The Devil's Mercy

Mercy

Leaving the pizza place and pulling up to Mom’s new house in her gated community makes me so proud of her.

Mom took us in the middle of the night and hauled ass across the country with no help when we were eight years old.

Mom worked every day to make our lives good. Even when we were living out of our car and washing our asses in truck stop bathrooms. She worked hard to make sure we had everything we needed.

She’s come so far from that trailer park.

“Wow, Mom.” I look up at it from the driveway.

“Do you like it?” She puts one arm around my shoulder.

“It’s definitely an upgrade from the trailer park,” I joke.

She laughs with her head thrown back.

“No bathtub in the yard or anything. You’re out here livin’ like Oprah.” I fake a stereotypical country accent and make her laugh harder.

She puts a hand on her side and one to her chest as she laughs.

“Come on, baby. Let me show you to your room,” she says, out of breath, while punching in the security code and opening the door.

Cami and Eli shuffle in and go their separate ways.

Mom has really made it.

I could still see her sense of style, but it was nice, like rich people. Real wood, exposed brick, open floor plan, natural lighting, matching furniture and appliances.

She walks in and puts her bag down on a table with a bowl of fake fruit.

When I was little, that’s what I thought all rich people had. A bowl of fake fruit. That’s how you knew they were fancy.

Now that I’m grown, I notice other things.

Mom leads me up the stairs and up to the next floor. The upstairs is like a second house.

The bedrooms are set up like dorm rooms, in a way. Instead of a hallway with doors, it’s open like the rest of the house, with a second living room that breaks off to two hallways.

Each hallway has two doors across from one another.

Mom tells me she shares her hallway with Cami as her neighbor and I am lucky enough to share mine with Eli.

Yay for me.

Mom points to the room across from me and tells me he stays mostly in his room and plays loud music. If it becomes a problem, she’ll talk to him for me.

I just nod. Depends on the music and time of night.

She opens my door and we step in as Mom gives me the grand tour.

“Everything’s just how you left it. Bathroom is that door and that one over there is a walk-in closet. That’s where your dressers went.

“I have some paperwork to get done, but do you need anything, baby? Where’s your bag?”

“I, uh, lost it. I’m fine though. Go work, I’ll be fine. I’ll check out my stuff and see you when you’re done.”

I try to reassure her. I knew it would cause suspicion with me not having brought anything but my purse, but I couldn’t risk it.

When you have to leave, you just leave.

Stuff is just stuff.

I don’t even know where I’m going from here.

Mom gives me that look again like she’s having some internal conversation, trying to figure me out. I smile and sit down on my bed.

“Okay, baby, just holler if you need me.” She walks to the door and stops.

“Mercy, you know if there was something you needed help with or just needed to talk, I’d be there for you, right? No matter what it was, or how you’re feeling.”

The sadness shines in her eyes. I know she wants me to open up.

“Yeah, Mom, I know. I’m just figuring things out. I’ll stay for a while. Is that okay?”

I offer her a small sliver of the emotion she wants to see.

“That’s perfect, baby. I’m so happy you’re home. I love you.” She perks back up, happy with my little show.

“I love you too.”

She walks out of the room, and I lay back on my bed.

What the fuck am I gonna do? How do I even start picking up pieces of my life here?

I’ve got so much going on, I don’t know where to start.

I let out the breath I was holding and open my eyes.

I look at the door Mom said was my bathroom and decide a hot shower sounds so good right now.

I take off my shoes and let my purse stay on the bed. I walk into my closet and start opening my dresser drawers up, looking for something I can wear.

Good thing I’ve actually lost some weight since moving out.

I find a bathing suit and some pajamas and underwear. I bundle everything up and walk into my bathroom.

It’s big like the rest of the house—a glass steam shower and a separate bathtub, a long countertop, and a stall made around the toilet to offer even more privacy.

That I like. I’m all about some damn privacy.

Towels hang around the tiny closet behind the bathroom door. I pull a handful out and cover up the glass with three of the towels to block any view.

I go to the stall and undress. With every article of clothing I take off, I put another on.

I can’t be naked. Ever. I just can’t bring myself to be nude.

Not in the shower.

Not while changing.

Never.

It’s one of the secrets that’s only for me to know.

I pull on the bathing suit and pull my old bra out through the sleeve and just rip my panties at the seam. I pull them out the side and finally step out.

I wrap a towel around my body before officially getting into the shower.

I know this is crazy.

It’s not normal.

Only crazy people freak out about their own nakedness.

I haven’t looked at my own body in over a year. I used to be able to at least look, but it’s getting to the point I panic when I have to use the bathroom.

Two months ago, I started hyperventilating when my period came. That personal act of just changing my own damn pad or tampon had become too much.

I turn on the shower and adjust it to the perfect temperature. I just stand under the water and let it run all over me.

I pull on the hems of my bathing suit as much as I can before freaking out, letting the water get underneath as much as possible.

I close my eyes and breathe.

It’s okay to be naked.

It’s okay to be naked.

It’s okay to be naked.

After as much time as I can take in the shower, I turn everything off and step out.

I wrap the towel around me and then bend over and swish my hair in another with a twist and loop.

Back to the stall.

“Mercy, what do you want for dinner? Mom was gonna order take out but didn’t know what you liked anymore.”

Cami comes bursting into the bathroom and turns the sink on.

Fuck.

Fucking Cami and personal boundaries.

~“Get out! I’ll come downstairs when I’m dressed!”

My voice is loud and shrill.

~“Like, chill, seriously.”

Cami turns the sink off. I wait and listen for her footsteps to leave the room, but they don’t.

I pull my pajamas over my bathing suit and swing the door open in a fit.

“Cami, I know privacy is a strange concept to you with who you are and what you do, but I had my door shut for a reason. I had the bathroom door shut for a reason.

“Fucking Google personal boundaries and stay the fuck out and wait for me to come downstairs. Now get out!”

I point to the door as Cami rolls her eyes and leaves with a pissy attitude. As soon as she gets to the bedroom door, I can hear her loud mouth going off.

“Mom! Mercy is already being a complete bitch!” was all I could make out before she went out of earshot.

I know Cami doesn’t know. I mean, who would guess that? Most twins are bound at the hip, but I can’t do that with her.

I take a minute to calm down and take a breath.

Everything’s okay.

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

I walk out of the bathroom and go to my bedroom door, which she left wide open.

When I get to my doorframe, I look into the hall. Eli’s door is open too.

His room is dark—black walls and black curtains. All the furniture is black—his bedspread, the rug, everything is just black on black.

My eyes go from the dartboard to the band poster of Avenged Sevenfold and Alice in Chains before falling to the man bent over his bedside table.

His back is facing me, tattoos curved on his muscled and tightly toned frame. His broad shoulders are like photoshopped perfection.

I don’t know how long I look. It’s like I am caught in a spiderweb and become his sitting prey.

I’m sure he feels my eyes on him as he stands up from the crouching position he held and turns to look at me.

His chest, just like his back, is covered in tattoos, except his right pec and small blank spot from his collarbone to his shoulder.

My eyes flash to his.

A lopsided grin stretches across his face—he’s pleased with himself.

I can feel the heat go to my cheeks. I don’t know what possible reason I could come up with for staring, so I just slam the door and lock it, while praying for a swift death.

I have never done that!

I just gawked at Eli!

And he freaking caught me!

Please God. Just end my life—take me out of this world while I still have my dignity.

I crash onto my bed and scream into a pillow.

Why can’t I be more like Cami? If she had been caught, she would have probably flipped her hair and licked her lips. She loves that whole douchey porn star vibe that rolls off him.

I can’t stand guys like him, so why was I even looking?

Ughhhhhhh!!

I’m letting another scream out into my pillow when a knock hits the door. Just by the sound of it, I know it’s not Mom, and Cami doesn’t knock.

My stomach drops to my feet as my heart thunders.

Oh no.

Another knock and I’m at the door.

I don’t open it, I just call through the door. “Yeah?” I stand right behind it, twisting my sleeve.

“Will you open the door?” Eli’s voice hits me with another wave of embarrassment.

I can’t get out of this one. I am just gonna own up to it. I didn’t mean to check him out, it was just a lot of artwork.

“Mercy?” he calls out again, and I can hear his chuckle.

Fuck. He’s gonna gloat.

I swallow hard and crack the door. I peek my head out and stare up from his chest. He is so close to my damn door, I would have smacked into his chest if I had just swung it open.

“Yes?” I squeak. I internally kick myself for not sounding more confident.

“Your face is red again.” He puts a finger under my chin and tilts it higher.

For a second, I’m awestruck. I just go blank. Thankfully, I snap back.

I push my head back and step away from the door. It creaks further open as he takes another step.

“I’m pale, sometimes my complexion just does that.” I rush my words out as he crosses his arms and gives a smug nod.

“Sure. Did you like what you saw back there, gorgeous?” Eli tilts his head.

“Nope. Avenged Sevenfold isn’t that good. I wouldn’t waste wall space on them.” I fold my arms and mimic his stance.

His eyes widen and his smirk comes back.

“Oh really? What would you replace it with then?” His eyes shimmer with a challenge.

“The options are endless. Green Day is a more worthy poster holder.” I square my shoulders and lean into my hip.

“Green Day? Ha! What is this, 2007?” he mocks.

“If it were, then you’d have Shinedown, Nickelback, Three Doors Down, or Gobsmack on your wall, you poser!” I point my finger at his chest.

He laughs louder and looks at my walls.

“Says the 3OH!3 fan. Is that a Sleeping with Sirens and a Boys Like Girls poster?” He steps behind me and goes up to one.

“This hasn’t been my room in a long time, and they were all good back then.” I step beside him and push his hand away from the nick at the corner he was pulling up.

“Sure. Sounds like an excuse to me.” He leans closer to me.

“Uh, no, it’s an explanation. Hey, I don’t come in your room and start fucking with your stuff.” I smack his hand back down as he pulls on another part of the edge.

“You can come and fuck anything you want in my room, gorgeous,” he replies snarkily.

I freeze up and fist my hands together.

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” I roll my eyes and turn to walk out of my room and go downstairs, but he catches my hand and turns me around.

“Go out with me tonight.” His smirk is gone. His eyes look at mine with a serious glint.

“I don’t party. You should ask Cami,” I answer honestly.

“We’re not going to a party, and I’m asking you. Mercy. Come out with me tonight.”

He steps closer, making me realize he still had my hand in his.

“I, uh…,” is what I manage to say before we hear Cami bitching about me as she gets closer.

I pull my hand away and smack the door shut right before she gets to it. I hear her annoyed huff before she knocks.

“Who is it?” I call out, making her groan. I chuckle as she stomps her feet back down the hall.

Eli’s hand grabs mine and pulls it back.

“I think I’ll pass on tonight. I don’t even have clothes from this day and age.” I look down at my Imagine Dragons PJs.

He nods and sighs.

“I hope you change your mind,” is all he says, letting go of my hand and walking out of the room.

He actually shuts the door. Thank goodness.

I stay in my room for a while. I go through my stuff and put on a real bra. Lord knows I needed it.

Cami is a silicone D, mom is a silicone triple F, and I am a natural triple D. I need the support and confinement or I’ll knock myself out while going down the stairs.

I pull a Radiohead T-shirt on and slip into a regular pair of black ripped skinny jeans.

After I get my neon Converse out and let my hair just hang loose, I laugh. I look exactly like I did at sixteen.

When it gets dark out, I walk downstairs to see about dinner. When I get midway down the stairs, I hear a lot more voices than I should.

Cami and her fucking parties!

When I get to the bottom step, Cami grins like a cartoon cat.

“Hey everybody, look who it is! Mercy’s home!” She draws as much attention as she can so the whole room of people looks my way.

Oh, I got you, Cami.

Two guys yell out for me, making me scowl at Cami.

Teddy and freakin’ Matty. Twins who have never left me alone.

Not in elementary school, middle, or high school.

“I can’t believe it—our wife is back home!” Teddy clasps Matty’s back as they step forward and sandwich me in a three-way hug.

“Oh, you smell good, wifey. Did you miss us?” Matty plays with my hair.

“Get off me,” I growl as they step back.

They have grown. Their hair is cut the same—long at the top and shaved on the sides—and they have lots of rings and bracelets.

They wear matching army green V-necks with plaid unbuttoned long-sleeve shirts tied around their holey, ripped jeans.

Fuckboys for sure.

I roll my eyes when Matty puts an arm around my shoulder and Teddy loops one at my waist.

“Wifey, come hang out with us,” Matty begs. “We’re takin’ shots,” Teddy adds.

They finish each other’s sentences still.

I run my eyes across the room and see Eli leaned on a wall by a woman who looks a lot like Cami. He has an arm at her side while he flirts.

A way out.

“Can’t, boys, I’m going out.” I shrug them off and walk a few steps away.

“Where could you possibly be going, Mercy? You don’t have any friends.” Cami sticks one hand on her hip and points the other at me as Teddy and Matty look like hurt little puppies behind her.

“I do have friends. Eli! Come on.” I twist around and open the door.

Eli looks at me and smiles. He doesn’t say goodbye to the girl he was flirting with. He just leaves and comes over to me.

“What!” Cami, Teddy, and Matty say in unison.

“Eli and I have plans tonight. Bye, see ya later!” I wave as I walk out the door in front of Eli. He shuts the door, and we walk to the driveway.

“Okay, so what’s the plan?” I ask him.

The grin on his face makes me kinda grateful I am stuck with him tonight. He looks like he is genuinely happy.

“Well, first things first, we gotta ditch this cul-de-sac.” He winks and pulls keys from his pocket. When he clicks it, a car on the street lights up and chirps.

I flash a small smile and walk down with him. When we get to his car, I roll my eyes.

“What’s wrong already?” he asks, as he opens my door for me.

“I don’t know much about cars, but I know this is a douchey sports car like all the dbags drive.”

He laughs and walks around to the other side. “You think this is the standard then?” He buckles up and puts the key fob in.

“This or a sports bike. Yeah,” I say.

He laughs louder and agrees.

We take off and leave the gated community behind.

“So where are we going?” I ask as I tap my knees with my hands.

“A brothel. Well, we could go to a strip club. What do you feel like?” He jokes.

I laugh and pretend to think.

“It’s a surprise, gorgeous.” He reaches out and intertwines our fingers.

My heart starts to thunder.

I pull my hand back and fold it with my other across my lap.

What did I get myself into?