Big & Beautiful 1: Chubby & Charming

By Friday of that week I’d almost forgotten about Xander Carlson. Sure, I’d Facebook stalked him a few more times and considered using genetic software to see what our kids would look like, but really, he was as far from my mind as he could be.

My weekend was looking to be pretty boring but I didn’t care. It would be a few days away from Melody and her bitchiness. She’d gotten worse through the week, trying to catch me in everything I did. I’m pretty sure she spent more time reviewing my calls than answering her own.

I really had no idea what her issue was. She was nice to just about everyone else, but never liked me. I tried to shrug it off, but it bugged me. I mean really, what did she have to be jealous about?

Melody was perfect. She had that long flowing blonde hair every woman dreamed of having. She was thin with large, perky breasts. Don’t judge me, she put them on display every day. She always was dressed to the nines in business suits and three or more inch heels. Her make-up was impeccable. She drew the attention of every man in the place, and half the women.

But she was a bitch. With a capital B.

I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I really did. Maybe she had a rough childhood or she was miserable. Maybe she was still sore that Oscar moved on without her. Or maybe she was just a bitch.

Unfortunately, I was pretty sure it was the last one.

“Mandy, I’d like to speak with you. Could you come to the conference room, please?” Diana said as I set the phone down mid-afternoon. She didn’t sound upset, but there was no way of knowing what was going on.

“Sure,” I said, locking my computer and following her down the hall.

In the conference room the whole group had assembled. Melody walked in behind me, her heels clicking on the vinyl flooring. “Are you going to stand there and clog up the entire doorway, or are you going to let the rest of us in?” she snarled.

I shook my head and moved out of her way. She wasn’t worth my time, or my energy, so I just ignored her, but man I wanted to slap the shit out of her. She didn’t come out and say it, but I heard the fat comment in the tone of her voice, and it bugged me.

“Please take your seats, everyone,” Diana said from the front of the room.

I moved to the only open seat left, between Melody and Pete, the smelly guy who had a cube near the bathrooms. It couldn’t have been worse. I prayed for a quick meeting.

“I’m not sure how many of you have heard,” Diana began, “but I’ve decided to retire. I’m going to finish out this month and next. Starting in June, you will have a new boss.”

Everyone started murmuring around me. I never thought Diana would leave. She was practically an institution around there. Even though I hadn’t been there long, I knew Diana was the backbone of customer service. Having someone else take over would almost certainly mean changes. I just wondered who would step up and do it.

I’d love to, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for the challenge. I was still new. I had a lot to learn.

“How’s it gonna feel to have me as a boss? Diana loves me. And Oscar is her boss, so I’m a shoe-in for the job. Actually, you know what? You’re not gonna have me as a boss because the first thing I’m going to do is fire your fat ass for insubordination. Oh, I can see it now.”

Melody trailed off, letting me imagine her as my boss. I shuddered. There was no way in hell that was going to happen. If Melody became my boss she would make good on her threats. She’d find a way to fire me. Without Diana around I wasn’t sure I’d make it much longer.

“Many of you are qualified for my position,” Diana’s voice broke through my stupor. I looked up to find her staring right at me as she spoke. “I truly hope you apply for my job. You’d be a great fit, and the company would be lucky to have you take on a manager role.”

I knew she wasn’t speaking directly to me, but it felt like it. Or maybe she was, but was trying to make everyone feel like they should apply. Maybe I could step into her job. I was good at my job, why couldn’t I be good at Diana’s?

I left the meeting a few minutes later with everyone else. Melody was right behind me as I walked out the door. “You know she was talking to me when she said I’d be a great fit. The job is as good as mine. And I can’t wait to see you go up in flames. It’ll be my greatest pleasure to have you fired.”

“Really?” I quirked an eyebrow at her. “Your greatest pleasure? I feel bad for you then. I really thought with your perfect body you’d have found men better at sex than that. But if it really will be your greatest pleasure maybe I shouldn’t fight you on it. I really feel badly for you.”

I left Melody sputtering in outrage as I walked back to my cube. I could only laugh.

Diana was in her cube when I passed by so I stopped in to congratulate her.

“You must be excited, Diana. Congratulations on your retirement.”

She spun around in her chair. Her grey hair was tied back in her standard bun, her green eyes shining like they always were. “I am excited. At first I wasn’t so sure, but my husband and I are making plans to tour the country this summer, see some of the places we’ve always wanted to see. We’re going to visit our children and grandchildren. It’s going to be a nice change for me.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” I told her, genuinely happy for Diana. “I only hope our new boss is as wonderful as you.”

She tilted her head to the side as if trying to figure something out. “You know I was talking about you, right? When I said you’d be a great fit. I know you’ve only been here five years, but you have potential. You’re kind and smart and wasting your talents hiding behind the phone. I really hope you’ll apply for my position. I’d love to leave it in hands as capable as yours.”

Stunned, I stood there gaping at her, wondering what to say. “Thank you,” was all that came out. I was shocked and touched. “I will think about it,” I told Diana as I left her cubicle and headed back to mine.

I was still in a daze when my phone rang a little while later. I picked it up, grateful for the distraction to get me through the end of the day.

“Western New York Health, Mandy speaking. How can I help you today?”

“Mandy, it’s good to hear your voice.”

It was him. Fuck! Why was he calling me again? And why were my nipples jumping up to say hi on their own?

“Xander, how are you? Did you get your EOB?” I was breathing heavily, trying not to be too excited that he called me. After all, it was probably another problem with his claim.

“You remember me?”

“Uh,” I stammered. Shit! I should have let him reintroduce himself. Isn’t the first rule of getting a guy to like you to play hard to get? And wouldn’t making him think you forgot him fall under playing hard to get?

Yeah, there was a reason I didn’t date.

“I, um, I do remember you. Your voice is very distinct.”

‘Very distinct?’ What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“Distinct. And here I got my hopes up that maybe you had the slightest interest in me.”

Did he really just say that? To me? I thought I was going to have a heart attack. And I couldn’t even blame the stairs. I worked on the first floor.

“I don’t know anything about you, Xander. I don’t spend too much of my time wondering about men that I have only spoken to once and don’t know.”

‘LIAR!’ my mind screamed. I made it sound like I hadn’t been on Facebook every day to see if he mentioned our conversation, or added new pictures of himself. Nope, I hadn’t gone through his profile with a fine-toothed comb looking for indicators that he had a girlfriend, or wife. And I certainly hadn’t been thinking about him day and night.

Yeah, right.

“Well, I think we need to change that. I was hoping you would meet me sometime. I’d love the chance to maybe buy you a cup of coffee.”

I smiled. No, it wasn’t a smile. It was a shit-eating grin. I couldn’t stop it from covering my face, making me feel like one of the beautiful people. He was gorgeous, simply stunning. And he was asking me out.

Me!

Mandy Ryan!

We weren’t actually supposed to date our customers, but it was more of an unwritten rule than anything. It’s not like we would always know what kind of insurance people had, but it was generally frowned upon to start dating someone once you knew they were a customer.

If I wanted the promotion, I definitely didn’t need to be toeing the line of acceptable behavior at work.

“I actually don’t drink coffee,” I said. I had no idea how to respond. I felt like I knew a secret that he didn’t know. Of course I did. I knew who I was, and I knew who he was. He thought my voice matched the rest of me. He would be expecting a supermodel and getting a beached whale.

Xander laughed softly, the sound filling me. I could picture his smile, the smile that had been haunting my dreams. I wanted to see that smile in person. I ached to meet him. I couldn’t explain it. Something felt different about him. Something that made me want to say yes.

“You don’t have to drink coffee. We could go out for a beer or hell, a water, for all I care.”

I laughed. He was charming. It warmed me. No, it heated me. Like burning in hell sort of heated me. He wasn’t saying anything particularly charming, but I was already aching for him.

“I love the sound of your laugh. God, I want to see the smile on your face when you laugh. I can only dream of how beautiful you are.”

I opened my mouth to tell him the truth. To tell him I wasn’t the woman he thought I was. He deserved the truth before he tried to take me out.

Right?

“I’m sorry. I guess this is a little creepy, right? What if we got to know each other a little better. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me so you know I’m not sketchy. I have a younger sister and I would yell at her for days if she went out with a guy like I’m asking you out. I’m twenty-nine years old. I work for Colton Construction as a project manager. I have a BS in electrical engineering from University at Buffalo. My parents have been married for almost thirty-five years and my sister is twenty-three.”

He took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and imagined his breath cascading over my skin. I listened to him breathe, as though he was trying to figure out what to tell me next. He kept going.

“In high school I was a bit of a troublemaker. I was the star pitcher on my high school’s baseball team and goalie for our soccer team. I went to Orchard Park High School and my parents and sister still live in OP. I thought I could get away with anything because I was a sports star. I drank and TP’d a house almost every weekend. My friends were just as crazy as me so I thought we were normal.”

He chuckled, remembering his foolish youthful days. I was a bit jealous. I didn’t have those memories. In high school Claire and I were best friends, but she was dating BJ. When things went bad between them, she and I spent most of our weekends at either my house or hers. She didn’t want to go out because BJ had told everyone all sorts of lies about her. Claire just wanted to get through high school without having to deal with anyone. Honestly, that’s all I’d ever wanted, too.

“I cleaned up my act in college. My first two years I was just as crazy, but eventually I figured out that I wasn’t doing myself any favors. I ended up with a roommate my junior year that was focused on his work. We were in class together and he was kicking ass and I was close to being thrown out. I knew if I didn’t get my shit together I wouldn’t graduate.”

The phone muffled and I wondered if he was talking to someone else. After a second I heard him sneeze and then he came back on the phone.

“Sorry about that,” he said, sounding embarrassed.

“Bless you,” I told him with a smile. For some reason it made him seem more human to hear him sneeze. Almost like I forgot that hot guys sneeze, too.

“Thank you. Anyway, my roommate tutored me for the first semester of our junior year and pulled my grades out of the dump. After that it became a game between me and Drew to see who got the better grade. Most of the time he beat me, but I gave him a run for his money. We’re still good friends today.”

I listened quietly. As he talked, I clicked through his Facebook profile again, looking at him while he talked. I was surprised someone as gorgeous as he was could care about things like grades. Usually, that was reserved for people who didn’t have their looks to fall back on. People like me.

“So now, I own my own house, I own my own Jeep, and I work hard. I love my job. I work with Drew, my roommate from college, and we dream of being able to open our own home restoration company one day. We’re working with the construction company because it’s pretty steady work, but we’d love to be able to go in and bring something old back to life instead of starting from scratch. I guess it doesn’t sound that interesting, but Drew and I work well together and would love to do our own thing.”

“I totally get that. I mean, it’s not me. I actually really like my job, but I can understand wanting to put your own stamp on what you do.”

“That’s it. Exactly. I know I’m doing good work where I am, but I could do so much more if I weren’t having to give a cut of my pay to the company. Plus, I like working with the customer a little more. As it is, we go into a house as it’s under construction and wire it up but never have anything to do with the homeowner. I know we have to follow code, and we do, but it would be cool to sit down and plan things out with the homeowner or go in and help someone when they have a problem. I feel like I’m not using my education at all and that bugs me. I worked hard for it and I like solving problems.”

I found myself smiling. He sounded wonderful. Every time he said something else, I wanted to meet him and talk to him in person. I wanted to tell him everything about myself and learn everything else there was to know about him.

When he asked, “Now that you know more about me, do you think you’ll go out with me?” I had no choice but to say, “Yes.”

“Really? Excellent,” he said. I could hear his smile, and it brought one to my lips. I’d just agreed to a date with a really cute guy, and he was excited about it. “How about this weekend?”

Panic! There was no way I could meet him over the weekend. The weekend was starting in about twenty minutes. I wouldn’t be prepared to meet a hot guy in less than 24 hours. If ever.

“This weekend isn’t good for me,” I lied. “Are you available Tuesday evening?”

He paused, and I worried I’d blown it. Maybe I should go out with him over the weekend. But then I wouldn’t have any back-up. All my friends were busy, either working or had something else going on. I needed to have at least one of them available to go with me, or talk me through it when it fell apart.

“Tuesday works for me. I usually get off work around four. I’m guessing you work until five, so how about we meet at six? Where do you want to go? Since you don’t like coffee,” he teased.

I smiled again. This was starting off better than I expected. He was making me smile so much my cheeks were sore. “How about Cooler Coffee?”

“Wait a minute?” he laughed. “You said you don’t like coffee, and now you want to go to a coffee place? What’s up with that?”

I laughed again. Picking on me was a good sign. He was already comfortable enough with me to joke around. Yep, I could do it. I could have fun with a man.

A hot man.

That had no idea what I looked like.

Before I lost my courage I said, “I like hot chocolate. If you want to go somewhere else we can…”

He laughed at me, the vibration tickling my ear like his breath was actually fanning me. “Cooler Coffee sounds great. I’ll see you Tuesday at six.”

“Yep, Tuesday at six. Bye Xander.”

“Bye Mandy.”

I hung up the phone smiling. I couldn’t stop. He not only eased my concerns about being out with a perfect stranger, but he made me laugh. I was really looking forward to meeting him.

Until I turned around.

Melody was right behind me, examining her nails and staring at my computer.

That still had Xander’s profile pulled up on Facebook.

“Is that the guy you were just talking to? The one you’re going out with Tuesday?”

I scrambled to close the tab before she could see anything else. Like his name.

“Does he know what you look like? Does he know what he’s getting himself into?”

“What business is it of yours?” I snapped at her.

A wicked smile crossed her lips. She looked like an evil Barbie. “So you haven’t told him you’re fat. Do you really think a guy who looks like him is going to want to be with someone like you? I mean, really?”

“Leave me alone, Melody,” I said sharply. I turned away from her, focusing back on my computer and finalizing the last bits of paperwork I had to do before I could go home. After a few moments I heard the clacking sound of her heels as she walked back to her cubicle. Each step felt like a shot through my heart.

Too fat.

Too fat.

Too fat.

What was I thinking? Of course Melody was right. Not that I wanted to hear it from her. Even Addi thought he was out of my league when she saw his picture. She didn’t come out and say it, but it was pretty obvious by the tone of her voice.

I could try to convince myself Xander Carlson was different, but really I had no idea. The odds were he was a jerk. A big one. I wanted to cancel the date.

Shit, I wondered, why did I agree to it?

I told myself all week that I didn’t need him, but as soon as I heard his voice I was ready to do anything he said. I was weak. It had been a while since a man showed me any bit of attention, and it drew me in. God, I was stupid.

But without his number I had no way to canceling on him. If I didn’t show up at all, I would be the jerk. If I showed up, I knew I’d get hurt. But it was too late.

My first date with Xander Carlson was set.