Chapter Theme Song: “Issues” by Julia Michaels.
The car is quiet as we glide along the slick road, the patter of rain against the roof and the distant hum of other cars the only sounds filling the chilly air.
I hadn’t realized how long the drive to the mall would be. Being in this confined space with him is making my anxiety spike, and the fact that he’s half-dressed only adds to my nerves.
I let out a quiet sigh, rubbing my hands on my thighs. Blaze glances at me, a soft smile on his face before he turns his attention back to the road.
“So, who taught you to play the piano?”
His question catches me off guard, and I look at him. He raises an eyebrow, waiting for my answer.
“My dad,” I say, my voice clipped as I look back out the windshield. The bitter feelings return, and I do my best to push them down. I don’t want to break down in front of this sophomore I barely know.
“Oh.” He nods and lets it drop. But for some reason, I feel the need to say more.
“Yeah, he taught me the basics.” I press my lips together, my mood sinking. “Before he had a heart attack and died...”
The upbeat music fills the car and I blink, taken aback by his nonchalant reaction.
I’m not looking for sympathy, but his response to such painful news is oddly detached. Maybe he’s trying to keep the mood light?
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He’s tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, nodding along to the music. I turn my gaze back to the window, feeling a bit hurt.
“My mom is dead too,” he says suddenly, and I turn to look at him, surprised.
“R-really?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs, leaning back in his seat as he looks at me. His face is unreadable.
“She shot herself in the head.” He shrugs again, his tone indifferent, and my mouth falls open.
Seeing my shocked expression, he bursts into laughter, his head thrown back but his hands still steady on the wheel.
His laughter fills the car, and while it’s a pleasant sound, I can’t find the humor in what he just said.
He’s still smiling as he checks his side mirror, smoothly passing a slow car in front of us.
Why would he joke about something so awful? If that really happened to him, I don’t know how he’d handle such a terrible thing.
I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Just thinking about it is painful, and I can’t imagine anyone coming out of that situation mentally intact.
“Actually, I’m not kidding,” he says, his voice low. “She did shoot herself in the head.”
The car falls silent as I stare at him, shocked. I wait for him to say he’s joking, but he doesn’t. Not this time.
“Wh-what? R-really?” My voice shakes. I can’t believe something so horrible could happen to someone.
“Yep.” He pops the ‘P’ like it’s no big deal, and I look away, my heart heavy with sympathy.
“Wow, I-I’m so sorry.”
Tears prick at my eyes. It’s not my place, but that’s just too heartbreaking.
He looks at me, confused. “Sorry? For what?”
I blink back the tears, taken aback.
“Look, if she wanted to kill herself, that’s her business. Why should I suffer because of that? She wanted to die, that’s on her. But me? I’ve got my own life to live.”
I bite my lip, scratching my eyebrow thoughtfully. “You’re just saying that because it hurts...and I understand—”
“Hurts?” He scoffs, shaking his head. “I don’t know what that feels like, Skye.”
I stare at him, and he looks back at me.
“I’m not hurt. Believe me.”
I believe him. Looking into his eyes, I see no signs of pain or suffering, and it leaves me puzzled.
He smirks and looks back at the road as I slump in my seat, stunned. He really doesn’t seem to care. If he’s hiding his pain, he’s doing a damn good job of it.
I watch him, trying to figure out this complicated guy next to me, but I can’t make sense of him.
His reactions to things that would have most people in tears are strangely nonchalant. I can’t help but wonder if I’m in the car with an alien.
His behavior is definitely worth studying.
“Shit, the parking lot is packed,” he mutters. His words pull me out of my thoughts as he maneuvers into the crowded mall parking lot, squeezing into a tight spot.
He expertly parks the car, making me feel a bit embarrassed about failing my driving test twice.
“The rain’s still coming down, so we should make a run for it.” He unbuckles his seatbelt and I do the same as he grabs his T-shirt from the back of his seat.
As he slips his shirt back on, I keep my eyes straight ahead, letting out a quiet sigh of relief. My cheeks can finally return to their normal color.
We exit the car, shielding our heads with our hands as we make a mad dash to the pharmacy. Thankfully, it’s one of the closest buildings to the parking lot, or we’d be soaked through.
“This is where you wanted to go, right?” he checks, holding the door open for me and shaking the rain from his dark hair. The entrance bell chimes as a blast of cold air hits my face.
“Thanks, yeah.”
I step into the chilly drugstore, wrapping an arm around myself as goosebumps pop up on my skin. The smell of medication and fresh paper fills the air as we navigate the narrow aisles.
“What are you here to buy?” Blaze asks, shoving his hands into his pockets and keeping pace with me. “Condoms?”
I glance at him, taken aback, and he laughs. “I’m just kidding.”
I head to the feminine hygiene aisle and grab a large pack of pads, along with some medication and a few other necessities I forgot to pack.
I notice Blaze isn’t next to me anymore, and I turn to see him pulling two bottles of soda from a small fridge. He’s also got some snacks tucked under his arm and a chocolate bar hanging from his mouth.
I can’t help but smile softly before looking away.
I’ve never eaten anything before paying for it, just in case the total is too high and I need to put something back. But I guess Blaze trusts his wallet. With a car like his, his parents must be well-off.
Then I remember the tragic loss of his mother and realize he only has one parent left. I can’t help but think about how lonely he must be.
But then I remember how nonchalant he seemed about his mother’s suicide, and I decide he must be okay.
“Thanks for coming,” the cashier says, handing me my bag. I smile politely at her, but she doesn’t notice, too busy ogling Blaze.
He’s oblivious to her attention as he finishes his Snickers, and I quietly step aside so he can pay for his items.
Girls are always vying for his attention, so I don’t understand why he’s hanging around someone as uninteresting as me.
We leave the pharmacy, and the rain is still coming down hard. I look up at the sky, now a vast expanse of black, the once-blue patches completely obscured by storm clouds.
“Excuse me? Miss?”
Blaze and I both turn at the sound of a man’s voice.
A man is sitting on the sidewalk in a faded jersey and torn jeans. His hand is outstretched, and in front of him is a plastic bowl filled with coins.
I’m about to respond when Blaze taps my back, pulling my arm to get me to keep moving.
I furrow my brows as he pops a Dorito into his mouth. “Ignore him.”
I frown. “He looks like he needs help.”
I turn away and approach the man, and Blaze watches me, turning his body to face me.
“Hi,” I say, smiling. “You were calling me over.”
The man smells strongly of body odor, and his face is dirty and greasy. When he opens his mouth, I can tell his breath isn’t much better.
“Could you spare a dollar? Or anything, really. I don’t have anything to eat for dinner.”
My heart goes out to him, and I reach into my pocket without a second thought. I drop a few coins into his rough hand, and he nods eagerly.
This man could be my father. I could never ignore someone in need.
“God bless you,” he says, smiling to reveal yellow, rotting teeth. I return his smile, but it fades quickly when I hear a sharp hiss from Blaze. I turn to see him walking back to his car.
I shield my head with my hand and hurry after him, yanking open the car door and sliding in. I wipe the rain off my clothes and glance at him. His face is stern and unsmiling, and I shrink back in my seat.
“Are you okay?”
“That man is perfectly capable of working for a living. I don’t know why you just gave him your money,” he says, glaring at me.
I notice how dark his eyes have become, and he seems like a completely different person from half an hour ago.
“It’s called compassion,” I reply.
“Or stupidity. He has two legs, just like us. Everyone has to make their own way in life. He should get up and try, too. It’s not fair for him to take other people’s hard-earned money.”
I look down at the plastic bag in my lap. He has a point, but there’s no harm in giving. I won’t apologize for being kind-hearted. I think Blaze just lacks empathy.
He sighs when he realizes I’m not going to respond. “Forget it,” he says, shaking his head and looking out the window.
“No, I understand what you’re saying,” I say quickly, wanting to end this conversation as soon as possible. “You’re right.”
The car is silent now, and the rain has let up a bit. I stare at the frosty window, chewing on the inside of my cheek.
“Do you trust me?” he asks out of the blue.
I look at him, trying to see his eyes through his wet hair. Considering everything people say about him, I’m not sure I trust him at all. And it’s too soon to let my guard down.
I've only known him for a short while, and honestly, I don't know much about him. All I know is that he's creative, he likes Kodaline, and that's about it.
I swallow, dropping my gaze to my hands. “I...I’m not sure...”
He places his hand on the back of my seat, leaning in a bit. I look up at him, and he silently studies my face. The air between us thickens with an unspoken tension.
“Then why did you come with me?” he whispers, and a chill runs down my spine.
His eyes are locked on my lips, and I can't help but purse them. He lifts his gaze from my lips to my eyes.
“You insisted.”
He grins at my quiet answer and tilts his head. “Yeah...but you could have insisted not to.”
His voice is so soft I can barely hear him, but I can't deny he's right. I could have stood my ground and refused the ride, but he knows how hard it is to say no to someone like him.
“So you do trust me then,” he concludes. “Because you’re here...with me...in a closed car...”
“You have guts, Harmony. For still being here with me despite all the warnings you’ve received.”
His gaze is so intense that I have to look away. I watch the raindrops race down the window, and such a simple thing has never felt so foreboding as he continues to speak.
“You shouldn’t trust people so easily, Skye. I could be a serial killer, or a rapist, or a psychopath...or a sociopath.”
I look at him, eyes wide, and he chuckles lightly. “I’m just saying I could be...I didn’t say I am.”
He bites his lower lip then sighs. “If I were a serial killer, I wouldn’t kill you anyway. You haven’t done anything to upset me...so far.”
“Would you kill someone if they upset you?” I ask softly, and he shrugs, his eyebrows furrowing.
“Yeah. If they messed with me, I’d ruin them.”
I blink and look away from him, feeling uneasy about being alone with him.
He leans his head against the headrest, watching my troubled expression. “Are you going to run away from me? Now that I’ve told you that?”
I steady my face. “No,” I whisper. “You don’t seem like a bad guy.” I look at him, and his expression changes to something I can’t quite decipher.
He sits up quickly, looking straight ahead as he taps his finger against my headrest. My eyes follow his unsettling movement then return to him.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, green eyes,” he murmurs.
I squint at his words. “What do you mean?”
He takes a deep breath. “It’s not important. Do you want to go back to the dorms?” He settles comfortably in his seat, and I nod silently, my mind still stuck on his previous words.
Suddenly, he reaches over to me, and I instinctively pull back.
He laughs at this, shaking his head. “It’s just your seatbelt. I’m not trying to fuck you.”
His crude language leaves me stunned, and he chuckles at my reaction. “Sorry, I mean sex. I’m not trying to have sex with you.”
He fastens the seatbelt and moves away. I hold onto the strap, feeling uncomfortable as I glance at him. “Do you have class soon?”
“Nope. I mean, yeah, but I don’t feel like going...” He starts the car. “Do you?”
I nod. “Yeah, I have math at two.”
“Okay, well, I’ll get you back safely before two.”
I smile a little as he steps on the gas, pulling out of the crowded parking lot.
Ending Song: “Deeper Conversation” by Yuna
