I watched the three bubbles and waited for Brantley to reply. I missed seeing him at practice today. Goldie dropped the girls off, and Xavier picked them up. Goldie’s son, Paul, was dating my youngest, Samantha. Xavier’s daughter, McJenna, was best friends with my oldest, Bianca. Between the three of us, we were working out a schedule to get the kids to and from practice so we could all also work.
I laughed out loud when I read his reply. Brantley Pierce was the only reason I was still sane, although some people would argue about that fact. He’d been my best friend for most of my life, but in the last few months, he’d been the only person I didn’t feel like I had to pretend around.
My girlfriends were great, don’t get me wrong, but Brantley was the one I’d call if I needed to hide a body.
And he was the one I called for everything else. He was always there for me, and I was beyond grateful for him.
I giggled. Brantley certainly had the body for it. Not that I was checking him out. But I’d known him forever. He was a strong man.
Before I could reply, another text popped up.
I breathed a laugh and shook my head. My ex-husband, Dawson, had never been very handy. Handsy? Yes. Far too handsy with women who weren’t me, apparently. But handy? Nope. I would ask Dawson to fix things, and after weeks of nothing, I’d give up and ask Brantley, only to have Dawson mad at me when he saw whatever project was already done. Then he’d make me feel bad about it.
Gaslighting 101.
I didn’t know how he knew I was second guessing the idea, but he always seemed to know what I was thinking, usually before I did.
I waited for his reply, the bubbles dancing while I imagined Brantley leaning back on his couch and smiling. He loved coaching. When he talked about the kids, he always had a huge smile on his face. Him being the coach was why both my girls joined the team. Bianca encouraged McJenna to join, too, and this year, Sam decided to try it. If they hadn’t known Brantley, and known how amazing he was, there was no way they would have tried cross-country.
My body heated with the unintended innuendo. I knew Brantley wasn’t suggesting anything like that, but my mind went there, anyway. I knew better. It was Brantley. He was my best friend in the world. I was not going to drag him into the middle of my disaster of a life. Even if I was ready to consider dating again, dating Brantley was a horrible idea.
I loved Brantley. I would do anything for him. And losing him as my best friend would be miserable. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to date. I was beyond done with Dawson, that had nothing to do with it, but I was so damn tired. Tired of trying to be everything to everyone. I needed a break from it, which meant dating was a bad idea.
But I missed having a partner. Someone to come home to. Someone to talk to about my day and hold me at night. It had been a long time since Dawson was that person for me.
I chuckled at his text and shook my head. He wasn’t thinking about sex. He was thinking about food. That was why I didn’t need to think about dating. I had my vibrators, including the new one I just got for the shower. That was all the romance I needed. Meaning none. I hadn’t had any romance in my life in years, so why start now? Nope. I was going to forget about men and focus on my daughters.
“Mom, is dinner almost ready? I’m starving,” Bianca asked as she came down the hall to the kitchen.
“Yeah, almost,” I told her. “Is your sister ready to eat?”
“I’ll check.” Bianca went back down the hall. A minute later, I heard a knock, then muffled voices as the girls talked.
My phone buzzed with another text from Brantley.
I tucked my phone into my pocket as the girls came down the hall. I pulled the sheet pan pork chops out of the oven. It smelled good. It looked like everything was fully cooked. I’d never tried one of those recipes because Dawson refused, but I was no longer cooking for Dawson and decided to give it a shot.
“That smells good, Mom,” Sam said.
“Yeah, it does. What is it?” Bianca asked.
“Pork chops with Brussel sprouts and squash.”
The girls exchanged a glance and shrugged.
“If it tastes as good as it smells, you need to make this again,” Bianca said.
“Let’s try it.” I handed them each a plate. Dawson hated dishing food at the counter and carrying plates to the table, but it never bothered me. The girls and I had gotten into the habit of doing it lately. A lot had changed since Dawson’s girlfriend showed up at our house to surprise him, and I kicked him out.
We all got drinks and sat down to eat. We exchanged looks. Everyone speared something different and ate our bites together.
And groaned.
“Oh, wow,” Sam moaned. “So good.”
“Mm hmm,” Bianca agreed.
I nodded along with them. The seasoning blended together perfectly. The vegetables had a softness to them once you got past the crispy exterior. The pork was juicy and tender and an amazing compliment to the veggies.
“This is a keeper,” Bianca said.
I’d been experimenting with recipes for the last month. Only one a week, keeping our family favorites on regular rotation. So far, we’d had one success, one epic failure where we ordered pizza, and two that were okay but not great. This was a second success.
“I agree,” Sam said. “Dad would have hated this.” She wrinkled her nose in a sneer.
“Dad hated everything,” Bianca spat.
“Girls.” I worked hard not to bad-mouth their father in front of them. I never wanted them to think poorly of him. Of course, his girlfriend showing up during dinner hadn’t helped. They knew exactly what happened between us, and they were definitely old enough to understand. And given that Dawson had barely been in touch with either of them since he moved out was not winning him any favors.
“You don’t have to defend him, Mom,” Bianca said. “He’s an ass.”
“Language.”
“He’s still our dad, Bianca, but I can’t say I don’t feel the same,” Sam jumped in. She turned to me. “Dad cheated on you, more than once. How can you possibly be on his side?”
“I’m not on his side. Why would you think I’m on his side?”
“Because when we’re honest about him, you get mad at us.” Bianca met my gaze with her own. Looking at my sixteen-year-old was like looking in a mirror, but with shoulder-length curls instead of my pixie cut. I had so many hopes for my girls, but the anger they experienced because of their father clouded all of that.
“I’m not mad at you,” I breathed. “I don’t want you to hate your father. What he did had nothing to do with you two.”
“Really? Because it doesn’t feel that way. We barely talk to him. He left—”
“I told him to leave.”
Bianca sighed and shook her head. “That’s what I’m talking about. You’re taking the blame for kicking him out. Where’s his blame? He’s the one who was with someone else. He’s the one who made me say no to Andrew when he invited me to the prom last year. He’s the one—”
“Wait, what?” I looked between my girls. Sam studied her plate, and Bianca looked like she hadn’t meant to admit what she said. “What are you talking about? Someone asked you to prom and your father told you not to go?”
Bianca looked at Sam, but Sam just shrugged. Bianca sighed. “Dad didn’t tell me I couldn’t go with Andrew, but he’s the reason I said no. How am I supposed to date? How am I supposed to look at any guy and trust he’s not going to cheat on me and break my heart? It’s just not possible.”
“Oh, Bianca, I am so sorry.” I got up and hugged my oldest, feeling the anger and pain vibrating through her. “I didn’t know you were having such a hard time. You know not all men are going to cheat, right? Not all men are like—”
“Like Dad,” Samantha said. Leave it to the fifteen-year-old to be so succinct. “But some are. Paul said his dad was involved with someone else before he left his mom. And a girl in my math class said the same thing happened to her parents. I like Paul a lot, but when I see him talking to another girl… I’m with Bianca.”
I sighed heavily and pulled both girls to the couch, one on each side of me. I wrapped an arm around each of them and kissed the tops of their heads. “Your dad wasn’t happy. I can’t explain why because I don’t really know why. But your dad is not the model for all men. There are so many men who are good and faithful. Men who would never even think about cheating on a woman.”
“Yeah, but how do you know which is which?” Sam asked.
I drew a breath and told them the truth. “Sometimes you don’t. I loved your father. When we met, I thought he was funny, and he made me feel special. I wanted to be around him. He asked me on a date, and I liked the thought of a man who other girls thought was good-looking wanting me. Maybe that was shallow of me, but it’s the truth. I never thought he’d end up cheating on me. Even when Haley showed up here, I was still in shock. But if I could go back and do it all over, I would. I’d still choose to marry your father because even though it ended badly, we had good times. Having both of you, moving into this house, seeing you two grow up. I loved your father.”
“I don’t think I’m as strong as you are, Mom,” Bianca whispered. “I don’t think I can do it.”
“I’m not strong. I am just doing what I think is best right now.”
“Are you going to start dating?” Sam asked.
That question. That one hurt. I could tell them anything about Dawson. How we met, how we fell in love, how we built a life together. But after twenty-two years with one man, a man who broke me and made me question everything, I was more on the side of my oldest. I wasn’t sure I could trust another man. Or that I was willing to try.
“You’re not. I can see it on your face,” Bianca said. “You’re scared, too. So why should we date?”
“I’m not saying you should.” I brushed the hair back from Bianca’s face and tried not to let the pain in her brown eyes break me. “You have to decide if you want to date someone. But I don’t want you to stop living your life. I don’t want you to refuse to go to the prom with someone you like because you’re afraid one day he might not be faithful to you.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Bianca asked.
I sucked in a breath and forced a smile. “I’m healing. I was married to your father for a long time, and we dated for years before then. I was with him for more than half of my life. It’s not easy to turn around and let someone new in. To flip a switch and be okay with dating again.”
“Do you think you will again one day?” Sam asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I have a job I love and I have the two of you. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything in my life right now. I also don’t know if I’m willing to make room in my life for someone else.”
“Why isn’t Uncle Brantley married?” Bianca asked.
“Brantley? Um, I… I don’t know.” The idea of Brantley getting married stung more than it should have. I had no claim over him. No right to wish he would stay single so I had a friend.
“I just wondered if he’s like Dad. Or if he’s a good guy,” Bianca said.
“Uncle Brantley is an amazing man. He’d never cheat.” The steel in my voice was something my girls didn’t hear often, and they knew it meant I was serious.
“That’s what I thought, too. But he’s single. Why isn’t he married or dating someone?” Sam asked.
“I don’t know. You’d have to ask him.” I stood, needing to end the conversation about Brantley. Talking about him dating shouldn’t bother me, but it did.
“Is he coming over for dinner this week?” Bianca asked.
I picked up our plates from the table and shrugged. “Probably. He’s remodeling his kitchen, so he’s going to have trouble cooking. He might come over a few times. If you guys are okay with it.”
They both nodded.
“Yeah, we love Uncle Brantley,” Bianca said.
“Me, too.”
The girls helped me clear the table and put away the leftovers. I asked if they wanted to help me bake lemon bars to take to Brantley at practice tomorrow, and they both agreed. While the lemon bars were in the oven, we piled onto the couch and started a movie. A romantic comedy where the hero definitely did not cheat.
The timer went off for the lemon bars, and I took them out of the oven. They looked perfect. And they smelled even better. I took a quick picture and sent it to Brantley. I got a reply almost immediately.
I smiled. I wondered the same thing over the years, but I’d never had the courage to ask him. Now that I had, I still didn’t know.
I might never know why Brantley Pierce was still single. But I also wasn’t sure it mattered.
I held my phone to my chest and tried not to be too excited. He was my friend. Just a friend. Him coming over had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the lemon bars.
But that’s not at all why I made them. Not at all.
