The Devil's Mercy

Mercy

Pulling up to Mom’s new house in her fancy gated community, I can’t help but feel a swell of pride for her. She’s come a long way since the days when she whisked us away in the dead of night, driving us across the country when we were just eight years old.

She worked tirelessly every day to give us a good life, even when we were living out of our car and cleaning ourselves in truck stop bathrooms. She’s come a long way from that trailer park.

“Wow, Mom.” I say, looking up at the house from the driveway.

“Do you like it?” She wraps an arm around my shoulder.

“It’s definitely a step up from the trailer park,” I joke.

She throws her head back and laughs.

“No bathtub in the yard or anything. You’re living like Oprah now.” I put on a fake country accent, making her laugh even harder.

She puts a hand on her side and one to her chest as she laughs.

“Come on, baby. Let me show you to your room,” she says, still catching her breath, as she punches in the security code and opens the door.

Cami and Eli shuffle in and go their separate ways.

Mom has really made it.

Her sense of style is still evident, but it’s upscale now, like rich people. Real wood, exposed brick, open floor plan, natural lighting, matching furniture and appliances.

She walks in and puts her bag down on a table with a bowl of fake fruit.

When I was little, I thought all rich people had a bowl of fake fruit. That’s how you knew they were fancy.

Now that I’m older, I notice other things.

Mom leads me up the stairs to the next floor. The upstairs is like a second house.

The bedrooms are set up like dorm rooms, in a way. Instead of a hallway with doors, it’s open like the rest of the house, with a second living room that breaks off to two hallways.

Each hallway has two doors across from one another.

Mom tells me she shares her hallway with Cami as her neighbor and I am lucky enough to share mine with Eli.

Yay for me.

Mom points to the room across from me and tells me he stays mostly in his room and plays loud music. If it becomes a problem, she’ll talk to him for me.

I just nod. Depends on the music and time of night.

She opens my door and we step in as Mom gives me the grand tour.

“Everything’s just how you left it. Bathroom is that door and that one over there is a walk-in closet. That’s where your dressers went.

“I have some paperwork to get done, but do you need anything, baby? Where’s your bag?”

“I, uh, lost it. I’m fine though. Go work, I’ll be fine. I’ll check out my stuff and see you when you’re done.”

I try to reassure her. I knew it would cause suspicion with me not having brought anything but my purse, but I couldn’t risk it.

When you have to leave, you just leave.

Stuff is just stuff.

I don’t even know where I’m going from here.

Mom gives me that look again like she’s having some internal conversation, trying to figure me out. I smile and sit down on my bed.

“Okay, baby, just holler if you need me.” She walks to the door and stops.

“Mercy, you know if there was something you needed help with or just needed to talk, I’d be there for you, right? No matter what it was, or how you’re feeling.”

The sadness shines in her eyes. I know she wants me to open up.

“Yeah, Mom, I know. I’m just figuring things out. I’ll stay for a while. Is that okay?”

I offer her a small sliver of the emotion she wants to see.

“That’s perfect, baby. I’m so happy you’re home. I love you.” She perks back up, happy with my little show.

“I love you too.”

She walks out of the room, and I lay back on my bed.

What the fuck am I gonna do? How do I even start picking up pieces of my life here?

I’ve got so much going on, I don’t know where to start.

I let out the breath I was holding and open my eyes.

I look at the door Mom said was my bathroom and decide a hot shower sounds so good right now.

I take off my shoes and let my purse stay on the bed. I walk into my closet and start opening my dresser drawers up, looking for something I can wear.

Good thing I’ve actually lost some weight since moving out.

I find a bathing suit and some pajamas and underwear. I bundle everything up and walk into my bathroom.

It’s big like the rest of the house—a glass steam shower and a separate bathtub, a long countertop, and a stall made around the toilet to offer even more privacy.

That I like. I’m all about some damn privacy.

Towels hang around the tiny closet behind the bathroom door. I pull a handful out and cover up the glass with three of the towels to block any view.

I go to the stall and undress. With every article of clothing I take off, I put another on.

I can’t be naked. Ever. I just can’t bring myself to be nude.

Not in the shower.

Not while changing.

Never.

It’s one of the secrets that’s only for me to know.

I pull on the bathing suit and pull my old bra out through the sleeve and just rip my panties at the seam. I pull them out the side and finally step out.

I wrap a towel around my body before officially getting into the shower.

I know this is crazy.

It’s not normal.

Only crazy people freak out about their own nakedness.

I haven’t looked at my own body in over a year. I used to be able to at least look, but it’s getting to the point I panic when I have to use the bathroom.

Two months ago, I started hyperventilating when my period came. That personal act of just changing my own damn pad or tampon had become too much.

I turn on the shower and adjust it to the perfect temperature. I just stand under the water and let it run all over me.

I pull on the hems of my bathing suit as much as I can before freaking out, letting the water get underneath as much as possible.

I close my eyes and breathe.

Being naked is okay.

Being naked is okay.

Being naked is okay.

I linger in the shower as long as I can before finally turning off the water and stepping out.

I wrap a towel around myself, then bend over to twist my hair up in another one.

Back to the stall.

“Mercy, what do you want for dinner? Mom was gonna order take out but didn’t know what you liked anymore.”

Cami bursts into the bathroom and turns on the sink.

Damn.

Damn Cami and her lack of personal boundaries.

~“Get out! I’ll come downstairs when I’m dressed!”

My voice comes out louder and sharper than I intended.

~“Like, chill, seriously.”

Cami turns off the sink. I wait, listening for the sound of her leaving, but it doesn’t come.

I pull on my pajamas over my bathing suit and fling the door open in frustration.

“Cami, I know the concept of privacy might be foreign to you, but I had my door shut for a reason. I had the bathroom door shut for a reason.

“Look up personal boundaries on Google and stay the hell out until I come downstairs. Now get out!”

I point to the door as Cami rolls her eyes and leaves, clearly annoyed. As soon as she reaches the bedroom door, I hear her loud voice echoing down the hall.

“Mom! Mercy is already being a total bitch!” is all I catch before her voice fades away.

I know Cami doesn’t understand. I mean, who would guess that? Most twins are inseparable, but I can’t be that way with her.

I take a moment to calm down and catch my breath.

Everything’s okay.

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

I leave the bathroom and head to my bedroom door, which she left wide open.

When I reach my doorframe, I glance down the hall. Eli’s door is open too.

His room is dark—black walls, black curtains. All the furniture is black—his bedspread, the rug, everything is just black on black.

My gaze drifts from the dartboard to the band posters of Avenged Sevenfold and Alice in Chains before landing on the man bent over his bedside table.

His back is to me, tattoos tracing the lines of his muscular, toned body. His broad shoulders look like they’ve been photoshopped.

I don’t know how long I stand there, caught in his web, unable to look away.

I’m sure he can feel my gaze on him as he straightens up and turns to face me.

His chest is as tattooed as his back, except for his right pec and a small blank spot from his collarbone to his shoulder.

My eyes meet his.

A lopsided grin spreads across his face—he’s pleased with himself.

I can feel my cheeks heating up. I can’t think of any excuse for staring, so I just slam the door and lock it, praying for a swift death.

I have never done that!

I just gawked at Eli!

And he freaking caught me!

Please God. Just end my life—take me out of this world while I still have my dignity.

I flop onto my bed and scream into a pillow.

Why can’t I be more like Cami? If she had been caught, she would have probably flipped her hair and licked her lips. She loves that whole douchey porn star vibe that rolls off him.

I can’t stand guys like him, so why was I even looking?

Ughhhhhhh!!

I’m in the middle of another scream into my pillow when there’s a knock at the door. Just by the sound of it, I know it’s not Mom, and Cami doesn’t knock.

My stomach drops to my feet as my heart pounds.

Oh no.

Another knock and I’m at the door.

I don’t open it, I just call through the door. “Yeah?” I stand right behind it, twisting my sleeve.

“Will you open the door?” Eli’s voice sends another wave of embarrassment washing over me.

I can’t get out of this one. I’m just gonna own up to it. I didn’t mean to check him out, it was just a lot of artwork.

“Mercy?” he calls out again, and I can hear his chuckle.

Damn. He’s gonna gloat.

I swallow hard and crack the door. I peek my head out and look up from his chest. He’s so close to my door, I would have hit his chest if I had just swung it open.

“Yes?” I squeak. I mentally kick myself for not sounding more confident.

“Your face is red again.” He puts a finger under my chin and tilts it up.

For a moment, I’m speechless. I just go blank. Thankfully, I snap back to reality.

I push my head back and step away from the door. It creaks open further as he takes another step.

“I’m pale, sometimes my complexion just does that.” I rush out the words as he crosses his arms and gives a smug nod.

“Sure. Did you like what you saw back there, gorgeous?” Eli tilts his head.

“Nope. Avenged Sevenfold isn’t that good. I wouldn’t waste wall space on them.” I fold my arms and mimic his stance.

His eyes widen and his smirk returns.

“Oh really? What would you replace it with then?” His eyes sparkle with a challenge.

“The options are endless. Green Day is a more worthy poster holder.” I square my shoulders and lean into my hip.

“Green Day? Ha! What is this, 2007?” he teases.

“If it were, then you’d have Shinedown, Nickelback, Three Doors Down, or Gobsmack on your wall, you poser!” I point my finger at his chest.

He laughs louder and looks at my walls.

“Says the 3OH!3 fan. Is that a Sleeping with Sirens and a Boys Like Girls poster?” He steps behind me and goes up to one.

“This hasn’t been my room in a long time, and they were all good back then.” I step beside him and push his hand away from the nick at the corner he was pulling up.

“Okay. Sounds like a cop-out to me.” He inches closer to me.

“Nope, it’s a reason. I don’t barge into your room and mess with your things.” I swat his hand away as he tugs at another corner of the sheet.

“You’re welcome to mess with anything you want in my room, beautiful,” he retorts with a smirk.

I stiffen and clench my hands into fists.

“Great, I’ll remember that.” I roll my eyes and start to leave my room to head downstairs, but he grabs my hand and spins me around.

“Join me tonight.” His smirk has vanished. His eyes meet mine with a serious intensity.

“I’m not into parties. You should ask Cami,” I respond truthfully.

“We’re not partying, and I’m asking you. Mercy. Be with me tonight.”

He moves closer, making me aware that he’s still holding my hand.

“I, um…,” is all I manage to get out before we hear Cami complaining about me as she approaches.

I yank my hand back and slam the door shut just as she reaches it. I hear her irritated sigh before she knocks.

“Who’s there?” I call out, causing her to groan. I chuckle as she stomps away down the hall.

Eli’s hand captures mine and pulls it back.

“I think I’ll skip tonight. I don’t even have clothes from this century.” I glance down at my Imagine Dragons PJs.

He nods and sighs.

“I hope you reconsider,” is all he says, releasing my hand and exiting the room.

He actually closes the door. Finally.

I stay in my room for a bit. I sort through my things and put on a proper bra. God knows I need it.

Cami is a silicone D, mom is a silicone triple F, and I am a natural triple D. I need the support and containment or I’ll knock myself out while descending the stairs.

I pull on a Radiohead T-shirt and slide into a regular pair of black ripped skinny jeans.

After I pull out my neon Converse and let my hair hang loose, I laugh. I look exactly like I did at sixteen.

When it gets dark, I head downstairs to check on dinner. Halfway down the stairs, I hear more voices than I should.

Cami and her damn parties!

When I reach the bottom step, Cami grins like the Cheshire cat.

“Hey everyone, look who it is! Mercy’s home!” She draws as much attention as she can, causing the entire room of people to turn my way.

I’ve got your number, Cami.

Two guys shout out for me, making me scowl at Cami.

Teddy and freaking Matty. Twins who have never left me alone.

Not in elementary, middle, or high school.

“I can’t believe it—our wife is back home!” Teddy slaps Matty’s back as they step forward and envelop me in a three-way hug.

“Oh, you smell good, wifey. Did you miss us?” Matty toys with my hair.

“Back off,” I growl as they step away.

They’ve grown. Their hair is cut the same—long on top and shaved on the sides—and they’re adorned with numerous rings and bracelets.

They’re wearing matching army green V-necks with plaid unbuttoned long-sleeve shirts tied around their holey, ripped jeans.

Definite fuckboys.

I roll my eyes when Matty drapes an arm around my shoulder and Teddy hooks one at my waist.

“Wifey, come hang with us,” Matty pleads. “We’re doing shots,” Teddy adds.

They still finish each other’s sentences.

I scan the room and spot Eli leaning against a wall next to a woman who looks a lot like Cami. He has an arm around her waist while he flirts.

My escape route.

“Can’t, boys, I’m heading out.” I shrug them off and take a few steps away.

“Where could you possibly be going, Mercy? You don’t have any friends.” Cami places one hand on her hip and points the other at me as Teddy and Matty look like wounded puppies behind her.

“I do have friends. Eli! Let’s go.” I spin around and open the door.

Eli looks at me and smiles. He doesn’t say goodbye to the girl he was flirting with. He just leaves her and comes over to me.

“What!” Cami, Teddy, and Matty exclaim in unison.

“Eli and I have plans tonight. Bye, see you later!” I wave as I exit the door ahead of Eli. He shuts the door, and we head to the driveway.

“Okay, so what’s the plan?” I ask him.

The grin on his face makes me somewhat grateful I’m stuck with him tonight. He looks genuinely happy.

“First things first, we need to get out of this cul-de-sac.” He winks and pulls keys from his pocket. When he clicks it, a car on the street lights up and chirps.

I flash a small smile and walk down with him. When we reach his car, I roll my eyes.

“What’s wrong already?” he asks, as he opens my door for me.

“I don’t know much about cars, but I know this is a flashy sports car like all the jerks drive.”

He laughs and walks around to the other side. “You think this is the norm then?” He buckles up and inserts the key fob.

“This or a sports bike. Yeah,” I say.

He laughs louder and agrees.

We take off and leave the gated community behind.

“So where are we going?” I ask as I tap my knees with my hands.

“A brothel. Or maybe a strip club. What do you feel like?” He jokes.

I laugh and pretend to ponder.

“It’s a surprise, beautiful.” He reaches out and intertwines our fingers.

My heart starts to pound.

I pull my hand back and fold it with my other across my lap.

What have I gotten myself into?