When I wake up the following day, it’s not to the melody of birds chirping as I had hoped, but to some sappy country love song blaring from Merrick’s phone.
Through slitted eyes, I feel around blindly on the nightstand, snatch the twanging device up, and press it to my ear without thinking. “Yeah, hi.”
“Um. Hello? Who is this?” A soft, feminine voice drifts through the speaker at me. It’s pleasant and soothing, like rain on a hot summer day.
The woman’s jilted, nervous breathing comes through the line, but she doesn’t say anything more, and I don’t offer an answer. I don’t know what to say.
If this is a girlfriend or something, I don’t want to fuck it up for him. At least, I don’t think I do.
I peek at the bedside clock through one eye to see that it’s only 7 a.m. Annoyed, I slap an arm over my eye, blocking out the morning light seeping through my curtains.
Who the hell calls someone this early in the morning?
Half-awake now, I prop up on my elbow, losing myself to an embarrassing pang of jealousy.
My mind wanders, running through scenarios of Merrick and this woman, who is no doubt beautiful, sitting down in their little house, laughing away with their blond-haired, blue-eyed kids as they kiss by the kitchen window like some perfect suburban couple.
“Excuse me, hello? I’m looking for Merrick.” I jump when her wispy voice chirps in my ear again. Imagining their sweet, fluffy life together almost made me forget she exists and that she’s not just part of some bad dream.
“Right. Sorry.” I hesitate, torn between feeling guilty for my behavior last night and praying this chick is just a friend of Merrick’s, not his actual girlfriend.
“He left his phone at the hospital last night.” I lie to her to spare myself the drama the truth might create. “I’ll bring it back there for him. He can grab it from Dr. Wilde.”
“Oh! Wow. Thank God. I thought the worst when he didn’t answer my messages last night. And when you picked up just now, my mind went all haywire.” She laughs, and the relief in her voice is palpable.
It’s obvious I still have no self-control around him. He’s irresistible. Always has been.
There’s no doubt in my mind that if I hadn’t fucked things up so severely between us, we’d be a mess of tangled sheets and sweaty bodies right now.
Now all I can think about is Merrick and this chick. I’m not a covetous woman, but I can’t stop myself from wishing I was her. I want to know what their life is like.
Do they live together? How long have they been together? How’s their sex life? Do they even have sex? She sounds too naïve and pure to me.
I shouldn’t care about these things. After what I did to him, I have no right to even wonder about them. I’m the one who left him. Now I have to live with the consequences of my actions.
As much as I hate it, just because I was his first everything doesn’t mean I get to be his last anything.
“Nothing to worry about here.” I laugh along with her, but it sounds hollow and fake. Probably because it is. “I’ll be heading to the hospital soon.”
“Thank you so, so much!” I can almost hear her smile through the phone. Her bubbly attitude is annoying the shit out of my perpetually serious self.
“No problem,” I say before hanging up, not bothering with any goodbyes. Talking to her any longer just felt like rubbing salt in an unhealed wound.
Tossing Merrick’s phone to the end of the bed, I sigh into my empty room. I feel like a complete asshole for lying to her, and for wanting what she has.
She was so grateful, but I wonder if she’d still be as kind if she knew the truth.
I doubt she’d have appreciated my lips on her boyfriend’s neck last night.
“Az, there you are!” Rose greets me, popping up at the bottom of the stairs like some magician.
“Dammit! I almost pissed my pants. I hate when you fucking appear out of thin air like that,” I snap, swatting at her as I pass by on my way to the front door.
She laughs, dodging my smack like a pro. “Why so jumpy? Does it have something to do with Merrick sneaking out of here in the wee hours of the morning?”
Shit. How did I not think about one of my sisters noticing the squad car in the laneway when they got home from the hospital? “I don’t know what you’re talking about. He just swung by to grab something.”
“Yeah, sure.” Rose rolls her eyes at me, well aware my nonchalance is bullshit. “You know he’s seeing someone, right?”
Cue the lecture. Although I’m surprised it’s coming from Rose, of all people. She’s supposed to be on my side.
“Don’t go fucking things up for him, Azzy. This girl seems nice. I’ve met her a few times. She’s sweet, adorable as they come, and she was there for him when—shit.”
Rose clamps her lips shut, but it’s too late. I know what she was going to say.
“When I left? Thanks for the reminder.” I raise my brows at her, daring her to deny it. So much for having my back. “I’ve got somewhere to be. I’ll see you later.”
Her face falls, the spot between her brows creasing with her frown. She bites the corner of her lip, a quirky habit that shows up when she’s nervous or worried.
“Az, I’m sorry, I—” The slam of the front door between us cuts Rose’s apology short. I’m already sick of the drama I’ve created since I arrived.
The drive to the hospital feels longer than usual, and when I finally pull into the parking lot, nerves settle into the pit of my stomach. The uncomfortable feeling isn’t one I’m familiar with.
I’m usually confident and unshakeable, but as I step out of the car and walk across the lot with Merrick’s phone in hand, I’m praying to every god under the sun that he isn’t here yet.
If I can drop the damn thing off with Iris and hide out in Dad’s room until the coast is clear, it’ll be smooth sailing.
I should spend the day here visiting, but the thought of holding my dad’s lifeless hand spirals my anxiety, made worse only by the possibility of seeing Merrick.
My palms felt sweaty when the automatic doors slide open. Fuck. Maybe I should leave here altogether. Pack up all my shit and get out of town before I get sucked into all the sadness and regret surrounding me here.
It’s not like anyone would miss me. Dad’s in a coma, and I’ve been gone so long already that the rest of them have all moved on with their lives. I’m not meant to be tied down anyway.
All I need is me, my truck, and the open road. Right?
“Azzy?”
I should have guessed Merrick would already be here, standing in the hospital entrance looking like some damn work of art.
The only thing keeping him from being a masterpiece is the tiny blonde hanging from his tattooed arm with a lovestruck smile on her face.
Running in the opposite direction seems even more like a good idea now.
Humility isn’t something I’m familiar with, but after throwing myself at Merrick last night only to find out he has a girlfriend, I feel more than a little bad about this current situation.
I frown, eyeing the woman clinging to Merrick like a second skin.
She’s exactly as I imagined, looking cute as a kitten with her light blond hair pulled back into a high ponytail. Her bright blue eyes are innocent and unjaded—as if she hasn’t seen one bad thing in her perfect little life.
She’s wearing a plain white blouse, fitted dress pants, and a pair of black stilettos.
I almost laugh at how opposite we are. The only heels I’ve ever worn are the ones attached to a leather boot. We couldn’t look more different if we tried. And maybe that’s a good thing.
She’s got to be way better for him than I ever was or could ever hope to be.
But that doesn’t stop me from wishing she would disappear right now, so I could act on every dirty, naughty little thing running through my mind every time I set my eyes on Merrick.
He looks so fucking good dressed in a fitted black tee and dark jeans with a pair of leather combat-looking boots on his feet.
The simple outfit gives him that forbidden bad-boy vibe that really gets my blood pumping. He looks almost exactly like the guy I remember.
My eyes travel from the top down, working their way back up to that unruly blond hair that screams for my fingers to delve in while he fucks me against the wall.
As I walk toward the happy couple, I fight the urge to ravage him with every step. Seeing him with her should be all I need to squash my fantasies, but wanting something I can’t have makes me crave it even more.
“Hey,” I say casually, stopping a couple of feet away from them as Merrick takes a step toward me. “Here. You forgot this at the hospital last night.”
Keeping up with my lie from earlier, I pull his phone out of the back pocket of my jeans, stretching my arm out between us to keep him from coming too close.
“Right. So forgetful.” He half smirks, cocking one brow at me as he reaches for the phone. I saved his ass, and he knows it.
Our fingers connect for a fleeting moment during the handoff, and Merrick shies away from me, sending his phone clattering to the ground.
His blue eyes darken, and I watch as his pupils dilate. I know that look. It’s the kind that promises shaky limbs and multiple orgasms.
God, I need to distract myself, and fast, before I do something I’ll regret. I spot Merrick’s phone on the ground and bend down to grab it, only to smack my head against his when we lean down at the same time.
“Ow.” Merrick rubs his forehead and laughs, grabbing my arm to steady me. “Hard-headed as ever, Az.”
I shoot him a goofy grin, loving the sound of his laughter. I’ve missed it. “You know me. Stubborn as they come.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” He nods, shooting me a sexy half smirk that makes my knees weak and my body tingly.
My breath catches when his bright blue eyes meet mine, and I swear my world stops spinning for a second. All I see is him and me as we once were—happy, in love, carefree.
And just like that, our frozen moment in time is gone.
Merrick drops his hand from me like I’m made of razor wire and turns toward the throat-clearing blonde. She steps to his side, wrapping herself under his arm and clinging to him like a damn rash.
“Hi.” She sticks her hand out to me, smiling. She’s so damn friendly. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Rachel.”
Ah, hell. Why can’t she be a bitch? That pang of envy from earlier comes back full force, creating a sizzling jealousy in my gut that takes me by surprise.
“Azalea. Pleasure to meet you.” I shake her hand, trying my best to rein in my emotions.
Why the hell does she sound so surprised? Azalea isn’t a common name, so I’m sure she’s never met another one before me.
I nod, giving an awkward shrug. “The one and only.”
She frowns, looking confused and upset. Damn. Guess my reputation precedes me. I’ve known the girl for only two seconds, and she’s already looking at me like I’m about to ruin her life.
The way she’s sizing me up now, it feels like I’m a parasite under a microscope.
I shift uncomfortably on my feet, diverting my gaze and waiting for someone to say something to break this unpleasant silence between the three of us.
“Rach. I meant to tell you,” Merrick finally speaks up, his wide-eyed gaze darting between Rachel and me.
“I bumped into Azalea last night while I was here. Her dad’s case was the accident I responded to. I swear I didn’t know she was back in town…”
Rachel glares daggers at me as Merrick rambles on, digging himself deeper into a hole that I created. Leave it to me to be the first person to taint her rose-colored outlook on love.
Despite how juvenile this little encounter seems, I can understand her reaction.
The feelings of first love are almost always erratic and unpredictable. And Rachel’s deadly stare confirms precisely what I suspected after our phone conversation this morning—she’s madly in love with Merrick.
I would bet my life that he’s her first love, meaning she will hate every cell in my body for as long as I’m here.
Guess that also means we won’t become best friends. Not that it would ever work out anyway. She’s way too girly, and I’m as tomboy as they come. My untamed personality would clash with her sweet innocence.
This time I’m the one clearing my throat to get attention. I should step in and save the day since my lie got us here in the first place.
“Listen, Rachel. I don’t know what Merrick told you about me, but you have nothing to worry about. What we had—our relationship—it’s over. It was over the minute I left town.”
I’m not sure I believe the words coming out of my mouth, but I’ll pretend it’s the truth for all our sakes.
Rachel studies me for a second before she nods. She must hear some sincerity in my words because her smile returns, guarded but genuine.
“Thank you for saying that.” She reaches out, taking my hand in hers again.
I smack my lips and try to muster a smile, all while she death-grips my fingers in her hand. I might think she was trying to break some bones if she didn’t seem so damn delicate.
My eyes look up, begging for Merrick to call off his girl and make her stop touching me, but he just smiles, looking grateful as he mouths a silent thank-you to me.
I resist rolling my eyes, taking this moment as my cue to leave.
“All right, well, I’m going to head out. Big plans today. Lots to do.” I pat the top of Rachel’s hand, wrestling my fingers from her grasp. “Nice to meet you, Rachel. Mer, maybe see you around sometime.”
I give one last wave, turning to book it to the door as fast as my feet can move without running.
I need to get out of here; my visit with Dad can wait until later. That whole encounter was about as uncomfortable as dirty jokes at a funeral.
