Do You Want to be Trapped
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Iandra Taylor
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1,1M
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32
Chapter 1
HOLLY
The music starts, and I watch my sister, Haven, walk down the aisle toward the front of the church. She grips her bouquet like sheās going to break the stems of the flowers at any moment.
I canāt see her face anymore, but Iām sure thereās murder in her eyes as she looks toward the front.
My mother sits in the pew with her head hanging, wiping the tears from her eyes.
Iām sure that to the crowd of people gathered for the wedding, it seems like my mother is crying happy tears for the sake of her baby girl getting married to the love of her life. I wish that were true.
My father is doing a better job of controlling his emotions. Heās just as angry as my sister, but heās trying to hold me up through this torturous walk down the aisle.
This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. How did it turn out like this?
TEN MINUTES AGO
āI told you, man, if I hadnāt been baby-trapped by her, then I wouldnāt still be with her. This whole wedding thing is my parents forcing me to do the right thing,ā Collin says to whoever is standing with him in the back of the church.
Iām not supposed to be there. The bride isnāt supposed to see the groom before the wedding.
Everyone says itās bad luck. I guess theyāre right.
Collin doesnāt want to marry me.
I shouldāve seen the signs. He hadnāt even gotten me an engagement ring.
I canāt believe it. Just minutes ago, I had been a blushing bride, thrilled for my big day. In my excitement, I had snuck out of the brideās room to try and get a glimpse of the man I was going to marry.
I hadnāt expected to overhear Collinās conversation with his brother, Tommy.
āI thought you loved her?ā Tommy asks.
āI like her well enough, but I donāt think I love her. Weāve only been together a few years,ā Collin says with a scoff.
I stand there with my back to the wall, a hand covering my mouth to hold back a sob.
Only a couple of years? How damn long does it take to figure out if you love someone?
I knew after about three months that I was on the path to loving Collin. Now here I am, twenty-five years old and ready to dedicate my life to him. After two years of being together, he doesnāt know if he loves me?
What in the world am I missing? He tells me all the time he loves me, and Iāve had no reason not to believe him.
Collin has always been honest and upfront in everything weāve faced in our relationship. If he didnāt like the way something was going, he always told me.
We communicated everythingāor at least I thought we did.
āWhat are you gonna do then? If you donāt love her and donāt want to get married, then I donāt see this lasting very long,ā Tommy says.
āWhat in the world am I supposed to do? Huh? Tell me how I get out of this. Mom and Dad told me I would lose my inheritance if I didnāt marry her!
āThey love her to death, and now that sheās having their grandchild, she never has to worry about a thing for the rest of her life!ā Collin says with spite.
āAre you saying you think she did this because of money?ā Tommy asks, shocked. I can hear the irritation in his voice.
In the time it takes Collin to answer, my heart shatters into more than a million pieces. He hesitates, and thatās all I need to hear.
I walk away after that because I know thereās nothing he can say now that will change how I feel about what I just heard.
Collin made it perfectly clear that he doesnāt feel the same about me as I do him.
I canāt understand why he wouldnāt just tell me that he wasnāt ready.
We could have saved so much time and heartache if he had just manned up and told me how he really felt.
I place a hand over my small stomach as I wander numbly down the halls. Iām only three months along, so my little peanut hasnāt started making their presence physically known.
They do, however, make sure to give my stomach a daily reminder that theyāre there and in charge.
I canāt marry Collin knowing that he feels this way about me, but Iāve never thought about what I would do if I were a single mother.
How will I take care of this baby on my own? Thereās so much that goes into raising a child.
Oh God, what am I going to do now?
Iām sure our families would help, but the last thing I want is for them to think Iām just using this child to gain something.
Collinās parents are wealthy, but they never lord that over anyone.
My parents are your average middle-class workers. They make a moderately comfortable living, but theyāre generous.
They werenāt happy when they first learned I was pregnant and unmarried, but over time, they grew more accepting of the idea.
Will they still be happy when they learn what a mistake this all was?
I round the corner, heading back to the dressing room, and I bump into my sister, Haven. It only takes her a second to look at my face and see that Iām not okay.
I feel her take my hand, and she leads me away from the ceremony room where the guests are waiting.
āWhatās wrong?ā she asks, her eyes brimming with concern. āAnd donāt think you can lie to me.ā
Iāve never been able to lie to Haven. Sheās five years older than me, and she can sniff out a lie from a mile away.
Haven is my best friend, sister, and protector all in one.
Iām lucky to have her. Sheās as tough as nails, and I need her more than ever today.
I tell her about everything I heard, and she drags me into the church library to escape the noise of the ceremony in the next room.
āI canāt go through with this wedding,ā I tell Haven as we sit on a small sofa by a fireplace. āWhy would I marry a man that all but hates me?ā Another thought makes my heart race. āDo you think heās going to take the baby from me?ā
āHolly, if he doesnāt want to get married to you, I think itās safe to say thereās a good chance heās not going to want the baby either. Iām going to get Mom and Dad,ā Haven says.
I watch Haven leave and sit there alone, searching my mind for any signs that I should have seen this coming.
I come up empty.
Collin had been the one who brought up marriage. I was fine with continuing as we were, but he insisted. I guess I know why now.
His parents wanted the marriage, not him.
Itās news to me, but I canāt blame them for any of this.
They were always kind to me, and I canāt find much fault in what they wanted. Who knew if Collin even told them he wasnāt ready for marriage?
āHolly, honey!ā my mother cries as she runs to me and pulls me into her arms.
The tears she has are for me and not for losing Collin. My parents treated Collin fairly, but I could always tell there was something about him they werenāt all that fond of.
āHave you talked to the little bastard?ā Dad asks.
āNo, I just overheard him talking to his brother. You were right about him. Are you upset with me since Iām going to be a single mother?ā I ask, terrified of the answer.
āNo! God, no. Honey, we love you, and thereās nothing in this world that you could do to change that,ā Dad says as he walks over and wraps Mom and me in his arms.
āHow should we go about doing this? The guests are mostly here and waiting for the show to start,ā Haven says.
Thereās a look in her eye that lets me know she would love nothing more than to hit Collin in front of a church full of people. Part of me wants that too.
But I have a better idea.
***
āHoney, you donāt have to do this,ā Mom says as I stare down the aisle toward the man I thought was my entire future.
āOne of us can handle this. I donāt want you putting any more stress on yourself. Youāre having a baby.ā Mom places a hand on my cheek and frowns.
Itās an odd feeling to know that on one hand, Iām not loved by the person I thought was my entire world.
But on the other hand, my family loves me the way I need them to. And unlike Collin, they arenāt going to change their minds.
A tiny war is breaking out in my heart.
Iām devastated but happy at the same time. Happy I have support, and happy this didnāt drag on any longer.
I know that in the near future, this is all going to hit me and Iāll be a mess. Hell, I may even go insane. Iāve been so in love with Collin that the thought of us not being together never crossed my mind.
Iāve been living in the delusion that Collin loved me as much as I loved him. I canāt keep thinking of him as my future. Heās my past now, and thatās all he is.
āNo, I have to face this head-on,ā I say. Iām going to need the strength Iām using today. Itās going to be the only thing that helps me decide where to go from here.
We reach the front of the church, and I stand there looking at Collin. Heās smiling like this is the happiest moment of his life. Itās funny that I never noticed how good he is at acting.
āWho gives this woman to be married?ā the officiant asks.
Dad stands there still as a stone, not giving the slightest hint that anything is wrong.
Seconds pass by, and the officiant and Collin start to look antsy. Their eyes move back and forth between Dad and me.
My eyes donāt leave Collin. I want to watch him suffer with the unknown. I want Collin to be afraid that everything is about to fall out of his grasp in a matter of moments.
āThereās not going to be anyone to give me away,ā I say, ābecause there isnāt going to be a wedding.ā
