Finding Sophia 1: Forbidden Lust

I’ve been dreading this year’s ball since the last guest stepped out of the ballroom threshold last year. Normally, these events are a welcome distraction from the day-to-day minutiae of royal duties.

But this year is different.

This year marks the return of my greatest enemy, Katya Rykov.

Ever since that woman entered my life, nothing has been the same. She single-handedly ruined my marriage and my chance at happiness. I had been raised since I was a child knowing I would become queen, knowing that King Alexandros would be my mate. I deserve his affections in return for the sacrifices I made throughout my life.

I still remember every detail of the day Alexandros told me he met his erasthai. He was happier than I had ever seen him. In the thirty-five years we had been together, I never saw him so full of life.

It tore me apart because I loved him. I loved him more than he could ever know, and I had given up my life to become his mate. Since I was a child, I trained to be the perfect wife, the perfect queen, and in one day, all my hard work fell apart.

Katya showed up at a royal event one year, and suddenly all my sacrifices and dedication meant nothing. It only got worse after she gave birth to his first child. I hated that child from the moment I learned she was pregnant.

When I found out, I nearly destroyed our royal quarters. In my lycan form, I tore apart the furniture in a fit of rage and sadness. We had tried for so long to have a child of our own to no avail. It is difficult for lycans to get pregnant, but to be barren for over three decades was unusual. It was a complete slap in the face when Katya managed to get pregnant after only three years.

That was the moment I knew I had to take matters into my own hands. I would no longer be a slave to circumstance. I did everything I could to seduce Alexandros back to our bed. God knows the erasthai bond made it difficult, but our mate bond remained strong, and our years together still meant a great deal to him. Of course, the distilled aphrodisiacs I mixed into his cups of tea were of great help too.

If it had not been for the joyous news of my own pregnancy with Caspian, I surely would have ended my own life long ago. I could not bear to see the man I loved so deeply infatuated with another woman. Only my will for revenge and eventually Caspian kept me going.

I turned my attention to Caspian once he was born. Alexandros knew better than to acknowledge his bastard son more than the boy destined to take his place on the throne one day. Caspian was my savior. It was because of him that I was able to rid the palace walls of Katya and her vermin child.

When Caspian turned five and entered into the first stages of his royal training, I managed to convince Alexandros to send Katya and Æmilius away. Of course, I did it under the guise of protecting them. He knew that it would be dangerous to keep Æmilius in the royal court. Though the lycan kingdom was relatively small, there were plenty amongst us who would not hesitate to use the boy as leverage against his father.

It was a mere additional benefit that hiding them away meant I would no longer have to see that wretched woman walk the halls of the palace. I would no longer be subject to her bursts of screeching laughter or the revolting moans she amplified in an effort to stoke my ire.

Thinking of her again with my husband sends a shiver down my spine. I glance over at Alexandros at the thought. He sits with impeccable posture, and there is an undeniable glint of excitement in his eyes.

I feel a pang of heartache as I realize he is excited to see his erasthai once more. In fact, he has paid me little attention in the past weeks as he has prepared for Katya’s return to royal events.

When they were first relocated, he agreed to only visit once a year. I knew he broke that promise within the first three months. I could always smell her odor on him when he returned from a “hunting trip” or a “diplomatic mission.” It disgusted me, but I knew I could only go along with it or risk him bringing them back to our home.

The thought of seeing Katya makes my stomach churn, but thinking about seeing her son again for the first time in years makes me even more uneasy. The boy is only slightly older than Caspian. I fear that he will look too much like his father and bring further ruin upon my reputation. But there is another feeling that overwhelms this, a feeling of curiosity.

I wonder what he must look like now. If he developed the strong jawline of his father or retained the blonde locks that fell into his eyes as a child.

I’m jolted back to reality by the announcement of Dmitri Volkov, a lecherous member of the Royal Court. He always seems intent to get as close to me as possible, lingering too long after the obligatory kiss of my hand. He reeks of power-hungry desperation, but he does not have the sense—nor the looks—to climb the ranks.

Normally, Alexandros prevents him from becoming overly familiar, but he is clearly distracted by his own thoughts at the moment.

“Queen Sophia,” Dmitri drawls as he approaches the throne. “You look as beautiful as ever.”

“Thank you, Dmitri,” I say through gritted teeth.

He makes a florid sweeping motion with his arm as he bends down to bow. He keeps his eyes locked on me the entire time. Or, more accurately, he stares directly at my breasts. I scoff at his disgusting behavior, but Alexandros does nothing to stop him.

Emboldened by my distracted mate, Dmitri takes my hand in his clammy grasp and plants a sloppy, wet kiss on top of it. I instinctively pull back, trying to keep my composure. I could tear his head from his body in one fell swoop, but that would only cause a major political outcry. Plus, it would stain my gown.

Finally, Alexandros clears his throat.

“Seems as though you’ve found a new scent, Dmitri,” he says with a hint of scorn. “Do remind me of its name so I can make sure to avoid it in the future.”

I shoot my husband a pointed look, and I swear I see the corner of his mouth twitch briefly into a smirk. There is the playful cad I remember falling in love with. For a moment, I can feel our mate bond surge, but it fades just as quickly as it appeared.

Dmitri leaves the room abruptly in embarrassment, muttering his goodbyes under his breath. For a moment, Alexandros and I are alone together. The years we spent together cemented a bond between the two of us, a respect that most would not understand.

My love for him endured despite his connection to Katya. I’ve harbored such anger, but it never fully replaced the affection. That would have made my life easier, but the reality was I could never truly hate Alexandros. He is the only man I’ve ever loved. The only man I’ve ever been allowed to love.

Just as I feel myself relax slightly, the herald calls out the name I have been dreading most to hear.

“Lady Katya and Lord Æmilius!”

I go rigid as the doors swing open. There they are—my rival and her son. She looks as beautiful as ever, much to my disdain. She wears a beautifully sculpted taffeta gown that clings to her body as though she were a statue of Aphrodite herself. If I didn’t hate her so much, I might admire her.

She offers me only a curt nod of recognition before she turns her attention to Alexandros. She beams at him with tears in her eyes, and I swallow the bile in my throat, tuning out their morbidly saccharine reunion.

I turn my attention to Æmilius as a distraction. He has grown so much since the last time I saw him. He walks with the confidence of a man of strength and cunning. Two of the qualities I most admire. Unfazed by the theatrics going on next to him, he walks towards me.

My breath catches when his golden brown eyes—much like Alexandros’—meet mine. I feel a warmth spreading through my body swiftly. It’s a feeling I have not felt so intensely for a long time. A smile slowly spreads across his face as Æmilius reaches me. It’s almost as if he can sense the effect he’s had on me.

I turn to Alexandros, worried about his reaction, but he’s too preoccupied with Katya to notice.

I’m too caught up in my own whirlwind of passion to feel jealous at this moment. I turn my attention back to Æmilius. I know my attraction might be wrong, but logically, I also know he is the only man in the world my husband will not harm.

I tried many times to be with other men. Initially I wanted to stroke my husband’s jealousy and make him hurt the way I did. I soon realized that was a foolish course. He didn’t feel anything other than a need to mark me as his sole possession. Alexandros in a rage; he made it clear that even though he had found his erasthai, I was not to disrespect the “sanctity” of our marriage.

The first man I slept with, a dashing young lycan who worked in the stables, had his head ripped from his body within twenty-four hours. Alexandros left his body in the stables for me to find when I arrived for my riding lesson the next morning. After that, it became clear to other lycan men that I was completely off-limits.

But, I see a great opportunity in Æmilius. Not only do I find him incredibly beguiling, but there is no way Alexandros would risk Katya’s wrath if he were to harm him. The fact that Æmilius is his son bears less importance than her happiness.

Looking into his eyes, I know Æmilius craves me just as much. It does not matter to me if he only wishes to use me to satisfy his needs. I only want to use him for the same reason. The complex nature of our dynamics only makes our attraction more intense. It feels so forbidden, so deliciously wrong.

Æmilius approaches and takes my hand. He gives the back of my hand the perfunctory kiss all visitors do, but he turns my hand over and kisses the pad of flesh along my thumb. I let out a quick gasp of surprise as he flicks his tongue across my skin, sending shivers down my spine.

“Good evening, Your Highness,” he whispers as he stands to his full height in front of me. He stands so close, I can feel the heat radiating off his body. “I want to extend my grateful thanks for your invitation to return to the palace.”

My eyes flick to his. He must know I never wanted his mother to step foot in my home again.

I study him closely as he smirks. How cheeky. I love it.

Already, I can feel the heat building in me once again, yearning to be touched and grabbed by his rough hands. I can’t help but think how wonderful it would feel to have his massive six-foot-five frame pressed against me.

Just one look at him and I can tell he is not a gentle lover. He takes what he wants, how he wants. I would let him do whatever he wanted to me, no matter how dirty it was.

I feel myself becoming heated and aroused the more I think about his hands on my body. I want nothing more than to strip off my clothes and have sex with Æmilius right here. Maybe that act would manage to pry Alexandros’ attention away from Katya.

As if he can read my mind, he leans in. His breath dances along the sensitive skin of my neck and I instinctively tilt my head to allow him better access.

“I do hope you will find time to share a dance with me, Your Majesty,” he murmurs in my ear, his mouth almost touching my earlobe. “I feel we are not done with each other tonight.”

His words leave me breathless and wanting more.