Where It Began
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Kathleen Pickering
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Chapter One
“I NEED ANSWERS,” Maria Santiago said, keeping her voice calm when she wanted to scream.
She inhaled a soothing breath, grateful for these tranquil moments during dinner hour with Poppa. She could count on him to anchor her in the world she remembered.
She selected a roll and passed the basket to her right, ignoring the pleasant warmth from Daniel Murphy Del Rio’s hands as he took it from her. She also ignored his gaze, which never failed to make her uncomfortable. He always seemed to be questioning her. Heaven knew, she had no idea why.
The evening’s shadows were growing along the beach, but her cherished ocean view from Reefside’s terrace did little to quell the tightness in her chest over this demand she was making. Until recently, she’d been content to hole up in her studio, or indulge in sunrise and sunset walks along the beach, but no longer. Her precious twin sister, whose memory she still grieved, had begun to haunt her dreams.
Dreams, no. Nightmares. Until the nightmares began, she’d held nothing but heartfelt, wonderful memories of Carmen. Now these gruesome nightmares of her sister began tormenting her waking hours.
Why now? Carmen had died a year ago.
Maria had done some investigating. The answers didn’t please her, but she no longer had a choice. Her father would indulge her demand. He had to.
If possible, she sat even straighter in the deep-cushioned bamboo chair and continued speaking, determined to have him agree before she lost her cool and started raising her voice.
“My doctor insists that a promising antidote for retrograde amnesia is to return to the place where it began. I would like to take the Honora back to the Abacos.”
She spared a glance at Del Rio and smirked at the alarm in his eyes before continuing. “However, Poppa, I wanted to be sure you still had confidence in your captain, since the Honora is collecting barnacles at the dock.”
Del Rio’s hand stopped in midair. He opened that captivating mouth of his to speak, then frowned, changing his mind. Maria didn’t miss the quelling look Poppa sent his way.
She’d learned from her father that Daniel Murphy Del Rio was talented and fearless at the helm. Yet, since she’d become aware of him, he hadn’t taken the Honora out at all. The few times she’d questioned Poppa, he’d waved away her concern. Anytime she asked Del Rio, he merely said that Elias—her father—had no desire to go anywhere. There was no denying she had hit a raw nerve with the ship captain. His focus straight ahead, he tore the roll into small pieces and chewed them one after the other, without taking the time to add butter, even though he had already placed some on his plate.
Good. Poppa had a bad habit of treating hired help like family. It was understandable with good employees like their butler Eduardo, who had been around for years, but Del Rio was way too new to Reefside for her father to give him such honors.
At least he was too new for Maria. Poppa said Del Rio was the son of his business partner, and now like a son to him, but Maria continued to relegate him to employee status. She simply could not remember him and didn’t like the way he did little other than reside at Reefside and shadow Poppa.
She also didn’t like the physical attraction she felt toward him. Something about him intimidated her. She’d mentioned this to Poppa and he’d quelled her concerns with amusement. She had to trust her father’s judgment, as she couldn’t trust her own since her memory loss. However, she could mentally shelve the man where he belonged: on the Honora.
Del Rio was not among the earlier memories that had returned after the accident. She’d remembered Poppa. Momma. Carmen. Eduardo, who ran the house. It boggled her mind that Poppa was so generous with Del Rio, including him in intimate conversations that should be restricted to family.
Now that their family had dwindled to just her and Poppa, she had no room for Del Rio. That was a fact. With his ultrahot body, wavy hair, deceptively charming Irish looks and easy smile, she found it even more important to ignore him. When she could not, she found fault. Sadly, she couldn’t imagine why. He had been nothing but kind to her.
Elias Santiago adjusted himself in his wheelchair, his dark gaze sliding from Del Rio to her. “Querida, I do not think this is such a good undertaking. You may look like an adventurous, gypsy princess in your beautiful dress, but now you sound like one. I do not want you wandering away from me.”
“You should have no worries, Poppa. My memory may be gone, but I still conduct myself well in public.”
What she couldn’t say was that she refused to go through another day of nightmares. Afraid to go to Carmen’s bedroom for fear that her twin would appear as she did in Maria’s sleep: angry. Distorted. Lunging for her with fangs and claws until the two of them hurtled over the balcony into a dark, foul-smelling abyss and Maria’s screams jolted her awake....
She was exhausted. She needed answers.
Calming her thoughts, she summoned all her willpower to keep a smooth, even tone when she spoke. She had to know why Carmen was haunting her.
“Besides, I’m not wandering, Poppa. I’m focused on a goal—going back to the scene of the accident. My memory is missing, but I hope that will change with this trip.”
Elias’s raven eyebrows slashed into a frown. Planting both hands on the table to emphasize his lack of mobility, he said, “But I am unable to accompany you.”
“Which is why I must go now, Poppa. I want to be well quickly, so that I can be here to help you.”
“I suggest you fly over.” Del Rio’s soothing voice invaded the conversation. “Take your doctor. You’ll be there in forty-five minutes and can hire a boat.”
She turned to meet his challenge. “What? You don’t want to work, Del Rio?”
His laugh sounded mirthless. “Not any longer, Princess.”
“Hijos, stop!” Poppa’s concern drew her attention from Del Rio’s challenging blue eyes.
“We are not your children, Poppa.”
“I think Elias means we are acting like children,” Del Rio answered.
Eduardo arrived with their main course. Maria waited for everyone to be served before lobbying for her cause once more.
“Please, Poppa. This sail is vital. I have asked you for nothing else these past months.”
Elias put down his fork. “And why not? Because you stay locked in your studio, day after day.”
She winced as the accusation hit home. She’d been afraid of the darkness that shrouded her thoughts since awakening in the hospital. Not knowing answers to questions or recognizing people she should know sent her scrambling for solitude. If she were alone, she couldn’t make any social blunders or look as foolish and frightened as she felt.
Also, the devastation of learning that Momma and Carmen had perished in the accident that robbed her memory had left a hole in her so deep she didn’t think she could ever climb out. She’d behaved cowardly, immersing herself in her misery, leaving Poppa to mourn alone.
She soon discovered her best escape was her art, which seemed to be selling faster than she could create it. But now, even that could not distract her. Matters had gotten out of hand. Reefside, a private estate in the heart of Fort Lauderdale’s metropolis, had become too quiet. In this beachside oasis her nightmares had become more frightening than ever. It was time to heal, especially with Poppa becoming weaker with diabetes. She had precious little time to waste, no matter how daunting this self-imposed task might seem. Poppa needed her. She was all he had left.
By some odd quirk of fate, she had decided that having Del Rio take her to the Abacos in the Bahamas on her father’s ship was the answer. The doctor said retracing the steps up to the accident could jar her memory. Yet, something about Del Rio chafed at her. No doubt it was his bond with Poppa. Why else would the darkness in her mind rise fast, practically buzzing through her head, whenever she was in Del Rio’s presence? She needed to conquer that silly sensation, as well.
Besides, Poppa said Del Rio was the finest sailor he’d ever known. Coming from Elias Santiago, that was high praise. Sailing on the Honora would get them to the Abacos fast enough while giving her time to adjust to the possibility of regaining her memory, of recovering all the details she suspected were so painful she’d blocked them. Here lay her dilemma. She wanted answers, but was unsure if she could handle them in one windfall. The Honora would carry her to her destination fast enough while giving her time to accept what she would learn. It was time to discover the facts behind her mother’s and sister’s deaths. It was time to embrace her life in its entirety and stop merely existing.
She raised her chin a notch higher. “I am out of my studio now, am I not?” She shook her head. “I have wasted too much time. I am ready to fight this black monster in my mind. Permit me use of the Honora, although God knows the thought of stepping on a ship again makes my knees quake.”
Elias frowned. “Then you must not go.”
“No, Poppa, you are wrong.” Her voice dropped in desperation. She fought to keep the tears and the tremor from her words. “I can no longer live not knowing. Nothing will stop me.”
Elias was a bear of a man whom few people crossed. His disease had ruined the joints in his ankles, yet his imposing frame continued to belie his useless legs. A silver mane of hair softened his dark, noble Latino looks. He wore his usual linen shirt and pants, white cotton socks to keep his swollen feet warm, even in the balmy, tropical evening. Elias still enjoyed good days, despite his wheelchair, but Maria had observed the signs of distress that seemed to occur more frequently. Besides her own overwhelming need to reclaim peace from these nightmares, she wanted to regain her memory so that she would be prepared for Poppa when he needed her. His blustering would do little to dissuade her.
Del Rio stood in the silence that had fallen, his plate untouched. He bowed slightly toward Maria, his spicy-warm, masculine scent filling her senses, before focusing his attention on Elias. “I cannot listen to this discussion. I seem to have lost my appetite. If you will excuse me.”
Maria looked straight ahead, refusing to watch the man’s exit. Del Rio might be thinking that his leaving could sway Poppa to deny her wishes, but she knew better. His absence would improve her chances to persuade her father of her plan. Elias added a splash of wine to his glass, which the doctor had forbidden.
She lifted her own glass. As he filled it, she offered Poppa an amused look. “Now that we are alone, I can explain myself more freely, Poppa. Here’s why I must leave as soon as possible…”
DANIEL STOOD IN THE TROPICAL morning sun, his world crashing around him like the surf hitting the beach stretching behind the villa.
He stared dumbfounded at Elias, this man who was like a second father to him while growing up, and now, since his parents’ death six years ago, his only father. Heat seared his back through his T-shirt as if exaggerating the hotbed from which neither he nor Elias had managed to extract themselves last night.
“Don’t ask me to do this, Elias. Not when you know I’ve decided to leave.”
Elias’s request—or should he say, demand—to take the reclusive Maria to the Bahamas was tantamount to emotional suicide for Daniel. He’d waited around patiently this past year out of sheer love, letting his career slide in an attempt to recapture something that he’d finally come to terms with as irretrievable.
No way would Daniel comply.
The set of the older man’s face made his intentions clear. This lion of industry might be restricted to a wheelchair, but confinement did little to curb his will. Elias Santiago hadn’t built his empire by backing down.
“I know you’ve made plans for Australia, Daniel. Please. Give me three more weeks.”
“No. I would have said so last night. You know it’s already been a year of hell.”
Daniel needed closure. He needed to get away. Staying dockside aboard the Honora with his life on hold had eaten away at him like rats gnawing dock lines. Aware that Maria’s studio balcony shadowed the patio behind them, he lowered his voice. “I have already waited too long. Maria doesn’t remember. I have no reason to stay.”
Seated at his table beneath an umbrella as he was every morning, cleanly shaved, wearing his crisp linen shirt and pants, his silver hair smoothed back and a pot of coffee steaming beside him, Elias spoke to Daniel as if he was holding a board meeting. The only difference was that his nurse, in her starched white uniform and sturdy shoes, sat beneath the shade of another umbrella, focused on a Heather Graham novel.
Unwavering, Elias held his gaze. “I think you are afraid.”
There was that, as much as it chafed him to admit it. Daniel had avoided sailing the Honora all these months for a reason. Self-doubt had stolen his confidence despite a notoriety for racing mile upon mile on the open ocean. He’d become so balled up after the accident that he hardly knew himself. He’d lost his love of the water and the love of his life with the simple turn of a boat’s wheel.
Since he had no control over his fate with the woman he loved, he’d decided to climb aboard another love and reclaim his power over the sea. Leaving for the Australian races had twin purposes. First, to get his sea legs acclimated once more, and second, to take him far, far away from Reefside and Maria.
Maria. She deserved the chance to reclaim her memory. This, he understood. But if he took her back to the islands, to the place where the boats crashed, and triggered her memory, would the most powerful love he’d ever experienced truly and finally end?
He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. The old man wasn’t thinking straight. “I’ll be damned if I hurt her, Elias. Hire someone else if she’s so pigheaded about going.”
A knowing grin crossed the older man’s face. “Ah, love.”
“Don’t taunt me, old man.”
“You’ll sail, Daniel. Tomorrow. You don’t have to tell Maria anything. Actually, I would prefer if you did not. Let her find her way. You’ll grant an ailing man this one wish.”
“How can you ask me to do this?”
Elias waved a swarthy, veined hand. “I know you, Daniel. Don’t let the dead kill the love you had. Take this one last chance and do as Maria asks.”
“Did she ask for me to take her?”
A dusky voice answered from the balcony above. “Of course, I did. You should do something to earn the money my father has been wasting on your salary.”
Daniel’s back tightened at her insult. Refusing to respond, he held Elias’s gaze as if to say, See? It won’t work.
He’d never adjusted to Maria’s critical, or worse, ambivalent, comments since the accident. In the beginning, Elias and the doctors wanted to give her time to heal from her trauma and instructed Daniel to remain silent about their relationship. His heart had ripped a bit more each day that Maria remembered nothing about him—about them—since the collision.
As the year wore on, he had lost hope of regaining her love, and she had become less and less tolerant of his relationship with Elias. It wasn’t until a few short weeks ago that he became truly honest with himself. His desire to win her back had died. Her ambivalence was the gun that had killed it. She’d pulled the trigger too many times.
Maria had made it clear that she didn’t believe her father should be so generous with the hired help. Ironically, it seemed Elias was depending on the “hired help” to take this last step to let his precious daughter regain her memory. Daniel had become a pawn in a chess match he was certain to lose.
Elias chuckled. “Late though she may be to our discussion, she has a point.”
Daniel looked at Maria standing above him in the yellow, paint-stained sundress she wore when working: her black hair caught at her nape, her dark bedroom eyes assessing him as a mere mortal. The muscles in his neck tightened under her gaze as he realized this exotic, exciting woman no longer did so much as bat an eyelash in his direction. He could not stay another day—heck, another minute—being so close, yet oceans away from her.
Daniel threw up his hands. “You both have lost your minds.”
“Captain.” She captured his attention with that one word. She leaned over the balcony, unaware of the enticing view of her neckline she offered. “I will, indeed, lose my mind if I don’t restore my memory once and for all.”
The laserlike intensity in her eyes reflected the torment haunting her. Darkness, she called it, from loss of memory. Daniel knew it encompassed more: the loss of a cherished twin, a mother, a life of possibilities with him of which she remained totally unaware.
He wanted to pull her into his arms and promise her he could take away the pain, if not for her sake, then for his own. She wouldn’t be in this state if it wasn’t for him. But when she finally did learn the truth, she would never want to see him again, anyway. So why honor her request?
Perhaps he should agree to this suicide mission because he could finally end this fiasco. He’d already made other plans because he couldn’t handle another day spent smoldering with the memory of her touch, her taste, her love, all the while pretending he’d never known her.
Maybe that had been his mistake from the start.
“So, you think your doctor’s suggestion will jar your memory?” His question was laced with sarcasm.
She pulled a thin, ash-wood paintbrush from her haphazard bun of ebony hair. The motion ignited a powerful urge to run his hands through the heavy satin strands falling down her back. She pointed the tip of the brush at him, her dark eyes intent on her decision.
“Quite honestly, Captain, I could care less about your opinion. I’d like to leave tomorrow. I have already begun packing.”
Daniel shrugged. “You must not have heard that my employment with your father has ended. You’ll have to find another captain.”
“Daniel.”
Elias’s objection vibrated right through him. Daniel closed his eyes for one blessed moment to enjoy the strength of his declaration, because his cause had been lost the moment he heard the desperation in Maria’s haughty words.
Damn it all. They had shared the kind of love a person didn’t find often. He really should try one last time to win her back, and yet, if there was no reaching her, he also wanted freedom from the memories. When Carmen died in the accident, it was as if her mean spirit had inhabited his sweet, affectionate Maria, erasing any trace of the woman he had loved more than life.
“Daniel, my son.” Elias’s voice dropped to a whisper. “In this terrible accident I have lost a wife and a daughter. Will you not honor me by taking this last chance?”
Daniel’s blood grew hot. “You mean as penance for not stopping the thunder boat from ramming the skiff in the first place?”
Elias glanced toward the balcony, determined that Maria not hear their words. “I mean no such thing.”
“Then why do you insist that I take her?”
The older man’s gaze softened. He reached out a hand, letting it settle, palm down, on the glass table. “You think I do not know how you suffer, as well?”
“It’s in the past.”
“Nonsense. You breathe every moment of that accident, every day. I see it in your face when you think no one is watching.”
Like a falling ax, the truth cleaved his emotions. He had decided to leave because he could not—no, would not—suffer this constant turmoil any longer. Either Maria loved him, or she did not. As of today, she did not. A year was a long time to torture a man.
“Then let the past die, Elias.” Daniel ground out his quiet words. “I will return in six months to check on you both.”
Elias pounded the table with his hand. “You do not run out on family.”
He knew, without looking, that Maria had descended the balcony stairs to the patio. He heard the silent padding of her bare feet, felt her body heat. He crossed his arms, watching Elias’s gaze warm as she approached. He didn’t have to see to know she moved like a siren walking on air.
“So, querida, you join us for breakfast?”
She passed Daniel to kiss her father’s cheek. “I couldn’t work with you two arguing. I want to join this conversation.”
Daniel’s senses swelled with the citrusy scent clinging to her skin. The stains on her sundress reflected bright oil paint from canvases already finished and sold. The thin straps of the dress threatened to slide off her tanned shoulders, and his hand itched to push them farther down that soft skin with a finger.
He swallowed hard when she turned, her dark eyes grazing him with that curious but unfamiliar gaze that tore at his heart. Right now, losing her seemed like a life sentence. She and her stubborn father, more precious to him than anything in the world, were asking him to do something that would destroy everything he’d spent the past year trying to preserve.
He might be planning to move on with his life, but Elias and Maria Santiago were family. Nothing tied Daniel to the land like Reefside, the only home he now knew, and its inhabitants.
Before the disaster, Daniel and Maria had built dreams for their future. She would create canvases of international renown, while he raced closer to world cup status. When he had asked her to marry him, she had said yes, and compounded her acceptance with the sweetness of her body. That memory alone practically drove him to madness.
They had decided to make a home at Reefside, with Elias. Maria’s father had shared their dreams. Blessed them. Then, their world shattered on one gorgeous, sun-filled afternoon, the aftermath of which still lingered today.
Since the accident, Daniel could not bring himself to sail. Meanwhile, Maria’s career flourished, while she remained blissfully unaware that Daniel languished.
Daniel had doggedly followed every rule Elias and the doctors had set for helping Maria regain her memory. They had wanted him to go slowly—not upset her by trying to make her remember they were lovers. If she could not recall her previous life, anxiety might drive her deeper into herself. But their rules had fallen short. In a year, Maria had not remembered him. At all.
Now, with Elias’s demand that he take her back to the Abacos, Daniel was terrified of what might happen if she did remember—out there. In Little Harbour. Not in the safety of her home.
If he were to agree to this mission, it would be out of kindness. He’d already told himself the two of them were finished. He’d welcome time alone with Maria. Taking her away was the right choice, but not to the Abacos. His throat tightened, making it hard to breathe. He shot Maria an impatient look that would have sent a lesser woman fleeing.
If Maria sensed his distress, she ignored it.
“Poppa offers you respect as a family member. Yet, you treat his gesture lightly.” She laid a hand on her father’s shoulder. “I told you, Poppa. He’s playing you for a fool.”
The only fool here is me, Daniel thought, for wasting an entire year trying to reach her. This was one insult he would not ignore. “You have no idea how wrong you are, Princess.”
Her dark eyes snapped to attention. Her full lips compressed into a hard line. “How could I possibly know anything other than what I hear? And do not call me Princess.”
Damn if his jaw didn’t tighten so hard his back teeth hurt. He thumbed in the direction of the yacht docked on the Intracoastal side of the estate and asked her a question he didn’t need answered, if only to reclaim some control over this situation. “Well then, tell me this…Maria. Do you even like to sail?”
He immediately regretted the confusion that clouded her eyes. She visibly struggled with his question until her resolve steeled. “There is only one way to know, Captain. Poppa says you are the best of the best, yet you’ve stayed landside for months. Would you dare take the Honora off shore to find your answer?”
Oh, he wanted the chance to find out, all right. A chance to woo her. Seduce her. Win her back. But on the Honora…where it all began? No way could she be aware of this one dangerous fact.
In his role as captain of the sloop he loved, he would be creating a facade that didn’t exist on the last journey, almost a year ago to the date. As far as Maria knew, Daniel was hired help. Anonymous. Indifferent. Yet how long could he remain that way? Despite its fifty-foot waterline, the Honora would be tight quarters for the chemistry they still seemed to share.
Deep inside, he longed to be alone with her. To calm her, explain things to her. He believed she felt their bond, even though she ignored him. Dare he test her limits at sea? Away from Elias? Away from empty rooms that were once her mother’s and her sister’s? Should he try, one more time, to see if their love was strong enough to overcome the trauma of retrograde amnesia?
The chance to win her back, as a stranger, was cowardly, no matter how appealing. He’d be better off pursuing his new plans, away from Maria, especially with her in such a volatile, emotional state of mind.
She was out of reach now, but if she remembered the accident without the right people around her to help her understand? Then, for sure, she would be lost to him. He’d be better off leaving for Australia and starting a new life. If, in time, her memory returned and she was willing to forgive him, they could at least remain friends.
Sailing away with her tomorrow would simply make a bad situation intolerable. He should move on. After all, had she died in the accident, like the others, he would have had to start over. Her love would have remained an ache deep in his being—one he’d learn to live with. There wouldn’t be much difference between that sad acceptance and the way he felt now at the lack of recognition that pooled in her eyes when she gazed at him.
Damn it all. While his heart tugged at him to take her away and make one last try, his mind demanded he run as fast as he could.
Elias watched him with hawklike calm. Daniel might fool Maria, but the older man knew. He recognized the depth of Daniel’s love for his daughter. Elias had urged Daniel to overcome his fear of his own abilities to command a vessel.
Daniel met his gaze, silently pleading that this interview end. He needed to commit to the races in Australia. Winning was critical to cement himself in the sailing arena. The sponsorship calls and advertising contracts wouldn’t be coming in forever. He only had a small window of time here to get back on track. Daniel had spent too many months wrestling with the guilt that had tied him to Reefside, day in and day out, and the need to ensure Elias and Maria fared well.
A sigh escaped his lips. Why the hell was he arguing with himself, anyway? Elias’s look said it all. Daniel had no choice but to right the wrong that had begun with him. It was his fate to be ground zero when Maria exploded back to life. It just had never occurred to him, or Elias, that she would request to sail back to the place where it all began.
Daniel needed time to think.
“I have errands to do. I’ll answer you in an hour.”
He didn’t even look back when Elias called out, “Be sure there is storage on the Honora for Maria’s canvases.”
