First Chance Book 3

Layla

Liam and I are in the middle of a movie when his phone rings. He gets up to answer it, and just as he leaves the room, my phone starts ringing too. Weird.

Without even looking at the caller ID, I pick up.

“Hello.”

“Hey! I’m so glad you picked up. I tried calling you earlier this morning, but you didn’t answer. I figured you were probably still asleep and decided to call you back later.”

It’s Natalie. I recognize her voice instantly, a smooth, throaty rasp that sounds both tired and happy.

“Sorry, Nat, I haven’t even looked at my missed calls yet. How are you feeling? How’s the baby?”

“She’s doing great. Her pediatrician is due any minute now for her final check-up. If everything’s okay, we can take her home,” she says, her voice filled with excitement.

“That’s wonderful! You and Ryan are going to be amazing parents.”

I don’t bring up the marriage proposal. I don’t want her to know that I knew before she had the chance to tell me. What if she said no?

“I’m so nervous about taking her home. What if I mess up?

“I tried breastfeeding but the milk isn’t coming in, so now I have to use formula. What if she doesn’t get everything she needs, Lals? Will she be okay?” she asks, her voice filled with worry.

“Nat, you’ve got this. No one is perfect right away, but you’ll figure it out and you have help. No one knows better what Temperance needs than her own parents. Don’t doubt yourself.

“And about the formula, I’m sure they wouldn’t have you use it if it wasn’t safe for her. Ask the doctors, they’ll tell you everything you need to know,” I reassure her.

“You’re right. I’m just... I’m just so damn nervous. It’s all so overwhelming.

“I loved her so much before I met her, but now that I’ve held her in my arms, felt her breathe, heard her coo... she means so much more.

“I’ve never felt anything like it. Every single emotion hit me when I met her and it hasn’t gone away,” she pauses.

I can hear her breathing heavily over the phone; she’s crying.

“You’re going to do great. I’m sure everyone is nervous their first time around. Probably even their second and third, Nat.”

“I know, I sound pathetic crying over the fact that I already love her so much. But I called because I wanted to share some news with you.”

Here it comes.

“Ryan proposed to me last night. It was the most beautiful thing.

“After the obstetrician laid her on my chest, he looked at her and then at me with such love and asked if I would spend the rest of my life with him.”

“So, what did you say?”

“Yes! I said yes!”

For a moment, I’m speechless. I never thought this day would come, especially not on the day of Temperance’s birth.

I had hoped that Natalie would move past certain tragedies in her life, in our lives. That she would become stronger.

Maybe then I, too, could overcome the hurdles of the past.

“Nat, I’m so happy for you. You deserve nothing but happiness in your life. I know that Ryan loves you with all his heart. I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at you.

“You’ve finally found your way. I’m so proud of you.”

I struggle to get the words out. My eyes start to water, and my throat tightens with emotion.

I’m happy for her, that she now has her own family.

But I’m also deeply, profoundly saddened. My family was the one to rob her of her family to begin with.

Don’t misunderstand me. I didn’t stay friends with her because of my guilt. She’s always been my friend. My sister. My family.

I would have stood by her side for life, no matter what the world threw at us.

I let the silence linger, letting the weight of my words sink in.

“Will you be my maid of honor?” She blurts out.

“Did you just ask me to be your maid of honor?”

“Yes. Sorry, I really wanted to wait until I saw you in person to ask. I was only planning on telling you that I said yes, but I couldn’t hold it in.”

Do I even deserve to stand by her side for this?

As she promises to love and honor this man for the rest of her life?

No.

“Yes.” I say simply. I don’t deserve such an honor, but if it’s what she wants, I can’t refuse her.

I’ve spent most of my teenage years protecting her. Protecting her from the truth. The truth that could hurt her, possibly beyond repair.

I know her better than anyone else, sometimes even better than she knows herself. She’s never been strong enough for the truth.

Her overdose only confirmed my fears. When she woke up, I wanted to tell her. But her recovery was, at best, difficult.

On top of that, things just got much worse for sharing the truth and betrayal at my hands.

She deserves a better friend. One who isn’t me.

“Yay, I’m so happy you said yes. Not that I thought you wouldn’t. You are my bestie, after all. So then, on to the next order of business.”

“Yes…”

“We talked all last night, and Ryan and I decided we didn’t want to wait to say our vows.”

“You’re not eloping, are you?”

“No, of course not,” she chides me. “We already set a date; we're getting married in a month.”

“What?” I blurt out, my voice echoing my disbelief. A wedding in a month? That’s a tall order. I don’t hesitate to voice my doubts.

“Nat, that’s impossible. How am I supposed to throw a bachelorette party in less than a month? And that’s not even considering the wedding itself.

“There are dresses to pick, a photographer to hire, guests to invite. Shit! Food to arrange, flowers to choose, tuxedos to fit, and a church to book. You do want to get married in a church, right?

“And then there’s the reception venue, the cake, the decorations. What about the centerpieces for all the tables?

“Natalie, this is a huge task to take on in one month. Even with everyone’s help, how are we going to get everyone here on such short notice?” I stop to catch my breath, and Natalie seizes the moment.

“Layla, calm down. Like I said, we talked it over last night. For starters, you know you’d be my only guest. Two people don’t exactly make a bachelorette party, Lals.

“We can just have a quiet girl’s night in, catching up on The Walking Dead.”

“You’re way behind on that show. The season is almost over. But that’s not the point. The party is just one small part of planning a wedding.”

Natalie. Trust her to use my Darryl Dixon obsession to steer the conversation away from my mounting anxiety.

“Also, we’re not getting married in a church. We want to keep it low key. Well, I want to, and Ryan is more than happy with that. So we’ve already decided on the venue.

“All you and I have to do is go dress shopping, and Ryan will take care of the guys’ fittings.”

“Okay, so where are you guys planning to get married?”

“Well, we both have this thing for water. It calms me, and for Ryan, it’s where he finds his peace and inspiration.”

“Okay…”

“So, we decided to have a beach wedding. A small, intimate ceremony. It’s going to be perfect.”

“What beach? One here in Massachusetts?”

“We considered Maui, Hawaii, or even St. Martin, but we decided to keep it closer to home.”

“So, in Boston?”

“No, silly. Home. Our home.” Nat clarifies.

“Lake George?”

“Yes.”

“You actually told Ryan about home?” I ask, surprised.

“Well, he saw it on the paperwork for Temperance’s birth certificate. He had to sign a few papers too and he saw.”

“What did he say?”

“He said he’s been in that area a few times. The closest he’s been is Albany for shows.

“But one year, he and the guys came up for a weekend and it kind of became a summer retreat thing.” She shares.

“Sounds interesting.” I reply, my disinterest evident.

A wedding so close to home doesn’t sound interesting to me at all. I don’t want to see my parents. I don’t want her to see my parents.

“Anyway, Ryan owns a home on the lake and I thought maybe I could hire The Sagamore to plan the wedding. They offer full-service catering, a wedding planner.

“We could fly there for a day, talk to the wedding planner, tell her what I want, and not have to come back until a few days before the wedding.” She explains.

“Sounds great.”

“Layla, I know you don’t want to come. I know you don’t want to see them, but maybe now is a good time. Probably the best time to try to move past the heartache.”

No. This is definitely not a good idea. In fact, it’s the worst.

But.

I.

Can’t.

Say.

No.

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.”

“Lals, I know what you’re thinking right now.” Nope. You have no idea.

“All right, well, the doctor is here now to check on Temperance. I’ll let you know if we get discharged and maybe you’ll come around for dinner.

“Bring Liam with you too. I would love to see both of you.” Shit. Liam.

“Yeah, I’ll run it by him and the rest of the crazed nitwits.”

“Hey, be nice to them, will ya? They’re family now, there’s no changing it. You know they love you, probably as much as I do.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get back to that baby of yours. Love ya.”

“Love you too.”

I end the call and sit there, staring at my phone. There’s no way we can see my parents.

My father wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut, and him opening his mouth would undo all the effort I’ve put in over the last few years to minimize Natalie’s pain.

There’s no easy way around it. Ever since Natalie’s hospital stay, he’s been bombarding my phone with voicemails. I hit ignore every time I see his name on my screen.

He’s even resorted to using my mom’s phone. I ignore that too.

For some reason, Natalie listed my parents as an emergency contact under my name with her doctor’s office.

Even though I was her healthcare proxy, they called to let them know she wasn’t doing well.

I’m surprised they didn’t ambush us as soon as we got home from the hospital. Or that they didn’t try calling Natalie directly.

Maybe they think she overdosed because I told her the truth, and my dad is too ashamed to talk to her himself.

Either way, a meeting between them cannot happen. If it does, I have no idea how it will end. Only that it would be bad. Very, very bad.

***

“Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.”

—Paul Tournier