Last night’s dinner was surprisingly good.
Raven put her judgments and anger aside. We enjoyed a peaceful meal—minus the alcohol—because a hangover is the last thing I need this morning.
I bid Sage and Raven goodbye with tight hugs and promises of regular calls and texts. Then, I went home and crashed.
I woke up early because the last thing I want is to look bad in front of the band by showing up late, or worse, last.
“Ready to go?” I ask.
“Hold on, I’m just double-checking I haven’t left anything behind.”
“You packed days ago, why didn’t you check then?”
“I always do a final check before we leave. It’s not new. Just help me out, read this list and if I say I have it, cross it off.” I hand my checklist to Selena.
“Did you really need to make a list?”
“Yes, now start reading.”
“Cellphone.”
“Got it,” I tuck it into my pocket.
“Cell phone charger, Kindle, wallet.”
“Check, check, check.”
“ID in your wallet?” Selena asks.
“Yes.”
“Toothbrush, toothpaste, headphones.”
“All here.”
We continue this routine until I’m certain I have everything on my list, and it’s all packed in the right suitcase.
Whenever I leave for a tour, I always ask Selena to see me off.
Among our friends, she and I are the closest. Plus, leaving my car in the parking lot—if I had one—doesn’t sound appealing.
As soon as Selena pulls up next to the first bus, I open the door to get out. She puts the car in park and helps me unload my two larger suitcases while I sling my carry-on bag over my shoulder.
I lean in to hug her and whisper my goodbyes. Her eyes are teary, as they always are when I leave.
It hurts to see how much my absence affects her, but she never asks me to stay.
She’s selfless like that. She knows this job isn’t just a dream or a desire, but a deep-seated need.
I could never be happy staying in one place, even though part of me yearns for a home of my own.
As soon as I see him, I walk the other way. I’ve never been a fan of confrontation, even when it’s necessary.
I spot some of the road crew loading up a bus, so I approach the friendliest-looking one.
He’s a bit taller than me, with what I think is a smile on his face, though his facial hair hides most of his lips.
“Hi, I’m Abagail. Do you know where Ryan Hurst is?”
“Chad. Nice to meet you, Abagail. I haven’t seen Ryan, but he should be here soon.
“Most of the band is here already, so maybe one of them can help you.” He walks over to a pile of suitcases next to the open hatch on the tour bus.
“What are you doing here?” He asks, his words laced with hatred and disgust.
“Not the greeting I expected, Gage. I thought you’d be happy to see me.” I keep my face neutral, not letting him see how much he affects me.
“Abagail, the last time we saw each other, I made it clear that I’d be happy if I never saw you again.
“How did you get the idea that I’d be thrilled to see you?” His words sting.
I replace the pain on my face with a nonchalant grin.
“I’m sorry you feel that way. I thought you’d have heard by now. I’m your new tour manager.” I walk away, more like a slow retreat.
Well, that went well. I expected him to be a bit pissed off. But a complete jerk? That wasn’t on my list.
He’s right, the last time we saw each other, he made it clear how he felt about me. But he was making a lot of assumptions that morning.
I tried to justify his behavior, maybe he was still drunk, maybe he didn’t want to stick to the friendly goodbye he promised.
But I live my life day by day. If something was meant to happen, it would have. If not, then it wasn’t, and I’m okay with that.
A man, one man, doesn’t define me.
I can survive alone for the rest of my life; I’m okay with that. Would it be nice to share my life with someone? Of course.
But I won’t pursue a relationship with someone who thinks I’m a gold-digger. If anything, being accused of that made me back off even more.
Sure, it shattered the idolization I had for him, knocked him off the pedestal I put him on, but I was getting over the one night we shared.
It seems he’s not ready to let go of his grudge. If he had, this encounter wouldn’t be so awkward.
I watch as he jogs over to Ryan, pointing at me. He’s probably complaining about my being here. I decide to rise above it and ignore him.
I make my way over to Layla, who I’ve met once before. She’s standing next to Liam, who’s shoulder to shoulder with Ryan and Gage.
“Hey, Layla,” I greet her, extending my hand. She bypasses my hand and gives me a quick hug instead.
“Abagail, right?”
“Yeah, but you can call me Abby.”
A stunning woman holding a baby joins Layla. “This is Natalie, or Nat. She’s Ryan’s wife,” Layla says, smiling.
“Nice to meet you, I’m the new tour manager,” I explain, just in case Ryan hasn’t filled everyone in. I want to make sure she knows I’m not just another fan.
“Ryan mentioned the label hired someone new. I hope you’re ready for these guys. They’ll keep you busy.
“After this tour, you might reconsider your career choice,” Natalie jokes, laughing.
Ryan jumps in, “We’re not as bad as she makes us sound, or as bad as Gage likes to paint us. I’m Ryan, nice to meet you.” He extends his hand.
I shake his hand firmly, then glance over at Gage. He’s still standing with Liam, a scowl on his face.
He probably thought that complaining to Ryan about me would get me kicked off the tour before it even started. I flash him a smile, showing all my teeth, then turn back to Ryan.
“If we could gather everyone to go over the first leg of the tour, that would be great.”
“No problem, we’re just waiting for the rest of the crew. They should be here any minute.”
Thirty minutes later, everyone has arrived and all the luggage is stowed away in the compartments of the three buses or on the bus itself.
Two vans are fueled up and parked behind the buses, ready to hit the road. About thirty people form a circle around me.
I’ve only met one crew member, Chad, so far, so I’m hoping I can introduce myself without too much awkwardness.
I’ve never been a fan of public speaking. I prefer to stay behind the scenes.
Taking a deep breath, I begin, “Hello everyone, I’m Abigail. I’m the new tour manager. I’m not sure how long I’ll be with you all.
“Every week, we’ll have a meeting before we set out, so everyone knows what’s happening and where we’re going. Right now, we have two days to get to North Carolina.
“The drive won’t take the full two days, but the label has given us extra time to get there. If we use our time wisely, we can have an extra day before the show in Raleigh.
“I’ll be sending out itineraries to each of your emails so you know what you’re supposed to be doing each day.
“The first show is sold out, and if we all do our best to make it the best show possible, it could help sell out the rest of our stops.
“I just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page.
“The navigation systems in the vans already have the address saved, so unless anyone has any issues, I think we should load up and head out now.”
I take a deep breath, trying to relax. Everyone starts moving around, deciding where they’re going to sit.
Ryan, Natalie, Liam, and Layla get on the middle bus. Jason grabs me and pulls me onto the first bus, closing the door behind us.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask, brushing his hands off me.
“You’re bunking with us. You didn’t think we’d let you ride with the crew, did you?”
I raise an eyebrow. What’s wrong with the crew? I’m part of the crew.
“You thought you’d be rooming with the road crew? Are you nuts? I’m not saying they’re creeps, but I don’t know them, and neither do you.
“I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing you’re on that bus. I love my sleep, so you’re staying with us. You can even pick your bed.”
“I don’t care where I sleep, but all my stuff is on that bus,” I finally respond.
“Well, you’ve planned some stops along the way, right? These buses can’t run on air,” Jason asks.
“Yeah, right.” I don’t want to admit that I didn’t actually plan this tour.
I only got all the information this morning and haven’t had time to go through it all.
That’s why I really need my laptop and purse. They have all the information I need for the next few months. If anything goes wrong, I need to be on top of it.
“You don’t look so good. Why don’t you sit down?” Jason suggests, guiding me towards a small couch. I pull my arm out of his grip and walk to the front of the bus, near the driver’s seat.
That’s when I take the opportunity to look around.
To my right is an LCD TV in the corner, angled towards the long sofa that lines the side of the bus. The sofa also pulls out into a bed.
Past the couch is a table with seating on both sides. Directly in front of me is a long counter with a stove in the middle and a fridge at the end.
The bus is shiny and new, with a fresh smell that fills the air. The floors gleam, and the curtains on the windows are open, letting the sunlight pour in.
Suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder. “Name’s Jim. I’m one of the band's drivers. Can I get by?”
I blush, realizing I’ve been blocking the entrance. “Oh, sorry about that. I’m Abagail, the new tour manager. I guess this is my bus for the trip.”
He gives me an annoyed look, and I realize I’m still in his way. I step aside, moving into the living area of the bus.
“Sorry,” I say again as he buckles himself into the driver’s seat.
“Abby, you can pick your bunk first.” Jason steps in, saving me from further embarrassment.
I follow Jason down the narrow hallway of the bus. There are four bunks, two on each side.
The beds are big enough for two people to sleep comfortably. The black suede curtains are open, giving me a peek inside each one.
Each bunk has an LCD television screen that can fold up into the ceiling or slide down if you want to watch something. There’s also a large rectangular window with blackout curtains. All the beds look the same, with the same color scheme and features.
I wonder what he’d think if I laid down in each bed, complaining about the softness or firmness, until I found the one that was just right.
He’d probably think I was crazy, so I decide to let him choose for me.
“This one’s the best,” he says, pointing to the bed on my right. “You’re lucky you’re joining us now. Last year’s bus was a lot smaller and not nearly as nice. We have Ryan to thank for this one.”
“Okay. Then that’s my bed. I’ll make sure to thank Ryan.”
“I’ll be sleeping across from you. Zepp will be above me and Gage will be above you. You guys will practically be bed partners,” he jokes.
“Gage?” I ask, a little wary.
He was already mad at me this morning, repeating the mean and hurtful things he said to me months ago. I can only guess that this won’t improve his mood.
My job could be at risk if he really thinks I’m here just to manipulate him into a relationship for his money or fame.
“Yeah. But don’t worry, I don’t think he’ll mind having you as a bed partner.”
Just then, Gage walks in. He’s taller than Jason, who I’d guess is at least six feet. Gage has longer hair, while Jason’s is short.
Jason is smiling warmly, but Gage’s lips are pressed into a thin line and his eyes are filled with anger.
In every way, Gage overshadows Jason. But right now, I’d much rather be ‘bed partners’ with Jason.
“She’s not staying on this bus,” Gage says, looking at Jason and ignoring me.
“She can stay with us,” Jason argues.
“No, she can’t. She can stay on the bus with the roadies. There’s no room for her here.”
“You know I’m standing right here, right?” I interrupt.
But Gage ignores me and says to Jason, “She’s not fucking staying on our fucking bus, Jason. First gas stop and she’s off. End of discussion.” He pushes past Jason and me, sits down on the couch, and turns on the TV, acting like nothing happened.
I turn to Jason, trying to hide my hurt feelings.
I don’t care about what happened between Gage and me in the past, or what he thinks my motives were. It doesn’t give him the right to treat me like this.
“It’s okay, Jason. I’ll get off at the first stop,” I reassure him, pretending I’m fine with what Gage said.
“Abby…”
“Really, I’m fine,” I say, slipping past Jason and heading for the bathroom.
The bathroom is all white, with a shower in one corner and a toilet across from it. Next to the toilet is a stainless steel sink with a small mirror above it.
I lock the door behind me and sit down on the closed toilet seat.
I rest my head in my hands, letting my guard down.
Tears start to fall, landing on my hands. My breathing becomes shallow as I let the pain out.
Alone.
