From the time I was a little girl, I had this dream of becoming a mom. I wanted to be just like my own mom, who was always there for my siblings and me. She was our rock, our comfort. So, I decided early on that I was going to be a mom when I grew up. But that dream didn’t last.
At sixteen, my periods became increasingly painful and irregular, only coming two or three times a year. My mom took me to the gynecologist, and after some tests, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS.
PCOS is a hormonal disorder that causes small cysts to form on the outer edges of the ovaries. It can be incredibly painful, especially during that time of the month. It’s incurable, which means there’s a chance I might never be able to have a child of my own. The one thing that a woman’s body is designed for, and I might not be able to do it.
Something I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember, and it might never happen for me. Not that it matters, because I don’t have anyone who truly cares about me. No matter how much I wish it was the man I’ve always admired from a distance.
I remember the first time I saw the BAMC President. I was fifteen, home sick from school, and he stopped by our house. I remember sitting at the top of the stairs, listening to his deep, soothing voice. It stirred feelings in me that I didn’t even know I could have.
My teenage hormones went wild, especially when I saw him walk past. He didn’t notice me, but I noticed him. I may have dated Fredrick, but there’s one man who will always be the star of my fantasies. Whoever is the mother of his child is one lucky woman.
Even after having my heart broken and being humiliated, I still hope that one day I’ll be loved and cherished. That one day I’ll find the kind of unconditional love my parents share.
Tristan found his wife at the start of med school. They have that kind of love. The twins are a bit odd, wanting only one woman between them, but that’s their business, not mine. They’ve always been close, so it wasn’t a surprise when they told us about it. I’m sure they’ll find that kind of love, and I’ll just be the eccentric cat lady living in the woods.
Westyn has been gone for a while now, and Royal and I have been hanging out in my room. I’ve been catching up on all the work I need to do for the rest of the week.
It’s early January, so I have two and a half weeks until I graduate. I can’t wait.
Most people would feel nostalgic about leaving a place they’ve been their entire life, but not me. I’m ready to walk out the door, throw my hands in the air, and yell a big “fuck you” at the top of my lungs.
It’s a bit dramatic, I know, but who cares? That place has been my personal hell for the past several years.
“Brighton, honey. Aliana is here to pick up Royal.”
I look over and see my mom standing with a woman who looks like a female version of Westyn. I expected to see Royal’s mom, but that’s not the case.
I’ve never seen Aliana in person before. She’s stunning, and she makes pregnancy look so appealing.
She must be at least six months along, and she doesn’t even look like it’s bothering her. I’m envious.
“Okay. He just went down for a nap about twenty minutes ago. I didn’t realize it was already this late.”
“He usually naps around this time. I was stuck at the clinic, or I would have come sooner,” Aliana says.
“Where’s Westyn?” I ask before I can stop myself.
“He had to go on a run. I don’t know much else because it’s club business, but I do know that he might not be back for a while.” I feel my mouth form an “O” shape.
I’m a bit upset that it isn’t Westyn who came to pick up his son, but I’m glad it wasn’t the woman who has his heart.
God, listen to me and my overactive heart, thinking that just because I saw him first that he should be mine. This is what got me into the situation with Fredrick.
I fell for all his tricks. I fell for him. I’m the kind of person who falls fast and hard—even for imaginary men, it seems.
I get up from my bed and walk over to the pack ‘n play where Royal is sleeping.
“He ate about half an hour ago and I changed him before he went down for his nap. If you ever need someone to help watch him just let me know. He’s an amazing baby and we created a bond today.”
I lift Royal from the pack ‘n play and place kisses on his head.
“I may take you up on that. I’ve got five and one on the way. I think I could use all the help I can get. Why don’t you come by the clinic after school, and you can watch him at the clubhouse?
“Westyn has a setup in his office, or there is the playroom that the kids are in when we’re all there. Of course, if it’s okay with your parents.”
“I would love to. Thanks, Aliana.” She nods and takes Royal from my arms.
“Oh! He didn’t leave a seat for him—” I start, but Aliana cuts me off.
“He left it before he left town. I’ll see you on Monday, Brighton. It was wonderful to meet you.” With that, she walks out of my room and down the stairs. I want to be her.
“She’s amazing,” I say to my mom in awe.
“These kids are great. They’ve been raised well. I’m just happy we get to be a part of their lives. Most towns with MCs don’t have a good relationship with their mayor.
“It’s lucky your dad and their dads were in the same unit. Otherwise, our world could be totally different,” Mom says.
“I thought they just went to boot camp together?” I ask, settling on my bed. I always enjoy hearing about my dad’s military days.
“They met in boot camp, but they did one tour together before your grandpa had a heart attack.
“Your dad decided not to re-enlist and went to college for his politics degree so he could take over for his father.
“He stayed in touch with Robert and the others, and when he was invited to join the club, he had to decline.”
She has a distant look in her eyes, like she’s lost in a cherished memory.
“Why couldn’t he join?” I look up to see the twins standing in my doorway. They’d left for their shift at the station, but they must be on break, or their shift is over.
“I couldn’t join because I was set to be the next Mayor. I would have joined them in a heartbeat. The brotherhood they have is just like it was when we were enlisted together.
“But just because I didn’t join the club doesn’t mean I’m not an honorary member,” my dad interrupts. “Speaking of the Broken Angels, your mother and I need to talk to you.”
I glance between the two of them. “Your father and I are going to join our friends for the last part of their vacation. We’ll be gone for about a month.
“We’re leaving in August. We need a vacation and you’re all old enough to take care of yourselves,” Mom adds.
“Plus, Brighton will be well looked after by a certain president,” Draxton says.
“Have fun, guys. We’ve got to get back to the station. We just came home for lunch. Also, we won’t be home tonight.”
Did I mention that all my brothers still live here? They’re not usually home at the same time due to their schedules, but we all still live under the same roof.
“Wait! What?”
“Ah, she finally gets it! Took you long enough, Lightbulb,” Paxton says.
They gave me the nickname Lightbulb when we were kids. They said it was because I have the word “bright” in my name and lightbulbs are bright.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. He’s married, or in a relationship.” Then I remember that his sister came to pick up his son, not the baby’s mother.
I need to get my heart on the same page as my body.
“Oh, no dear. He’s not in any kind of relationship. Royal’s mother is not in the picture. But that’s not our story to tell.”
Mom shoos my brothers out of the room. They follow Dad out of my room and Mom turns to me.
“Honey, your father told me something today that Westyn said to him. Westyn wants to make you his woman. In his world, that means you’ll be like his wife. You’ll be his.
“I don’t mean that you’ll be his possession. It just means that you’ll be with him for the rest of your life.
“I know how you’ve felt about him. I’ve watched you watch him from afar since you were fifteen.”
“Mom. I-I’m scared. I can’t have a repeat of today. I need to focus on myself and my education.
“No matter how much I want to be with the man I’ve fantasized about for years. It just can’t happen,” I tell her, tears in my eyes.
“I understand, honey. But I want you to know that he won’t give up. He’ll fight for you. Just be ready. He won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to.
“He will support you in everything you do. Just don’t give up on love, honey. I know what you’ve been through all these years.” I look up to meet my mom’s gaze.
“I’m not stupid, dear. I’m your mother, I know everything that happens with my children. Just like I know that Simon is dating someone but doesn’t want to tell us because of who it is.
“I know a lot of things, my love. You will too when you become a mother. It will happen, so before you say it won’t, just have faith.”
“I won’t give up on the idea, but I don’t think my heart can take it. Not from him. Not from the boy who’s been my imaginary boyfriend for four years in my fantasies. God, I sound like an idiot.”
I flop back on my bed and groan. “You’re the best mom a girl could ask for. I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, honey. Now, finish up and come down for dinner before your brothers eat everything.”
I nod as she leaves my room. It’s dinner time, but my brothers are just now taking their lunch breaks.
I don’t understand how they’re not huge with how much they eat. Lucky jerks got the high metabolism gene.
“Bye, Lightbulb! Love you!” my brothers yell up the stairs before heading out the door. I love my family. They’ve always made me feel special. They’ve never teased me about my weight.
They’ve offered to help me change my diet and start a workout routine, but I just didn’t have the time.
School was already a handful, and then Frederick came into the picture. Attending all his practices and games, my schedule was stretched thin.
Perhaps I should consider their offer, make a change before I head off to school. I need to find a way to love myself, to feel good about who I am before I can let someone else in.
Especially if that someone is Westyn Carter.
