“Rayne.”
“How did you get this number, Miles?”
“Don’t be mad at him. I told him I needed it in case of an emergency or in case I needed to get ahold of you about custody stuff.”
I close my eyes and let out a huff. “Logan.”
“I’ve been talking to him a lot lately, trying to fix our relationship. He’s still so mad at me. I’m afraid it’s never going to be the same.”
“I know.”
“Please, just talk to me. Let me explain. Let me apologize. I know you’re not home in New York right now, but at least just talk to me. I’m begging you, Rayna.”
He only uses my name when he’s being totally honest or trying to get a point across. Any other time, he has always called me Rayne. I sit here in my three-bedroom rental house, and for once, I want to hear it. I want to hear the excuse.
It’s been months, and I’ve realized a lot and healed a lot, but my anger remains. I want to hear what I did wrong, what I did to make turning to Amber better than turning to his own wife.
“You still there, Rayne?”
“Yes. I’m listening.”
His sigh travels through the phone line. It’s a relieved sigh, knowing I’m finally going to give him a chance to speak after all these months and not hang up on him or change my number—again.
“Jesus. I love you so much, Rayna. You have no idea how much I have missed you. I’m so damn sorry. I knew Amber was always jealous of you and our lives ever since she moved to New York to be closer to you.”
“Yet you’re having an affair with her.”
I snort. I’m sure that went over really well with Amber. He forgets I’ve known her since childhood. She’s used to getting what she wants, and in this case, it was my husband.
“Yeah, she didn’t take it well, but I left and tried to find you that night. You had already packed up and left me.” He takes a breath and lets it out slowly. “This is all on me. Nothing you did caused it, Rayne. I’m not even going to make some sad excuse about why I did it. Just know it was never about you.”
“Then what was it about?”
“The excitement of it, wanting more. I always seem to want more in life—more out of my job, more money, more excitement. The only thing that has never changed is my feelings for you. But even saying that, we’ve been together all our lives, and then I got this notion in my head about never having known what freedom felt like. I didn’t even know I wanted to feel it until Amber kept on about it. I was happy with our lives.”
“Obviously not.”
“I swear, it was just the excitement of it all, Rayne. I never felt anything for her other than the excitement. Which is why she kind of flipped out on me when I left to find you and she realized she was still nothing to me. Just the thought of losing you over what I had done had me going into a tailspin.”
“How many times, Miles?”
He’s quiet for a moment because he knows what I’m asking. Then I hear him sigh, resigned. For me to truly understand, I need the complete and unfiltered truth, no matter how painful it is. And he knows this.
“I swear to you, Rayna, that was the second and last time.”
Hearing that, I realize I’m done with this conversation. No number of apologies can fix his wrong. I need a hot bath and a glass of wine.
“I love you, Miles.”
“Thank God.”
“I’m hurting here, Rayna.”
“Then you know how I felt the night I lost my husband to my best friend. Goodbye, Miles.”
No sooner than I sink into the hot tub of water, my phone rings again. I can’t seem to have a decent bath and a glass of wine. If it’s Miles calling again, I’m changing my number.
“Mom.”
My heart starts beating faster. Nothing good ever comes when your child calls late at night.
“Logan. Is everything okay?”
“I need to tell you something.”
“You gave your dad my number, perhaps?”
He sighs heavily. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I know you told me not to.”
“It’s okay, Logan. I’m not mad. But something is telling me that’s not the only reason you’re calling this late.”
“Would you be mad if I didn’t want to finish football camp?”
“Is there something going on I should know about?”
“No.”
“Are you bored with it?”
“No.”
“Logan, honey, you’re going to have to talk to me and get me to understand.”
Sometimes talking to a teenage boy is like talking to a fish. Their mouth moves, but nothing comes out. I lean back against the tub and wait till he’s ready to tell me why he wants to quit.
“I just want to be with you. Dad keeps calling me, and we talk, but in the end, all I want is to make sure you’re okay.”
Be still my heart. I forget sometimes how hard it still is on him. I thought his being away for the worst of it would somehow protect his precious heart. Maybe being with his grandparents for the remainder of the summer would do him some good.
“Tell you what, let me talk to your coach tomorrow, okay? I’ll make plans and have a plane ticket for you to fly down. I know your grandparents will be thrilled to see you again.”
“You won’t be mad that I’m quitting camp?”
“No. I think you need something closer to home right now. Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“All right! Love you, Mom!” He already sounds more upbeat.
“Love you too, son.”
By the time I actually get a hot bath, my date with Steve is canceled. I’m no longer in the mood, and all I want is to curl up and fall asleep. Upon searching for plane tickets, I booked Logan on the first flight out and then emailed his coach to tell him I needed him to call me ASAP. Then I snuggle under the covers to get warm.
I’m almost asleep, so close, when there’s a loud banging on my door. By now, I’m pissed. I don’t even put my robe on and go to the door. I’m in just my silk and lace nightie that falls mid-thigh. I swing the door open and scream.
“You have got to be kidding me! Do you know what time it is?”
In front of me is Detective Kelly Hawthorne. His eyes are wide as his gaze runs over me from head to toe.
“Umm…” He shakes his head as if to clear it. “Yeah, it’s past midnight. Damn, you usually wear that to bed?”
“What do you want, detective?”
He shakes his head again. “Oh, umm, right. There was a gas line leak and I’m just helping the fire department by checking the residents on this street. Would you mind if I come in and do a reading?”
“Sure.”
He walks in, pulls a small box out of his pocket, and turns it on.
“It should be fixed by now, but just in case, you haven’t had any symptoms, have you? Like headaches or confusion?”
“Only when my ex-husband called earlier.”
His eyes snap to mine and then back to the small box. I wait for him to walk through the house as I sit at the bar and cross my legs. As he walks in, he grabs the edge of the door frame and groans.
“You all right, Kelly?”
He closes his eyes and pulls his lips between his teeth. “No, not one bit. The good news, though, is you’re in the clear. Sorry to have bothered you.”
Walking him out, my brows furrowed in concern, I notice all the fire trucks and cops around the neighborhood. How the hell did I miss that?
