“Doc, what the hell is happening?” Clay’s voice was a low growl, close by, but I couldn’t open my eyes or move to find him.
“Jennessa had a severe brain bleed,” Dr. Levi’s voice floated to me, explaining my condition to Clay. Through our bond, I could feel Clay’s devastation, but also his unwavering faith in my recovery.
“Her healing process has been slow because her brain was swelling, putting more stress on her body,” Dr. Levi continued. “We performed a minor procedure to relieve some of the pressure on her brain.”
“Her brain activity is normal, and we’re hopeful for a quick recovery. Ultimately, when Jennessa wakes up is up to her and the Moon Goddess.”
Their voices were growing louder, and a pounding headache was building. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
A pause, then Clay’s voice again, “She’s hurting again, doc.” A sharp prick in my arm, and then darkness swallowed me.
“Brice, what are we going to do about all these other wolves?” Clay’s voice was different, tired and worried. I reached out through our bond, feeling his exhaustion and concern. I wished I could hold him, reassure him.
“They can’t stay here, Clay,” Brice’s voice was a tight whisper. “I can’t stand that Lucas guy. Who does he think he is?”
“Get over it,” Clay’s voice was laced with annoyance. “I won’t make any decisions without Jennessa. They’re her pack.”
“How does that make sense?” Brice muttered, and I wasn’t sure if he was talking to Clay or himself.
A pause. “Any updates from the doc? Any progress?”
Clay sighed, sounding defeated. “Other than the swelling going down? No. He keeps saying it’s up to Jennessa and the Moon Goddess.”
I would have laughed at Clay’s imitation of the doctor if my head hadn’t started to hurt again.
Fuck! When will this pain stop?
“Fuck,” Clay hissed, and I heard the shuffle of feet and a door opening. “Doc! We need you in here again!”
I wished I could block out the noise, the panic in Clay’s voice. It was too much.
“What’s wrong?” Dr. Levi’s voice was calm as he entered the room.
“She’s in a lot of pain, and it’s getting worse,” Clay’s voice was frantic. I felt him take my hand, squeeze it. I tried to send reassurance through our bond, but I wasn’t sure if he felt it.
Another prick in my arm, and then darkness.
“It’s chaos out there, Clay,” Brice’s voice was tense. “Jennessa’s pack is causing trouble, picking fights with our pack. It’s getting out of hand.”
“What do you want me to do about it?” Clay’s voice was sharp, angry.
“Maybe take a shower and then go out there and act like an alpha?” Brice’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.
A low growl from Clay, a scraping sound that made my ears ring.
“I’m not leaving Jennessa. Do your job as my beta!” Clay’s roar was so loud, I thought the whole building shook.
“But you’ve been hiding, Clay. This is ridiculous!”
“If this was Kimberly, would you leave her?” Clay’s voice was eerily calm, baiting Brice.
“I’m not the alpha, Clay! This is your job, now do it!”
Their shouting scared me. They’d never fought like this before. Things were really bad, weren’t they?
“All right, all right,” a familiar voice broke in. Lindsey! “Why don’t you boys take this outside, and I’ll sit with Jennessa?”
Silence. Then Lindsey again. “Clay, you need a shower. Brice, go do something productive. Honestly, I don’t know how you’re still alive.”
“Fine, but if anything changes, come get me,” Clay growled.
“Deal,” Lindsey promised. I could almost see her determined face. Clay didn’t stand a chance against Lindsey on a mission.
Footsteps, then silence. Lindsey was here, and the headache hadn’t returned yet. But I knew it was coming.
“Jennessa,” Lindsey’s voice was choked with emotion. “You have to wake up. This is all my fault.”
I wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault, but a deep voice cut through my thoughts. “Honey, you can’t think like that. If Jennessa loves you even half as much as you love her, she’d be upset with you for blaming yourself.”
“But if I had been there…” Lindsey’s voice broke.
“But maybe I could have helped her, or prevented it,” Lindsey sobbed.
I tried to open my eyes, to move, to comfort Lindsey, but I couldn’t. My headache was back, and it was worse than ever. I wanted to scream in frustration and pain.
Voices around me, faint and distant. “Clay called, said Jennessa was in pain again.” Dr. Levi’s voice, then a prick in my arm, and darkness.
“The situation is getting worse, we need to do something,” Brice’s voice was stressed, irritated.
“I’m doing my best,” Clay’s voice was distant, strained.
“It’s not good enough, Clay,” Brice’s voice was careful, cautious.
“Then what do you suggest I do?” Clay’s voice was devoid of emotion, not angry or frustrated, just resigned. “I’ve tried everything I can think of. I can’t send them away because they’ll die without Jennessa, but I can’t keep them here because it’s making you and the pack uncomfortable.”
“Take the title of the pack,” Brice suggested.
“They don’t want me, Brice. They want Jennessa,” Clay responded, catching me off guard.
“Then don’t give them a choice.”
“Do you want me to kill Jennessa too?” Clay scoffed at the idea, making my muscles tense.
“No, of course not,” Brice growled. “But this situation is unlike any other. The same rules can’t possibly apply.”
“But we don’t know that for sure.”
“No, we don’t. But it’s highly likely since she’s your luna, which means she’s part of your pack. She could give you control of this new pack, or you could take it from her as her alpha.” Brice’s explanation didn’t make much sense to me. The idea that I was now an alpha was equally confusing.
“I’ll discuss it with Jennessa when she wakes up,” Clay said.
Still nothing. I couldn’t even open my eyes. I was so frustrated that when the headache started again, I used it as motivation. I knew that once I woke up, the pain would either disappear or at least lessen.
I screamed at myself in my head repeatedly.
Suddenly, I felt my wolf stir for the first time since I fell asleep.
I repeated this mantra in my head, and slowly but surely, my wolf was waking. I needed her strength to push me on, I couldn’t do this alone.
I could hear movement around me, voices speaking. I couldn’t focus on that. I knew time was running out. Clay could feel me, he was probably getting the doctor right now.
I felt my hand twitch beside me, and knew it was working. My wolf was a little dazed in my head, but her presence alone gave me the strength to keep fighting.
“It’s okay, baby,” I heard Clay say, his hand stroking my hair. “The doctor is here now, he’ll help you.”
I wanted to scream, but then I felt the familiar prick in my arm, and moments later, I was engulfed in darkness.
“You have no idea how everything has turned upside down without you,” Lindsey’s voice was close to my ear, her hand in mine.
There was a pause, and I strained to listen. There was a sigh, then I felt her squeeze my hand. “I really need to talk to you, too… About Hunter.
“He’s amazing, Jennessa. It’s only been a week and a half, but he makes me so incredibly happy. You didn’t tell me half of it.”
I wanted to laugh or even just smile at the playful accusation in her voice. But I couldn’t. I was stuck here, listening and unable to react.
“I had no idea it would feel like this. We learn about it in school, about how ‘sparks fly,’ but I didn’t realize how true that was. Every time our skin touches, it’s like an electric current runs through us. It’s magical.
“I feel guilty, because I’m sure you didn’t tell me all this to avoid rubbing it in my face. But you didn’t have to do that, Jennessa. You’re like a sister to me. I wish you hadn’t felt the need to put my feelings above yours.”
“And then there’s the mind link,” Lindsey continued, interrupting my thoughts. “There are so many cool aspects to it. Like, how we can communicate with each other, even when we’re not in wolf form.”
“And the fact that I’ll always know what he’s feeling is kind of strange, but also really cool. And the radar thing? Amazing. I always know exactly where he is, which sounds creepy and controlling, but it’s really neat. I had no idea that you could literally feel their presence in a room. Like, I could have my back to the door, headphones in, and know instantly when he entered the room,” Lindsey continued, confirming my point even further.
“I don’t know. It’s the most fascinating thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s so magical,” Lindsey finished, and I could imagine her gazing off into space, smiling fondly at the thought of her mate.
Questions swirled in my mind, making me worry about the potential damage my own selfishness may have caused to Clay and my relationship, even now when we were in such a good place.
“Your mom is about ready to pull her hair out,” Lindsey giggled, bringing me back to reality. “Clay has turned into this grumpy, sometimes even frumpy, alpha. Your mom says she can barely stand to be near him.”
As Clay was recovering from Andrew’s attack, we discussed my mother’s role in our pack. We decided she would be a good influence for Clay and the pack. There’s no official title that we know of, except maybe an adviser to both Brice and Clay.
My ultimate goal was to start integrating she-wolves into the hierarchy of the pack. We were more than just pretty faces or warm bodies for the males in this pack. I knew the she-wolves could really improve things around the pack, and my approach had been to slowly start integrating she-wolves into more significant roles.
I felt like my mother was a great first step in doing so. She was my father’s mate, who was an alpha to this pack. She knew a lot about pack laws, procedures, and operations. If Clay saw potential in her new role, I was hoping it would be easier for him to let go of old sexist policies and rule under a more inclusive system.
“She’s also worried about you. She’s barely slept or eaten since the accident. She’s been here to see you every day, but she’s so busy putting out fires everywhere between Clay’s pack and, well, I guess your pack. You’d think they’d get along better since you and Clay are mates, but no. Brice and Lucas keep clashing. Clay practically had to ground both of them to their rooms to maintain peace around here.”
I wanted to laugh and cry for my mother. I knew how difficult Clay could be, and if she was the only one there to calm him down, well, good luck. Clay could be stubborn when he didn’t get his way.
One of the many reasons I adored him.
The sound of the door opening and closing signaled the arrival of another person in the room.
“Sorry,” Clay’s voice echoed, his tone weary as if he had just taken a seat beside me. Through our bond, I could sense his exhaustion. I wished I could alleviate some of his fatigue; he hardly sounded like himself anymore.
“I just came to check on her. Her emotions have been fluctuating, but I guess I understand why now.”
“Do you think she’s been eavesdropping again?” Lindsey’s voice was tinged with surprise.
“Yes, that’s what the doctor and I were discussing,” Clay responded. He was conversing with Lindsey, but his mind seemed elsewhere. “Her emotions have been erratic. Sad, anxious, angry, happy, and so on. Right now, she seems worried about something.”
“Can’t you communicate with her through your mind link?” Lindsey asked, sounding puzzled.
A silence filled the room. Clay seemed uncomfortable with the question, and I could tell he wasn’t going to respond. This was something Clay and I needed to talk about. We’d only had our bond for a few weeks, and perhaps we’d been neglecting it. We should explore it more.
“The doctor says she’s fully recovered, but we won’t know if there are any lasting effects on her brain or health until she wakes up,” Clay changed the subject.
“She’s okay. I know she is. She has to be.” Lindsey’s voice trembled at the end. I felt her squeeze my hand again, and I yearned to return the gesture.
I tried. I focused all my energy on my arm, my hand, my fingers, willing them to move. But they wouldn’t. They just wouldn’t.
A couple of hours later, Lindsey left. As I drifted in and out of sleep, I felt a touch on my arm.
“Baby,” Clay whispered into my ear. Through our bond, I could feel his emotions washing over me now that we were alone. I was fully alert.
“I need you to wake up,” he continued, his voice filled with sadness and loneliness. But through our bond, I felt his desperation, a mix of fear and love. I realized then how much Clay had been struggling.
I’d been sensing his stress all along, a constant shadow no matter his mood. It was starting to affect him mentally, and I knew this wasn’t good. Clay couldn’t show this vulnerability to the pack, so I was grateful he waited until we were alone to reveal it.
But it also filled me with guilt. If only I could make my body obey me, wake up, get out of this bed, then things would improve for him and our pack. I felt weak and ashamed.
“I just need you, Jennessa,” Clay whispered, pulling me from my thoughts. “I can handle anything with you by my side, but I’m nothing without you. This past week has made me wonder how I ever lived without you. I just… I need you, baby.
“Please, if you can hear me, know that I’m here waiting for you to come back to me.”
My heart shattered for my mate. I felt the sincerity of his fears and love for me, and I knew he needed me. I needed him too! I needed to be there for him like he’d been there for me.
I felt Clay lay his head next to my arm on the bed. If I wasn’t mistaken, it sounded like he might have been crying.
My wolf whimpered in my mind, but ultimately, she complied and started to prepare for our return. My wolf stretched and shook herself out in my head, then waited patiently for my next command.
My wolf was fully awake now and excited. She crouched on her front paws with her tail wagging in the air behind her. She started running, charging my frontal lobe.
For the first time in what felt like forever, my eyes finally opened. I could feel my wolf was at the forefront of my mind. She was there just as much as I was. I could feel and hear the bones in my chest starting to pop out of place first, then my spine.
It reminded me of my first transition into my wolf when I was just thirteen years old, the pain of a slow shift was torture. My body was contorting, breaking, and then as my body was quickly healing each break, my body was morphing into an animal—my wolf.
“Jennessa?” I could barely hear Clay’s voice over the breaking of my bones.
He sounded worried and stood up, hovering over my body, giving me my first look at my mate since the crash. He looked as handsome as ever, but I couldn’t deny he looked worn out. There were bags under his brown eyes like he hadn’t slept in days, he was sporting a patchy beard that looked odd on him, and his hair was loosely hanging around his face.
I wanted to say something comforting to him, but all that came out was a ragged scream, which quickly turned into a howl from my wolf. Clay’s hands went on my body, and my wolf instantly started snapping her teeth at him, warning him away. She was freaking out just as much as I was because of how difficult it seemed for us to shift. Clay instantly let us go, taking a step back.
“Doctor!” he yelled, fear in his brown eyes and voice as he screamed for help. “Brice!”
My arms, legs, and neck went next, as different bones and muscles broke and reformed into a different creature. Soon I felt fur sprouting from each pore in my skin, which wasn’t the most pleasant feeling in the world. It felt like my skin was being stretched until my body was ready to tear itself apart.
The rest of the transition happened fairly quickly, thank goodness, and soon I was standing in mine and Clay’s bed, my wolf fully present.
After countless days of being paralyzed, my wolf was on edge. She howled as loudly as she could, celebrating her release in a way, but more so panicking that it took so long for her to come out.
The bedroom door opened behind us, and my wolf quickly turned and ran past Dr. Levi and Brice, who I noted both looked extremely surprised to see us.
In my wolf’s almost frantic state to escape the alpha headquarters, she was running too quickly and kept colliding with walls and corners as she tried to find her way out. There were a few times she had to extend her claws to keep herself up, gouging deep markings into the hardwood floors.
I did my best to guide her out of the house, but in her frantic state, she wasn’t listening very well. On top of that, she felt she was in danger because Clay, Brice, and Dr. Levi were also chasing us through the house. They kept shouting to us to calm down, but my wolf wasn’t listening to them either. She knew what she wanted, and she was going to get it even if that meant tearing this place down first.
We ended up running through the kitchen of the pack house, where Lucas and Casey just happened to be. Soon, we were being chased by them as well, although they weren’t trying to get us to stop running, they were whooping and hollering like they were in a parade.
Finally, we made it to the foyer, and my wolf spotted the front door. She skidded to a stop, trying to figure out how to open the damn thing, but when she heard the others getting closer, she ran so fast for a moment she was just running in place.
Instead of waiting for someone to open the door again, my wolf decided the window was the best and quickest way out of here, and once she stopped slipping around, she went head first into the glass, landing on her feet in the grass.
She let out a howl again, thrilled to be free to run like we haven’t been for a while.
My wolf was so caught up in the fresh air, freedom, and all of mother nature’s scent.
She’d momentarily forgotten that we were, in essence, being pursued. That was, until Clay made his sudden appearance in front of us.
My inner wolf immediately went on high alert, growling at Clay in a low, threatening manner. She was terrified of being confined within me again, and I couldn’t blame her for that fear.
My wolf was gradually lowering her defenses in response to Clay’s soothing words, but she continued to growl and bare her teeth at him.
“Damn, our alpha is a badass,” I heard someone say from behind us. I recognized the voice as Casey’s, but my wolf didn’t pay her any attention. Her focus remained solely on Clay.
I found it odd that my wolf was having such a hard time trusting our mate, but I guessed she was as disoriented as Clay had suggested and needed time to acclimate to her surroundings again. She’d been trapped inside my mind for weeks, both of us essentially in a medically induced coma. That was what scared her the most.
“Let’s run with our alpha, everyone!” Lucas shouted, startling my wolf once again. Her defenses shot back up, and she bolted into the forest.
The new wall that had been erected while we were unconscious had made some progress, but it didn’t completely encircle the pack house, thankfully. This made it easy for my wolf to make her escape.
We could hear the others behind us, their howls echoing through the forest as they ran with us. My wolf remained on high alert for a good portion of our run, until the sheer exhilaration and joy of the moment overcame both of us. We spent hours out there with these new wolves, running wild and playing.
It was an incredible feeling.
