By the time I made it to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, I was in a foul mood. Sam showered and left to visit her family in the city, and I stewed over what she’d said. Partnered with what Cassandra told me, I was hurt and angry and not in the mood for dealing with my mother. I knew the day was going to end in disaster, but I couldn’t avoid it. Missing Thanksgiving was like committing a cardinal sin in my mother’s house.
My dad and two uncles were parked in front of the TV when I walked in, fighting over which quarterback was doing better. I kissed the top of my dad’s head as he argued, ignoring my presence, then wandered into the kitchen.
The women’s domain was busy. My mom refused to let the men help with Thanksgiving dinner, even though my dad and uncles all helped cook every other day of the year. It was like she thought the holidays were meant to be a time for the women to take care of the men, or bond, or something.
“Addi! Finally! I thought you were going to be here hours ago,” my mom said in lieu of a greeting. I kissed her flour-dusted cheek, carefully avoiding the stained turkey apron that hung around her neck, and leaned against the edge of the counter, waiting for my instructions.
“I didn’t know you needed me here early. You never said anything,” I argued. If Cassandra got a specific invitation to be there early, I should have received the same if I were needed. Instead, she just assumed I’d be at her beck and call. And psychic.
“Don’t give me attitude. Your sister’s been here for two hours. She said she spent the night with you last night and told you she was coming over. Why didn’t you just come with her?”
I spared a glance at my sister, who was dutifully avoiding my eyes. She’d changed from her short skirt and skin-tight top to a pair of ordinary khakis and a sweater that made her look like a modest woman. Looking at her there, we almost could have been friends, but that wasn’t the real Cass. The real Cass was the one I’d dragged out of a stranger’s car twelve hours earlier. But no one else knew that. Cassandra’s adventures were always kept secret from our parents, even when we were kids. I knew she was counting on me, again, to keep the truth about where she was and what she was doing from my mom.
“I wasn’t ready to go when Cass left this morning,” I admitted, carefully avoiding the rest of the truth.
My mom shook her head and went back to basting the turkey. “Sometimes I wonder how you manage to hold down a teaching job, Addi. Teachers are so put together and you can’t even manage to get to Thanksgiving dinner with your family on time.”
I seethed silently as Mom ignored me, not even bothering to see how her comments made me feel. I noticed Cassandra glance at me out of the corner of my eye, but she kept silent.
“Maybe I should be more like Cass? Reliable. Consistent. Always doing exactly what’s expected of her.”
Cassandra’s eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to retort, but Mom beat her to it. “You’re right, Addi. You should be more like your sister. She’s doing very well at the bank, getting another promotion in a few weeks. She has a very active social life, always talks about nice men that she’s gone out with. You’d have a couple of kids by now if you were as friendly as your sister.”
I laughed mirthlessly and agreed, “I bet you’re right, Mom. I’d definitely have a couple of kids if I was more like Cassandra. Her social life makes me look like a nun.”
Cassandra gave me an evil look and tried to butt in again, but Mom held up a hand to silence her. “It really does, Addi. You could do with a little fun in your life. I know you like your little group of friends, but really, you could stand to go on a date or two. Maybe one of your friends’ new boyfriends has a friend to set you up with. Or better yet, you and Cassandra could double date with some of the guys she knows.”
I nearly threw up in my mouth at the thought of being on a date with Cassandra and any of the men I’d rescued her from. I had no idea what sort of bullshit she’d been telling my mom, but it was clear they could use it to plant a garden next spring. Mom bought Cassandra’s crap and honestly believed she was dating decent men instead of being nearly raped every time she went out.
Maybe Cassandra was dating good guys when I wasn’t saving her from one run-down house or another, but I couldn’t imagine her having two such drastically different sides. Cassandra was a screw-up. All I’d ever known for the last decade was for her to mess everything up.
And instead of Mom knowing exactly what Cassandra was like, I’d been covering for her. Hiding the messes she made and making her look like the perfect child, and now the ideal woman.
In my mother’s eyes, I was the wreck. I was the one who needed an intervention, not the perfect Cassandra.
Anger filled me. First Cassandra, then Sam, and now my own mother. All of them thought I needed to be more like Cass. More free. More outgoing. Less me.
I was done. Done being the one who saved the day. Done being the responsible one. Done getting chastised for playing it safe. Done making up excuses. Done getting up in the middle of the night.
I was going to take their advice. Right before their very eyes I was becoming someone else. The ‘new and improved’ Addi wasn’t going to sit by and take shit, she was going to be the one dishing it out.
Cassandra’s mouth hung open as she gawked at me. I knew she thought I was losing my mind. Truth be told, I probably was. But I was so fed up with everyone thinking I needed to change that I was going to show them all that I wasn’t the pathetic basket case they thought I was. And if that meant double dating friends of Cassandra’s, then I’d do it.
“You’re kidding, right? I mean, you don’t really want to go out with any of the guys I know, do you?” Cassandra stumbled over her words, desperately trying to weasel her way out of the situation.
“Of course she does, honey,” Mom jumped in. “You always tell me about the guys you’ve dated, the nice places they take you and how sweet they are. What woman wouldn’t want a man like that?”
Mom made it sound like Cassandra was dating the cream of the crop, but I knew the truth. It was plain as day on her face. Cassandra’d been lying her ass off to Mom. Not only did she not know anything about her usual evening activities, but Mom honestly thought Cassandra was dating decent men.
I nearly laughed out loud.
“Yeah, Cass, what woman wouldn’t want a guy like the ones you usually date? They sound so perfect. How about next weekend? Will that give you enough time to set something up?”
Mom wiped her hands on a dish towel and turned to look at Cassandra expectantly. I kept my fake smile in place. Even my aunts and cousins, who’d been silent during our exchange, paused what they were doing to listen to Cassandra’s answer.
“Um, yeah, I’m sure I can set something up. I’ll, um, I’ll let you know,” Cassandra said slowly, glancing around to the others as she spoke.
Mom nodded her head once, silently declaring her approval of the situation. I turned back to the counter and started chopping the carrots on the cutting board for the salad. I knew it was mean to put my sister in the middle, but I also knew it was her fault I was in that mess to start with. She could squirm a little.
Just as long as she figured out a way to get us out of a double date. There was no way in hell I was going out with one of Cassandra’s ‘friends’ no matter how much I wanted to prove something to everyone.
By the time dinner was over and everyone had filled up on turkey, mashed potatoes, and pie, I was ready to relax. Carrying on my fake attitude all day was exhausting and I was ready to go home and crash.
The house was dark when I got back. I slipped into my pajamas and climbed into bed, flipping on the TV. A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving was just starting so I settled in, enjoying the comfort of a movie I’d seen so many times.
I must have dozed off. My phone buzzed in my ear, drawing me out of a dream about a date with the drunk from the night before. Still shaking off the dream I answered the phone with a dreary, “Hello?”
“Ms. James, this is Mr. Rockwell. I hope I’m not disturbing you.” The voice of the principal in my ear woke me up. I sat upright in bed, the cobwebs clearing quickly as I struggled for a reason he’d be calling me.
“No, of course not, Mr. Rockwell. What can I do for you?”
No matter how long I was a teacher, I still hated to talk to the principal. I always felt like I was in trouble, and considering he’d never called me at home, I was even more leery of what the conversation was going to bring.
“Well, Ms. James, we have a bit of a problem and I’ve been told you might be able to help out.”
“Sure, of course, anything,” I hurried to say, not wanting to piss him off. His voice sounded tight, which had me worried.
“Mrs. Emerling was supposed to help out with ski club this winter. She volunteered and was ready to go with the students starting Monday, but she was out last night and slipped on the ice. She broke her right arm and has a bruised hip. Her doctor told her no skiing and she’ll be out of the classroom until after Winter Break.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, wondering what any of it had to do with me. Mrs. Emerling taught Advanced Placement English. Judy was always nice to me and we’d eaten lunch together a few times over the years. She invited me to her wedding two years ago, but I’d never filled in for her class. I wasn’t qualified.
“Yes, well, we’re taking care of finding a sub until she’s able to come back, but we need one of our regular teachers to take over the ski club for the season. We can’t ask a sub to take on that sort of responsibility. Mrs. Emerling said you might be willing and I’ve already asked Mr. Santiago and Ms. Wyatt. They both said you’d be a great addition to the team.”
Ah, shit. Just when I thought I could relax…
“Sure, Mr. Rockwell, I’d be happy to help out,” I said, not bothering to hide my disappointment.
“Wonderful. I appreciate your enthusiasm in being there for a teacher in need, Ms. James. I’ll let the others know to expect you to join them Monday. Bus leaves right after classes let out. Ski club is three hours then the bus will bring everyone back. Bring your own gear if you have it or you can rent skis there. Enjoy your weekend Ms. James.”
He was gone before I could say goodbye.
So much for the new and improved Addi who knew how to say no.
