Lost Lycan's Mate Book 4

The daunting tall walls of the castle leered down at me, as if daring me to have the gall and step within its confines after disappearing for twenty years without a word.

I had often thought of coming back to this castle before my time limit expired.

But I had always managed to stay away, knowing that if I even stepped foot into the city, I would be abandoning my last attempt to find my mate.

It was when Terrin and Syn had finally mated that I was spurred to this decision. After seeing the unlikely pair come together, I started planning my last search.

It took me nine long years to finally work up the courage to ask my alpha for a leave of absence.

Perhaps it had been selfish of me to even make such a request to Hakota.

Even though I had waited until our pack and future were secure, when there was no looming threat and my alphas were moving forward with their relationship, Kieran, their son, helping them to mend.

And when Cleo became pregnant for the second time, I knew it was safe for me to leave.

Still, twenty years of walking from one end of the earth to the other in hopes of finding my mate was no small task.

As a beta, I had responsibilities to my pack, but I had up and left, never visiting or sending word in these last two decades.

I missed three births in my pack, two of which were of my alpha’s children, the children of my closest friend whom I hadn’t even come back to meet before now.

I’d also heard that Syn and Terrin had adopted a boy from the Forest Kingdom after my pack crushed their rebellion nearly ten years ago.

As predicted, they were unable to let go of their grudge and had been spurred on by the lunar’s defeat. It hadn’t taken much for Hakota to squash them, as they had been disorganized and driven purely by anger.

They were only united under the simple cause of destroying the lycans, and they still fought among themselves for who would take charge. In the end, they were defeated quite easily and were now united under a king.

That king had changed things within the Forest Kingdom in these last few years, and with him as their figurehead, they began reforming into something stronger and better.

He had divided the new packs within the Forest Kingdom.

He gave them free rein with an alpha of their choosing until they were called upon, which meant he could not do anything other than war with the lycans, where he would be the one making the choices regarding battle plans.

The Forest King’s new system satisfied the Foresters, and he took for himself a handful of werewolves who didn’t belong to a pack in the Forest Kingdom but the capital.

Things really weren’t different in their everyday lives, except during wartime.

When I first heard of the uprising of the Foresters, I was tempted to return, putting my search on hold, but I was held back on the sidelines.

I knew that once I rejoined Hakota, I wouldn’t leave again, and this was something I needed.

Something I had to do for myself.

So I had stayed on the down-low, keeping tabs just in case my alphas needed their beta. But, in the end, I managed to stay out of it, relieved that Hakota and Cleo had taken care of it without needing my assistance.

They were finally healing, acting like a mated pair, and I think that could be credited to their children.

Their children I didn’t know.

Hell, my pack had doubled in size, and I, the beta, didn’t even know half of them.

The pups I had left were all grown up. The twins, Sasha and Cahatta, were over thirty years of age now, and one of them even mated. And Yana, Innoko and Roshan’s first pup, would be over thirty as well, and she was also mated.

Then there was Kieran, the heir to our pack, the first-born son of my alphas, the only child I had met of the three they had.

No matter what corner of the earth I had been in, any and all gossip about the lycan pack reached my ears.

I had often been so close to returning before my twenty years were over, but again that nagging feeling within me that I would never leave again the moment I returned held me back.

I needed these twenty years if nothing more than closure for myself to know that my mate was not living and mated to another.

But in exchange for these twenty years, I had missed out on so much within my own pack, within the family that I did have, in search of one that didn’t exist.

Luckily, I had stayed long enough to witness the birth of Nahta, the second daughter of Roshan and Innoko, and of Denahi and Keni’s child, Iris. It hadn’t been surprising that the twins ended up having the same mate.

Although not common, sometimes twins shared a soul, so receiving a singular mate between them was necessary to complete their soul.

Watching them find a mate, Flicka, leaving me as the last remaining unmated lycan of our original pack, I had finally snapped.

These twenty years had been my last hope, but I was left empty-handed.

My spirit was crushed, my faith lost. I simply had to accept that I was never going to find a mate.

Lune had snubbed me for whatever reason, and no amount of my longing or disappointment would force her to gift me with one.

I would have to learn to be happy with the family I had, to not be jealous of my pack members’ happiness, to not be angry when the children of my pack found their mates and I remained alone.

Alone.

Perhaps it was time for me to move past my mate, to search for a partner elsewhere, and fall in love without a bond to strengthen everything.

But my mark wouldn’t turn a werewolf into a lycan. It would only work for my mate.

So if I did happen to fall in love, I’d have to watch them grow old without me and die, leaving me alone again.

That seemed worse than just forgetting about the whole thing entirely.

However, now was not the time to think of that.

I would leave it in the hands of fate, because perhaps fate had something in store for me when Lune did not.

I was beginning to see why werewolves hated Lune and, by happenstance, her children, the lycans.

She really was a cold-hearted bitch.

And I was bitter—so angry and upset at how unfair everything was.

I’d done nothing but serve my pack; I’d stood by my alpha’s side, had to move on as my brothers and sisters were slaughtered, as my parents were lost in the Lycan Wars.

I’d spent the last century wandering around with Hakota, gathering the last remaining members of our species, having to bear witness to their brutal treatment when we had rescued them.

We deserved to be happy.

But they were happy.

It was only I who was unhappy.

Was this my punishment for suggesting Hakota kill his mate?

Had Lune stolen my mate as I had tried to steal my alpha’s—so that I had to experience what I would have forced Hakota to endure?

I laughed sorrowfully up at the castle walls glaring down at me before I turned my eyes to the sky.

“Bitch,” I called up to the goddess. It was her fault for making a right mess of Hakota and Cleo’s bond. I was simply being a good beta by trying to protect my pack from the danger Cleo brought with her intentions.

And what about Terrin and Syn? Terrin had been a little prick about having a bond with Syn and had been toying with him, juggling Syn with that female. And then Syn had almost let his mate die after he mauled him.

Yet, in the end, they still got to be happy.

So why couldn’t I?

I glared at the castle walls. Well, I would be happy. I would stick it to Lune, prove to her I could be happy without a mate, too.

As long as my pack was happy, that was good enough for me.

“What a joke,” I muttered at my absurd attempt at self-motivation.

I let out a deep breath.

I would have to move past this at some point, and rejoining my pack was probably a good place to start.