S.L. Adams
I sat on the sofa with my hands folded in my lap, waiting for the inevitable explosion. The clicking of the grandfather clock was amplified by the silence in the room.
My parents had not said a word since I finished outlining the details of Holt’s offer.
The color slowly drained from my mother’s face as she stared at me with wide eyes. My dad crossed his arms and pressed his lips together in a tight frown.
The smell of pot roast invaded my nostrils, evoking a mighty growl from my stomach.
Mavis Montgomery was not a great cook, but it always amazed me that she could work until four-thirty, and put a full course meal on the table by six.
Dad cleared his throat and glanced over at my mother before turning his steely grey eyes onto me. “The answer is no.”
“It’s my decision. I don’t need your permission.” I clenched my fists at my sides.
“You’re going to ruin your life if you do this,” he said.
Mom leaned forward with her hands clasped under her chin. “Kari, please tell us that you are not actually considering this.”
“She isn’t. It’s a foolish idea. There are lots of other ways to make money.” Dad rose from the sofa and paced to the window.
“I’m thinking about it,” I said.
“No daughter of mine is going into the baby selling business!” Dad’s voice reverberated off the walls as my mother trembled and started to cry.
“I’m not selling my baby. I get to keep it.” I shook my head and sighed.
Mom grabbed a Kleenex from the end table and wiped away her tears. “You will ruin your body, honey. And you will never find a nice man to marry you.”
Dad stood directly in front of me and wagged his finger in my face. “All you’re thinking about is that boy. You’ve been chasing after him for years, and he knows it.
“He’s taking advantage of your feelings for him. As soon as he gets what he wants, he will be gone. And you will be left to raise a child alone. Mark my words, Kari.”
“Stop yelling, Dad. I’m eighteen years old and I can make my own decisions.”
My father’s face turned a deep shade of crimson.
“Kari Elizabeth Montgomery, you need to go to your room right now. This discussion is over.” He slammed his fist on the coffee table. My mother screamed.
What an epic disaster.
I grabbed my purse and keys and stormed out the door.
***
My hands trembled as I drove toward Jessica’s house.
She lived several blocks away from me, in an upscale neighborhood of Eugene. Jessica’s parents were psychiatrists. They ran a private practice out of their house.
I parked in the circular driveway in front of the three-story Victorian abode. When I knocked on the door, Jessica’s mother answered. She wore a black pantsuit. Her blond hair was pulled tightly into a bun and her glasses were on her forehead.
“Hello, Kari.”
“Good evening, Dr. James.”
“We weren’t expecting you. Jessica has gone out for the evening.”
“Oh.” I stared at my pink toenails, peeking out from the ends of my sandals.
“Is everything okay, Kari?”
I shook my head.
“Would you like to talk about it?”
I looked into the kind eyes of my friend’s mother. Dr. Nancy James had always been there for me, whenever I needed to talk.
She smiled and gestured for me to come in. We walked to the back of the house where she invited me to have a seat in the large family room.
“Can I offer you something to drink?”
“No, thank you.”
“Dr. James is engaged in a round of golf this evening, so we’re alone.” Jessica’s parents referred to each other as Dr. James, even when speaking to each other.
Dr. James picked up a remote control, turning down the classical music flowing out of speakers in the wall before taking a seat next to me on the leather sofa.
“I surmise this relates to the proposition that you received from a certain young man?” She smiled and raised one eyebrow. “Jessica advised me of the situation.”
“I told my parents and they didn’t take it well.”
“Why does that surprise you, Kari?”
“I don’t know. It shouldn’t, I guess. My dad was so angry. I’ve never seen him like that before. He said some things that are really bugging me.”
“What did he say?”
“He said Holt was using my feelings for him to get me to agree to this. And he said I would end up raising the baby alone.”
“Why is that bothering you?”
I leaned back on the couch and rubbed my forehead. “Because I’m afraid that he might be right.”
Dr. James cupped her chin and tapped her fingers on the coffee table. “Does he strike you as the type of man likely to abandon his child?”
“No. But I don’t know him that well.”
“From what I understand, you have strong feelings for this fellow.”
“I’ve had a crush on him since I was twelve. I’ve gone out on dates with other guys, but I can’t stop thinking about Holt. How do I get him out of my system?
“Hm.” Dr. James scratched her temple and chuckled. “I wouldn’t recommend having a child with a man who you are trying to get out of your system.”
I laughed. Dr. James was usually so uptight and serious.
“Why do you think that you are giving this proposition serious consideration?
I swallowed and chewed on my bottom lip. “I’m not sure. I want to help save the little girl, but I would be lying if I said that was the only reason.”
Dr. James nodded. “That’s good that you are able to be honest with yourself. There is nothing wrong with self-motivation.
“If you think about it, many of the choices that people make will benefit them in some way. I don’t believe that true altruism exists.”
“If I do this, does it make me a gold digger? Or one of those women that gets pregnant to trap a man?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What if other people think it though?”
“All that really matters is what you think of yourself. You are the one that must live with the choices that you make.”
“What if my kid hates me, or feels like he wasn’t wanted?”
“I think that if they are raised in a happy home where they feel loved they will not put too much emphasis on the details of their conception.”
“Would you be upset if Jessica was going to do something like this?”
“I would be concerned. However, Dr. James and I are accepting parents. Jessica is our only child and we will support her in whatever choices she makes.”
***
When I went home, my parents were gone. They played in a bowling league on Thursday nights.
I guess they weren’t upset enough to miss their bowling night. At least I didn’t have to deal with them. I would avoid them for a couple days until they calmed down.
I lay in bed and went over my conversation with Dr. James. She said that I would have to live with the choices I made.
What if I decided not to have a baby? Would Holt find some other girl to do it? What if he didn’t find someone and his sister died?
If I said no, I would be throwing away any chance of ever having a relationship with him. But if I went through with it, there was no guarantee that we were going to end up together.
At some point in the middle of the night, I made my decision.
I was going to have Holt’s baby. My hands went down to my stomach as I imagined what it would be like to have a baby growing inside of me.
I drifted off to sleep and dreamt I was running across a creek, bare feet with a huge pregnant belly. There were lily pads everywhere, with frogs hopping back and forth.
Holt stood on the other side, waiting for me.
I woke up before I had a chance to find out if I made it across.