Back in her Husband's Bed
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Melanie Milburne
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CHAPTER ONE
Three months later…
CARLI stared at the thin blue line in horror. ‘Oh, my God!’
She clutched at the bathroom basin in much the same way she’d been doing on and off for weeks as she came to grips with the final devastating confirmation of her pregnancy.
The walls of the small room began to close in on her and she held on to consciousness with as much tenacity as she could.
Pregnant!
With Xavier’s child!
She opened her eyes to inspect the testing kit once more but it was still the same colour.
She stumbled through to the bedroom, her body shivering in reaction rather than to cold.
It must be a mistake!
It had to be a mistake.
They’d only been together that one time and she had been sure she was in a safe period in her cycle, not that she’d really thought about it at the time.
She slammed her fist into her pillow and bit down on her bottom lip until she tasted blood.
She’d stormed from his hotel room vowing to never set eyes on him again, never imagining such a subsequent scenario as this! That one momentary lapse into passionate madness had set her world upside down.
She wouldn’t tell him.
Oh, really, her conscience pricked her. What if he somehow found out? He’s Sydney’s best legal eagle. Don’t forget: get him and get even. That was his credo and she knew he would just as easily apply it against her if pressed to do so.
OK, so she would tell him.
Yeah, right, as if he’s going to accept the news with any sort of gladness.
‘Oh, God!’ She shut her eyes against the vision of his disdain. ‘I can’t do it! I just can’t do it!’
Nausea rolled in her stomach and she made a desperate lunge for the bathroom, only just making it in time.
She lifted her pale face to meet her reflection in the mirror above the basin, shocked at her pallor and even more alarmed by the haunted, hollow look in her caramel-brown gaze.
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It took Carli a further twenty-seven days before she garnered enough courage to do what had to be done. She gave her slightly protruding abdomen a nervous stroke as she approached the office tower where Xavier had his suite of offices. She hadn’t phoned to announce her intention of seeing him. She hadn’t trusted herself not to blurt her news over the line instead of face to face. Not that either way was going to make things any easier. He was going to be shocked and quite possibly furious as well. His shock she could deal with, but his anger?
She took the stairs and lost count after floor number ten. She traipsed on doggedly, step by agonising step, feeling like someone on their way up to the gallows.
‘Mr Knightly is in court and won’t be back until four this afternoon,’ his middle-aged secretary announced in somewhat prim tones.
Carli’s heart sank along with her courage. Could she wait three hours? And more to the point, could she go through the ordeal of the fire escape one more time?
‘Who will I say wants to see him?’ the secretary asked, picking up a pen and a message pad.
‘I…Car…Carli Gresham,’ she said, knowing she wouldn’t get an appointment without revealing her name.
‘Carli as in Carla?’ The secretary arched one pencilled brow at her.
‘No,’ she said. ‘Carli as in Carli—trust me, he’ll know exactly who it is.’
Xavier was the only person in the legal profession to call her Carli instead of Carla, and by the simple exchange of that one letter managed to strip away the thin veneer of sophistication she had fought so hard to keep in place.
The secretary took in her slightly flushed appearance and her austere manner visibly softened. ‘Would you like a drink? Mr Knightly is often early from court when things go his way. You mightn’t have such a long wait after all.’
Carli felt like asking: when did things ever not go Xavier Knightly’s way? However, she refrained from doing so when she caught sight of a water-cooler machine in the waiting area.
The secretary noticed the line of her gaze and ushered her towards it with all the efficiency of a mother hen. ‘Sit yourself down, Miss Gresham, and help yourself to a drink, or I could make you a coffee or tea instead?’
‘No, thank you, water’s fine, and it’s Ms not Miss.’
‘Yes, of course it is, how silly of me.’
Before Carli could ask her what she meant she’d bustled back to her credenza, bent her head to her computer and begun tapping away like a barnyard hen did at spilled wheat.
Carli couldn’t help wondering how many secretaries Xavier had worked his way through over the last five years. This one seemed a little more sensible than his usual type and she couldn’t help wondering what had brought about the change.
She sighed and picked up a magazine, flicking through it without interest. From time to time she glanced at the clock on the wall but the minutes appeared to be crawling by at an evolving invertebrate’s pace.
She felt her usual afternoon lethargy hit like a sledgehammer and tried to keep her eyelids open but they felt weighted by anvils and she finally had to give in to the urge to close them.
The sofa she was sitting on was soft and comfortable and she settled into its leather cushions, promising herself she would shut her eyes for five minutes and five minutes only…
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‘How long has she been here?’ Xavier asked his secretary in a deep undertone, a frown forming between his dark brows.
Elaine Johnston inspected the clock on the wall before answering in a sibilant whisper, ‘Two and a half hours.’
He muttered a swear word under his breath. ‘I could have been back an hour ago but I had a drink with one of the other lawyers.’
‘Quite frankly I think she needed the sleep,’ Elaine whispered back. ‘She was very pale when she came in. Do you know her?’
‘Know her?’ He sent her an ironic glance. ‘I was once married to her.’
Elaine’s eyes went out on stalks. ‘That’s your ex-wife?’
‘Certainly is.’
His secretary’s mouth opened and closed. ‘What does she want to see you about?’
‘Can’t be about a divorce,’ he said with a wry twist to his mouth. ‘We’ve already had one of those.’
‘If you ask me she looks rather fragile…’ Elaine chewed the end of a pen thoughtfully.
‘I didn’t ask you, but believe me, she’s a whole lot tougher than she looks.’
‘Well, I think I’ll leave you to it,’ Elaine said, gathering up her things. ‘I don’t think I want to be witness to the sparks that might fly once you get her alone.’
Xavier didn’t answer. He was still remembering the sparks that had flown the last time they were together, in fact had thought of little else in the four months since he’d last seen her. He’d thought of contacting her hundreds—no, thousands of times, but he’d promised her one drink and no further contact. And after she’d stormed out of his hotel room and left the conference before it was even over he’d had no choice but to assume she was perfectly content with the arrangement.
As if Carli sensed his presence she opened her eyes on his approach. She brushed back the hair off her face and slid her curled-up legs to the floor with a selfconscious adjustment of her long skirt and overflowing blouse as she stood up.
‘Well, well, well,’ he drawled. ‘Look who’s here.’
‘I had to see you.’ She didn’t bother with a proper greeting, twisting her hands in front of her like a nervous school-girl.
‘I’m sorry you had to wait,’ he said, his tone belying the apology of his words. ‘But I’m free now. Come into my office and let’s get this over with.’
It wasn’t a good start, she thought as she followed him down the capacious hall to his plush office. She could tell he wasn’t in a good mood and what she had to tell him was hardly going to lighten it.
He held the door for her and she stepped through, trying not to notice how her skirt brushed along his thigh as she went past.
She went to the chair opposite his desk and sat down on the edge of it, her eyes following him as he took his place behind the expansive rectangle of highly polished timber.
He moved forward in his chair and, leaning his arms on his desk, made a steeple with his fingers. ‘So, this must be pretty important. I thought you never wanted to see me again.’ His eyes locked on to hers.
‘It is important.’ She ran her tongue over her dry lips. ‘Extremely important.’
‘Well?’
All her earlier rehearsals went out the window as she blurted, ‘I’m pregnant.’
He didn’t move a muscle.
‘I fail to see what this has to do with me,’ he said after a short pause. ‘Do you want me to represent you legally to extract funds from the father for your child’s upkeep?’
She swallowed the constriction in her throat.
‘Who is the father by the way?’ he added before she could find her voice. ‘Anyone I might know?’
‘As a matter of fact, yes.’
He leant back in his chair, his right thumb compressing the top of a pen, the tiny clicks sounding loud in the pulsing silence.
‘He’s…’ She hesitated. How could she tell him without some sort of preamble?
‘You seem to be having some trouble recalling his name,’ he observed. ‘Is the field open to more than one perhaps?’
‘No…’ She gave him a hardened look. ‘I’ve so far been able to narrow it down to just the one.’
‘I’m very glad to hear it. Paternity cases these days are the pits. So who is it?’
‘You’re not going to believe it.’
‘Try me,’ he said, leaning even further back in his chair, one arm slung casually over the back.
‘You.’
This time he did flinch.
‘Me?’ He got to his feet, his chair flying backwards to slam into the filing cabinet behind. He stared at her across his desk. ‘Me?’
‘You’re fertile, aren’t you?’ she asked.
Xavier reached blindly for his abandoned chair and sat back down, the pen he’d been holding scuttling along the desk until it came to a halt beside his paperclip holder.
‘You’re joking of course.’ His chest felt tight, as if someone was squeezing him from the inside.
‘I wish.’
He sucked in a breath through his teeth. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Sure as eggs, to use an apt choice of phrase.’
‘Christ.’
‘I’ve already tried appealing to the higher powers but so far no good.’ She sent him a reproachful glance. ‘I’m still pregnant.’
He sent his chair back as he got to his feet once more. ‘We’ll have to get married…’ He scraped a hand through his hair and turned to face her. ‘We’ll have to get married immediately.’ ‘No.’
‘No?’ He stared at her. ‘What do you mean, no?’
‘I don’t want to marry you.’
‘You have to marry me!’ He almost shouted the words at her. ‘I do not have to marry you to have your child.’
‘But…but…’ He sought desperately for a valid reason but could think of nothing on the hop.
‘I’m not here for help,’ she said. ‘I’m here to let you know, that’s all.’
‘I will not consent to being a part-time parent!’
‘You seem to have no compunction in assigning that task to thousands of other parents out there when you represent their bitter other halves.’
‘That’s different,’ he insisted.
‘How so?’
‘You know it is,’ he argued. ‘I’m a lawyer, for God’s sake. Do you think I’m going to allow myself to be screwed by another member of my profession?’
‘I won’t cause you any trouble.’
‘If that was supposed to reassure me let me tell you it hasn’t. You’re nothing but trouble from the tip of your pretty little nose to your very dainty feet.’
‘I’m sorry…’ She felt a bubble of emotion clog her throat and fought it back down as best she could.
‘Damn it!’ he swore again.
She choked down another escaping sob with difficulty. ‘I should never have agreed to have that drink with you…’ She bent her head to avoid his angry glare and added brokenly, ‘I just wanted you to know…’
He frowned as he looked at the calendar on his desk. ‘You certainly haven’t rushed the announcement.’ He mentally calculated the weeks back to the conference. ‘How many weeks are you now? Sixteen?’
She nodded.
His eyes shifted to her abdomen. ‘Are you showing?’ His voice sounded distinctly husky but she imagined it was the aftermath of his shock.
‘I can’t do up my top button on my skirt,’ she answered miserably.
He let out another harsh breath. ‘How the hell am I going to tell my family?’
Carli gaped at him. ‘Is that all you can think about?’ She got to her feet in agitation. ‘Don’t you realise what this means for me?’
He returned her glare with a look of blank bewilderment.
‘I’m pregnant, for God’s sake!’ she said. ‘I didn’t ask to be or plan to be, but somehow through some trick of nature I find myself in this condition. What has your family got to do with it? What about my career?’
‘You’ll have to give it up temporarily.’
Her eyes flared with anger. ‘And do what? Go down on bended knee in gratitude for your provision? I’d rather die!’
‘You can’t possibly work for the whole length of your pregnancy,’ he said.
‘Excuse me?’ She hit him with her flashing, defiant eyes. ‘Did I hear you correctly?’
His jaw tightened. ‘You heard me.’
‘I will not give up my job for you or anybody!’
‘You can hardly work through labour.’
‘I’ll take a few days off.’
‘What if the baby gets sick?’
She bit her lip and tried to think of a solution. ‘I’ll employ a nanny.’
He tilted one dark brow sceptically. ‘On your wage?’
‘All right,’ she said crisply, folding her arms across her chest. ‘You pay for the nanny.’
‘I’m not paying for a nanny.’
‘Why ever not? It’s your child!’
‘I was brought up by a nanny and swore I would never allow any child of mine to suffer the same.’
Carli’s mouth fell open. He’d never told her that before. She’d always imagined his childhood had been a picnic of happy, sunny days with an adoring host of female relatives to remind him of the light he cast over them from each and every one of his bodily orifices.
‘I didn’t know you’d had a nanny.’
‘I don’t wish to discuss it.’ The line of his mouth was set in an intractable line.
‘What else should you tell me that you’ve so far neglected?’ she asked.
‘Nothing.’ His expression instantly closed over.
‘I can’t work without help,’ she said after another pause. ‘Why don’t you give up your job and be a house husband?’
‘You must be joking.’
‘No, I wasn’t joking.’
‘I was afraid you weren’t.’
‘What’s wrong, Xavier? Don’t you like the feel of the boot on the other foot?’
‘I can’t give up my practice. You know I can’t.’
‘And yet you expect…no—demand me to give up mine?’
She had him in a tight corner and Xavier was not all that sure how to get out of it. He was used to pressure. He thrived on it, but somehow this was different.
Carli was having a baby.
His baby.
‘Come on, Carli, let’s be serious here. I earn ten times your wage. Why would I give that up? It would be financial suicide.’
‘Let me tell you at this point that a huge number of women out there in those suburbs you’ve referred to so disdainfully in the past have to face exactly this sort of choice. They have no other income and must rely on their own earning power to survive to provide for their children.’
‘Pregnancy is more or less a choice these days.’
‘I didn’t choose it!’ she said.
There was a small silence.
‘Didn’t you?’
Her mouth fell open in shock. ‘You think I did it deliberately?’
‘A lot of women do,’ he put in. ‘It ensures an income for a few years, if not from the welfare system then from the man nominated as father. But as you know there are ways now of establishing just who is the father.’
She got to her feet in fury. ‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this!’ She strode towards the door but as she reached for the door knob it seemed to melt and slip away from her. She gave it another attempt but her hands seemed to be grasping at space and she slipped in a slow folding heap to the floor…
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She woke to find Xavier staring down at her with a look of such concern on his face she was tempted to think the last five years hadn’t passed and they were still together.
‘What happened?’ She struggled to get up but he held her down with a flat hand against her shoulder.
‘You blacked out.’
She blinked her eyes a couple of times to restore clarity to her blurred vision.
‘I’ve called for an ambulance.’
‘That’s totally unnecessary. I’m not sick.’
‘You don’t look all that well to me.’
‘I’m under considerable stress at the moment,’ she said. ‘No woman looks good with the weight of the world dragging her down.’
‘You don’t have to take on the weight of the world all by yourself,’ he said. ‘I’ve already offered to help you.’
‘I can just imagine how. You won’t mind how much it costs as long as it causes the least disturbance to your routine.’
‘I have some commitments but I’m sure I can make myself available if you need me.’
‘You’re five years too late, buddy,’ she bit out resentfully.
‘Better too late than not at all.’
She wished she could argue with that but there was the sound of a trolley rattling in the hallway outside, announcing the arrival of the ambulance team.
‘I don’t want to go to hospital.’
‘I want you checked out,’ he said implacably. ‘I want to reassure myself that all we’re dealing with here is pregnancy.’
‘Isn’t pregnancy enough?’ she asked.
He gave her a level look. ‘It could be a whole lot worse, you know.’
‘Just tell me how it could be a whole lot worse,’ she asked as the trolley was wheeled into the room. ‘What could possibly be worse than this?’
‘You could be having twins,’ he said.
She rolled her eyes and faced her nemesis in the ambulance officer who had her in his sights.
‘OK, let’s get this over with.’ She held up her hands as if under arrest.
‘Is she all right, man?’ the guy asked Xavier with a frown.
Xavier twirled his finger beside his temple to indicate a state of insanity. ‘She’s totally nuts.’
Carli opened her mouth to deny it but a cloak of blackness beckoned once more and she gave in to it with gratefulness. She didn’t have the energy to deal with Xavier in this state. All she wanted to do was sleep…
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Carli woke to the sound of voices murmuring softly at the end of her hospital bed.
‘Is she going to be all right?’ Xavier’s voice sounded distinctly strained.
A female voice answered him reassuringly, ‘With a little rest and a better diet she should be fine. Her blood count showed she’s a bit anaemic but the iron tablets I’ve prescribed for her should soon fix that.’
‘How long does she have to stay in hospital?’ Xavier asked.
‘She can go home in the morning.’
‘I’ll be here first thing,’ he said and Carli heard the female doctor leave the room.
‘I know you’re not asleep,’ Xavier said, turning back to the small, stiff figure in the bed.
She sat up and brushed the hair out of her face, scowling at him darkly. ‘Why are you still here?’
‘Why do you think I’m here?’ He frowned at her. ‘You’ve fainted twice in my company in the space of minutes. I don’t want your death on my hands—the pregnancy is bad enough.’
Carli blinked back sudden tears at his terse words. She knew the pregnancy had been a terrible shock to him but did he have to keep reminding her of how distasteful it was for him to be in this situation?
Xavier looked at her intently, his heart squeezing painfully when he saw the way her small chin wobbled as a track of tears made its way down her smooth cheek.
‘Oh, God.’ He came over and, sitting on the edge of her bed, gathered her against him. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’ He spoke into the fragrant cloud of her hair.
‘How else did you mean it?’ She pushed him away with a choked sob. ‘You hate the fact that I’m carrying your child, I know you do.’
‘I don’t hate the idea at all, it’s just the timing of it is a little bit strange.’
‘Five years too late you mean?’ she asked bitterly. ‘You were quite happy to build up your stud back then; we argued about little else.’
‘We’re divorced, Carli, surely—’
‘And we’re staying divorced so don’t get any ideas of playing happy families with me to get access to your child.’
He held her defiant look for a lengthy moment. ‘My offer of marriage was a spur-of-the-moment knee-jerk reaction and I’m retracting it here and now,’ he said. ‘There will be no remarriage.’
The wind went right out of Carli’s sails, leaving her emotionally stranded.
What was wrong with her?
She didn’t want him back.
Did she?
‘However, I do think you should come and live with me for the rest of the pregnancy,’ he said into the tight silence. ‘So I can keep an eye on you.’
‘I can’t possibly live with you!’
‘You can’t possibly live alone; you heard what the doctor just said.’
‘I’ll be fine in a couple of days so you don’t need to play at nursemaid. I couldn’t think of anything worse than being under your constant surveillance. I’d go completely mad.’
His jaw tightened at her intransigence. ‘Don’t make it necessary for me to resort to other means to make you do as you’re told.’
She balled her hands into fists as she glared at him. ‘You’d have to carry me kicking and screaming back into that house with you.’
‘I’ve had it redecorated, so it shouldn’t be so repugnant to you any more.’
‘I suppose you had to redecorate it to exorcise my presence.’ She gave him a churlish look.
Xavier privately marvelled at how close to the truth she actually was. It had taken months before the scent of her perfume had left his house, and yet even now he sometimes thought he could still pick up a faint trace of it in the air when he was in the house alone.
‘You can have your own room,’ he offered.
‘Thank you very much,’ she drawled sarcastically. ‘But it won’t be necessary.’
‘So you’ll agree to share mine?’
‘No!’
‘Come on, Carli, let’s not argue about this. There are much bigger battles we can tussle over.’
‘I don’t want to be a part of your life.’
‘You damn well are a part of my life and will be for the next eighteen years, so the sooner you get used to it the better.’ His voice rose in frustration. ‘You’re not doing either of us any good by being so stubborn. Haven’t you stopped once to think about the baby’s needs?’
She found it hard to hold his flinty look. ‘I think about it all the time.’
‘You’ve not been looking after yourself,’ he said. ‘You’re still too thin and pale. How can you expect to nourish a growing infant on the rabbit food you insist on eating?’
‘Is there anything else you’d like to criticise about me besides my stubbornness, my figure and my diet?’
‘No, everything else is just perfect.’
She searched his face for signs of mockery but instead he gave her a twisted smile.
‘I’m not handling this very well, am I?’ he asked. ‘You never really fell for the steamroller approach before so I don’t imagine you will now, but I really want to do the right thing for our child.’
He had her at her most vulnerable point and she was sure he knew it.
‘I want what’s best as well,’ she said.
‘Then you’ll think about it?’
‘I’ve thought about it and the answer’s still no.’
‘You’re one stubborn woman.’ He got to his feet and looked down at her. ‘But maybe I’ll be able to think of a way to make you see things my way.’
‘I wouldn’t waste your time,’ she warned. ‘There’s nothing you could say that would make me come back to live with you permanently. Nothing.’
‘I wasn’t thinking along the lines of permanently,’ he said, sweeping the air out of her emotional sails again. ‘Just till the baby is born, after that we’ll reassess.’
She bit her lip, sure she was going to cry again and betray herself completely.
‘You and I both know few marriages make the distance,’ he went on as he reached for his jacket and keys on the visitor’s chair. ‘Ours certainly didn’t but at least this time there’ll be no messy, bitter divorce at the end.’ He shrugged himself into his jacket and added, ‘Just think of the money we’ll save on legal fees.’
‘Your family would be appalled to think of you getting involved with me again,’ she pointed out, ‘even as a platonic house guest.’
‘I think under the current circumstances it’s going to be difficult to convince anyone that there’s nothing going on between us.’
‘There is nothing going on!’ she insisted vehemently.
‘Are you absolutely sure about that?’
‘Of course I’m sure,’ she said determinedly. ‘I might be pregnant to you but I am not having a relationship with you of any sort.’
‘Not even as a friend?’
She gave him an arctic look. ‘You are not high on my popularity list right now and I don’t see that changing any time in the future.’
His mouth tightened a fraction. ‘We can hardly co-parent a child without conducting some sort of relationship.’
‘I want as little contact with you as possible.’
‘Well, then,’ he said as he reached for the door. ‘You’re going to have quite a fight on your hands, young lady. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’
She tilted her chin and met his challenging glare. ‘You’re not going to win this, Xavier. I won’t allow you to.’
He gave her an imperious smile, his eyes glinting with confidence. ‘Want to lay a bet on that, Carli?’
She opened her mouth but before she could deliver her cutting response he had already gone, the door swinging shut behind him.
She flopped back on the pillows, her breath going out on a whoosh of sound.
‘All right, Mr High and Mighty Xavier Knightly,’ she addressed the ceiling above her head with steely determination, ‘if it’s a fight you want, then a fight is exactly what you’re going to get.’
