Fling with Her Long-Lost Surgeon
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Sue MacKay
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CHAPTER ONE
GYNAECOLOGIST GEORGINA PRICE stepped out of her office at Scott’s Women’s Health and tried not to stare at the man pacing the small space between her and the waiting room. Wow. Had he grown up or what? She’d never looked twice at him before, but then she was four years older than Blake and when he and her brother were knocking around together the last thing she’d been interested in was some pain in the backside who needed to grow up and get a life. ‘Hello, Blake. It’s been a long time since we last caught up.’
Thirteen years had turned the boy into an outstanding-looking man. She couldn’t help but observe how the skinny young guy she’d last seen when she was twenty-three had become almost unrecognisable. Almost. The long, too-lean body had filled out in all the right places to become that of an attractive man. Stunning said it all—even when his once open face was now shuttered with lines tugging at the corners of his mouth and eyes. Sadly those eyes had lost their cheeky twinkle, but on the good side, the riotous curls were as dark and thick as ever, and still wild despite an upmarket haircut. As though the wind had been blowing through his hair on the way here. Oh, to run her fingers over his scalp, to feel the softness of those shiny curls. Her mouth dried. Definitely gorgeous.
Georgie, get a grip. Blake’s here because of Sarah, nothing else.
His mother was very ill and had been referred to this practice for surgery. She’d wanted Georgie to be her consultant but understood it wasn’t possible for ethical reasons as they were family friends. Georgie had seen to it that Andrew, a senior partner here, stepped up for Sarah, and right now Blake’s mother was in with him going over tomorrow’s procedure.
‘I wish we were catching up in better circumstances.’ Blake had stepped closer and, with a glance in the direction of the office where his mother was sitting patiently waiting for him to join them, said quietly, ‘Is Mum putting on a brave face? Or are you the one she tells all to? Downloads on? I know she’s talked to you a lot about what’s going on.’ He was hurting, and worrying himself sick. It was there in the dark gaze now locked on her as though she could alleviate his pain with a few words.
Not possible, sorry, Blake.
But as a doctor, he knew that. Georgie sighed. Later, when this was over and hopefully Sarah was back on her feet, he could return to being her late brother’s best friend whom she hadn’t seen since the funeral, but for now his mother was ill and preparing for major surgery tomorrow morning to remove a massive fibroid, as well as have a full hysterectomy because of the possibility of cancer. ‘She’s being Sarah, resilient and quiet.’ And worried sick, but Georgie wasn’t putting that into words. Blake sounded apprehensive enough as it was. Something she understood too well. While logically she and Andrew were ninety per cent certain Sarah didn’t have a malignancy, the family friend part of her mind was afraid she might be wrong. The thought of this family being hurt gripped her, making her almost relieved she wasn’t the one doing the surgery. She now understood better why Blake had felt so guilty over Noah’s death when he had no reason to.
Blake shook his head. ‘What else did I expect?’ he muttered almost to himself.
‘It would be more upsetting if she was behaving any different.’
Dull eyes met her full on. Where was that twinkle when she needed it? Because she also felt out of sorts about what Sarah and her family were facing. ‘You’re right. But sometimes I want to be the strong one.’
‘You were always strong, Blake.’ He’d never faltered when his cricket team needed runs from him, when her brother wanted to try some outlandish feat like leaping out of a plane wearing nothing but a parachute. He’d stepped up and passed his exams with the highest scores ever seen at the medical school he was trying to get into while he’d been broken-hearted over Noah’s passing. He was tough. Or he had been. What did she know these days? Anything could’ve changed within him. She only had his mother’s take on things now and of course Sarah would be biased, or unwilling to talk about anything distressing about her son, but reading between the lines, Georgie had a feeling Blake had struggled at times over the intervening years since all their lives had been changed for ever.
‘You don’t know the half of it,’ Blake said quietly, verifying her own thoughts. ‘But thanks for the vote of confidence.’
Andrew’s door opened and he appeared. ‘Like to join us, Blake?’
Blake swallowed. ‘Sure.’
Georgie tapped his arm. ‘Go on. You can do this. I’m available if you need to talk later.’ Naturally she’d be there for this family that had been there for hers thirteen years ago.
He smiled tiredly. ‘Thanks, Georgie. I might take you up on that.’
‘Georgie,’ Andrew called. ‘Sarah would like you in on this too. As a friend,’ he added pointedly. The direction of his gaze suggested that was more for Blake’s sake than hers.
But Blake didn’t hesitate. He held out his hand and gestured to the doorway. ‘After you, Georgie.’
Ever the gentleman. ‘Thanks.’ It was easy to smile at him as she went past. Strange how right it felt being here with him.
Sitting down at his desk, Andrew quickly filled them in on details. ‘I’ve explained the operation to Sarah, and also made it very clear that she has to take things easy for the following six weeks.’
‘Good luck with that.’ Blake squeezed his mother’s shoulder, a grim look on his face. ‘I’d like to see the X-ray and scans that were taken of this fibroid.’
Andrew nodded. ‘Your mother said you’d want to do that. I totally understand, especially being a doctor.’
Standing by the door, Georgie glanced beyond the chair where Sarah sat to the man she hadn’t seen for so long and once more took in his good looks, strong chin and the determination in those eyes that always used to be filled with laughter and fun. A lot like hers before her brother’s accident. Now she saw pain and fear, presumably brought on by his mother’s illness and knowing what it was like losing someone special. Had his life been all he’d once hoped for? From the little she’d heard from Sarah, apart from his medical career, he didn’t seem to have followed through on anything else he might’ve dreamed about, like marrying and having a family. But maybe he hadn’t found the right woman yet, or was too busy protecting his heart to get involved with someone who might cause him hurt again.
Sounded awfully familiar, she conceded. There’d been a few failures along the way for her. It was possibly the same with Blake. They’d both hurt badly over Noah, and she’d lost a lot of confidence and trust, so why wouldn’t it be? She had tried to let go the pain of losing Noah, had even fallen in love and married, only to end up divorced and sorry for the pain she’d put her husband through. Afraid of the consequences if something terrible happened to him, she hadn’t been able to give him enough love. Especially after she lost their baby at twelve weeks. That had been the final straw. More pain, more loss, and it made her feel guilty for even trying for happiness when Noah would never experience those things. She’d withdrawn from looking for love and a family, and got on with what she was good at by putting her heart and soul into it—medicine.
Which made the way she was noticing Blake as an attractive man rather odd. She hadn’t felt any warm tingly sensations tickling her since her marriage fell apart. It had to be more to do with catching up with someone who’d known her brother so well and understood the pain of losing him than anything else.
Sarah was talking, reminding Georgie why she was here. ‘Blake.’ Sarah paused until she had her son’s full attention. ‘Andrew’s my specialist and he doesn’t need any input from you. You’re not the doctor in this situation. You’re my son.’ She reached for his hand and gave him a mother’s smile. Gentle, understanding and ‘do as you’re told’ all rolled into one.
Georgie’s heart expanded, and her eyes watered. Family love was so enveloping and got a person through the daily hits life sent. Her parents gave her strength and understanding, as well as acceptance: things she’d needed over the years, and still did occasionally. She thought of Sarah and knew Blake had been given all the support he needed, but had he accepted it?
‘Andrew won’t take the slightest bit of notice of anything Blake says anyway.’ Georgie smiled at the woman she’d known for as long as she had Blake, which was since he and Noah met at the private school they’d attended here in Christchurch and became inseparable when it came to getting into mischief. Over time their families had got to know each other, but she hadn’t had a lot to do with the boys as the age gap had seemed huge back then. But in the intervening years she had got to know Sarah and Alistair, Blake’s dad, quite well over dinners at her parents’ place.
‘Nor would you.’ Blake had found it in himself to smile at her for the first time since she’d set eyes on him. He did still appear uncomfortable with being here though. It was a scary time for him and his family with the cancer question hanging over them like a black cloud in an otherwise bright blue sky. Memories of pain from the past would up the stress levels and tighten those well-shaped shoulders even further.
Blake and Noah had been in their second year at university in Dunedin when tragedy struck, taking Noah from them. Blake had not coped with losing his best mate and blamed himself for the accident that killed him, when it couldn’t be further from the truth. He’d believed if he’d been with Noah that night, he’d have prevented him from getting into the car with the drunk driver. Since then Blake had been notable by his absence in Christchurch, and rarely visited her parents on the few occasions he did spend a few days with his family. She knew Sarah and Alastair struggled with his absence but they also understood and supported him. It was as though they too had lost a son the same night her parents lost Noah.
‘Yes, I still like to be in charge,’ she admitted. ‘I’m guessing you do too.’ It was a way of surviving. But in this case Blake wasn’t a gynaecologist or obstetrician so his mother’s condition was out of his league. His strength was in orthopaedics—which would only make this more frightening. There was nothing he could do but wait and be there for his parents and sisters. Returning his smile, Georgie felt awkward. It was true they hadn’t been close but he’d been around her family a lot as a teenager, like a part of the furniture, as had her brother with Blake’s family. Now he was worried for his mother, and so was she, even when, from what she’d seen and talked through with Andrew, medically she believed Sarah did not have cancer. It would only be once the surgery was done and Andrew could say with some certainty there was no cancer would she begin to relax. Even then it would take a negative pathology report to take away any lingering doubts.
Sarah looked from her son to Georgie, and back. ‘Even though I understood Georgie couldn’t be my specialist I rang her the moment I knew I had to have this operation. I want her close to the action.’
Georgie nodded and smiled at Blake. ‘Your mother rang me at home while I was enjoying a quiet meal after a busy day in Theatre,’ she told him in an attempt to lighten his mood. Sarah had been calm and forthright when she explained how she’d ended up in the emergency department in extreme abdominal pain after a heavy fall while out walking in Hagley Park. ‘She told me she’d been referred to the public system but that she wanted to go private with the practice I work at.’
‘Relax, Georgie. I’m more than happy that you’re here, especially as a friend.’ His smile was looking less strained by the minute. Then it wavered. ‘Dad’s not pleased to be presiding over the trial of those two men caught bringing in ten million dollars’ worth of cocaine last year. It’s going to run for four weeks. He’d far rather be here with Mum.’
‘Bad timing.’ High court judge Alistair Newman had spoken to Georgie earlier that morning to once again say thanks for supporting them. He was worried sick about his wife having to undergo major surgery. As were they all. Looking at Blake, Georgie was surprised to see approval beaming out at her from those charcoal eyes. The grey used to be light and sparkly. So far today, she’d only seen the colour of wet tar. Until now. Though nowhere near sparkling, they were lighter. Relieved even. ‘I think we need to let Andrew get on with his job rather than listen to us yabbering.’
Andrew laughed. ‘It’s fine. I’ve got a few minutes to spare. But...’ He shrugged. ‘Blake, come here.’ He indicated the screen on the desk. ‘Look at the MRI. It shows the clearest image of what’s causing Sarah so much pain.’
Blake crossed over and stared at the images, the colour draining from his face. The fibroid pressing on Sarah’s uterus was so big it made her stomach extend outward, which she’d put down to eating too many sweet delicacies lately.
Georgie heard Blake suck in air at the sight of the fibroid mass, saw his hands tighten, but he didn’t say a word. Probably didn’t want to scare his mum.
But Sarah was a GP and understood her problem, including the swelling on the walls of the uterus. That was the bigger of the concerns here; it was an indicator of cancer, though so far Andrew hadn’t seen anything to back that up. He tapped the screen. ‘That’s why we’re doing a full hysterectomy.’
Blake winced. ‘At least six weeks taking it easy, Mum.’
Georgie couldn’t take her eyes off him. He was very attractive now that she was seeing him as a man. Like blood-warming, stomach-tightening attractive. Gone were the laughter lines and cheeky twinkle in those eyes, sure, but there was a strength in his face, and a maturity that hadn’t been there when she’d known him all those years ago. Interesting that she was even noticing. She didn’t get overly involved with men these days. Not after her marriage failed. Tommy, her husband, reckoned she didn’t try hard enough to love him, and after one too many arguments he’d packed up and left, breaking her heart and making her more cautious than ever. She’d wanted to have a family with him, but after losing her baby it was too much to bear on top of Noah’s death so she’d said she couldn’t try again. Love hurt bad when it went wrong. Tommy had been right in that she had been afraid to open her heart too much because of her fear of her love going wrong. It had taken a while for her to see that, which kind of suggested his accusations were bang on. Which didn’t bode well for any other relationship she might find herself in, so she was staying clear of love.
On the screen the X-ray taken at the emergency department two weeks ago when Sarah was admitted with severe abdominal pain appeared. ‘This is what led to the scan showing the size of the fibroid and the other problem.’ Andrew gave him a few minutes to take it in.
Blake nodded when he’d finished studying the image with an intensity that would’ve been scary if Georgie hadn’t known he was thinking of his mother.
‘We’ve done routine blood tests and everything’s normal. A cross match has been done and bloods are on hold for tomorrow, in case a haemorrhage occurs, which isn’t infrequent with this type of surgery. It helps Sarah’s fit and otherwise healthy.’ Andrew turned to Sarah. ‘Anything else you would like to go over before tomorrow?’
‘No, nothing. I just want it over with.’
Blake said to Andrew, ‘I can’t thank you enough for getting on to it so quickly.’ Which implied he was even more worried than he’d shown so far, because there was nothing out of the ordinary about how soon the operation was being performed.
Andrew stood up and shook Blake’s hand. ‘No problem.’
Out in the corridor Blake’s sombre eyes locked onto Georgie as though they were connected in all ways about this. Which, with the history of Noah there with them, they probably were.
Her stomach knotted. Touching his arm briefly, she said, ‘We’ll get through this.’ Somehow she’d make sure of it. And she meant it when she’d said ‘we.’ They mightn’t have stood by each other when Noah died because they’d both been struggling so much with their own grief to allow anyone else’s in, but they had gone through the same pain and lived with the consequences in their own ways, and now could understand each other a little. Could understand the fear of losing Sarah.
‘It’s hard.’ His voice was heavy.
‘Yes.’ He wouldn’t have been expecting his mother to be undergoing surgery for a fibroid or possible cancer. No one ever did. She’d seen the shock in the faces of too many patients learning they had a serious problem so knew Blake was feeling it, if trying not to show his concerns. Turning away from that interesting but worried face, she drew a breath and calmly asked Sarah, ‘You all right?’ After the meeting with her surgeon about the procedure, it would feel more real than it had before. Very real.
‘Pretty much as well as expected.’ There was a waver in her voice.
‘You can always ring me if you want to go over anything.’
And, Blake, try to stop worrying.
‘I will.’ Sarah gave her a hug. ‘Thank you for being here. It makes everything easier somehow knowing you’re looking out for me as a friend and doctor.’
Make me want to cry, why don’t you?
This was why she didn’t like getting close to people. Hadn’t since Noah was taken from them. ‘You couldn’t keep me away.’ She glanced at Blake and was surprised to see him nodding. He was happy she was here? When they’d not seen each other at all for so long? It did surprise her, though he used to try and get her attention when they were younger. When the boys finished high school and moved south to Dunedin and university where she was training to become a doctor she had caught up with them regularly. She’d been studying hard with a bit of partying on the side whenever possible. Blake had been partying hard and cramming his studies in between. It’s how it was for students in their first couple of years before they settled into serious study.
Then the night of the phone call came and her world fell apart. Nothing was ever to be the same again. She didn’t know how to grieve, how to move forward. Everyone had advice, but they hadn’t been there and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t spend six months crying, then pack up her feelings and get on with her life. In the end she had done almost that, turned to study and training as hard as she could, focusing on her career and the goals she’d set before she’d even left school. No more parties, no more nights out with the girlfriends. But the pain never left, downsized, maybe, but it was always ready to roar to life whenever something else went wrong.
That was the past, and her future had been about being serious and careful so her mum and dad could rely on her to be there for them for ever. She’d even transferred back to Christchurch to finish her training so they could see her whenever they needed to, only leaving town for training stints in other hospitals up and down the country. Then she’d met Tommy and fallen in love and got married. Only she hadn’t really given him her whole heart, had been afraid of being hurt again, and in the end she’d hurt Tommy, and herself as well.
‘Sarah, I’ll pop in to see you tomorrow morning in the pre-op room. You’ll get to see me all glammed up in baggy scrubs.’
‘Can’t wait.’ Sarah’s face suddenly dropped.
Georgie reached for her hand. ‘You’ll be fine. We’ve got this.’
Don’t break down. Not now.
Though if ever there was a moment for Sarah to fall apart it would be with Blake at her side. She adored her son even though he’d abandoned them for the most part. Until now when he was here to help and support his family.
‘Come on, Mum, let’s go home and wait for Dad to finish up for the day.’ Blake gently took her arm to lead her away. Over his mother’s head, he said, ‘See you tomorrow?’
Georgie nodded. ‘Of course. I’ll drop by between surgeries.’
Bet Blake would be waiting when Sarah was wheeled into her room after recovery. He’d want to see for himself that she’d come through all right. More importantly, he’d want to hear what Andrew had to say about the surgery and what he’d found and if his mother had cancer or not. Until then, he wouldn’t begin to relax. ‘Catch you tomorrow.’
Watching him lead his mother out of the clinic, she drew a long, shaky breath. Strange how she was really looking forward to seeing him again, and it had nothing to do with talking about Sarah’s condition. She’d never once thought of Blake Newman as anything but Noah’s mate. Who’d have believed he’d grow up so damned good-looking?
There had been a drought of men lately but surely that had nothing to do with her reacting to Blake like he was necessary to her. She didn’t have it in her to get deeply involved with men any more, or anyone, really. The few men she’d dated lately seemed to want the whole caboodle, almost before they took the time to get to know her very well. She didn’t want to take another chance on finding happiness. She’d blown it twice before so didn’t believe she’d be that lucky. The relationship she’d been in when Noah died had collapsed because she couldn’t function properly, and then her marriage, which for all its faults could’ve been good if only she’d known how to let go the strings tying down her heart. She and Tommy would’ve doted on their child, if only—
‘If only’ was a mantra from her past.
There were barriers to lower before any relationship was likely to happen. Barriers that were now so ensconced in her makeup it would take a bulldozer to move them. Anyway, it was preferable to protect her heart, and concentrate on her career.
Georgie’s eyes followed Blake’s tall figure walking at a slow pace matching his mother’s weary one, his head on an angle as he listened to her. Now that she’d caught up with him Georgie felt he might be a man she’d always be aware of, if he was in town, which he hardly ever was.
Really? Why did she think that? She didn’t usually just see a guy and go, ‘He’s the one for me.’ Not that she’d had that decimating thought today, but there were tweaks going on in her body that spoke of interest and long-forgotten excitement over spending time with a virile man. ‘Blake,’ she called and headed after him. ‘Blake, hold on a minute.’ Why was she doing this? If he needed to contact her he’d find a way.
‘Yes, Georgie?’
She shivered. Her name sounded different coming off his tongue. Softer. Sexier? How likely was that? She hadn’t noticed she was getting desperate for a man, but perhaps that’s what these unexplainable sensations he invoked were all about. Nah, hardly. This was all about Blake, and nothing, nobody, else.
‘Georgie?’ Now he sounded concerned. Next he’d be thinking she knew something he didn’t about his mother.
‘If you need to get in touch at any time, Sarah’s got my private number.’
Sarah turned, a soft smile lighting up her eyes. ‘I gave it to him already.’
Air whooshed out of her lungs. ‘Right. Okay. That’s fine.’ Not that she expected Blake to be ringing to ask her about the operation. He’d get the details from Andrew. So was she expecting him to phone for the hell of it? To have a chat about the weather? Georgie swallowed the disappointment the idea of not hearing from him brought on. It wasn’t as though she had any reason to expect him to be in touch. They were all but strangers after all, even though there was a sense of togetherness about Sarah and her op tripping through her at the moment. ‘See you tomorrow.’ Sometime. Maybe. If he was around when she dropped by. She turned back towards her office.
‘Georgie, thank you for looking out for Mum. It’s made it easier for her, having another medical mind to download with. I know Dad feels the same.’
Pausing, she stared up at Blake, who’d returned to stand close to her. For once she was seeing him as the guy she used to know, seeing his gentleness in battle with his determination to always be the best at everything. They’d got on as much as two young people with their age difference could. Noah had been their common denominator whenever they were in the same space, but they’d never been best friends or anywhere close. She’d felt grown up while thinking he had a way to go on that score. Regret filled her. What if they had known each other better? Would they have been able to help one another through the tragedy that struck? Would a friendship have softened the pain any? Probably not. Anyway, it hadn’t been and nothing could change how they’d both managed to carry on with their individual lives. ‘So has you being here for Sarah. She was thrilled when you told her you were coming home for this week.’
‘Fortnight.’ He seemed surprised he’d said that, as if he’d just had the thought. ‘Talk later.’ He turned to go back to his mother’s side.
Georgie watched him walking purposefully, head high, back straight. The new, grown-up, empathetic Blake she’d never met before. The tip of her tongue touched the centre of her top lip. Fifteen minutes and already she liked him as much as the younger, cheeky version. Oh, those dark curls. They were begging to have her fingers run through them. But most of all, her heart wanted to soften his worry, take away the fear that was spilling out of his eyes whenever he looked at Sarah.
She’d be there if Blake should want to talk.
Hands behind his head, Blake lay on the bed in what had been his room since he was a toddler, and stared at the rafters. A vision of a certain gynaecologist startled him, teasing him with its clarity.
Georgie had matured into an absolutely stunning woman.
And that wasn’t the half of what was stirring him up. Her confidence and calmness was new. To him any rate. Okay, maybe she’d always been confident in a do-as-I-say kind of way. But calm? Not even close. A hurricane on legs. And what legs they were. Still were from what he’d seen highlighted by a fitted black skirt that barely reached her knees. That had been Georgie when they were growing up in the suburb of Fendalton. A hurricane that puttered out to a breeze when Noah died. Not that he’d seen her since the funeral and she hadn’t been aware of him that day. He’d sat squeezed between his father and mother, and deliberately refrained from talking to her for fear of increasing the pain she was suffering. The kind of fear that had lived with him ever since the night Noah died, fear that dominated how he approached everything, especially getting close to others, of hurting others. Yes, he was a bit of loner nowadays. A bit? Mostly a lone wolf, more like. He had friends, didn’t he? Friends he did his best not to get too close to, though their offspring did make a mockery of that at times with their straightforward approach, the little ratbags.
He sighed. Georgie and those legs brought back other memories. In the past he’d seen them coming out of short shorts, from below tennis skirts that stretched across her thighs accentuating the muscles and curves and eating up the pavement when she went for a run. Georgie was Noah’s older sister, not overly interested in what he and her brother were up to, though always there for advice when they moved to Dunedin to attend university. She was always on the go, studying, working, partying. Full of life. But yeah, as a horny eighteen-year-old he’d noticed Georgie far too much. And when he was nineteen. Then Noah was gone and so was the desire to get close to anyone.
Maybe Georgie was even more confident now. She had locked those stunning eyes on him whenever he spoke, tough as ever, but seeming bruised and a little withdrawn. She’d still take no prisoners, yet he felt that beneath the don’t-mess-with-me exterior there was a woman who longed to be held, hugged, to be reassured she was still Georgie Price: daughter, sister, even a friend. He’d been told by his parents she was almost completely focused on her career now, especially since her marriage fell apart. Another blow to an already broken heart.
Feelings he understood too damned much. Nearly thirteen years since his life was abruptly flipped onto its back. Years of guilt and doubt, of starting over when it came to believing in himself, except he hadn’t quite managed that yet. Sure, he’d done brilliantly in his training to become an orthopaedic surgeon and was now working in a private practice in Auckland. He had the perfect career, a small but reliable set of friends whom he kept at arm’s length and an awesome family he did his best to keep away from because they got under his shield and into his heart far too easily. But he did miss love, the belonging, the cohesiveness of being a part of a loving environment. It was lonely at night when he was finished with work or socialising and headed home to his beautiful but empty house, the cold sheets on his bed, a glass of wine on the deck with no one to grump about his day with. Was he feeling sorry for himself? Good point. It was time to get over himself and look beyond his own fears. If he knew how, or had the courage to give it a go.
His mother was ill. How ill, no one would know until after tomorrow’s operation, and even then, there would be no surety in the answer about cancer until the lab report come back. Andrew had hesitated when he said he was fairly certain Mum didn’t have cancer, but that was doctor-speak for not laying it on the line without proof. His mum said Georgie doubted cancer was in the uterus after she’d seen the scan and MRI, and a part of him believed her. Perhaps that was him wanting her to be right. But he was a son fearing the worst and afraid to accept Georgie’s conclusion in case that tempted the opposite result. Funny though how much he wanted to trust her verdict, even when she could only say she was ninety per cent sure his mother didn’t have cancer. He shivered. He just had to get through the night and half the morning and there’d be some answers. Fingers crossed.
Georgie was stirring him in strange ways. Not that she’d said anything out of the ordinary to start him wondering about how he felt about her. The past hadn’t been mentioned. Why would it be? Especially in the hospital when the focus was on his mother. But make no mistake, there was something between them. A hint of wonder, of belief, between them. Or had he felt it more because she’d been both professional and friendly without being too much of either, and therefore these emotions were running rampant? Because she was his mirror image when it came to the past and how they’d coped? He’d shut down on his heart, afraid to take any chance on being so badly hurt again. It made perfect sense Georgie might’ve done the same.
What was she doing right now? Relaxing before her surgery schedule tomorrow? Uptight about his mother’s operation? Everyone seemed to be on the same page over that. His mother was stressing to bits while pretending all was fine and that she’d get through this like a piece of cake. Dad wasn’t much better, saying little about what they were dealing with, preferring to chat about the case he was judging without actually telling him anything.
Georgie and Andrew may have said there was a remote chance that cancer was causing the swelling in the uterus wall, but he knew from personal experience with patients that once the C word was out there no one relaxed until the pathology came through saying negative. Pathology took days, if not weeks, to read samples and make a diagnosis.
Damn this. He was getting too despondent when there was nothing he could do but wait until tomorrow for any answers to the questions battering his mind. Getting off the bed, Blake crossed to the window to look down on the familiar street. The streetlights had come on as the sun made its last hurrah on the edge of the city. As a teen those lights used to annoy him when he was trying to sneak out the window to go join his mates at the park at the end of the road for an hour of talking nonsense and listening to hip-hop on someone’s phone. They used to think that was the best in music. Nowadays he’d turn it off if it came on anywhere near his ears.
Georgie and her girlfriends would dance to it, shaking and bobbing around like they’d lost control of themselves on the lawn or the deck. Probably had, when he thought about the half-empty bottle of vodka he and Noah found behind her father’s rosebushes one evening after the girls had gone to a nightclub in town.
Georgie didn’t look like a woman who partied any more. Had she lost the zest for life that had been her trademark when she lost Noah? At first he’d gone the other way, taking up drinking and partying in a big way, stopped studying so hard as he tried to fill the gap Noah had left in an attempt to prove he was okay. But the feeling that a piece of him was missing and would never come back hadn’t left him. He’d struggled to stifle the guilt for not being there to talk his mate out of taking a ride with a drunk that night. If not for Noah’s father telling him to let it all go and stop ruining his own life who knew where he might’ve ended up? It didn’t bear thinking about. A deep longing to talk to someone who knew him from the past filled him. It would be wonderful to talk without having to consider the other person wouldn’t have a clue what he was on about. Someone who’d understand why he was so worried about his mother.
‘What if Mum’s got cancer?’ he asked for the thousandth time. All very well saying they’d deal with it, that she’d be all right, but cancer had a mind of its own, and tough as his mum was, she might not win that particular battle. She’d certainly give it everything she had, and some, but cancer was a devil. He could not lose his mother. Neither could his sisters, or their children lose their grandmother. As for dad, he’d be decimated. He was already struggling with waiting for tomorrow to be over and them to have some idea where they were headed. Blake shuddered. If his dad was in a bad way, then so was he because he’d never let anyone come near him even to share a meal, let alone know his heart, if the worst happened. Losing Noah had been devastating, and call him naïve, or whatever word came to mind, but he didn’t want to face that again. Yet life did throw curve balls. It was how it was. Just not tomorrow or his mum or his family.
Please.
Blake watched a young couple strolling along the footpath, holding hands as they chattered. His heart crunched for what might’ve been if life hadn’t changed so abruptly the night Noah was in that accident. Love, laughter, children. Sure, his life wasn’t exactly a desert. But love was missing. Someone to share his soul with. A woman to talk to, lie next to, make love with. Children were a dim dream. All because he couldn’t let go of the past and look forward with hope and a smile.
Yet right this moment he wanted to share some of his fear and pain. Turning, he reached for his phone, picked it up and stared at the screen until the light went off. ‘Nah, she’ll think I’m crazy.’ She might be right too. He didn’t do reaching out to anybody, let alone Georgie.
‘Enough.’ His head was a mess which would keep him awake all night if he didn’t do something about it. Going for a run usually did the trick. He dug in his bag for his gear.
Georgie ran along the riverbank, refusing to think about anything or anyone. Like that was working. Impossible. Blake kept coming to mind. How good he looked. How worried he was over Sarah. How his tired smile had hit her hard, and made her want to be there for him no matter what.
A man ran past, turned around and ran backwards slowly. ‘Georgie.’
Could it be? ‘Hello, Blake.’ She slowed to a brisk walk. Hard to talk while running.
He stepped in beside her. ‘Small world, eh?’
‘Seems like it.’ Of all the thousands of people in the city it was Blake who ran by.
‘You do this regularly?’
‘Most days in summer when it’s not dark by the time I get home.’ She’d been longing to talk to Blake all afternoon and here he was. So talk. ‘It’s my way of destressing from the day so I can sleep at night. You’re the same?’
‘Yes, I am. Of course today’s different. I seem to have been sitting around one place or another most of the day, and figured some exercise might quieten the brain.’ He glanced her way. ‘Do you still stay up all hours and rush into work late?’ There was light laughter in his voice that made her all warm and cosy.
‘I try to be a bit more sensible these days.’ She was so damned sensible it was boring even for her. She might be thirty-six but that didn’t mean she had to start behaving like her grandmother. Actually, that was unfair on Gran. Gran was never at home, always out with her friends or walking in the hills around Diamond Harbour or helping at one of the community shops in town.
‘Never thought I’d hear you say something like that.’ Then his voice went flat. ‘It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?’
Not going there. Seeing the worry in Blake’s face earlier in the day had brought back her own past pain which she didn’t need right now. ‘Sarah’s filled me in on some of the things you’ve been doing, including taking up a partnership in an orthopaedic clinic in central Auckland a couple of months ago. That’s awesome.’
‘You’re a partner at Scott’s Women’s Health. Equally awesome. The pair of us have done all right. Career-wise any rate.’
‘I used my training as an escape from joining in everything else going on around me.’ A sigh escaped. Talking about this was unusual for her. Was it the same for Blake? But she wasn’t ready to stop. There was something cathartic about it she hadn’t known before. ‘Why did you choose orthopaedics?’
‘Hard to say, other than when a team mate in the school rugby team broke his leg during a game I sort of pictured myself in Theatre helping him. I know, I’m weird, but it worked. These days I get immense satisfaction from getting people back on their feet, seeing their shock and relief when they realise they no longer have to put up with debilitating pain from an arthritic knee or hip, or can get back on their cycle once their shoulder is healed.’ His voice resonated with enthusiasm and he walked easier. The conversation was on safe ground? ‘What about you? Why gynaecology?’
‘It was always my goal from the first day at med school. No idea why other than I’ve always been fascinated with the reproductive system and helping women with their problems gives me a sense of achievement I don’t get with anything else.’ She laughed. ‘Like you, I love seeing patients realise they can move forward without pain or have the baby they’d once thought impossible.’ Her laughter faded. ‘Though I can’t help everyone.’
‘No one can, Georgie. No one.’
‘How true.’ Time to change the subject before she became maudlin. ‘What else do you do with your time apart from work? Still hit a cricket ball around the paddock?’
‘I’ve been known to on the rare occasions I go to watch one of my mates’ sons play for his school. Have to say I’m useless nowadays. Don’t seem to have the eye-hand-ball co-ordination I once had. I still run, go out fishing occasionally, and nowadays I take to the hills hiking a lot.’
‘On your own?’
‘Mostly.’ Another pause, then, ‘Because it’s less demanding, if you know what I mean?’
No one to get close to or find himself actually talking with about personal subjects. ‘I’m afraid I do. Letting go the past hasn’t been easy, and talking about it even harder. I’ve still a way to go, if I’m truthful.’ And why wouldn’t she be? Blake made her feel as though a weight was being lifted off her shoulders. ‘Does that mean you haven’t got a partner at the moment?’ There hadn’t been anyone to support him today when he’d been with his mother. That he needed someone there had been obvious by the tension in his shoulders as he’d paced the room. Georgie knew she’d try her best to be there for him over the coming days despite this strange new awareness of Blake that she’d been trying hard to ignore because that was way better than letting her suddenly over-reactive body get out of hand.
‘Nope. First I was too busy studying and working to have time for anyone else, then—I don’t know. Too much time spent working, I guess.’
‘Sounds familiar. Though I was married for a while. It didn’t work out.’
‘Did you marry that guy you met at university? If I remember rightly, you moved in with him in my second year.’
‘Spenser. No, we didn’t last long after Noah died. I was too wrapped up in my grief and he couldn’t handle it. I wasn’t a lot of fun any more.’
‘You were better off without him if that’s the way he treated you.’
He certainly knew how to make her feel all warm and soft. ‘Thanks, but I wasn’t easy to be around at the time.’
Blake looked her way. ‘So? That’s no excuse. He was your partner. He was supposed to support you.’
You would. Deep inside she believed that. He’d blamed himself for not being with Noah, who was so upset about being dumped by his girlfriend that he got drunk and then got in a car driven by a guy who was well over the limit. Blake had never let that happen again on his watch. ‘Anyway, that’s history. I’m flying solo these days. I have a couple of close friends I spend time with whenever possible, and it’s enough.’ Really? It had been. Why doubt it now? Her eyes slid sideways. Not because Blake Newman had turned up in her day and made her blood hum. That was not reason enough to change anything.
‘I know what that’s like. I don’t spend a lot of time with my mates and their families.’
Sounded like he tried to stay away from them more often than not. But then he would, having lost his best friend. ‘I understand. I meant it when I said I’m available if you want to talk about Sarah. Or anything else.’
‘Thanks. I appreciate that. A lot.’ He stared ahead for a moment. Then, ‘You’ve stayed in Christchurch all along?’
Ever since she came back after Noah died? ‘Yes.’ A part of her wanted to talk to him as she once might have, lighthearted and free, but she was held back by the constraints she’d put in place nearly thirteen years ago. She’d already said more than normal. Seeing Blake’s distress over Sarah had brought back the past with a bang, and her stomach churning with the need to share things with him, but how did one start saying stuff that had been kept under wraps for so long? Things that had probably hurt them both. Did he wonder what Noah might have been like nowadays? If he’d set up the architectural business he was passionate about? Married and had kids?
Let loose a bit, speak from your heart, not the left side of your brain.
Deep breath. Could she let Blake in where she allowed no one? But then Blake was a part of the past that had closed down her happy spirit and brought her back to Christchurch permanently. She understood all too well why he was so worried. ‘At first I came back to be here for Mum and Dad. Then I realised it worked for me too. I wanted to be close to them for my own sake.’ Her mouth dried. She hadn’t put any of this into words in a long time, if at all. She’d tried not to dump her sadness on Tommy, and in hindsight, that was probably unfair since he did cop her mood swings, and because he’d wanted to know all of her, not only selective pieces of her past.
Blake was quiet, yet she didn’t feel uncomfortable, more as though he was giving her time and space to carry on if she chose to.
So she did. ‘In some ways it was hard. They kept checking up on me, like they were afraid I’d vanish off the planet one day. But then I pretty much did the same with them. It became our norm for a long time.’ Over the years they’d all relaxed a little, but not completely.
‘That’s natural after what happened.’
‘I guess. These days we’re back to some semblance of what used to be our family normal, but I can’t drop the fact that I should be here so that they’re able to see me whenever they want. Not that I’m complaining. Christchurch is my hometown. I work in a private practice as well as at the public hospital. Most of my friends are still here. What more could I want?’ Now she’d said it, she realised she was happy. Maybe in a quieter, less full-on way than she was when she was young, but happy none the less. Some of her dreams hadn’t been fulfilled, but no one got everything they wanted. ‘Honestly, I like living here. It’s where I grew up, and I’m comfortable.’
See what talking from the heart did? It showed her she wasn’t really deeply involved in anything other than work. A career she was very proud of. Her achievements made her feel good. In a lonely kind of way, really. Comfortable wasn’t exactly exciting. So what about the biggest dream of them all? A man to love. Throw children in the mix and she’d be ecstatic. Except she’d lost a baby once, and didn’t think she could face that if it were to happen again.
Drop it, Georgie. Talk with Blake while you’ve got the opportunity.
‘What about you? Are you happy in Auckland? Got a good life going up there?’
Blake shrugged. ‘I have my own home and the career I want. It’s enough.’
Didn’t sound like it by a long shot. They walked in silence for a few minutes.
Blake appeared to be miles away until he asked, ‘Didn’t your parents buy a campervan a little while ago?’
‘You’re not entirely out of touch then. Yes, they bought one of those big suckers and have managed to get away for short trips a few times lately when they’re not bogged down with their jobs. In fact right now they’re away for a couple of weeks on the West Coast. I know they want to do the North Island sometime. As in take months, stopping for long periods in places that interest them, moving on wherever the urge takes them.’
‘I have called in to see them on a few of the occasions I’ve been back to see Mum and Dad. They were always good to me as a teenager. And later...’ Blake’s voice trailed off.
‘I know they love hearing from you.’
And now she might be understanding a little better why, because deep inside there was a sensation of tension easing that she hadn’t known she was carrying. Almost as if one small piece of her had clicked into place. The start of a zip closing, one tooth shut, many more to go. Something to look forward to? Yes, it might be. All because she’d caught up with Blake and was talking with him like there was nothing to feel uncomfortable about. As if she’d found the one thing that had been missing in her life for so long. Defining what that was might take a while, but one click showed it was possible. Whatever it was. Georgie stopped walking. ‘That’s my car. Do you want a lift home?’
‘No, I’m good.’ He was looking directly at her. ‘It’s been good catching up.’
‘I agree.’ Unexpected as it was, talking with Blake had reminded her of the past without the pain. Of course she still hurt, but Blake had been there, understood more than any of her friends what it was like to lose Noah. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
‘Will do.’ He was gone. Hopefully only for a few hours, not years.
He’d be at the hospital with Sarah tomorrow, and possibly the day after and maybe the next one too, so she would see him some more. Where had this need to get to know Blake come from? It was new, for sure. And worrying. No, make that intriguing. It made her body heat and her skin soften. And her fears loosen a teeny-weeny bit. Sensations she hadn’t known in for ever. Bring them on.
Surely not? Surely yes. She headed for home, feeling more enthusiastic about everything than she had in a long, long time.
