Breath of Desire

Dimitri was struck by how withdrawn Thea looked when he met her at the airport the next evening. She’d insisted that she would come right away, surprising him with her decisiveness after her initial objections. He pasted on a bright smile to cover up his concern. She had an almost hunted look about her, like she hadn’t slept in a week. He was familiar with the look, having seen it in the mirror for the first few months after Alex’s death, until he’d joined Erika’s expedition and trekked off to a part of the globe where mirrors didn’t exist. The visual reminders may have faded, but the memories had always remained—of Thea and of Alex.

Before the false front could falter, he pulled Thea into a tight embrace. Her petite frame shuddered against him, so solid yet so delicate. Everything he remembered of her came crashing back. Her sweet, subtle jasmine scent, how unbelievably small she was in spite of her overwhelming presence in his life.

He held her quietly, letting her clutch at him until the tremors subsided. It had been more than a year, and Dimitri had finally found a way to heal. He had taken for granted that Thea would have managed to find her own way to a similar peace since his brother’s death. How wrong he had been. After a moment, she relaxed and pulled away. Her eyes were bright with emotion and moisture when she looked up at him.

“You look good,” she said, forcing a smile. Her pixieish haircut was a little mussed, the short glossy black of her hair curling around her cheeks and framing her pale, wide-eyed face. Her lips were still the same delicate shade of peach he remembered finding himself so fascinated with the first day he’d met her, when Alex had introduced them. He’d fallen for her then and spent the next couple months simultaneously hating himself for wanting his brother’s girlfriend and craving her presence regardless of her accessibility. Her acceptance of him into the bed she shared with Alex had surprised him, but the subsequent months of pure bliss had surprised him even more. Until it all fell apart.

Dimitri resisted the urge to pull her back into his arms and kiss her, but the look in her eyes told him she wasn’t seeing only him. The pain and longing apparent in her expression made it evident she was seeing past him to the image of Alex alive.

A loud bell rang suddenly, redirecting their focus toward the baggage carousel that had just lurched into motion.

They stayed silent during the half-hour drive to the hotel. He’d made a point of choosing one of the nicest hotels near the luxury apartment he shared with the Twins, and insisted that the room he reserved for her had a view of the Eiffel Tower. Before his brother had died, the pair had been making plans to surprise her, first with the expedition, then following it up with trips to all the cities Thea had expressed the desire to visit, either for historical research or just to enjoy the sights. This was one of her dreams, and one he had once hoped to share with her and his brother.

She was still subdued when he checked her in.

“Are you hungry?” he asked when he’d dropped her bags off in her room.

“No. I’d just like to get to work. You brought Erika’s research with you, right?” The strain in her voice sounded more like exhaustion than any kind of anxiety, but Dimitri couldn’t be entirely sure. Either way, it was painfully apparent that she needed rest.

“Actually, no. She’s sent it by a… um… private courier. I’m not expecting it until tomorrow sometime. You should rest up. Order room service—I hear the food here is great. I’ll come pick you up for dinner tomorrow at my place and we can talk about the project. How does that sound?”

She closed her eyes as though bracing herself to tell him something unpleasant. “Listen, Dimitri. I appreciate the work, but I’d prefer to keep this visit professional. You don’t need to hide your life from me. I know you’ve moved on with someone new, so don’t pretend on my account, alright? I’m glad you’re happy, but please don’t turn this visit into anything more than it is—a job.”

He pursed his lips, frustrated at her response. “All right, let me be a little clearer then. Remember those interested parties I mentioned on the phone—the ones who are funding this project? Two of them want to meet you. Please come to dinner tomorrow night. I at least owe them an introduction.” With any luck, her strong desire for a professional front would push her to accept. It was a slightly underhanded tactic to get her in front of the Twins, but he hadn’t been lying, and from her appearance, being in a room with the Twins for an evening would do her good. He’d seen them work their magic with others. Joy was their modus operandi and if anyone needed an infusion of joy, Thea did.

With a weary sigh, Thea nodded. “Fine. Just dinner. After that I’m working.”

Dimitri gave her a bright smile and a quick peck on the mouth. “I’ll pick you up at six.”

* * *

Thea stood dazed for a moment. The kiss had startled her both with its abruptness and its utter lack of innuendo. Just a peck on the lips. He’d kissed his brother that way—chaste, familial—it was just something he did without even thinking. It had taken her long enough to understand Alex and Dimitri’s dynamic at first. Seeing two such beautiful men so casual about such a relatively benign signal of affection had taken some getting used to. When you grew up in as conservative a home as Thea had, public displays of affection even between close family members were almost unheard of except on very special occasions. The twins had behaved like it was nothing, which it was, really. Their behavior when in bed with her was more telling of their level of intimacy. If they touched each other it was only accidental, or by sheer necessity. Their focus had always been purely on co-facilitating her pleasure, which they accomplished masterfully and without even a hint that they held any shame in the act of doing so in each other’s presence. Two halves of a whole.

But that kiss had never been bestowed on her before. Was it a signal of his acceptance of her, or of his lack of desire?

The room suddenly felt too closed in. She walked around, turning on all the lamps, then threw the drapes across the wide windows open.

The view beyond made her heart skip a beat and a startled gasp erupted from her lips. A pair of French doors opened up onto a narrow, wrought-iron balcony. Beyond the balcony the Seine snaked through the city, and beyond that, the Eiffel Tower stood, sparkling in gilded glory.

Perhaps she was a fool to have hope. He hadn’t denied her accusation that he had moved on with someone new, however. And yet, he hadn’t confirmed it, either—merely deflecting the comment to request she meet her latest employers.

Professional, she had said she wanted to keep it professional. She could almost believe, based on the kiss, that Dimitri was honoring her wishes.

The view out her window somehow told her otherwise.

* * *

Dimitri was as prompt as any date. He’d had a haircut since the day before, which disappointed Thea a little. She preferred the shaggy, unkempt version of him. This version looked too much like Alex. Her stomach lurched at the sight of the living replica that stood in her doorway just now and she forced herself to find the subtle differences she knew existed, features that were wholly Dimitri. She’d loved discovering their differences and learning how few there were. Identical in so many ways, she finally gave up. But there was always one method to figure who was who, and she could do it with her eyes closed.

She swallowed hard and pulled her door closed, trying to ignore the look Dimitri gave her. Would he still make love that way? So different from his brother. So much more present. She always felt like she had been given all of him. Not just his body, but his soul, too. His brother had always kept something in reserve for some reason she had never discovered.

Those blue eyes seemed to know her too well still, so she stared at the floor.

“What’s for dinner?” she asked, lamely.

“Whatever they make. It’s always a surprise.”

“Who are ‘they’ anyway?”

“My friends. They enjoy entertaining. You’ll be the highlight of their year, I bet.”

“Fuck. No pressure.”

Dimitri laughed as he steered her toward the lift.

“You’ll love them. Nobody doesn’t, after meeting them.”

He remained quiet during much of the drive, but slightly tense, his eyes flicking away from the road to look at her every few minutes as though he had something to say but couldn’t find the words. Thea knew how that felt. She’d had the urge to ask him about the kiss the night before, but was at a loss as to how she should frame the question without it sounding lonely and desperate. She finally forced herself to ignore him and gazed out the window at the passing scenery. It was full summer and the city bustled with life. In spite of her anxiety over seeing Dimitri, she began to feel a sense of eager anticipation. This could be a good trip for her if she could just let herself get past those old wounds. If the project was of the scope Dimitri had hinted at, it could be just the thing she needed.

“I honored his memory on this trip,” Dimitri said, startling her out of her fantasies.

“Oh?”

“You know how much he loved dragons. The idea of them.”

“He said the dragons were your dream.” His flustered look entertained her. “You never knew?” she asked.

“Knew what?”

“He hunted for signs of them to please you. Everything Alex did was to please you.”

That shut him up for a long moment. Eventually he replied, slowly and carefully, “Everything we did was to please ~you~. The expedition would have been for all three of us. We had a spot on the team for you already guaranteed. It was strange going without you, at first, but by then I didn’t know where else to go. I couldn’t stay.”

She watched him in silence for a moment, then gazed back out the window, seeking that bright hope she’d grasped at earlier. A cloud must have crossed in front of the sun, because the day somehow seemed dark again.

“It was better that you left, I think. You seem happier now.”

“If you had come with me, maybe…”

“Dimitri, no,” she said, cutting him off. “It wouldn’t have mattered where we were. We were spinning our wheels at that point. Staying together would have only made things worse.”

He nodded and sighed, cutting the wheel of his small car hard to the left to descend into the shadows of an underground parking garage. She glanced up in time to view the pale walls of a stately and meticulously maintained apartment building before the shadows overtook them.

His subsequent brooding silence made her regret snapping at him. But she couldn’t exactly tell him everything was okay, because that would have been a lie. She was far from okay, though if she could manage to not think about Alex for more than a ten minute stretch, she might at least pretend.

Soon enough his dark demeanor dissipated into one of agitated eagerness. He fidgeted with his keys on their way to the lift at the far end of the garage. A few paces from the shiny doors he clenched them tightly in his fist and stopped short.

“Fuck! Aurin wanted me to stop at the market on the way back.” He dug into his pants pocket for a second and produced a folded piece of steno paper. He held it up sheepishly. “She gave me a list.”

Thea quirked her mouth. “You forgot. That is so…” So Dimitri.

“So, we’re here…” He hesitated, glancing between the lift and his car. “You can come with me and we can collectively avoid her wrath, or you can go on up and run interference for me?”

“You go. Just tell me which apartment and I’ll introduce myself.”

“You can’t miss it. It’s the penthouse.”

When he kissed her goodbye that time, she just smiled after him. His excitement had always been infectious, and to see that certain things about him hadn’t changed a bit was more a comfort than a worry. Perhaps the casual kiss was really just his way of showing she fit in his life regardless of their relative level of intimacy.

The elevator opened a few moments later into an airy foyer with a bright skylight. Another set of closed double doors were before her. She rang the bell.

A lilting laugh greeted her through the opening door, followed by a teasing voice, “Did you forget your key, love? Oh!”

The young woman couldn’t have been any older than Thea. She was petite, with striking golden eyes almost too big for her face. Haphazard tendrils of blond hair fell around her bare, tan shoulders, mingling with the artfully crinkled silk of a sheer summer dress. The dress itself was cinched high, just beneath the girl’s small breasts, and the skirt just brushed the tops of her thighs.

Thea stammered a greeting, suddenly self-conscious about her own darker appearance in the presence of this golden beauty. She had almost forgotten the undenied suggestion that Dimitri had a new lover. Somehow she’d developed the impression that today was merely about meeting her new employers. It had never occurred to her that they might be one and the same.

Or two, come to that.

A wave of dizziness came over her when a much larger, male figure came into view. He could have been the woman’s twin, with his identical golden eyes and mane of thick, almost unkempt hair. She caught herself staring between the pair, with an odd sense of puzzle pieces clicking into place.

He greeted her warmly, gave her a quick peck on the cheek, then dashed toward the elevator with a sense of purpose as though propelled by some unspoken command. Thea was left with the oddest impression of being blessed by the sun. Her cheek tingled from the warmth of his lips and the soft brush of his golden goatee. Her heart raced as she watched him go. She only had a moment to recover before the pretty blonde woman pulled her into a fierce embrace. For the first time in more than a year she entirely forgot what it meant to grieve.