Out of Exile
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Carla Cassidy
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14
Chapter 1
Seventeen years.
It had been seventeen years since she’d been to this ranch. But as she drove beneath the wooden entry that proclaimed the area to be the Delaney Dude Ranch, it felt as if the years had fallen away and she was once again a teenager eagerly looking forward to visiting members of her new family and spending time on a real ranch.
“Maybe I should have called or written to let them know we were coming.”
Lilliana Winstead shot a glance at the elderly woman in the passenger seat. “You didn’t tell anyone that you were coming?”
Lilliana’s adopted aunt, Clara, straightened in the seat. “I was going to, but it simply slipped my mind.” The frown that momentarily danced across her forehead disappeared. “But we’re family, Lilly. I’m sure we’ll be welcome here.”
Lilly hoped so. They had come a long way from Dallas to this ranch in Inferno, Arizona, and had been in the car for the better part of two days.
Lilly directed her attention back out the window. Years before when she had visited, the place hadn’t been a dude ranch but merely a working ranch.
In the distance the huge two-story white house came into view, along with a plethora of outbuildings that hadn’t been there before. Still, a small rush of happiness swept through her. Some of the best memories of her youth came from this place.
As they pulled closer, she spied two men standing near the weathered wooden corral and instantly she recognized one of them as Matthew Delaney.
Even though it had been seventeen years and his back was to them, she recognized his tall lanky length, the impossibly broad shoulders and the downward tilt of the black cowboy hat on his head.
Again a swell of pleasure filled her chest. Some of the best memories of her youth came from this man.
As the car drew closer, the two men turned, and Lilly felt a sense of satisfaction as she saw that indeed, the tall cowboy was Matthew. He said something to the cowhand next to him and the man nodded, then took off toward the barn.
Lilly parked the car as Matthew approached them.
“Lilly. Clara. What a surprise,” he said as the two women got out of the car. He made no move to hug Lilly or kiss his aunt hello. Instead he stuck his hands in his pockets, his dark-gray eyes expressionless beneath the brim of his hat.
“We’ve come for a visit,” Aunt Clara announced. “I meant to call, but it just slipped my mind.” She frowned. “Lately it seems like lots of things keep slipping my mind.”
“I hope we haven’t come at a bad time,” Lilly said, once again looking at the handsome man before her.
“Of course not,” he replied after only a moment’s hesitation. “It’s been a long time.” His gaze flickered over her, traveling from her face downward, then back up again.
Lilly fought the impulse to smooth a hand down the light-blue cotton dress that was wrinkled from the hours in the car. Instead she tucked a strand of her long, dark hair behind her ear. “Yes, it has been a long time.”
There was a moment of awkward silence, one that Lilly remembered from years ago. The first time she and Clara had arrived here when Lilly had been sixteen years old, Adam Delaney, Matthew’s father, had greeted them with the same lack of enthusiasm.
At that time Lilly had stood next to Aunt Clara, eyeing the four silent Delaney children with trepidation at the same time they had stared at her suspiciously.
“I was just about to head inside and get some dinner.” He pulled his hands from his pockets. “Why don’t I get your bags inside and get you settled in.”
Lilly nodded and as Aunt Clara started for the house, she popped open the car trunk to reveal two overnight bags. She handed one to Matthew and carried the other herself.
“Things are sure quiet around here,” she observed as they walked from the car to the front porch. Although it was just a little before six, the sun was already starting its descent, riding low and transforming the blue sky with glorious warm colors.
She’d expected crowds of people. She’d expected children running amok as parents attempted to corral them, newlyweds oblivious to their surroundings and high-spirited vacationers.
“The ranch went dark a week ago,” he explained. “We won’t have any guests here for another three weeks.” He opened the front door and gestured for his aunt and Lilly to precede him inside.
“Oh my, I can see I’ve come in the nick of time,” Aunt Clara exclaimed as she ran a finger across the hall tree in the foyer. A light layer of dust filmed the golden oak beneath.
Matthew swept off his hat and hung it on one of the hooks near the door. “The housekeeper is on vacation for a couple of weeks.”
“Then I can make myself useful here,” Aunt Clara said, a satisfied smile moving her plump cheeks upward.
Matthew opened his mouth as if to protest, then apparently thought better of it. “Why don’t I show you both to your rooms and you can freshen up while I rustle up some dinner.”
It took only minutes for Matthew to show them the rooms they’d used in the past when visiting, then he went back down the stairs.
Lilly was pleased to see that the room where she’d spent several weeks for three summers as a young woman had been left untouched in the passing of time. The wallpaper was perhaps a little less bright than it had been years ago and the bedspread appeared a bit frayed.
The bed was big and soft, and many a night she’d lain in it and dreamed girlish dreams about Matthew Delaney. She smiled now and moved to the window.
The view was magnificent. From this vantage point she could see the stables and, farther out, the pastureland that it must cost a fortune to maintain in this arid, desertlike climate.
She could hear her aunt in the next room, bustling about to unpack her suitcase. Lilly frowned. It disturbed her that Aunt Clara hadn’t called to let Matthew know they were visiting; that meant she hadn’t mentioned to him Clara’s plans of moving in here permanently. It would be up to Lilly to relay this information to Matthew.
Matthew. He had been a young girl’s dream. Because he’d been the same age as Lilly, he’d been assigned to entertain her those three summers she had visited.
She’d found him intensely handsome, heroically strong, and mysterious in a dark, poetic way. She had instantly developed an intense crush on him. And there had been times she’d thought her feelings for him might be reciprocated, but nothing had ever come from it.
She cracked open the window and drew a deep breath of air that smelled like warm earth, live animals and fresh sunshine.
It would be good to stay here, see Aunt Clara settled in and enjoy the ranch life for a week or two. She’d needed a break from her tiny apartment in Dallas and hopefully, during the time she was here, she wouldn’t think about the tragedy that had prompted her to take a year off from her work.
She left her room and went down the stairs to the kitchen, where she could hear Matthew rattling pots and pans.
She paused in the doorway, aware that he hadn’t noticed her presence.
For just a moment she took the opportunity to study the man he had become. The last time she’d seen him he’d been almost nineteen years old. She knew he was now the same age as her—thirty-five.
As a young man of eighteen, he’d been handsome. As a mature man of thirty-five, he was devastating. Life had etched lines into his face, but the fine lines that radiated out from the corners of his eyes and creased his forehead only added character and strength.
No gray accented his thick, black hair, and his lean, lanky body looked as if not a single year had passed since last time she’d seen him.
“You come down to help or to stand there and stare?”
She grinned. “Aw, busted. I was just looking to see what damage the years had done to you.” She stepped into the kitchen.
He lowered the flame beneath a pot of beans and turned to stare at her. His eyes were just as she remembered them, smoky gray and long-lashed. Heat welled up inside her as his gaze slowly drifted down the length of her, a visual onslaught that felt vaguely invasive.
“Looks like the years have been fairly kind to you,” he observed, as his gaze once again locked with hers.
She smiled and consciously ignored the heat that still flooded through her veins. She found it crazy and amazing that after all these years a flicker of those bedroom eyes of his could affect her. “Now that we have that out of the way, what can I do to help with dinner?”
“You can set the table. I’m afraid dinner isn’t going to be anything elaborate. Hot dogs and beans. I didn’t realize I was going to have company this evening.” There was a touch of censure in his voice.
“And I apologize for that,” Lilly said as she grabbed three plates from the cabinet and placed them on the table. “I should have made sure Aunt Clara contacted you. I just assumed she had until we pulled into the entry and she mentioned she hadn’t.”
Lilly grabbed silverware from the appropriate drawer, wondering if now was a good time to mention the fact that Aunt Clara’s intentions were not just for a visit, but rather for something more permanent.
But she got no opportunity as Aunt Clara joined them in the kitchen at that moment. She filled the air with cheerful prattle, making any meaningful conversation between Matthew and Lilly impossible.
Although it had been years since Lilly had been here, she knew her aunt had come to the ranch seven months ago when her brother and Matthew’s father, Adam, had passed away. She also knew her aunt had stayed in touch through sporadic letters from Matthew’s sister, Johnna.
Dinner was an awkward affair, and Lilly got the distinct impression that Matthew wasn’t exactly thrilled by their impromptu appearance here.
Although he was courteous, it seemed a courtesy offered with a touch of reluctance. The shadows in his eyes that she’d once found fascinating now seemed even more deep and forbidding. She wondered what had happened in his life in the years since she’d last visited that had so deepened those shadows?
Not my problem, she reminded herself. But what made her slightly uncomfortable was that she had seen those same kinds of shadows in another’s eyes not so long ago. And those shadows had led to a tragedy of mammoth proportions.
In that particular instance, Lilly had allowed herself to get too close, had allowed her natural defenses to drop, and the end result had been devastating.
She didn’t intend to allow anyone that close again. All she wanted from Matthew Delaney was the assurance that Aunt Clara, the woman Lilly loved more than anyone in the world, could have a home here. Then Lilly would return to her life and cherish the memories of a boy who’d been kind to her when she’d desperately needed kindness.
Lilliana. Lilly.
Matthew took a pitchfork and arranged a bed of fresh hay in one of the horse stalls. The last person he’d expected to see here was Lilliana Winstead. He hadn’t thought about her for years, but there had been a time when he’d hardly been able to think of anything else.
Although he’d never had much use for his aunt Clara, the summer of his sixteenth year she’d brought her newly adopted daughter, Lilliana, here for a visit.
Those trips they’d made annually for three summers had been both eagerly anticipated and equally dreaded by Matthew, who would always be assigned the task of entertaining Lilly.
Spending endless hours with the beautiful Lilly had been a pleasure the likes of which Matthew had never known. Not only had her prettiness attracted him, but she’d had an infectious laugh, a sparkle in her eyes and an insatiable curiosity that had absolutely bewitched him.
“You show her a good time, boy, and keep her out of trouble,” Adam Delaney would say to his son on the first day of their visit. “You make me proud or I swear I’ll make you sorry.”
Matthew shoved away the memory of his old man’s words, but there was no way to push aside the anger that stirred inside him. It was a familiar anger, one that had become like a loyal friend because it was always there just under the surface.
He spread the last of the new hay, trying not to feel guilty about how quickly he’d left the table after dinner. Aunt Clara had indicated that she would do the cleanup, and Matthew had taken the opportunity to escape to the stables.
Seeing Lilly again had stirred myriad emotions and he felt as if he needed some time alone to put it all in the proper perspective.
He’d been looking forward to this time when the ranch would be dark, when there would be no guests demanding attention. No bitching, no whining, just peace and quiet, that’s what he’d been looking for.
He needed time alone to figure out where he was headed, where the Delaney Dude Ranch was headed.
But in those summers when Lilly and Aunt Clara had visited, the one thing that had been conspicuously absent was peace and quiet.
“Hi.”
He tightened his grip on the pitchfork as her low, melodic voice interrupted his thoughts. She stood just outside the stall where he’d been working.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Matthew, but I really need to talk to you.” It was obvious she’d showered and changed clothes before coming in search of him. Gone was the wrinkled blue dress she’d been wearing, and in its place was a blue T-shirt and a pair of almost shockingly short shorts.
“Talk to me about what?” He leaned the pitchfork against the wall, then left the stall. As he stepped out, he could smell her, a fresh clean floral scent that eddied in the air. It was a scent that rang the chords of distant memories. He thought she’d worn the same fragrance years ago.
“About Aunt Clara.”
Matthew frowned. “What about her?”
Lilly leaned back against the stable wall. The brevity of her shorts now gloriously displayed the legs that had been hidden beneath the long skirt earlier. Those legs looked just as silky, just as shapely as they had looked years ago.
“I’m not sure how to tell you this,” she said, hedging.
A burst of irritation swept through Matthew at the realization that even after all the years that had passed, and all the beatings he’d endured because of her, he felt a stir of desire for her. “Just spit it out,” he exclaimed. “I don’t remember you ever having a problem verbalizing in the past.”
Her eyes, eyes the color of cornflowers, widened at the sharpness of his tone. “She’s lost everything—her house, her savings…all of her assets—through a series of bad investments.”
“And so she’s come here hoping we’ll default on the terms of my father’s will and she’ll inherit the place?” he asked tersely.
“I know all about the terms of the will, that your father set it up so you all have to work here for a year before the ranch officially becomes yours. And I know if any one of you defaults on the conditions, the ranch goes to Aunt Clara.”
She took a step toward him and placed her hand on his forearm. He suddenly remembered that about her, that she’d been a toucher. “She doesn’t want the ranch, Matthew. All she wants is a home here with the rest of her family.”
What family? Matthew wanted to ask. The Delaneys had never been a family. They had been four children trapped in a life with a brutal dictator, four siblings who’d been isolated by fear and distrust. But Matthew didn’t talk about such things. He never talked about it.
“Why doesn’t she move in with you?” he asked, then realizing how cold he sounded, he hurriedly continued, “I mean, you’re certainly much closer to her than any of my brothers and sister have been over the years.”
She nodded, the gesture giving her thick, dark hair a sensual sway. “I told her I’d get a bigger apartment, that she was more than welcome to move in with me, but she insisted she wants to be here.”
He fought the sigh of resignation that rose in his throat. “Then I guess she’s going to be here.”
Lilly offered him a wide smile that lit every feature on her face. He felt the warmth of that smile burrow deep in the pit of his stomach. “Thanks, Matthew. More than anything, I want her to be happy.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Did you really think I’d send her away?”
She grabbed a strand of her midnight hair and twirled it around her finger. “To be honest I didn’t know what to expect. We haven’t exactly stayed in touch, and I wasn’t sure how you might react.”
She was right. Many years had passed since they’d spoken or had any contact. She had no idea what kind of man he’d become, just as he had little idea of the woman she’d become.
“How long are you going to be here?” he asked. “Hasn’t school started in Dallas?” The last thing he’d heard was that she was a high school counselor.
“Yes, but I decided to take a year off.” Her gaze slid away from his.
“Really? Why?”
She shrugged. “I just decided I needed a little break.”
She walked over to one of the other stalls and reached out to pet the mare confined there.
Matthew watched her. He had a feeling there was more to the story, but told himself it was none of his business. She was none of his business.
Still, he had to admit to himself that she was as pretty as she’d been at sixteen…even prettier. She was still slender, but with curves in the right places. Her hair wasn’t as long as it had been years ago, but it still framed her face with glossy darkness, a perfect foil for her startling blue eyes.
“You never married.” It was a statement, not a question.
She turned to look at him once again. “Neither have you,” she countered.
“That’s right. And I never intend to marry.” Matthew knew well the reasons why he would never bind himself to a woman. “I like living my life alone. What about you?”
She gave the horse a final pat. “For the most part I’m comfortable alone. I’ve never felt the need for marriage. I think there are just some people who aren’t cut out for the institution.” She grinned. “And no, I’m not gay.”
He blinked in surprise. “That didn’t even cross my mind.”
“You’d be surprised how many men discover I’m thirty-five and never been married and just assume it must be because I’m gay, or at the very least highly dysfunctional in some way or another. There are times it gets quite irritating.”
He felt a grudging grin curve his mouth. Even as a young woman she’d been in touch with her emotions and had no problems verbalizing them. He’d always admired that about her.
“So how long are you planning on staying?” he repeated as they headed for the stable door.
“A week, maybe two if that’s all right with you. I’d like to see Aunt Clara settled in.” She grinned, the infectious smile he remembered from their youth. “But don’t worry, Matthew. I’m a big girl now. I don’t expect you to squire me around on this visit. I’m perfectly capable of entertaining myself.”
They both halted as the door to the stables opened and Jacob Tilley walked in. “Jacob!” Matthew said in surprise.
He hadn’t seen Jacob since six months ago when Jacob’s father, Walter Tilley had been sent away to prison.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, Matthew,” Jacob said. “One of your men told me you were out here and I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time.”
Matthew turned to Lilly. “Jacob, this is Lilliana Winstead.”
“Yes, I remember you,” Jacob said and held his hand out to her. “You used to visit in the summers.”
“That’s right,” Lilly replied. “And you used to come with your father when he’d have a meeting with Adam.” She shook his hand, then stepped back from them. “I’ll just get out of here and give you two some privacy.” Without a backward glance she left the stables.
“Pretty, isn’t she?” Jacob observed when she had gone.
“She’s all right. What can I do for you, Jacob?” Matthew asked, curious as to why this man would show his face around here.
“I hear the ranch is doing well,” he said as he swept his hat from his head and fingered the brim. “Heard you’re booked up solid through Christmas.”
“We’re doing all right,” Matthew replied. He eyed the man patiently, knowing eventually he would get around to the reason for this visit.
Jacob shifted from one foot to the other, his gaze not meeting Matthew’s. “This can be a tough town, an unforgiving town.”
“Are you here on behalf of your father?” Matthew asked. Seven months before, Walter Tilley had been the executor of Adam Delaney’s will and the family lawyer. Then it was discovered he was running illegal aliens through the ranch and was responsible for the death of a young woman who’d been working the ranch as a social director.
“No, I’m here on behalf of me…and my family.” For the first time Jacob looked him square in the eyes. “I hear you’re doing some hiring.”
“I always do this time of year,” Matthew replied. “I’ve got interviews set up for tomorrow.”
“I was afraid if I tried to set anything up with you, you’d turn me down,” Jacob replied. He frowned. “And of course, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. What my father did to you, to this ranch, was inexcusable.”
“I’ve never blamed you for the choices your father made.” God help him if anyone judged him by his father’s sins, Matthew thought.
“Then give me a job, Matthew.” There was a touch of undisguised desperation in Jacob’s voice. “I can’t get anyone else in this town to even talk to me about a job. Everyone knows what my father did. Hell, my wife…my kids…we’re all starving because I can’t find work.”
Matthew knew the Tilleys had always been proud, and he knew the emotional toll it must have cost Jacob to come here this evening.
“Be here at dawn in the morning and plan on working harder than you ever have in your life.” Matthew hoped he hadn’t just made a mistake.
Jacob held a hand out to him. “Thanks. I promise you won’t regret it.”
After Jacob left the stables, Matthew remained for a few minutes longer. He sank down on a bale of hay, his thoughts going back to the conversation with Lilly.
Funny, he’d always been surprised that she hadn’t married. He wasn’t sure he’d ever met a woman who had no interest in getting married. Certainly most of the single women of Inferno had marriage on the mind, and there was nothing they’d like more than to snag the last available Delaney.
But Matthew’s desire to remain single went deeper than a mere whim. He would never marry, because he was afraid he was his father’s son. And as his father’s son, he was desperately afraid that if he ever fell in love he would only manage to hurt the person most dear to his heart.
Better not to love than to repeat the sins of the father.
