For Better, for Baby
Auteur·e
Sandra Steffen
Lectures
18,4K
Chapitres
11
Chapter One
“Aunt Kimberly, it’s just what I’ve always wanted!”
Kimberly Wilson loved the way her nephew’s sturdy arms wound around her neck for a quick hug as he thanked her for his new official major league baseball bat. Laughing along with everyone else, she looked on as the child sank back to his knees and tore into another package with all the glee of the well-adjusted seven-year-old boy he was.
She loved her only nephew more than she thought possible, but being with Tommy on his birthday wasn’t the only reason she’d flown out from Boston today. A noise in the next room drew her attention away from the paper and ribbons flying through the air. She peeked around her sister and saw the outer door swing open. Moments later, the other reason she came back to this remote ranch in Nebraska walked into the room.
Outwardly, she didn’t move, but inside, her heart sped up and her thoughts spun. She’d almost had herself convinced that Cort Sutherland couldn’t possibly be as lean and rugged as she remembered. He had been undeniably attractive in the suit and tie he’d worn as best man in his brother’s wedding more than two months ago. But today, he was even taller in his scuffed cowboy boots, and his faded jeans and jacket looked every bit as good on him as the most expensive suit ever could.
“You’re late!” Evelyn Sutherland told her son in a scolding tone of voice mothers reserved for their children no matter how old they were.
Few things escaped Tommy’s notice, and his uncle’s arrival was no exception. He jumped to his feet and twirled around, shouting, “Uncle Cort, where’s my present?”
Hidden as she was from Cort’s view, Kimberly noticed the excited glances her sister’s new family all shared as they gathered around Tommy. Something was going on, and it appeared as though she and Tommy were the only two people in the room who didn’t know what it was.
“Did you get him unloaded?” Will asked quietly.
“Did you get who unloaded?” Tommy cut in.
“Let’s go have your birthday cake,” Krista called.
“But I want to see what Uncle Cort unloaded.”
“Come on,” Krista whispered close to Kimberly’s ear. “If we don’t get that little boy into the kitchen now, we never will.”
With nerves climbing up and down her spine, Kimberly rose to her feet and fell into step behind her sister. This was the moment she’d been waiting for. Now that it was almost here, she wasn’t sure she was ready.
“Cort, you remember my sister, Kimberly, don’t you?” Krista asked, stepping to one side.
Cort swung around, his eyes meeting hers. For an interminable span of time, he seemed as frozen to the spot as Kimberly was. The rim of his brown cowboy hat cast part of his face in shadow, but it couldn’t hide his reaction to seeing her again. His blue eyes widened, his chin lowered and his lips parted in surprise.
Disappointment sent a sourness to her already churning stomach. She’d known that it would be too much to expect that he’d be thrilled to see her again, but she’d hoped he’d at least be pleased. She hadn’t counted on his cool reserve. Aware of all the people watching, she did her best not to let the instant hurt show and quietly said, “Hello, Cort.”
Cort Sutherland tried to tell himself that the reason the faces of people he’d known all his life had blurred was because he’d turned his head too fast. Strangely, Kimberly Wilson’s features remained in perfect focus. She was wearing a pale blue pantsuit that looked soft and feminine and far removed from the clothes women in these parts wore. Her blond hair was parted on one side, waving freely to her shoulders, and her skin looked as pale and as flawless as it had the first time he saw her.
He might have been able to come up with the right thing to say if he’d known she was coming. As it was, all he could do was nod.
“Uncle Cort, what did you bring me? Huh? What is it?”
He heard Tommy’s question, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Kimberly. He didn’t like the silence stretching between them. He liked feeling like a heel even less.
She lowered her eyes, and Cort was finally able to turn his attention to Tommy and say, “You heard your mother, partner. Cake and ice cream first. Your birthday present second.”
“Aw, gee,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “Come on, everybody. We might as well get this over with.”
Kimberly was thankful for the noise and commotion taking place all around her. It gave her a moment to swallow her disappointment and square her shoulders. Trying to focus on Tommy, she followed the child into the kitchen, being careful to steer clear of Cort at the same time.
Once the Sutherlands had gathered around the table, chaos erupted once again. Krista and her mother-in-law laughed at something Tommy said. Cort was paying rapt attention to the conversation between his father and brother, seemingly oblivious to her presence. Tommy flitted from one adult to another, acting for all the world as if he’d been born to this family, though he and his mother had only become Sutherlands two months ago. Hurting in ways she should have been accustomed to by now, Kimberly wondered if she’d ever truly belong anywhere.
While Will and Krista passed out plates, she reached into the freezer for the carton of ice cream, more confused than she’d ever been. That was saying a lot, because she’d been confused most of her life. As a child prodigy, she’d been forced to attend special schools, to take tests, to perform and to achieve. Even as an adult, her “gift” had ruled her existence. It had always amazed her that others found her abilities so fascinating. Just once, she’d like someone to be fascinated by who she was, instead of what she was.
Conversation went on all around her, but Kimberly’s thoughts spun like dust on a prairie whirlwind. They took her back to the day Will and Krista had been married two and a half months ago. She could almost see the glow of candlelight and hear the February wind that had whistled through the church that evening. More than anything, she remembered the promise she’d made to herself to take charge of her own life and find the kind of happiness she’d always longed for.
It had seemed predestined that the man standing opposite her had drawn her gaze and her longings as no one else ever had, but what was even more amazing was the fact that he’d seemed drawn to her in return. She’d never known a man like Cort Sutherland, a man who worked from sunup to sundown, as much a part of his ranch as the soil and fence posts themselves, a man whose eyes darkened each time they rested on her. For the first time in her life, she’d felt feminine and graceful, winsome and beautiful. For the first time in her life she’d felt like a woman, normal in every way.
She hadn’t wanted to leave the next day, but knew there were things she had to do in Boston. So she’d boarded the plane, taking her fledgling determination with her. Being a genius had its rewards. One of them was a healthy bank account, which allowed her the freedom to give notice as a systems analyst for a prestigious corporation in downtown Boston. Without work to fill her days, she’d enrolled in an art class, took long walks and pondered her future. And she wondered if her name ever crept into Cort Sutherland’s mind.
The slightly out-of-tune voices singing “Happy Birthday” drew her from her daydream. When the song ended, Krista smoothed down a stubborn lock of hair on the top of Tommy’s head and quietly said, “Now you can make a wish and blow out your candles.”
Tommy smiled impishly and said, “My wishes always come true.”
“Oh, they do, do they?” his new grandpa asked.
“Sure they do,” Tommy replied. “I wished for a puppy, and I got Blue. I wished for a daddy, and I got the best one in the world. Now I want a baby brother who looks just like me.”
Kimberly laughed in spite of herself. Like his three aunts, Tommy’s intellect bordered on genius. Unlike them, he believed with all his heart in wishes and dreams come true.
Leaning closer to Tommy, Krista said, “Your dad and I would like to have a baby, too, kiddo, but we can’t guarantee that it’ll be a boy or that it’ll have dark hair and eyes like you. Your little brother or sister could be blond and blue-eyed like Aunt Kimberly.”
“Fair of face and full of grace?” Tommy asked.
Kimberly’s smile suddenly felt tight and unnatural. She closed her eyes, wondering if Cort was thinking that she wasn’t full of grace anymore. She forced her eyes open again and found him watching her closely.
Without his hat, his dark brown hair showed the paths his fingers had taken when they’d raked it straight off his forehead. Lines of concentration formed between his eyebrows. Something flickered far back in his eyes, and he smiled.
Kimberly’s breath caught just below the hollow in her throat, and a sound too soft to be heard by anyone else echoed deep inside. He accepted the plate his brother was shoving into his hands, but even after he’d turned his attention back to the party, his lips continued to bear a faint smile.
More confused than ever, Kimberly handed the ice cream to Krista and sank into a nearby chair.
The April sun hovered at the very edge of the horizon, casting swirls of pink and lavender into the western sky. Kimberly had been watching the colors change for almost an hour, no closer to reaching a decision about her future than she’d been a month ago.
Were other thirty-year-old women such fools? Or was she in a class all by herself? Everything had seemed so easy, so cut-and-dried and promising, all those weeks ago when she’d first made her vow to find happiness. Now, the future seemed vague and shadowy.
She’d been so sure she’d know what to do if she just saw Cort again. She’d half hoped that what she felt for him before had more to do with romantic notions than real feelings. What she was experiencing now was so real it scared her. She’d been disappointed at his initial reaction to seeing her again, but the smile he’d given her in the kitchen had turned her heart to feather down.
What did that smile mean? Was it possible that he cared about her? What should she do? What would be best? The same thoughts played through her mind over and over, ceaseless, inner questions that had no answers.
A horse’s whinny carried to her ears on the late-evening breeze, followed by Tommy’s awe-filled laughter. Everyone had finished their cake and ice cream an hour and a half ago. With his special, insuppressible excitement, Tommy had herded them all through the door, intent upon discovering what his father and uncle had up their sleeves. Barely out the back door, he’d let out a whoop that would have made any cowboy proud.
“A horse! Is he mine?”
“He’s yours all right, son,” Will had said.
They’d all exclaimed over the gelding, but only Blue, Tommy’s half-grown puppy, could match his exuberance. Joe and Evelyn Sutherland had left half an hour ago, honking their horn on their way out of the driveway. Cort’s departure fifteen minutes later had been much quieter and a lot more confusing.
The spring evening was turning cooler with the setting of the sun, but Tommy wasn’t ready to leave his new horse and come inside. He giggled out loud as Will showed him how to hold his hand so the bay could nuzzle grass from his palm. “Oh, Daddy,” he said, “Socks is just what I’ve always wanted.”
There was something about the way Tommy said Daddy that sent tears to Kimberly’s eyes. Although Will had started adoption proceedings immediately after his marriage to Krista, the process was far from complete. Evidently, Tommy didn’t care about legalities. For all veritable intents and purposes, Will Sutherland was already his father in every way that mattered.
“They’re really something, aren’t they?” Krista asked, taking a sip of coffee from one of the mugs in her hand before lowering to the step next to her.
Kimberly accepted the coffee and inhaled the aroma. But she didn’t take a sip. Her eyes were on the little boy on the other side of the driveway. Will started to lead the bay away, but Tommy nudged his way in between Will and the horse as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“I’ve never seen Tommy so happy,” Kimberly said when they disappeared around the side of the barn.
“Neither have I,” Krista said softly.
“Will, either, for that matter.”
“Mmm,” Krista answered around a sip of coffee. “Tommy’s happy. Will’s happy. I’m happy. Now what are we going to do about you?”
Kimberly turned her head and found her only brown-eyed sister watching her intently. “What do you mean?” she asked quietly.
Krista was also the only Wilson sister whose IQ didn’t register in the genius range, yet she’d always had the innate ability to see into the heart of the people she loved. She was more sure of herself, and always seemed to know the right thing to do. Kimberly would gladly choose a lower IQ in exchange for those traits.
“I know you have something on your mind, and I thought you might want to talk about it.”
“I’m fine, Krista. Really.”
“I’m glad. But you’re pale, and you’ve barely said more than ten words since you arrived this morning.”
Kimberly shrugged, suddenly very tired. She’d always yearned for the kind of closeness she and Krista were beginning to share, but the memory of Cort’s smile and of the way he’d been with Tommy was still too fresh in her mind to talk about. She’d come to Nebraska today because she just had to see Cort again, to look into his eyes and try to determine if he had any feelings for her whatsoever.
She’d done every one of those things. And she was still sitting here attempting to make up her mind. In a flash of revelation, she knew what she had to do. Trying for a light tone of voice, she said, “There was a lot of air turbulence in the flight out here this morning. I probably have jet lag.”
“Maybe you should lie down.”
“Actually, I was thinking about taking a drive.”
“By yourself?” Krista asked.
“If you wouldn’t mind.”
Without another word, Krista was on her feet. Taking the unused cup of coffee from Kimberly’s hand, she strode into the house. She returned seconds later and dropped a set of keys into Kimberly’s palm, saying, “Take a left out of the driveway and go two miles, then turn right onto Schavey Road. It’s three miles on the left.”
“What is?” Kimberly asked.
“Cort’s place. What else?”
With a wink and a smile, Krista skipped down the steps and made her way across the yard toward the barn and her husband and son. Kimberly found her feet more slowly. Since there was no sense wondering how Krista could have known, Kimberly took a deep breath for courage and set off to do what she had to do.
* * *
Cort pushed through the outer door and sank into the painted metal chair on his front porch. He leaned back and propped his booted feet on the railing, just like he had a hundred times before.
Ahh. That was better. He’d just sit out here and watch the sun go down over Sutherland property.
He hadn’t been able to make head or tail of the ledgers and receipts spread out on the kitchen table, and he knew why. That didn’t mean he was going to allow the reason to barge into his thoughts again. Uh-uh, no way, absolutely not. He’d just relax out here in the April night and plan his week. There was certainly plenty to think about. It was spring, the busiest time of the year, if you didn’t count summer, winter or fall.
The herd had gotten rangy like they always did over the winter. He and Will and a few of the hired hands had rounded up the strays, but there were still a thousand things to do. Fences needed mending, horses needed to be shod, calves would be born, and cattle needed to be branded, fed and duly fattened. One of the hired hands had walked off the job yesterday, which was going to leave them shorthanded. But they’d get by, just like they always did.
Cort scooched deeper into the chair, his leather boots creaking slightly as he crossed one ankle over the other. Nights tended to get cool this time of the year, but pretty soon it would be summer, and cool breezes would be distant memories, especially out on the range.
That’s it. Just keep thinking about the ranch.
Morris Blakely was going to deliver that new bull tomorrow. That meant they’d have to double-check the gates and fences. The grass on the range east of the creek was getting dangerously short. Since he couldn’t risk the wind cutting blowouts into the hills, they’d have to move those cattle to another grazing place farther west. Tomorrow, he’d talk to Mo and Frank and Pokey about it. While he was at it, he’d ask if any of them knew of a good cowhand who was looking for work.
Ah, yes, thinking about the ranch was working its magic. He was focused, calmer, more in charge.
In the west, the sun was all but gone for another day, taking the glorious colors of sunset with it, leaving only the faintest traces of blue behind. Staring past his boots, Cort’s breathing deepened. There wasn’t another color on earth as changeable as blue. It could be as dark and mysterious as midnight or as soft and innocent as dawn.
Like Kimberly’s eyes.
His feet hit the floor with a thud, the chair creaking in his haste to push out of it. Gritting his teeth, he ordered the color blue from his thoughts.
Think about white. White was a safe color. Snow was white. Cold, wet snow. The fence posts around the corral were white, too. Yes, white was a good color, a soothing color, like porches or clouds or rich cream.
Or Kimberly’s soft, supple skin.
His eyes closed as he remembered how the hollow at the base of her throat had felt beneath his lips. Desire inched through his veins, lower, thicker, stronger.
Forget about her, he said to himself. Forget about the way her waist had fit his hands, and the way bis heart had lurched each time she’d sighed. Forget about the shy smile she’d given him moments before he’d kissed her that night after Will and Krista’s wedding, and how, much later, she’d been anything but shy.
Oh, for crying out loud.
He shoved his hands to his hips, giving up any pretense he might have had of keeping one blue-eyed genius out of his thoughts. Turning toward the door, he decided to give the ledgers another try.
The sound of an approaching car stilled his forward motion. His eyes narrowed, and his hands fell to his sides. It looked like his sister-in-law’s car. That was strange. What in the world would Krista be doing here now?
As the car pulled into the driveway, his thoughts slowed. The engine was cut; the door was pushed open. When the porch light spilled over pale blond hair instead of dark brown, his thoughts seemed to stop completely, and something else took control of his body. Maybe this was an aberration. Maybe it was a mirage. Or maybe every fantasy he’d had these past few months was coming to life before his very eyes.
“I was hoping you’d still be up,” Kimberly called, taking a tentative step toward him.
He recognized the wavering shyness in her voice. It did nothing to chase away the need pooling low in his body.
“I’m not bothering you, am I?” she asked.
She was bothering him all right, in the most incredible of ways. Leaning a hip against the railing, he crossed his arms and said, “I don’t mind.”
“Really?”
He nodded, and she took another few steps toward the porch.
He got so caught up in watching her walk toward him he almost forgot his manners. Coming to his senses, he finally said, “Are you out for an evening drive?”
She stopped, one foot on the first step, the other on the grass below. “Not exactly,” she said, her voice throaty, her eyes huge in her pale face. “Krista gave me directions. Of course, she doesn’t know I’ve been here before.”
Cort nodded, understanding. He hadn’t told anyone of her one and only other visit to his place, either.
She hemmed and hawed for a moment, then said, “There’s something I have to do. Something I have to talk to you about.”
Suddenly, all the nights he’d lain awake with nothing but his memories, the sheets a tangled heap at his feet, came together in a moment of raw need. He reached for her hands, bodily drawing her up to him.
“There’s something I have to do, too,” he declared, his voice a husky rasp in the cool, still night.
Cort’s heart pounded an erratic rhythm as he lowered his face to hers. Her eyes, those blue, blue eyes, opened wide, then lowered dreamily. If blue had a texture, it would be velvet; if it had a sound, it would be that of the slowly drawn breath she took through lips shaped by a quiet “Oh.”
He moved his mouth over hers, her surprise turning into a sultry sigh that sent blood pulsing through his body. This was no aberration, no mirage. It was passion, and it was as real as the woman in his arms.
Kimberly was certain the boards beneath her feet were tilting. Cort’s kisses were slow and drugging, his mouth moving over hers hungrily, his hands sliding around her back, fitting her closer, tighter, to his body. The warmth of his breath on her cheek sent the pit of her stomach into a wild swirl. His lips were intimate, demanding a response to equal his. He’d kissed her before, but tonight he seemed ravenous, like a man a long time denied.
Months ago she’d been shocked at her eager response to the touch of his lips on hers, but not anymore. Now, she reveled in the feelings coursing through her, in the sounds of his breathing, and hers, in the strength of the arms around her, and the hard ridge of him pressing against the exact place she’d rested her palm so many times this past month.
A thought shimmered in the very back of her mind, but with her nerve endings dancing every place Cort touched, it was difficult to focus on what it was. She’d come here to tell him something. She wondered what it was.
The whisker stubble on his chin rasped against her cheek, his chest expanding with every breath he took. He was incredible, virile in every way, the muscles in his back and thighs well-defined. She was amazed at how well she remembered, and was in awe of how wonderful it felt to be back in his arms.
His mouth left hers on a gasp for air, only to press a kiss into the hollow below her ear. Kimberly tipped her head to one side, her hands gliding over his shoulders, molding him closer to her, his hardness pushing against her soft belly.
There it was again, a thought trying to make its way through the thick haze of passion. His lips trailed moist, hot kisses over her jaw, along her cheekbone, drawing a response from deep inside her. Before that response carried her away again, she turned her head, his lips skimming her cheek instead of her mouth. Her eyes fluttered open. Her thoughts stilled, and so did her hands.
“Cort, we have to stop.”
“We’re just getting started.”
He’d spoken on a whisper, his lips brushing her sensitive skin with every word. Her knees almost buckled, and her concentration nearly slipped away all over again. Some thread of rationality must have remained, because her hands found their way to his chest, resolve finding its way through her mind and body.
“This isn’t why I came here tonight,” she whispered, levering herself away from him.
He loosened his hold, but didn’t remove his hands completely. “I, for one, am glad you’re here.”
A smile might have found its way to her mouth if she hadn’t reminded herself of the reason she’d come to Nebraska—more importantly, the reason she’d driven out here tonight. She couldn’t lose sight of what she had to do, no matter how good his simple declaration made her feel.
Taking another deep breath for courage, she finally stepped out of his embrace and strode to the other end of the narrow porch. Gazing out into the darkness, she said, “There’s something I have to tell you, Cort.”
“You can actually think about talking after kissing me like that?”
He’d spoken with a cocky self-confidence that was the essence of the man himself. Although she wasn’t facing him, she heard the smile in his voice. There was no stopping the softening sensation around her heart, but when his boots creaked slightly as he moved closer, she drew herself up to her full height and turned around to face him.
“I’m not sure where to begin.”
“Does this have anything to do with the reason Krista was watching me so closely at Tommy’s party earlier?” he asked.
She looked at him sharply, then shook her head. “If Krista was watching you closely, there must be another reason, because I haven’t told anyone my secret.”
“Neither have I, Kimberly. You have to know I never would.”
She stared wordlessly at him, wondering how in the world he could have known about her secret. Beneath his heated look, realization dawned. She swallowed tightly and said, “I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing, Cort.”
Walking ever closer, he said, “Aren’t you talking about the night Will and Krista were married? And about what happened between us?”
“Look,” she cut in, certain that if she didn’t stop him there would be no blood left in her face whatsoever. She was doing this badly, and his reference to that night wasn’t helping. “This doesn’t have anything to do with my, er, my…”
“Virginity?” he asked, his voice dipping low.
She gulped in a breath of air before saying, “Not the way you’re thinking. What I mean is…”
“Yes?”
“Look, I think we’ve gotten off track here. That isn’t the secret I’m referring to.”
“What exactly are you referring to?” he asked, his eyes narrowing more with every word.
Suddenly tongue-tied, she wanted to scream. Oh, for heaven’s sake. She’d spent more hours in a classroom than even she could count. She was fluent in four languages, and could unravel the trickiest calculus equation without batting an eye. She had a photographic memory and could cite statistics as if it were second nature. Why hadn’t she ever learned how to get to the point?
All right. This was it. She was going to say it, or die trying. Raising her chin as high as it would go, she said, “What I’m trying to tell you is this. That night when you…When I…When we…”
“Yes?”
A hundred words zinged through her mind. But when she opened her mouth to speak, she managed to breathe only two of them.
“I’m pregnant.”
