My body heated as I forced my focus to the movie that was starting on the screen. Why did I think it was a good idea to sit in front of Brantley?
I didn’t think. That was why. Because Goldie and Patrick and Karissa and Xavier were sitting together, and I just slipped back into being one half of a couple. It didn’t matter that we weren’t actually together, we were there together.
I was so messed up.
I watched the movie without actually paying attention to it at all. Every time Brantley moved, I felt him. Every brush of his thigh against mine, every shift of his body, every long exhale, I felt. And all it did was warm my body even more.
As soon as the movie was over, I jumped up from my seat. Others around us were starting to move, so I didn’t look too crazy. I glanced around for an excuse since our entire group was sitting.
“I need to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll go with you,” Goldie said. “I drank way too much sitting here.”
We turned toward the temporary toilets lined up on the backside of the closest building. I hated using them, but with an audience, I couldn’t just walk around for a minute and pretend.
“What is going on with you and Brantley?” Goldie hissed once we were a little away from the others.
“Nothing,” I blurted. Too fast.
Goldie’s brows went up, and her face pursed into one of those bullshit expressions. She knew me too well.
“He’s my best friend.” Wasn’t that an explanation?
“And?”
I shook my head. “He’s just there. He’s been there for us. He was always there, but since Dawson left, he’s been so much more than a friend.”
Those brows shot sky-high again, and I realized what I said.
“Not like that. Nothing happened, and nothing is going to. Brantley is not interested in getting involved with a middle-aged divorced woman whose kids he coaches.”
“Maybe not just any middle-aged divorced woman whose kids he coaches, but I think he might be interested in getting involved with you.”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. We stepped forward in line for the bathroom as more people crowded behind us. “He is not interested in me.”
“Is that the only reason nothing happened?”
“No. I’m not looking to date. I’m not ready.”
“Hun, I don’t think you’re ever ready. It’s sort of like having kids. You just buckle up and pray you don’t screw them up more than therapy can fix.”
A laugh popped out of me. “That’s the truth.” I chewed on my lip. I had always had a thing for Brantley, but dating? I wasn’t ready for it. Not when the only man I had any interest in considering was the one man I couldn’t stand to lose from my life. What if it all went south, and I lost him for good? Not an option.
“I’m just saying you two looked pretty cozy tonight.”
“We’re just friends,” I said.
Thankfully, the person in front of me stepped out of the bathroom line and I could escape the conversation. I held my breath and used the bathroom, thankful when the hand sanitizer was well-stocked inside and I could sort of clean my hands.
I waited to the side for Goldie, grateful when she didn’t say anything else about Brantley on our walk back to the others. When we got there, the blankets and baskets were all packed up, and everyone was waiting for us.
“Ready to head back?” Brantley asked.
I nodded. We all said goodbye and headed out in different directions.
The girls walked a little ahead of Brantley and me, chatting about the movie and about practice. Their first meet was only two weeks away, and from the sound of it, they were excited.
“You’re doing a great job with the team,” I said quietly so the girls didn’t hear me.
“Thanks. I love it. Running is what keeps me sane most of the time.”
I laughed. “Having two teenagers, I can only imagine how taxing it is to have twenty or more of them at a time. Teachers are amazing.”
“Yeah,” he said in a way that made me think that wasn’t the cause of his stress.
“You okay?”
He glanced my way and smiled, then slid his gaze to the ground. “All good.”
“Hey.” I put my hand on his arm to stop him and waited for the girls to walk a little farther ahead. “What’s going on?”
He sucked in a full breath, his chest rising. He let it out slowly and met my gaze. His was heated, fiery, like he was holding back a desire I had never seen from him before.
I was drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. I’d never understood the expression before, but looking into Brantley’s eyes and seeing that returned passion made me ache for him in a way I’d never known.
A giggle behind me snapped me out of the trance I was in. “Good to see you, coach. Ally said she’s having a great time at practice. I can’t wait to see you in action.”
If someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my head, I wouldn’t have been more shocked. Brantley wasn’t looking at me like that. He was looking at Ally’s mom, Becky. Becky was young and pretty, with a tight, perky body that I was instantly jealous of. I’d never had a reason to be jealous of her, or any woman, before, but watching the smile curl Brantley’s lips as he spoke to her made me want to claw the other woman’s eyes out.
I was so foolish. There I was imagining Brantley wanting me, and all he was doing was checking out the hot mom behind me.
I forced a smile and turned to walk away. The girls were a full block ahead of us, and Brantley was talking to Becky, so I needed to go.
For the rest of my walk, I chastised myself for getting lost in a fantasy that Brantley might want me. I got my answer right there about why he wasn’t married. Why would he settle down when he could sleep with any woman in town? Or every woman in town.
It didn’t matter, though. I had no claim over him. I never had. I never would. Getting upset about it when I was the one who was married and unavailable for most of the time we’d known each other only made me a hypocrite.
Brantley caught up to me as I turned onto my street. He apologized for stopping to talk to Becky, but I waved him off.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me. You’re single and she’s attractive.”
He stopped me on the driveway as the girls walked into the house. “Do you seriously think I’m interested in Becky?”
I shrugged. “It’s none of my business, Bee. I love you, and I want you to be happy. If she makes you happy, even if it’s just for a night, then go for it. I’m not judging. I promise you.”
He stared at me for a full minute without saying a word. When I squirmed, he finally spoke. “Sometimes I’m amazed by how little we know about each other.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you had a thing for me in high school, and you think I’m going to sleep with the parent of one of my students.”
“I don’t think that. I’m just saying I didn’t want to be in your way.”
“Trust me, Vee, you are never in my way. I will choose you over every other woman in town, every single time.”
His words sent a spiral of heat deep into my belly. He didn’t mean it the way I took it, but I wasn’t going to push for him to clarify. Instead, I teased him and brought things back to how they always were for us. “That’s just because I keep you in lemon bars.”
He smiled, then breathed a laugh that felt forced. “That’s nowhere near the only reason. I love you, Vee.”
“I love you, too,” I said, stepping into his open arms and letting him hold me close. The heat of his body warmed my skin in the slowly cooling night air. My heart pounded, the closeness of him relaxing me and exciting me at the same time.
It had been a long time since I’d been held. Sure, Brantley hugged me, but to be held like he was in that moment was different. So different that it brought tears to my eyes and made me wish things were different.
I sniffed, and he immediately pulled back. His far-too-observant gaze scanned my face before he wrapped me up again and kissed the top of my head. “I wish I could take all the pain away from you.”
I didn’t reply. I couldn’t tell him about it. How would I? He already knew Dawson and I weren’t sleeping together for a long time before we actually got divorced. Telling him not only did my husband stop wanting sex, but he stopped touching me altogether was a shame I wasn’t sure I could voice. Talk about not feeling desirable.
And it wasn’t just that, it was the fact that I stayed with him after that. I thought by fixing dinner and being a good wife, he would change. He would love me again. I believed it was possible.
I was a fool.
And that was why I wouldn’t risk dating again. Not anytime soon. I couldn’t put myself through that. I wouldn’t.
“Let’s get this inside, then I’ll get out of your way,” Brantley said, pulling back but keeping his arm around me.
“You’re never in the way.”
“Fine, then I won’t get out of your way.”
I laughed with him. He opened the front door and stepped back for me to walk in first. He went straight to the kitchen, unpacking the basket and putting things away. When he was done, he put the basket on the top of the pantry, where I kept it.
Dawson never would have known where everything went. And he never would have helped put things away. He would have gone straight to the bedroom and taken a shower, leaving me to do everything.
“Want to watch a movie?” Brantley asked.
I smiled. “Sure.” Normal. That’s what things were like with Brantley. Perfectly normal.
I needed a little of that.
“Girls! The bus will be here any minute!”
It was the first day of school. None of us were ready. I told the girls to have their things packed the night before, and did they? Nope. Of course not.
So, we were rushing. I worked into the evening yesterday so there would be fresh treats for Cove Bakery to start the day. My boss, Harriett, always let me come in after the girls were in school. She managed the morning crowd on her own, knowing people were patient with her and no one in MacKellar Cove would be rude.
“Coming!” Bianca yelled. Footsteps raced toward me. At least one of them was moving.
“Me too!” Samantha shouted.
The bus was usually late on the first day of school, but I couldn’t take any chances. I needed to get to work.
“Is the bus here?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. But we should get outside to wait. Do you guys want me to wait with you or pretend you don’t have a mom?”
Bianca snorted and rolled her eyes. Samantha glanced at her sister.
“Mom, all our friends know you and love you,” Bianca said.
“That doesn’t mean you want me outside when you get on the bus.”
“You’re fine, Mom,” Bianca said. Her phone dinged. “Ashley said the bus just picked her up.”
“Let’s go,” I told them. Ashley lived around the corner, so the bus was almost to us.
We walked outside just as the bus made the turn onto our street. I wasn’t sure if they had everything they needed for the first day, but I was hopeful.
Both girls hugged me. The three of us shared a laugh. “I love you, girls.”
“Love you, Mom,” they said together.
They let go and walked down the driveway to the sidewalk. The bus stopped, and I waved to the driver, then they got on and drove off.
I turned to my right and realized it was their first first day of school without Dawson. For all his faults, he was always there to see them get on the bus on the first day of school.
Until today.
I walked back into the house and sat on the couch. There were going to be a lot more firsts without him. I wasn’t sad for myself, but my girls were going to miss their dad.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure he was actually missing them.
And that broke my heart.
I couldn’t go to work feeling so down, so I did what I always did on the first day of school and sent Brantley a text wishing him a good day.
I smiled at the phone. I was looking forward to dinner with Brantley. It would distract the girls from their father not calling this morning and not being home to send them off to school on their first day.
I was not going to think about the other reasons I was looking forward to a dinner with Brantley. He was my friend. That was it.
The rest of the week went by much more smoothly. The girls were ready, no teachers assigned homework the first few days, and no one said anything about Dawson. It was all good.
Sunday night, I knocked on the door to Book Boyfriends Unlimited and waited. Goldie was next to me, reading an email on her phone.
Finley MacKellar, the owner and friend of ours, waved as she approached the door. Finley was married to Trent MacKellar, the man whose family founded MacKellar Cove. They had an adorable fifteen-month-old son, George.
“Hi guys,” Finley said. “How are you?” She hugged us both and led the way toward the back of the bookstore where a bunch of us gathered every Sunday night for book club.
Book club really being an excuse for us to talk about love, life, and relationships. And eat cake. That was why I came.
“Good,” I said, knowing Finley wouldn’t ask more from me. We didn’t know each other well, and as the newly divorced one, no one dove too deep into my horror show of a marriage. They were all shiny and happy and loved. They didn’t want to see their own relationship reflected in my disaster.
“I’m good, too. Just dealing with an issue Omar sent me,” Goldie said, her focus still on her phone.
“Is he as good of a boss as you hoped he would be?” Finley asked.
Omar Knight was the new mayor of MacKellar Cove. He helped Goldie and Patrick get the previous mayor to resign. Long story, but it had a happy ending.
“He’s great,” Goldie said without hesitation. “The town is going to have an amazing summer next year with him in charge. He’s creative and smart, but he’s also open to ideas and is willing to spend money to make MacKellar Cove what I know it can be.”
“That’s exciting,” Karissa said. The group of them had already started eating the cakes someone brought. Everyone took turns baking something for the week. Karissa shared when they first started meeting there were only a few of them and one cake was more than enough, but now there could be twenty women, so two people brought cake every week.
I didn’t care how many cakes as long as I didn’t have to bake them. When it was my turn, I bought one from work. I loved baking, but I hadn’t been able to come up with many new recipes lately and buying something meant it didn’t go to waste.
Goldie and I claimed seats and gratefully accepted slices of cake from Trinity and Elise. We all chatted about the start of school and the quieter feel to town now that tourist season was winding down. We were almost done with our cake when Finley said she didn’t think anyone else was coming.
“Did anyone actually read this book?” Elise asked, holding up the paperback we’d all agreed we would read.
“I did,” Finley said.
“Of course you did. You’ve read them all. Anyone else?” Elise asked.
“I did, too,” Anna said. “It was amazing.”
“Right?” Elise asked. “I couldn’t put it down.”
My cheeks warmed as I looked around the room. I hadn’t had time to pick up the book, let alone read it.
“What’s it about?” Karissa asked. “I didn’t read it.”
“It’s about finding joy in the simple things. Knowing what makes you happy and living your life in that space,” Elise said. “It really made me think about all the years I spent miserable after Andy and before Colin. I wasn’t willing to dive deep enough to see what made me feel good.”
“We all know what makes you feel good,” Willow teased Elise.
Elise smirked. “Well, yes, but there’s so much more than sex.”
Willow gasped. “I never thought I’d hear you say such a thing.”
Elise chuckled. The two of them were the ones who always turned every conversation to sex. Not that it took much encouraging in this group, but those two usually started it.
“Sex was the only thing that I allowed in my life at that time. I kept everything else at a distance,” Elise explained.
“Like what?” Goldie asked.
I was grateful for her question because I was wondering, too.
“Everything,” Elise said. “I didn’t allow myself to find pleasure in anything. Fresh air, good food, time with friends, anything. I forgot what I enjoyed about life until I met Colin and he brought it out of me again.”
“I went through the same thing after my divorce,” Goldie said. “I found joy in some things, but pleasure was harder to reach for. I might have to read this book.”
“You should,” Anna said. “It felt like a guidebook for finding yourself. I wish I’d read it before I met Hudson. He’s going to do a pleasure quest with me.”
“A pleasure quest?” I blurted.
Anna nodded. “Yeah. We’re really excited about it.”
“I would be, too,” Elise said with a saucy smirk.
Anna chuckled. “No sex.”
“What?” Willow asked. “How in the hell do you experience pleasure without sex?”
I wanted to know the answer to that, too.
