He Healed My Heart

HARPER

Another week passed with no contact from Spencer, no explanation and reason for his abrupt departure, but hey, I should be used to this, right?

I wasn’t made to be loved, I was here to be Levi’s mom and help him become the best damn man he could be, even if he came from someone as unlovable as me.

My heart had ached all week, it was like a brick was permanently attached to my chest and there was nothing I could do until those concrete walls I once had in place, were rebuilt and reinforced with thick steel, just so no one could affect me again.

The only problem was, I didn’t know how to rebuild them, so this heavy rejection would not dissipate.

People had started arriving and Uncle was introducing me like I was a prized possession. I think the liquid flowing through his veins had a lot to do with his rather chipper disposition.

Even though I was not made for romantic love, I could see clearly how loved I was as his family, and that, I adored.

“Kid, grab the steaks from the fridge will ya? We have some hungry mouths to feed,” my uncle shouted above the music.

“Sure,” I hollered back.

As I was extracting the meat, I felt two large hands grip the sides of my hips causing me to jump in fright and my head to go deeper inside the fridge.

I straightened myself and turned, a long cabana sausage in my hands as my weapon of choice to whack the offender who thought it was okay to grasp me so intimately.

“Ma’am, please put down your dangerous weapon, no one needs to be sausaged today.” Spencer’s laughter roared through the kitchen, sending a shiver up my spine.

“Crap, Spence, you scared the bejesus out of me. What are you doing here?” I clutched at my heart, dropping my hand and throwing the cabana back into the fridge.

“Sorry, sweet cheeks, but you bending over was just too enticing of an opportunity to pass up.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that enticing, you shouldn’t be here.” I bit out harshly, the sting of last weekend still fresh in my mind. My heart pulsed deeply; it hurt to see him when I was still so exposed.

He scrunched his face. “What?”

“Mommy!” Leivon comes running in as I load up with meat trays. “Look what the deputy brought me.”

I turned to see a brand new soccer ball in his tiny hands. I flashed Spencer Marcelo a harrowing look of annoyance but he just beamed away at me.

“Wow, aren’t you lucky?” I grit my teeth. “Did you say thank you?”

“Yes, mom.” Levi rolled his eyes at me before running at full speed out of the house.

“Why did you do that?” I sneered, readying myself to squash his balls.

“I didn’t do anything.” He leaned over pressing a lingering kiss against my cheek. I couldn’t help but blush wildly as Spencer groaned, pulling the meat trays from my arms for him to carry.

I was angry at the way my body still reacted to him despite his rejection of me. “You gotta stop blushing like that, I may have to drop this meat and push you up against the kitchen bench.”

I froze. No one had ever spoken like that to me.

The thought of it alone ignited my lust and very neglected core and I didn’t know how to physically react, especially after the confusing departure last Saturday.

I scoffed at his odd behavior, “I can’t believe you, you shouldn’t…”

“Where the hell are these steaks, kid?” Uncle Clade comes waltzing in. “Oh, now I see what’s taking so long. Spence, how are you?”

“Clade, thanks for the invite, someone never spoke a word about tonight’s fiesta.” He arched a brow at me as my mouth fell open.

A scowl crossed my face, I could feel it. “Maybe it was not mentioned on purpose.”

“What the hell has happened between you two?” Clade questioned, folding his arms over his chest.

“Nothing.” My eyes fell to the floor, taking a huge breath before I gathered my courage and lifted my head, flashing my uncle a dashing smile.

“C’mon, we have people to feed and new friends to make.” I accentuated the word friends, hoping Spencer would understand that I understood, I would not ever be anything more than that to him.

Friends, I told myself. That’s what we’ll be. I’ll just forget everything and bury my feelings.

After all, we were here, I didn’t want to spend my night being pissed off and have everyone dislike me because his presence had put me in a foul mood.

No, I’m going to put in the effort and push away last weekend. It was my fault too, for being so damn desperate. Yes, that’s what I’ll do, I will enjoy myself.

The night was filled with more booze than you could shake a stick at, everyone was laughing and having such a great time.

The local kids played with Levi and for the first time in a long time, I felt peace.

Spence did not leave my side, which was annoying at first, but once I decided to let last week’s event go, we got to really talk about so many wonderful things.

I discovered aspects to him I would never have guessed. Like how he plays the guitar and how he enjoys building and crafting furniture from wood.

I caught Clade looking at us every now and again and I’d narrow my eyes at him, to which he would just smile and wave as I shook my head from side to side.

What I did notice was how every time we were interrupted by my son, he would halt immediately and give him his full attention.

I caught myself a few times daydreaming about a fantasy future where Levi and I might actually have an opportunity to have a whole family and I chastised myself inwardly.

I was a fool, a complete idiot. I cannot risk my heart, he had proved that by his rejection and bad things happen when you succumb to a man’s charms. Heck, I knew that first hand.

After spending a week convincing myself he simply wasn’t interested, this was already shattered glass I was treading on.

I needed to focus on something else, the first man offers a slight bit of interest and I’m a mess. Jesus, I needed to get my head checked.

We had started to clean up as people began to pack up and go home. By the time we had finished, it was almost two in the morning.

Clade had gone to bed and Levi had gone down, hours earlier. We were putting the last of the trash in the can.

“Thank you for all your help, you must be exhausted.”

“Me? You must be exhausted,” he stated in earnest, as a yawn chose that moment to make its presence known, causing a red hue to grace his cheeks.

I chuckled. “You can’t drive home in your state, c’mon…I’ll do up the couch for you.”

“I can go home, but the fact is, I don’t want to go home.” I sucked in a sharp breath, nibbling on my lip as we walked inside.

I wish he wouldn’t say things like that. He didn’t want me, I was unlovable.

Washing our hands in the sink, I still had not said a word out loud. However, in my head, I was talking an awful lot but could express none of it.

If he could see inside my mind, he would have been able to see just how much I wanted him to rip off my clothes and fuck me to oblivion. I was glad he couldn’t.

“Would you like some PJ bottoms?” I asked, averting my gaze.

“No, are you going to continue to shy away from me?”

“I’m—I…” He stepped forward, all rational and functional thought swept from me, and I found it hard to swallow. I could feel his body heat radiating off of him.

“You looked beautiful tonight.”

“Don’t, you can’t say that.” I whimpered, trembling under his intensely blue sapphire-colored eyes.

Spence’s hand lifted, and he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, making sure to run his thumb along my burning red cheek, dipping his head forward as wisps of his breath fanned my startlingly parched lips.

“Mom? Mommy?” Levi called, as I jumped back, looking at Spence—apologetically at first, but then annoyed I had let my guard down again. Why the fuck was I so easy? Damn him.

Leivon had too much excitement and treats and as a result, had given himself a tummy ache. I didn’t go back out to Spencer; instead, I slipped into my room and closed the door.

What was I meant to say anyway? Hey, I’m back, please toy with me some more? No, I knew his intention now; he wanted… well, I didn’t actually know what he wanted.

I don’t think he even did, but it sure as hell wasn’t me. His actions and abrupt goodbye last Saturday with no contact all week showed me that.

I crawled under the sheets, my aching limbs letting me know I was pushing my physical limits, but as exhausted as my body was, my mind would not stop racing.

The intimate touch from Spence had sparked something within me, call it lust, call it igniting passion, but whatever it was, I was one hundred percent addicted.

This was not a good place to be in, for me, my mental sanity, or my heart.

I lay in bed, tossing and turning. Knowing he was out there, in our lounge, had fantasies swirling rapidly through my mind, worse than they had all week.

I had never been so taken by a man before, and seeing the godlike structure that hid beneath the thin material of his shirt had my crotch sopping wet and my thighs rubbing against one another.

I heard the floorboards outside my door creak, and I sat up on my elbows, eyes straining to see the door through the pitch-black darkness of my room, thinking Levi had gotten up.

The knob twisted, and the door opened. “Harper? Are you awake?” A loud husky baritone whisper called out.

“What the fuck are you doing, Spencer?” I yell-whispered back.

The floorboards creaked again under the heavy six-foot frame that entered. “I’m scared of the dark.”

I snorted. “You are not,” I left the tease in my tone, secretly my heart was flipping out of my chest.

“I am. It’s scary when it’s not your own house.” He came around to the other side of the bed, lifting the blankets and hopping in. “It’s also cold, just let me warm up, and then I’ll go back.”

I turned to face him, “Spence, you can’t be in here. What if Levi wakes up? How am I meant to explain you being here? He may get his hopes up and think this is more than what it actually is.”

“I’ll tell him that I was scared of the dark too, plus I can’t sleep.” He dropped his tone an octave lower, “I can’t sleep knowing you’re in here alone, and what do you mean, more than what this is?”

“Just…I don’t know, some kind of friendship.”

“You only want to be friends?”

I huffed in annoyance. I couldn’t play these games, wouldn’t play these games.

“So, you’re in here because you are scared and cold, and can’t sleep and didn’t want me to be alone? Yet you left last weekend faster than I’ve seen anyone and couldn’t call to explain your actions.”

“Exactly.” His face paled realizing what I added to the end. “Wait…that’s not—”

“Forget it, Spencer, I get it. I do. Friends is good, friends don’t touch or kiss and they sure as hell don’t say things to confuse the other and make them question themselves.”

I rolled onto my stomach and his left arm came out to hold me, pulling me close to his chest as his lips brushed lightly against my forehead.

“I lied to you, Harper.” I remained silent, carefully listening to his words.

“I won’t be able to keep this a friendship, even if you told me now that’s all you wanted. All week I have contemplated over the way I left you last weekend and…”

I whimpered as my eyes glazed over. I didn’t want to hear it. I had not had a lot of practice at kissing, and if that’s why he left so abruptly, then I wouldn’t kiss anyone again.

I was angry that I wanted him so bad, and I couldn’t believe I was this weak. I couldn’t hold in my emotion anymore. “Please don’t…just…don’t.”

“No, you need to know, Harper. Seeing Sheila brought up some—”

“Don’t, Spencer, I have too much to risk, and you’ve already hurt me. I’ve spent the past week over-analyzing the whole night, every touch, every move, that kiss…I will break. You need to play with someone stronger, someone who can fill your cup because it’s not me.”

“Play? You think that’s what I’m doing?”

“I don’t know what you want from me. I have nothing to give you, yet you say things that confuse the shit out of me. I’m afraid that I’ve conjured up this unrealistic ideal of me. Do me a favor, don’t toy with me, just leave my bed and in the morning, if you’re still here, we can start as friends. Quit the compliments and the loving behavior towards my son, it's too hard for me to handle.”

“Harper, I know you’re scared. From what you said tonight, I guess you have not been given any reason to trust a man before, to trust me, but I promise I will be there, always, to catch you when you fall, support you…”

“You can’t promise me that, you proved that already.” I closed my eyes for a moment, trying hard to reel in my emotional outpour.

“You know nothing about me, or my son. You kissed me, the most incredible kiss I had ever had, and then you suddenly turned and left, without any explanation.”

“I know enough to know I want to be with you.”

“You ran away. It was just a kiss and you ran away from me. I won’t be some pawn you use to stroke your ego. It’s not just me, I come with a child, a child whose feelings I won’t risk.”

“Pawn? You think that’s why I left suddenly? I didn’t run away from you, Harper. Seeing Sheila again riled me. She was my girlfriend and I finished work early one day, headed over to her place as a surprise. Knocking was never something I was ever worried about, so, when I walked in, I saw both her clothes and the men’s clothes thrown all around the room.

When I opened the bedroom door, I found her and my best friend Justin in bed together. When I kissed you that image popped into my head and it kind of threw me, your lips weakened every inch of my heart and soul and for a second, I felt vulnerable. It was never you I was running from, it was myself. I spoke with my dad about it, he pointed out that she had always had those flirtatious tendencies

“Our job as sheriffs is to find the truth between what people say, body language and actions. You display none of those insecurities of needing male attention. I guess I was worried, I panicked about making the wrong decision again, because yes, it’s not just you, it’s Leivon too, but dad observed the way I reacted to you the moment I saw you and knew you would end up meaning more to me.

I think you and I are both afraid to hurt again, to trust when our hearts have been so carelessly mistreated. I can promise you and Levi are safe with me, that I will always be there, no matter what, that my intentions were never to lead you on or mistreat you, because as confused as I was, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, either of you, and I promise that kiss was just as incredible for me.”

I let his words sink in. He had been hurt, just like me.

I could understand his confusing departure now but was I really willing to put my heart on the line and risk my world being flipped upside down and into chaos?

Apparently, I was. “Then kiss me, Spencer, kiss me the way you should have done last weekend.”

“Gladly,” he shuffled closer as I turned to face him. I could feel his labored breaths fanning my face as he tilted his lips to meet mine, the moment his soft flesh pressed against me, I almost died.

We moved as one, our connection was fizzing like popping candy.

His tongue gently swiped across my top lip asking for entry and as I opened wider his tongue plunged into my mouth, softly caressing against mine, playfully stroking it.

It caused me to surrender completely to the tantalizing taste of sparkling champagne that swirled in his mouth, despite knowing that was not his choice of beverage tonight.

I lay on my back as his muscular frame covered my body, our hands roaming each other without restriction.

I could feel his rather pronounced and hard shaft grinding into my throbbing mound as his tongue lapped along my throat.

“Oh, Spencer,” I moaned.

His fingertips brushed down my thin spaghetti-strapped satin negligee, exposing my unused and rock hard nipples.

The warm cavern of his mouth enclosed around my right nip and he flicked the erect sensitive point with the tip of his tongue.

A bolt of electric pleasure slithered down my body, heating my core more than before. I shuddered under his ministrations, inflicting my body with unbridled sensual passion.

He made his way back up and captured my lips once again, claiming my entire mouth possessively. God, it all felt too incredible.

My head was lost to the euphoric haze but the thought of being discovered wormed its way past the lust. “Stop…God, stop.”

He pulled back, resting his forehead between my large bosom, his thumb and index finger rolling my hard pebbled nipple in his fingertips where his mouth had once been.

“I don’t want to stop but if I do carry on, things will escalate pretty quickly and I want you to trust me,” he panted, attempting to calm his racing body as I groaned, knowing full well it was the “responsible” thing to do.

I held his head still against me, my heart pounded thunderously against my ribcage while I gently ran my fingertips along the back of his neck. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”