“I don’t think you should go to him,” Carolyn Clarke said as I descended the stairs in my short black dress. I had dressed to impress, my braids tied neatly at the back of my head. Her words brought me to a halt. Her face was pinched, and I knew I would find whatever came out of her mouth next very unpleasant.
I searched her face, looking for what exactly I didn’t know, and when I thought she would continue, she remained quiet.
“And why is that?” I asked, watching her small frame on the cream-coloured couch.
“He found his mate. She’s here with him,” she said, her eyes boring into mine as if willing me to understand.
“Laika,” she called out, but the will to answer her left me.
The numbness faded as the pain took over. My mind took me back to the woods those many, many years ago, to when he—
Shaking my head, I banished the thought. Now wasn’t the time to add to this growing pain in the pit of my stomach. It would drive me insane.
“Talk to me,” she said, but I looked away from her. My throat was dry, my mind scrambled. To be rejected by my mate and now losing the one person who made me feel special felt like a cruel joke. What did the world want from me?
“I’ll be outside.” My feet moved down the stairs, but Carolyn was standing at the bottom, blocking my way.
“No, you will stay here tonight.”
“Why?” I asked. Of course, I knew what she was thinking, and it broke my heart.
Did she think I would hurt Lyall’s mate? Yes, werewolves had some unpredictable mood swings, but I knew how to manage them well enough. Lyall finding his mate was a blessing, which made me wonder why the pack wasn’t celebrating. Finally, after many years, the future alpha had a luna.
Did they think so little of me? Did they think I would lose control and hurt her? Was that why they had been quiet? This had to be why Lyall was ignoring me.
“We thought you wouldn’t take it well,” she choked out. I raised an eyebrow. It hurt to see the amount of trust they had in me, or more accurately, the lack of it.
“I’m just going for a walk,” I said. She seemed unsure, and I used her moment of distraction to sidestep her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as I went.
“It’s fine,” I replied without turning to look at her. My feet carried me outside to the cold air. A pale glow bathed the world; the sky was clear, and the moon gleamed alone in the sky, mirroring the way I felt as I stood on the huge porch.
Taking a deep breath, I soon found out that doing that hurt, too. My rib cage wasn’t cut out for the job anymore.
I climbed down the porch and started moving towards the woods—it was the only place I knew would bring me solace. Even the strength to shift left me a while ago. Why did I lie to myself that I was strong? When in fact, I couldn’t handle a simple truth, especially one I had expected.
Lyall spent the past month in the Western Province, and he avoided me when he returned earlier this week. I did my best to give him space, thinking he would make his way back to me. But no, he remained silent, only for me to find out about his mate from his mother.
Maybe he thought I was too much of a weakling to stomach the news. Yes, it hurt, but I would never deny him a chance at happiness. We found pleasure in each other, but now he was tied to someone else. I was happy for him, but it still stung.
The woods became dense, the smell of wildflowers spicing the air. Night creatures called out to each other, their noises a melody that I would normally enjoy under any other circumstance. A rush of a great river could be heard from a distance. It cut the Highlands into two, with the Southern Province taking a significant portion of it.
Life was just bitter—when you thought all was well, boom, it started crumbling to pieces.
Feeling like I couldn’t take it anymore, I sat on a tree trunk, resting my worn-out body. My muscles ached like I had run around the Highlands a few times. Closing my eyes, I thought about how my life was going to go from now on. How would I fill the void inside me? How long would the pain last?
I loved Lyall, and maybe I would always love him. He was the only person who made me happy. He helped me become a better version of myself.
Now he was gone, and I was alone once more. Lost.
I brought my knees up to my chest, placing my head on their rounded tops. I stayed in the position until I heard someone navigating their way through the trees. There was no need to look to see who it was. The air carried his sweet scent towards me. My wolf purred until I told her to shut up. She needed to understand that he wasn’t ours anymore. He never was in the first place. What we had was something that we both knew would end badly.
“I thought I would find you here.”
My head snapped up as he sat next to me. I didn’t like the closeness. It was soliciting things I shouldn’t feel for him anymore.
“So, you thought I would kill your mate?” I thought it best to rip the bandage out.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his eyes on me.
“Fifth time I’m hearing sorry today.” Randall had said sorry to me three times in the training centre, each time for knocking me off my feet. Then it had been Lyall’s mother, now him.
“I know I act aggressively, but that’s not the pain I would cause you. It’s my wish to see you happy in life. Whether I’m the cause of it doesn’t matter.”
He pursed his lips. After some minutes, he broke the silence. “I know you love me. When we started our relationship, it was all about sex and finding release with each other. When I found her, I knew it would cause you pain, but I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“That’s my problem to deal with,” I told him. All these years, I knew he had never loved me. He was in it for the sex, nothing more. “I needed to hear this from you, not your mother, and not when I was coming to see you.”
“I was wrong, and I apologize for sending my mother. But you see, I’m the coward here. I loved you, but I was too much of a jerk to say the words.”
“I knew you would say that. You will always hold a special place in my heart, always.”
“Damn you,” I whispered.
“Indeed,” he replied with a hint of laughter in his voice.
“What is she like?”
“Cheerful,” he answered.
I raised an eyebrow. “That’s all?”
“Yeah, the word sums her up,” he said, and I had the sense that he was smiling. I just didn’t want to turn and see for myself.
“Not beautiful?”
“She is, and so much more. It’s good for you to make assumptions about her on your own instead of me telling you everything.”
“You’re right.”
“Would you like to meet her?” he asked.
I thought about it, but I couldn’t, not right now. My emotions were riding high, and I feared I would say something to her that I would regret later.
But I knew I couldn’t hold it off forever. “Tomorrow at breakfast, now that I know you won’t hide her anymore,” I said.
“It’s settled then,” he said, getting to his feet. “I understand you wish to be alone, so I will take my leave.” He looked down at me. He was so close to me once, but now he felt like an indistinct echo.
“Take care,” I said, and he left without saying another word.
Gosh, it was funny how things turned from perfect to a complete disaster in a few minutes. For years, I prayed to the mother goddess to send me someone of my own. Not a second chance mate. There was nothing of that sort in our world. I wanted someone I could cherish forever. How much longer would she make me wait?
