A Mafia Royals Romance Book 3

The fault must partly have been in me.

The bird was not to blame for his key. —Robert Frost

Breaker

Claire’s funeral was heavy with a sadness felt in the soul—it hurt to breathe, my lungs burned with the need to inhale more air, but every single time I tried, I imagined myself in Ash’s position. Standing up at that pulpit. Destroyed. Lost. Un-fucking-repairable.

How easily our spots could have been switched. And the only people who knew were the ones who kept my secrets safe.

Phoenix Nicolasi, who was currently watching me like a hawk—for good reason.

And Andrei Sinacore-Petrov, who cheerfully sat directly to my left with his wife and Maksim. Every few seconds, I saw the glint of the knife shoved down around his ankle as he purposely crossed his legs. Message received, dick.

Ash’s voice rasped as he continued the eulogy. “All it takes is one second, and life can get ripped from you. I actually had a fight with Claire that morning. She wanted to go shopping, and I wanted to send security with her. She finally…”

His voice trailed off as I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think about anything but that night.

“You have a choice,” Andrei whispered as I watched the leering fifty-year-old-looking man shrug out of his black leather jacket and grin at one of the idiots spouting off insults in Russian about how tight her body would be, how it was an honor…”

“I don’t,” I hissed through my teeth.

“We always do. The choice will always be yours.” Andrei put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

“And her?” I grit my teeth as her body slumped against one of the Russians. He was petting her hair, and I was seconds away from cutting every single one of his fingers off. “What about her choice?”

“Who do you think she would prefer, that piece of shit or someone she sometimes tolerates?”

I snorted and felt my entire body go rigid. “I don’t know how to do this, Andrei. I can’t separate the man I am and the man you need me to become to make this choice.”

“I never said you had to pick one or the other—you’ve always been both.”

“It’s heavy, that moment when you realize your life isn’t ever going to be the same,” Ash continued. “When you realize your love created a life you’ll never get the chance to see.” A hush fell over the room.

“She was pregnant. And we were still trying to figure out how to navigate this world; we were shaken with the brutal truth that bringing up kids in this atmosphere is anything but easy, anything but innocent.

We were broken with the absolutely horrifying idea that we would fail, but she reminded me, in a time when I desperately needed it, that our parents succeeded. They raised up a generation of warriors, of mafia royalty that would forever protect their blood until their last breath. She reminded me who I was.”

My heart hammered against my chest; could they see? Could they tell? Could they smell my blood in the air? All of the mafia royalty around me with their perfect bloodlines? Resentment started to ooze into every pore of my body. Resentment for who they were, who she was, and who I was.

I didn’t belong in this seat. I didn’t belong in this world. I was meant to rule another.

And yet, there I sat. With the Italian family I loved. And another family I swore to die for.

I lowered my head as cold fury pulsed through my veins, because tonight I wouldn’t be able to help myself, would I? And eventually, they would all know my sins. I’d have no choice but to confess to them and do what my namesake said… Break her.

Break them all. I was the snake in the garden. I should have never dangled the apple.

Because now the one responsible was as equally damned. “Blood in. No out… except death,” Ash said.

It reverberated in my soul as my very short life flashed before my eyes, and then I saw Violet turn around and look at me as I whispered back with the congregation. “Blood in.” I licked my lips and watched her eyes fill with tears. “No out.”

One spilled over Violet’s cheek. I gripped the pew in front of me to keep myself from jumping over all the rows between us and pulling her into my arms—a liar’s arms.

But a rustle of whispers interrupted what would be my own suicide as I frowned and looked around.

Andrei gripped me by the wrist like he knew I would come to Junior’s defense as he very slowly moved toward Serena and rather than sit with his own family—something that even the most rebellious of us never even attempted—nodded his chin down at Nixon in pure defiance, moved down the pew, grabbed Serena’s hand, kissed it, and sat down.

He’d boldly just chosen the Abandonato heir in front of the Five Families, in front of our enemies, the De Langes. But most importantly, she’d chosen him. And they had done it on holy ground. In front of the priest. In front of God.

Junior, one of my best friends, had single-handedly signed his own death sentence, and I’d never seen him look so relieved.

I was sick with jealousy over his boldness. King tensed on the other side of me and whispered under his breath, “We have to do something.”

“Shh!” Dad snapped from his other side. “He’s made his choice. Now he deals with the consequences.”

I let out a snort. “Yes, God forbid we actually have hearts that can’t help but beat for each other—even in death, his choice was still his.”

I stood and walked past Andrei and was glad when I saw Ash get up and do the same thing until all the kids exited the church, together, united. A family within a Family.

“I’m gonna take Serena home,” Junior said once we were all on the church steps staring at him like he was already dead—like we were already planning his funeral after finishing this one.

He might as well have been a ghost. A walking corpse.

And Serena along with him.

“We can fix this,” was my answer as my brain tried to conjure up every different scenario that led back to the house, back to the reckoning both Junior and Serena would face for breaking the one rule we had sworn in blood we would never break.

Hooking up with each other. No messing around within the Five Families; it caused too much drama, too much jealousy, too much distraction. “Right? We can do something.”

Ash’s expression was hollow, his skin tone pale. “I’ll think…”

“Oh good, Ash is going to think!” I roared. “Thinking isn’t going to save his ass!”

Maksim’s sharp blue eyes narrowed in on me. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re more freaked out than Junior. Any reason for that?”

Brilliant bastard. I hated him for seeing everything. “No,” I lied. “But I kind of want to avoid more bloodshed. It is a Sunday.”

“Actually, it’s Monday,” Maksim corrected with an arrogant tilt of his lips.

He was lucky we were on holy ground—I was seconds away from aiming my gun at his kneecap and pulling the trigger.

“I’m hungry.” King kicked one of the steps and yawned like we weren’t in yet another life-and-death scenario.

I shot him an incredulous look. “Are you serious right now? Junior’s about to drive his own funeral procession toward the house, and you’re worried about your stomach?”

He just shrugged. “It’ll work out.” Naive. Sometimes he was so naive.

I ran my hands through my hair and threw my arms up at Ash. “So, anything?”

His eyes narrowed. “Yeah, Maksim’s right… what are you hiding?”

“How the hell is this about me now?” I wondered out loud while Junior jerked his head for me to follow them.

He’d driven to the church in his black Maserati; it was parked near a tree I used to climb in the park next door to the church. Hell, was I ever that young?

“I’ll wait in the car.” Serena swiped at the moisture beneath her eyes and flashed us both a confident smile that I wish I could believe.

Once the door slammed behind her, Junior’s teal-colored gaze locked with mine.

I lifted my chin and stared right back.

“You’re shaking,” he pointed out.

I noticed the tremble in his right hand. “So are you.”

“So either we’re both addicts…” He released a hollow-sounding laugh.

And then I cracked, lunging at him, ready to fight because it felt so much better than this sick feeling in my soul that told me everything was about to come crashing down around us.

Because I was the spare.

And if something happened to Junior—the spare would be needed.

Since I was adopted, I was the Capo’s spare.

I would take his place.

A place I didn’t deserve. A place I didn’t want. A place that would expose every sin committed before I was ever even able to ask for forgiveness or to confess to the one girl who held my heart.

He let me hit him in the chin, then ducked my next sloppy blow and pulled me against his chest. “It’s going to be okay.”

I hugged him back, not sure if I wanted to beat the shit out of him or cry. “You don’t know that.”

“This isn’t about me… is it?”

“I—” We released each other.

He loosened his tie and pulled it off, then leaned against the car, not making eye contact as he asked, “Is it love?”

I squeezed my eyes shut as the feel of her mouth against mine, my hands in her hair, filled my head until I couldn’t even think straight.

Junior just patted me on the shoulder, then pulled open his car door and got in.

“So, that’s it?” I asked once the window came down. “You just get in the car and drive toward certain doom?”

“You forget one small detail,” he reached over and grabbed Serena’s hand.

“Sometimes, all you can do is drive, Breaker, even if all roads lead to hell. I have my heaven, my heart, right by my side... the question is, do you?”

He pulled off, then, leaving me in a cloud of dust.

More confused than ever as I slowly walked back toward the waiting SUV, with the Abandonato princess inside.

Taking a calming breath, I crawled in and rasped, “Drive.”

“Ash will figure it out,” Violet said as she wrung her hands together in her lap. “He always does.”

Ash, our leader of the younger generation, was my king, and I was more peasant than prince.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “He’ll figure it out.”

The drive back to the house was as silent as looming death. And when we finally made it there, most of the bosses were outside waiting, my dad included.

I helped Violet out of the SUV and escorted her past her father.

“Violet, go inside. Breaker, a word,” Chase said through clenched teeth.

I could tell Violet was ready to defy him, so I gave her a little shove past him in hopes she’d get the message. The last thing we needed was for them to find out we had sex minutes before the funeral—in the church restroom.

Or that I still had his daughter’s flavor on my tongue and wanted nothing more than to tell him how good it tasted when his daughter came undone just so I could pick a fight, just so he could hit the fear out of me, the pain, and the looming dread of losing her before I even had her. Shit.

Did he know?

I stopped and crossed my arms.

“Give me your eyes,” he snapped in a harsh voice that demanded respect even though I wanted to knee him in the balls and hold a knife to his throat.

Slowly, I pulled off my Ray-Bans and gave him a cold, unfeeling stare back, one I’d never given any of the bosses because it required something Breaker’d never had.

Defiance. Arrogance. Emptiness. Abandonment.

The mask fell for one brief moment as the wind picked up around us like the universe was trying to give them a warning while welcoming me back into the darkness.

Andrei started making his way toward us. “Better?” I said in a hollow voice. “Or do you want a kidney too?”

His blue eyes flickered. “You’ve protected my daughter since you could walk—don’t make me regret it by putting you in a wheelchair.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I’m not into spoiled princesses, and even if I was, I highly doubt she’d satisfy how dirty I would want to get.”

“Breaker,” Andrei said my name like a warning.

Chase was fuming.

I patted him twice on the shoulder. “Chill out, old man, we don’t want our favorite senator having a stroke at forty-four.”

He lunged, but I jerked back just in time.

And then he forgot all about me because the sound of the gates opening again announced Junior and Serena. Without looking back, I made my way into the kitchen, my eyes searching for Violet.

She shot me a pleading look. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t pull her into my arms.

And I couldn’t push her away for her own good. So I just stood there, like a powerless idiot, while chaos raged around me. Fists were thrown the minute Junior and Serena made it inside.

Nixon was yelling for Serena to choose. And a cold feeling settled over me as I watched her pick Junior, as she chose the man she loved, and as Ash gave me a look of horror while we numbly walked them both down to the basement where they would die.

Where their love would die with them as they took their very last breaths. With each step, I lost a little more of Breaker Campisi. Bitterness pounded inside my skull because how dare they? How fucking dare they tell us who to love? When every other choice had already been taken?

They would take the one thing that might save us from damnation?

My blood roared with the need to spill more, again and again, and then again until my face was wet with it—until my nose was numb with the metallic smell.

Hands shaking, I kept walking behind Ash as the rest of the cousins followed, all except the ones too young to see the horrors that Ash would release upon someone who had always been closer than a brother—Junior Nicolasi. A king among mortals. And now he would die.

“This is wrong,” Maksim said as Ash started tying both Junior and Serena to chairs, back to back—first rope, and then chains. “You know it! So stop it! Stop it!”

I had never seen Maksim lose his cool.

There was a first for everything as his chest heaved like he was minutes away from holding a gun to Ash’s head, but what he didn’t see was that Ash had no choice.

If he defied the families, he died, and it was a kindness that he was the one doing this so that the blood wouldn’t be on Maksim’s hands, or King’s—even though I somehow felt like it would still be on mine for not preventing it, for not giving them something else to argue about.

Someone else to kill. My head shot up. That was it. They needed someone else to kill.

Violet grabbed my arm like she could read my mind. I shoved her behind me and shook my head slowly.

“Don’t worry,” Junior gave me a sad smile. “If it were anyone else, they’d probably just get a warning shot in the leg—nothing fatal.”

My eyes narrowed. He shrugged. “Chase knew anyway—”

“What?” Ash stopped grabbing the chain. We all lunged forward.

And then Junior slowly locked eyes with me as if to say, does it really matter, man? I’m in fucking chains.

“Let’s go.” My voice was hollow as I ushered the cousins out of the dark room full of death and took my own walk toward hell back up the stairs.

I released Violet’s hand and approached the bosses. Nixon didn’t get up; he had his hands on his head. Trace was sobbing next to him, begging him to do something.

My dad, the great Tex Campisi, was pacing a hole through the floor while Phoenix just stared me down across the table like he knew what I was about to do.

“I have something to say.” God, they were going to kill me.

Phoenix stood like he was going to jump across the table while Andrei started stalking toward me and then stomping like he was going to knock me out to keep me from talking.

“I’m—”

“You were so easily annoyed by everything, and then I was annoyed you didn’t give me any attention even after that time I climbed the tree and threatened to shove you out of it,” came Serena’s voice over Maksim’s phone that he held out in front of him on speaker.

Junior let out a dark laugh. “Because boys aren’t supposed to go, ‘By the way you’re pretty, whoops don’t fall, don’t fall!’”

Her laugh was part happy, part devastating, and my chest ached.

“Oh, shit, you were so pissed at me you ran to your dad crying that boys were mean. I’m sure that didn’t help my stellar reputation with him.”

“It’s because I liked you, stupid. And you threatened to kill me!”

“Oh, hell, Serena, it was like maybe five feet.”

A few snickers erupted around the group.

“I was short still!”

“And you aren’t now?” “Take it back, you bastard!”

Nixon stood, a ghost of a smile on his face.

“Stop moving!” Junior scolded with a smile in his voice. “And I would take it back like I stole all those kisses.”

“Hah, you think you’re sly enough to steal them. I gave those freely, willingly the day I told you I loved you.”

A few of the moms gasped, while Nixon looked ready to murder Junior all over again.

“Fifteen is too young,” Junior confessed softly.

“I argued with you until you finally gave in.” She sighed. “You looked over your shoulder for a good year every time we had family dinner. But it didn’t matter; you made me yours.”

“Yeah.” His voice cracked, “Maybe we leave all that part out, so your dad doesn’t come back and kill me a second time.”

“Let them know,” she whispered. “You were so… gentle.”

Violet covered her mouth with her hands like she was afraid she was going to scream, and I knew it didn’t matter if they saw. But I saw her, I saw the ghosts, I knew the demons. Hell, I was her demon. And now I was wiping her tears and holding her close.

I was no saint. I was the darkness that chased her.

I was what haunted her dreams. I was her nightmare, and yet she held me like I was the knight that had ridden in on my white horse—she was right about one thing—the horse was white, but the knight was no servant to the king—he was fallen, and she’d singlehandedly resurrected him, not realizing something was very wrong.

Violet put her face against my chest as hot tears slid down her cheeks and across my button-down shirt.

“You took your time, you kissed my mouth like you worshiped me—you still kiss me that way,” Serena confessed.

“Because I do,” Junior said in a tender voice I’d never heard him use before. “Because I fucking worship the ground you walk on. Would sacrifice my body just to honor yours.”

She sniffled. “And then the great disappointment.”

“You mean when Chase found us having sex…”

“Awkward.”

All eyes turned to Chase, who just smirked and held his hands up like he was innocent in this entire thing.

“It’s not like he watched. I mean, it could be worse. Remember Claire and Ash? He was literally inside her, ass naked while his dad came charging in like a bomb going off.”

“What?” Luc, Chase’s wife, smacked him in the stomach and somehow lived to tell about it as he pulled her into his arms for a hug. Serena laughed. “Okay, yeah, that’s worse.”

“So much worse. I mean, have you seen Ash’s ass?”

“Um… something you wanna share with the class?” Serena asked.

“I think you know one hundred percent that I’m all man, and I’ve only ever been yours.”

“Despite your attempts to make everyone believe you’re a manwhore.”

Nixon’s eyebrows shot up as he looked at the rest of the cousins. “Is that true?”

“Breaker’s the slut, not Junior,” King said in a proud voice.

Immediately, Violet tensed beneath me. Great, thrown under the bus by someone I actually liked. “What?” He frowned. “It’s true.”

I was tempted to pull away from Violet when Chase sent a glare in my direction that promised all sorts of bloody torture.

But she needed me, and God knew I needed her. And I would take as long as she would offer. That’s what sinners did when given such a perfect gift. After all, it would be arrogant to turn away something so pure when my dark soul needed it so desperately.

Junior kept talking without realizing what was going on upstairs. “You know I’ve only ever given myself to you, only you, forever you.”

“I shouldn’t have—”

“You wanted to make me jealous. That was understandable after the incident.”

“Ash turned our love to hate,” Serena admitted. “But the thing about love and hate… the pendulum often swings all the way back.”

“I couldn’t stop my heart from falling, Serena, even now, know that it beats for you until the very last faint thump against my chest.”

Her voice caught on some of the words, and I knew without a doubt she was sobbing quietly, trying to be strong for him, for us, until the bitter end. “I love you so much it hurts.”

The line went eerily quiet and then.

“For as long as we both shall live.”

“For as long—” she hiccupped “—as we both shall live.”

Nixon shot down the stairs along with several of the bosses and wives.

The wait was torture, but then footsteps sounded. And within minutes, everyone was back upstairs, including a very shaky-looking Ash, a rarely emotional Nixon, and the happy couple.

It’s like the minute the bosses knew that their love was real, that it wasn’t just sex but something more, something rare in this life, they saved them.

So why didn’t I feel happy? Why wasn’t I breathing a sigh of relief?

The clock struck six, an omen perhaps, to say, jokes on you—you’re next.

I watched Junior’s confession, something that was so dark and hopeless, become redeemed and beautiful.

Even him, ~my heart beat. ~Even one of the worst of us gets his happy ending.~

My heart skyrocketed into a gallop—I should have stopped myself.

I should have tamped my feelings down. Instead… I hoped. And in that moment, I was able to shove memories of Valerian away with an F U look and embrace my adopted family and the life I’d been given.

Not the legacy I’d left. Or the lies that stayed as a result.