crush on me.”
She groaned. “I never should have admitted that. Gah! But I know it’s for the best that we never dated. I would have screwed it all up, and we wouldn’t even be friends now.”
“You don’t know that.”
She shrugged. “Maybe not. But I do know if I hadn’t married Dawson, I wouldn’t have my girls, and that’s impossible to imagine.”
“Yes, yes, it is,” I admitted. As much as I wished I’d known about her crush decades ago, I’d never wish Bianca or Samantha didn’t exist.
The noise of the crowd exploded as we turned the corner and saw the park. It was crowded. Not just busy, but overrun with people. Every square of grass was covered by a blanket or towel. The chairs were full. The sidewalks had people lined up on chairs. Even the streets around the park were wall-to-wall people.
“Damn. This is bigger than I thought. How are we going to find the girls?”
“We’ll find them,” I assured her.
Valentina’s eyes grew wider as we walked closer to the crowd. She’d never been big on large groups of people, and this crowd was huge. Someone bumped into her, then apologized and said hello. Over and over again, we were jostled by others walking around, trying to find their spot and their people.
“Valentina!” someone shouted above the noise.
We both turned and saw Goldie waving to us from a large blanket. Karissa was next to Goldie on another blanket. We moved closer to them and found Bianca and Samantha.
“This is nuts,” Valentina breathed as she hugged her friends.
“It is,” Goldie agreed. “Patrick got here early and put our blankets down so we would have a spot. Xavier said this was the best place to sit for the movie.”
Patrick was Goldie’s assistant and her boyfriend. Xavier ran the MacKellar Cove Movie Theater and was married to Karissa. I didn’t know either man well, but the few times I’d been to guy’s night at O’Kelley’s, they were friendly and kind. I appreciated that, especially from Xavier since I’d gone on a date with Karissa a while back.
“The kids wandered for a while, but it’s almost hard to walk around here. This is so much bigger than I expected,” Karissa said.
Karissa designed apps, including the top online dating app in the area. A ton of local couples got their start on Book Boyfriends Wanted. I had a few dates from there, including the one I went on with Karissa, but none stuck, just like everything else I’d tried.
“No one is ready to say goodbye to summer,” Goldie said. As the Tourism Director for MacKellar Cove, she was in charge of making sure events like the one happening were a success.
“I’m not ready to go back to school,” McJenna said. Xavier’s daughter was sixteen, like Bianca, and on the cross-country team. She was smart, a good runner, and a nice kid.
The other kids nodded with McJenna before returning to their conversations.
Valentina lowered herself to a seat near Goldie, then patted the blanket next to her for me to sit. I set the basket down in front of her and sat facing her since the spot she tried to get me to squeeze into was too small.
Valentina smiled at me, a tinge of disappointment in her eyes. I wasn’t sure what that was for, but I didn’t have time to think about it before she was unloading the basket of food that would easily feed all of us and half the others in town.
We passed around cheese and crackers, sliced meats, nuts, and fresh fruits. Valentina had water bottles for everyone, but the others had their own drinks. They shared their food, and Valentina shared hers, and everyone talked about fall and school and getting back into routines.
I was the only one there who didn’t live with a teenager, at least part-time. As they all talked, I just sat there and listened. I always saw the other side of things, the teacher side. I was the only one I had to worry about. I set my routines with no input or influence by anyone else.
All of a sudden, the loneliness of my life felt like it was too much. I excused myself and got up from the blanket. I wandered through the crowd, passing families and couples, and wondered what the hell I was doing there.
I laughed inside. I knew what I was doing there. I was playing house with my best friend. I was lying to myself and hoping she might notice me. I was wishing that the crush she admitted to having more than two decades ago was still simmering in the background.
I was a damn fool.
If she wanted me, she wouldn’t have said us being together would have been a bad idea. If she wanted me, she would have told me. She didn’t. She hadn’t in a very long time.
“Are you okay?” she asked from right behind me, a second before her hand touched my shoulder.
I resisted the urge to shrug her off. I craved her touch, but not the touch of my best friend. I wanted the touch of the woman I loved. The woman I tried my damnedest not to love. The woman I was finally realizing I was never going to get over, no matter how many times I told myself it was dumb to love her.
“Yeah, all good,” I forced myself to say as I turned to face her.
Her hand fell as I turned, but her gaze was spot-on. She narrowed her eyes and looked closely at me. “The parent talk getting to you?”
I shook my head. “Nah. I always wanted kids.”
“You never told me that.”
I shrugged. “There are a lot of things we never told each other, I guess. Like you having a crush on me.”
She rolled her eyes and laughed, like I hoped she would. She leaned against my side and wrapped her arm around my waist. I draped mine over her shoulder and let her guide me back to the blanket where her friends and daughters waited for us.
She pointed to the spot she’d been in before and waited for me to sit, then sat a foot in front of me. My thighs cradled hers. It was intimate without being inappropriate. She was my best friend. We’d sat like that before. But not in years.
And just that fast, I knew why I’d never get over Valentina. Because she was impossible not to love. And I had no hope of walking away from her.
