The atmosphere is certainly different when I opened my eyes this morning.
I don’t know what it is, but I can feel it. It’s already nine in the morning, but the whole house is quiet. I didn’t even bother to attempt to finish cleaning up the washrooms after the meeting yesterday or do the laundry like I’m supposed to today.
I figure I’m paying enough for my accommodation, which is this closet, with the life savings they took from me.
Yeah, I’m salty and petty like that.
Surprisingly, nobody comes knocking at my door demanding that I do my usual chores this morning. The somber atmosphere follows me as I make my way to the bathroom across the hall to brush my teeth and take my shower.
Then I’m back quickly to lock myself in my room again.
“I’m bored,” I inform Oliver.
It’s noon now, and I’m feeling very hungry. I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do next, but I can’t think when I’m hungry.
“Why is it so quiet today?” I ask Oliver.
A sudden knock on my door makes me jump. I creep slowly to the door, contemplating whether or not it’s wise to open it. I can still feel the beta’s hand around my throat. I had nightmares about it last night.
“Hey, it’s me,” says a quiet voice through the closed door. Jorden!
I quickly unlock the door and pull it open. “Hi.”
Jorden’s chocolate-brown eyes peer down at me from the doorway. “Meet me in Nana’s back garden in twenty minutes,” he says before he quietly slips away.
I close the door with a click and change from my pajama shorts into a pair of jeans.
I put on a gray T-shirt and a pair of white Converse and pull a comb through my straight black hair. I have a small old mirror hanging on the wall across from my bed. I took that mirror from my Nana’s old house and hung it there myself.
I’m not vain, but a girl needs a mirror.
My green eyes stare back at me from the mirror. People always comment about how unusual and vivid my green eyes are. I have always wondered if I got that from my unknown biological father because none of my relatives here have green eyes.
I guess that is one of the things in life that I’ll never figure out. At least the puffiness around my eyes from crying last night is gone.
I hurry outside because Nana’s old house is a fifteen minutes’ walk away from the pack house. Before I step outside, I grab a scarf and wrap it lightly around my neck.
“Hi, J!”
“Hey, Q.”
Jorden calls me Q, and I call him J. Together, we’re Q and J, get it? No? Well, that’s okay.
I don’t understand it either, but when a seven-year-old Jorden told a six-year-old me that we were going to be J and Q, I agreed with him wholeheartedly.
The six-year-old me thought it was the coolest thing ever.
That was until I figured out that I was his sidekick, the one to fetch things for him when we’re fighting the evils of the world. I’m nobody’s sidekick. We argued about it.
Now we’re Q and J in my head. In his mind, we’re still J and Q.
I survey the garden before me. This used to be my Nana’s pride and joy. Nana used to spend hours happily tending to her garden while Jorden and I used to play back here.
It’s been a couple of months since I last saw it, and now it’s grown wild. There are weeds among the coneflowers, penstemons, lilies, and black-eyed Susans.
Wild grass is growing freely between the tomatoes, peas, squash, and beets.
Jorden must have seen something in my eyes because he says, “I came to water them once in a while, but I’m not good with anything else. Maybe the new owner will be better at it.”
“Yeah.” I choke out my answer.
It’s hard to believe that this place is owned by somebody else now. The new owner hasn’t moved in yet, but I hope they will love and care for this place as much as Nana did.
I look up and give my cousin a watery smile.
“Here,” he says, handing me a sandwich wrapped in paper napkins.
The smell alone makes my mouth water. I stuff the turkey club sandwich into my mouth. Oh, so good! I know I look like a pig, but I’m hungry, and it’s just Jorden.
It feels like I haven’t eaten in days! Oh, wait! I haven't eaten in days, save for some bananas I stole from the kitchen yesterday morning before I started my chores. I look up at him, giving him a big smile with my mouth still full. The smile he gives back looks pained.
I find his dark eyes watching me carefully as I finish eating. Swallowing still hurts, but a hungry stomach hurts too.
All of a sudden he steps closer and starts to unwind the scarf from around my neck. “Jorden…” I protest, but he tilts my head up to inspect my throat.
A muscle ticks at his jaw as his finger skims the reddened skin on my throat gently. Just as quickly, he lets me go and shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
He turns around and kicks the pebbles at his feet. His movement mirrors his frustrations. He kicks the pebbles over and over again.
“You have to get out of here,” he says.
My heart stutters at his words, and I just watch him for a moment. His broad shoulders hunched and his head down. The wind blows his hair wild. His dark hair is getting long and starts to curl. If it gets long enough, it’ll start to turn into ringlets.
I used to make fun of his hair when we were little while secretly wishing I had those ringlets.
“Did you hear me, Q? You have to get out of here. Soon.”
He turns around to look at me. His eyes are sad. “I can’t protect you, Q. You have to go far away from here and don’t come back.”
“Why?” I know Jorden. There’s something he’s not telling me. “Jorden?”
“Everything is fucked up, you know that right? My father is fucked up. This whole pack is one big clusterfuck.”
I’ve never heard Jorden St. Martin swear so much before. It was always me and Nana who cussed, so much so that we had a swear jar. I still have that swear jar. We used to put a dime in it for each time we swore. That’s why I try very hard not to swear anymore. I’m broke.
Jorden runs his fingers through his unruly curls before he rubs his hand over his face. His eyes look tired.
Jorden is more than a cousin to me. He’s like a brother. He’s the only one who used to visit Nana and me often. Nobody else bothered. I used to secretly feel guilty that Nana had to go to the pack house in order to see them all.
Maybe if I hadn’t been living there, they would have visited their mom and their grandmother. I listen to the sound of the wind blowing the leaves and rustling the blades of the long grass together.
The chirping of the birds never sounded so sweet. We’re so far from everybody, and that, in itself, is a freedom. I miss it out here.
“Do you know that Judith Maddox, our former luna, died last night?” says Jorden, breaking the peaceful silence.
“She’s dead?” I ask.
Maybe that’s why it felt odd this morning. I didn’t know the old luna that well, and she’d been bedridden for years, but I still feel kinda sad at the news.
Jorden nods. “She died last night,” he repeats. “You wanna hear something funny, Q?”
“Okay,” I say. I don’t know what could be funny about this.
“Yesterday, after everybody left his office, old Mr. Maddox came to visit my dad.”
I nod but get a bad feeling.
“I guess there’s nothing weird about it since they’re best friends. My father served as his beta for decades while he was still an alpha, but somehow I had a bad feeling about it. Or maybe because I was still pissed with my dad for putting his hands on you. I don’t know, but whatever it was, I decided to listen in on them. I went into a broom closet next to his office where the wall is thinner.”
“Okay,” I say, my brows furrowed.
“Q, I heard Maddox tell my dad that you’re his second-chance mate,” Jorden says. His breathing gets heavier. His chest moves up and down very fast. “It’s bullshit, Q. How can he find his second-chance mate when his true mate is still alive? The bastard! It’s a load of bullshit, and I heard my father agree with him. They agreed that you’re Maddox’s mate yesterday afternoon, and last night…last night, his mate died!”
He snatches my arms and grips them tightly. “I can’t let them touch you, Q. I can’t let my father lay a hand on you again, or you’ll be dead. And I can’t let that old swine lay a hand on you either—”
His voice breaks, and he shakes his head.
“They must have done something to her. They must have. I can feel it in my gut. If they killed her, what would they do to you?”
I pull my hands out of his grip, wrap my arms around his middle, and lay my cheek against his chest. His body is so taut and stiff. His heart is beating fast.
This must be very hard for Jorden. I don’t know why I’m so calm right now.
I think I’ll start to freak out soon, but it seems more important to me to calm him down first, before I start to lose it.
After a while, I can feel his body start to loosen up as he wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my hair. His heartbeat starts to return close to normal.
“I don’t want you to go, but I can’t keep you safe. I hate it that I can’t protect you, Q.”
“That’s okay, J. That’s okay,” I tell him even though my head is spinning.
I knew they wouldn’t let me go before, but once one of them claimed me as his mate, it would be impossible to get out of here.
I let Jorden go when I was sure that he’d calmed down enough. We both sit cross-legged on the grass, facing each other like we used to do when we were younger.
“I love you as much as I love Joelle, maybe more. I just lost Nana, and now I’m about to lose you too.” I see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard. “Life sucks.”
