Rekindled Romance & Restoring His Heart
Autor:in
Lorraine Beatty
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Chapter One
Shelby Russell steered her gray Malibu onto Highway 34 past the city limits sign of Dover, Mississippi, bracing herself against a sudden rush of painful memories. Coming home was the last thing she wanted to do. She’d turned her back on the small Southern town fifteen years ago and never looked back. Every goal she’d set for herself had been achieved. She’d risen through the ranks of Harmon Publishing to become senior editor of Tween Scene magazine, the top-selling publication for preteen girls in the country. It was a high-energy, high-stress job, and she loved every minute of it. But it was also the reason she was coming home.
Shelby eased the car to a halt behind a short line of cars waiting for a train to pass; the blinking red warning lights at the crossing were an unwelcome reminder of why she was back in Dover. A heart attack. She’d laughed in the doctor’s face when he’d delivered his diagnosis. Heart attacks were for old people. She was only thirty-four. True, she’d had only a very mild one, but the tests didn’t lie, and if she didn’t eliminate the stress and change her lifestyle, she wouldn’t be around to continue her exciting career. She’d already lost two grandfathers and an aunt to heart disease. She couldn’t ignore her medical history.
The crossing gate lifted, and Shelby eased forward with the traffic. So here she was, coming home to stay with her grandmother, her life in chaos, her future in doubt. She was thankful that she had someone here who still cared about her, someone she could turn to when the world didn’t make sense anymore. And right now, nothing did.
Her gaze surveyed the changes in the once-familiar surroundings as she followed the two-lane road toward town. The fields and piney woods surrounding the small town had been replaced with new shopping centers and an industrial park. A sprawling attendance center filled what once had been cotton fields. Courtesy of the new auto plant no doubt. Gramma had told her the plant, situated between the towns of Dover and Sawyers Bend, had brought about huge changes to both the once-dying towns.
As the highway gave way to downtown, the changes became more evident. The majestic courthouse still dominated the center of the town, but the surrounding trees were bigger and the elegant wrought-iron fence was a crisp shiny black. The historic gazebo, Dover’s iconic symbol, still stood proudly in one corner of the grounds, like a Victorian jewel in the late-afternoon sunshine. The four streets flanking the square, lined with 19th-century brick buildings, all sported freshly painted facades in a variety of colors. Many storefronts had bright awnings providing shade; others had flower-draped balconies. The entire area looked like a watercolor painting of the quintessential small Southern town. The Dover she remembered looked nothing like this.
Shelby pulled to a stop at the red light, willing herself not to look at the store on the corner, but the temptation was too great. Her gaze traveled to Durrant’s Hardware. The real reason she’d stayed away so long. Matt Durrant was here. Her heart pounded. Was Matt in the store right now? Had he taken over the family business? Probably. It was the reason she’d left. They had wanted different things out of life. Incompatible things.
The light changed and she focused on the road ahead, trying to push all thoughts of Matt to the back of her mind. She failed. Did he ever think about her? Was he as handsome now as he’d been then? Had he married?
Gritting her teeth, Shelby forced all thoughts of Matt and the past aside and focused on making the turns that would take her to Willow Street. She pulled into Gramma’s driveway and stopped, taking a moment to appreciate the two-story redbrick house. Nestled on a tree-lined street on the south edge of town, the foursquare-style home was a mirror image of the house next door. Their expansive lots butted up against the woodlands. Both homes had been built by Gramma’s great-great-grandfather and his brother, who helped found the railroad town, then known as Junction City. Her heart warmed as she gazed upon the stately dwelling. The large front porch, the potted chrysanthemums and the massive live oak tree in the yard all welcomed her home.
Home.
Memories of feeling safe, loved and happy flowed through her even as tears burned behind her eyes. She’d left here so full of dreams, determined to conquer the world, but she was returning with her life in turmoil. Mentally she kicked herself for holding a pity party. She might be down, but she wasn’t out. She would beat this. She would not let this health issue ruin her future. It was merely a matter of blocking out the fear and taking control of her life. She’d learn to relax. She’d learn to de-stress. She’d learn to be peaceful if it was the last thing she ever did.
Shelby let off the brake, guiding the car to the left of the Y-shaped driveway between the twin houses, and parked beneath the shade of a giant live oak. Her cramped muscles protested angrily as she unfolded herself from the vehicle, and a wave of exhaustion and defeat settled upon her shoulders. The long drive from New York to central Mississippi had been intended to give her time to relax and slow down. Instead, it had allowed too much time for regret and introspection. Neither of which eased her stress.
Gramma Bower burst through the front door and met her as Shelby topped the porch steps. Shelby’s mood brightened at the sight of her grandmother’s sweet face.
“Oh, my precious baby girl. I didn’t think you’d ever get here.”
Shelby went willingly into the warm, familiar hug, clinging to the woman who had been her refuge throughout her childhood. The loving embrace siphoned off much of her fatigue and eased her fears. Coming home to Gramma had been the right thing to do. She stepped back, taking a quick inventory. Gramma’s hair was grayer, and there were more lines in her dear face. A few more pounds hugged the sturdy frame since she’d last seen her, but Gramma was still the same woman who had always loved her unconditionally.
“Child, let me look at you.” She frowned. “You look tired.”
Leave it to Gramma to get right to the heart of a matter. “I am. It was a long trip.”
“Well, I know you said you needed to rest, but I had no idea. You’re pale as a ghost.” Gramma shook her head. “Come on inside. I have sugar cookies for you.”
The moment Shelby stepped inside the old house, her senses exploded with memories. She inhaled the familiar aroma of furniture polish, potpourri and fresh sugar cookies. The wood floors creaked a welcome beneath her feet as her fingers gently touched the worn spot on the newel post.
Her gaze quickly traveled around the rooms. Nothing had changed. The furnishings were still in the same place, as if time had stood still. Shelby soaked in the comfort of the old surroundings. Her own life might be in turmoil, but Gramma’s house would always be her safe haven. “It’s good to be home, Gramma. I’ve missed this place.”
“Well, it’s right where it’s always been.”
A lump of shame rose in her throat. “I know.” Since leaving town, Shelby had stayed in touch with her grandmother and made the obligatory Christmas visits to her mother and stepfather’s home in Pensacola, but she had staunchly avoided a visit to Dover. She couldn’t risk running into Matt.
As they walked through the hallway, past the gallery of family photos, Shelby saw the picture of her aunt Teresa on the wall, and her conscience stung. She’d missed her aunt’s funeral, her mother’s only sister and a woman only ten years older than herself. Tween Scene magazine had been putting together their double Christmas issue at the time and that had seemed more important. Now Shelby winced at her callousness. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it back for Aunt Teresa’s funeral.” Shelby followed her grandmother into the kitchen.
“I understood, baby. Really I did.” Gramma smiled, handing her a plate of still-warm sugar cookies.
Shelby briefly thought about the dietary rules the doctor had laid out. Her mouth watered at the savory aroma, banishing her guilt. There was no need to start that healthy lifestyle right now. Tomorrow was soon enough. Sinking her teeth into one warm and sweet cookie transported her back in time. She was ten. Her father had deserted her and her mother. Shelby had run to Gramma’s, scared, confused and in tears. Ellen had baked a batch of cookies and they’d talked and watched movies well into the night.
Gramma pointed at the plate and raised her eyebrows. “Eat up. Those might be the last ones you get for a while.”
Shelby stopped midbite. “Why?”
“I work part-time at the church during the week, and I volunteer at the hospital whenever I’m needed. Besides—” Gramma planted her hands on her ample hips “—you’re not supposed to be eating all that sugar.”
Shelby pursed her lips. “I don’t think a few cookies will do any harm.”
Ellen frowned. “I see you haven’t lost your habit of avoiding the unpleasant. Is this how you rose to the top of your field? By avoiding things?”
“No, of course not.”
“You are following the doctors’ instructions, aren’t you? You’re watching what you eat and exercising, taking your medications?”
Shelby reached for another cookie. The sample medications the doctor had given her had nearly run out, and the prescriptions were still in her purse. Filling them would make this whole thing too real. Too final. “I’m going to.”
“Going to? When?” Gramma huffed out a puff of irritation. “Shelby Kay, you’ve got to take your heart disease seriously. This isn’t something you can avoid. Baby. I’ve already lost a husband and a daughter. I don’t want to lose you, too.”
The pleading in her grandmother’s voice punctured her defenses and exposed the gnawing fear in her spirit. Tears welled up in her eyes and clogged her throat. She was a lost and confused child again whose world was crashing in around her. Gramma’s love was the only thing that had saved her. And God’s grace.
She pressed her fingers to her lips as the fear took hold. “Gramma, I’m scared. How could I have had a heart attack and not even know it? I thought it was indigestion.”
Gramma came to her side and pulled her shoulders. “Oh, my baby girl. I know. I’m sure the doctor explained to you that the symptoms are very different in women. But you can get through this if you’ll just rely on the Lord.”
Shelby shook her head. “It’s not only my health, Gramma. The company I work for, Harmon Publishing, was bought by a competitor. I might not even have a job to go back to. The new management assured us everything would continue as before, but it’s only a matter of time before the pink slips are handed out.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that, but it’s only a job, after all.” Gramma squeezed her shoulders again. “It’ll all work itself out.”
Shelby pulled away, wiping her face with her palms and shaking her head. “It’s more than a job. This magazine is my life.”
Gramma scowled. “Nonsense.”
“My career is who I am.” Shelby stood and paced a few steps. “This is what I’ve worked for my whole life, and now I could lose everything.” Shelby buried her head in her hands. Gramma came quickly to her side, patting her back.
“You don’t know that. You’re facing a lot of obstacles right now, but you have your brains and your experience. You can always find a job. This might be the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Shelby gritted her teeth against the idea. “How could losing my career be a good thing?” Her grandmother stiffened, and Shelby realized how belligerent and disrespectful she’d sounded. “I’m sorry, Gramma. But I don’t want to lose my job. It’s important to me.”
“Better your job than your life.” Gramma stared down at her. “Seems to me, you’ve forgotten who to turn to when you’re lost.”
Shelby sank back down onto the wooden chair and tried to swallow her irritation. She wasn’t surprised by her Gramma’s comments. Her grandfather had been a minister. “Church talk” had been commonplace here. There had been a time when she had embraced her faith, depended upon it, but after she’d left Dover she’d drifted away. She’d channeled all her energy into school and then her career. Along the way she’d lost her connection to her faith.
Gramma patted her hand and slid the cookie plate toward her. “Enjoy your cookies. Today is your homecoming celebration. Tomorrow we’ll face the changes you have to make.”
Shelby nodded, feeling the fear and anger ease a bit. She had resisted coming back to Dover, but now she knew it had been the right decision. A few days here under Gramma’s loving care would ease anyone’s stress. A new hope blossomed in her heart. She had six weeks in which to accomplish her goals. First, get a handle on her health. Second, avoid Matt Durrant at all costs. That shouldn’t be too difficult. She’d have no reason to go to his hardware store, and he lived on the opposite side of town. And maybe, if she could relax quickly enough, she could cut her leave in half and get back to work sooner, and that would decrease her odds of running into Matt.
Matthias Durrant. The only man she’d ever loved. They’d promised to love each other forever, to be together always, but it hadn’t worked out that way. Matt had changed the plan, and she’d been terrified of losing her dream.
She’d never regretted her decision. So why did she find herself wondering what her life would have been like if she’d stayed here with him? Followed his dream instead of her own? There was no point in thinking about it. The door to the past was closed forever and couldn’t be reopened.
* * *
Matt Durrant rested his wrists on the steering wheel of the old battered van, smiling as his passenger opened the door and got out. “Thanks for your help today, Carl.”
The man nodded and raised a hand. “My pleasure. That roof should have been repaired months ago. We need more volunteers.”
“Amen to that.”
“Thanks for dropping me off at the house.” Carl smiled. “It saved Nancy a trip to pick me up.”
“No problem.” Matt watched as his friend walked up the drive toward his house. The front door opened and his wife, Nancy, walked out to meet him, wrapping him in that special kind of hug only a wife could give. Matt looked away, ignoring the sudden ache in the center of his chest, and put the car in gear.
But the image replayed in his mind as he drove the Handy Works van toward his home on the opposite side of town. He’d once had that kind of love. Until three years ago, when cancer had taken his Katie away. He called up a memory, looking for the comfort that normally soothed his wounded soul, but it didn’t come. Instead he found a gray void.
For the first time he longed for a real moment, not a vision of what had been. His memories had sustained him, kept him afloat, but lately it had been harder and harder to find solace in the past. Seeing Carl and Nancy just now had cracked the protective wall around his heart, exposing his vulnerability. Loneliness.
He’d been lonely every second since Katie had died, but this was different. This was more like a yearning, a hunger for something more. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly. His heart would always be missing the piece that Katie had filled. That first year he’d struggled to manage his grief against that of his children, trying to find a balance between keeping Katie’s memory alive and not being crushed under the memory of her illness and death. The decision to leave Atlanta and move home to Dover had been another upheaval in their lives that couldn’t be avoided. The pressures of his job had stolen precious time from his children. And they were his primary concern now.
Katie had begged him to not stop living after she was gone. She’d wanted him to find love and happiness again, but the thought had been abhorrent to him. He had no desire to risk his heart or his children’s on that kind of loss again. None of them could survive it a second time. It’s why he’d made the decision to come home. He wanted to raise his children near their grandparents, in a town where family values were still cherished.
Matt turned the corner onto Willow Street. Envy. That’s what had stirred up those old emotions. He was envious of Carl and Nancy’s normal life. But he knew he had so much to be thankful for. Two amazing kids, a family that loved and supported him, a job that allowed him to be home a good bit—the van hit a pothole and every bolt rattled and shook. He smiled. And a ministry that helped the community and allowed him to help others. Handy Works had been his sister’s brainchild. A mobile neighborhood help program, manned by volunteers who would donate their time and talents to making repairs and cleanup for those in need. He and his friend Carl Young had taken advantage of a rare afternoon free from teaching classes at Wells Community College to devote time to repairing the roof of an elderly man who lived at the edge of town.
Inhaling a deep breath, he reminded himself of his abundant blessings. Too many to count. This sudden feeling of loneliness would pass. Katie was the only woman he’d ever loved. No. There had been one other woman. A long time ago. But she’d abandoned him.
Matt flipped the blinker to turn into his driveway. Funny. Katie abandoned him through death; the other woman had abandoned him by choice. Maybe he was destined to be alone. Losing Katie had shredded his soul. He would never, ever love again. The risk was too great.
* * *
Shelby felt like a new person. Almost. Gramma had settled her into her old room on the east side of the house. The wide bay window faced the twin house next door but also afforded a view of the woods out back. This room hadn’t changed either. The same white curtains graced the window; the lavender bedspread was more faded but still thick and soft. And at the edge of the window sat her favorite chair, the green-and-white shell back with a tufted ottoman to prop your feet on. For the first time in years, Shelby knew a sense of belonging.
But it was temporary. Only until she could get back on her feet physically. She tried not to think about what effect heart disease might have on her future job search. Would anyone hire her with a preexisting condition? Removing her laptop from its case, she scooped up her smart phone from the nightstand and headed downstairs. She’d worry about that later.
Gramma was looking through cabinets when Shelby stepped into the kitchen. She turned and frowned at the devices in Shelby’s hands. “What are you going to do with those?”
“I have a few loose ends to tie up at work. I’m still employed for the moment, and the magazine has to go on. Medical leave or not.” Truth was, there was little she could do. Everything was on hold, but it helped to keep busy. It made her feel like she was doing something.
Ellen planted her fists on her hips and pursed her lips. “You’re supposed to be relaxing, and if you have any sense at all, you’ll follow orders. You’ll unplug yourself from those things and you’ll rest, eat right and get some exercise.”
She acknowledged the necessity of following the doctor’s advice, but Tween Scene was her baby, and she’d spent every ounce of her time and energy over the years making it successful. To suddenly turn her back and walk away when its future was in doubt seemed irresponsible. Besides, what was she supposed to do with her time? Sit in the rocker and crochet?
“I’m not good at being idle, Gramma.”
“Resting and taking care of yourself is not being idle.”
“You know what I mean.” Shelby placed her computer on the kitchen table. “I need to be busy. You know how Mom felt about being unproductive. If she had any idea how much time I spent looking at your magazines when I was here, she’d have never let me come back.”
“Your mother wanted you to have an education and be able to take care of yourself.”
“And I can, but now everyone’s telling me to stop and stand still.”
Gramma exhaled a sympathetic sigh. “I understand. But this is a new chapter in your life, and you’ll have to find something different to fill your time. Something quieter, slower paced.”
The thought made Shelby’s skin crawl. She didn’t like being inactive. She like planning and deadlines. “I’m not sure I can do that.”
“You don’t really have a choice.” Gramma patted her shoulder. “I’m sorry to go off and leave you on your first day home, but I’m filling in at the hospital this afternoon for a friend. There’s chicken salad in the fridge in case you get hungry. It’s made with all low-fat, healthy ingredients. I’ll be home in a couple of hours if you want to eat together. In the meantime, relax.”
An hour later Shelby tossed her cell phone onto the dining room table and buried her head in her hands. It looked like the other shoe was about to drop at Harmon Publishing. Her boss had called to tell her a meeting had been scheduled for all upper management regarding the sale, but no other information had been given.
The ever-present knot of anxiety in her stomach grew. What would she do if she lost her job? How would she survive? Her mind churned with a frightening list of possible disasters. Her heart rate quickened, and a steady pressure began to build in her chest. She closed her eyes against a wave of fear. Was she having another heart attack or an anxiety attack? The doctor said the symptoms were similar. She’d been oblivious to her first episode, so how did she know if this was serious or not?
“Please, Lord, don’t let this be another one.” She’d experienced these symptoms before—the light-headedness, then a clammy sensation and a strange sense of foreboding. Her first thought had been a brain tumor. When the symptoms persisted, she’d gone to the clinic, but they’d sent her home with instructions to cut back on caffeine and sugar.
A second episode sent her to the hospital, where extensive tests had been run. That’s when Dr. Morgan had delivered his diagnosis and his ultimatum. Time off or face the consequences. She couldn’t afford to ignore this any longer. Not when death was the option.
Inhaling a slow, deep breath, she breathed a sigh of relief when her pulse slowed to normal once again and the tension eased. Frustration and anger quickly took its place, driving her outside onto the wooden porch swing. Her favorite refuge. The gentle back-and-forth movement settled her thoughts. It wasn’t fair. All she’d ever wanted was to work for a magazine. Her whole life since high school had been geared toward her career. She’d studied hard and sacrificed much to achieve her goal. Now it was all being taken away. Why was God doing this to her? Was this her punishment for ignoring Him all this time?
Tears stung the backs of her eyes. She squeezed them shut, unwilling to give in. She never cried. But since her diagnosis she’d started bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. It was infuriating.
“Chester!”
She looked up at the shout to see a small, scruffy gray dog dart up the steps of the porch and stop at her feet. The little dog growled and barked, inching forward then back as he defended his territory.
Shelby chuckled softly. “Oh, hush. I’m not going to hurt you.” Slowly she opened her hand, palm up, and inched it toward the dog. “See, it’s okay.”
The dog stopped growling and studied her. He retreated, then cocked his head and slowly moved forward. “There. Nothing to be upset about.” The dog’s tail began to wag furiously and he licked her hand. “Good doggie.” She stroked his small head. It was soft and warm.
“Chester! You’d better get yourself back over here before you get in trouble.”
Shelby looked up as a young girl came toward the house from the driveway. She appeared to be about eleven years old.
“Chester!” She hurried up the steps, placing her hands on her waist when she saw the dog. “You are in big trouble, mister.” She glanced at Shelby. “I’m sorry he barked at you, ma’am.”
“That’s okay. I think we worked it out. He’s a good watchdog. He knew I was a stranger so he was probably trying to protect you.”
The girl shrugged. “I guess.” She studied Shelby intently for a long moment. “Does Mrs. Bower know you’re here?”
Shelby smiled. “Yes. I’m going to be staying here for a while. I’m her granddaughter.”
The girl frowned. “I don’t remember you.”
“I’ve been away a long time. I live in New York City.” Shelby swallowed the regret that had been nagging at her since coming home. “My name is Shelby. And I take it this is Chester?”
“Yeah,” she groaned in disgust and frowned. “I didn’t name him. My brother did. My name is Cassidy.”
Shelby couldn’t help but smile at her grown-up indignation. “Nice to meet you, Cassidy.” Footsteps sounded on the steps, and a little boy joined them. He was out of breath.
“Aw, Chester you are in tra-bull. You can’t come over here.”
Cassidy rolled her eyes. “This is my little brother, Kenny. He’s six.”
Kenny stared at her.
“I’m Shelby. I’m staying here with my grandmother, Mrs. Bower.”
“Oh.” He smiled, displaying two deep dimples at the sides of his mouth. “She makes us sugar cookies.”
“I know. She made them for me when I was little. In fact, she made some for me today. Would you like one?”
Cassidy took hold of Chester’s collar. “Thanks, but we can’t take food from strangers.”
Shelby was momentarily taken aback. Then common sense kicked in and she smiled at the children. “That’s a good rule. You’re right. Maybe after we get to know each other, we can share some cookies.”
Cassidy smiled. Her thickly lashed, dark blue eyes triggered something familiar in the back of Shelby’s mind, but she couldn’t place it.
“We have to take Chester home now.” Cassidy tugged the dog toward the steps. “Our aunt will be wondering where we are.”
“Okay. Nice to have met you. You and Chester are welcome here any time.”
“Thanks. I’ll tell my dad.” Cassidy waved goodbye.
Shelby stood and walked to the edge of the porch, watching the children tugging the little dog back home. She’d wondered who lived next door in the duplicate house. Gramma had told her Mrs. Marshall had passed away several years ago and the house had changed hands a couple of times. Obviously a family lived there now.
As the children neared the porch of their home, an old battered van pulled into the driveway. The sign painted on the side read “Handy Works.” Decals of various tools decorated the side panels, proclaiming some sort of handyman business.
Shelby watched as the children hurried toward the van. The door opened, and a man emerged. Tall and well-built with dark brown hair, the deep blue knit shirt he wore emphasized strong, broad shoulders and muscular arms. Faded, well-worn jeans hugged his long legs like an old friend. Dusty, work-scuffed Western boots completed the masculine picture.
He turned, arms open as the children ran to him. He lifted them off the ground in a tight hug, swinging them back and forth playfully. Shelby smiled. Not only was the man ridiculously attractive, he obviously adored his children. A lethal combination. Cassidy and Kenny began chatting away. She could hear their little voices across the wide, shared driveway. Kenny suddenly pointed toward her, and she smiled, raising her hand. The father turned and faced her. Her heart froze. Blood drained from her face.
No. It couldn’t be. Please, Lord, don’t do this to me. The man staring back at her was the last man on earth she wanted to see. Cassidy and Kenny’s father was Matthias Durrant, the fiancé she’d jilted for her career fifteen years ago.
