New York Doc, Thailand Proposal
Auteur·e
Dianne Drake
Lectures
18,2K
Chapitres
10
CHAPTER ONE
“I KNOW WHAT we were, Mother. But two years deserves a better ending than what we had, and when this opportunity came...”
Dr. Oliver Benedict, Layla Morrison’s boss, mentor and, yes, Arlo’s grandfather, had three spots open for volunteers—specifically the three candidates he was looking at to be his new assistant chief of surgery.
“No, I don’t know if Arlo knows I’m the one Ollie picked for this assignment. It’s only been five days from the time he gave me the nod until now, and Ollie specifically said communication with Arlo wasn’t always available. So, yes, I might be a surprise.”
But the need was legitimate. According to Ollie, Arlo was alone right now. His medical assistant had gone home to India for a while and after living with Arlo for two years herself, and listening to him talk about the way he wanted to practice medicine here, in Thailand, Layla knew what she was getting herself into.
Jungle medicine. Nothing easy. Nothing convenient. It was hard work. Sometimes backbreaking. And it was so embedded in Arlo’s heart it had caused their break-up. Two years into their relationship and the call of the jungle had beaten her.
“NO, I don’t know if this will give me a lock on a promotion, but it will finally give me some closure. We didn’t have that. It was too difficult at the end and we were both hurt. So, I’m hoping that this will help me, maybe even Arlo, finally move on.”
Layla had had one disastrous attempt at a relationship after Arlo and had compared everything Brad did against the way Arlo had done it. Nothing could compare, though, and now it was time to fix that so she could finally move on with her personal life since the professional side was rolling along quite nicely.
Layla was one of the top general surgeons in Ollie’s practice, highly regarded for her skills, in line for a promotion. That part was just what she wanted and, finally, she had time to look beyond that, to having a life outside medicine. Except there was Arlo. She hadn’t been able to shake him off. Not in the physical sense, but in the emotional. All the what-ifs? They wouldn’t let go, so now it was time to purge them and move on.
Layla sighed loudly enough for her mother to hear. “Look, it’s only two months, then I’ll be home and hopefully in a new position. Ollie hinted that I’m the forerunner. So, please, just wish me luck here because working in a jungle hospital scares me a little bit.” But not as much as facing Arlo after all this time.
“Yes, Mother, I’ll be careful. And tell Daddy thanks for the SUV. The way these roads are turning out to be, it’s exactly what I needed.” Her dad had made a couple of phone calls and, just like magic, it had been waiting for her at the airport. But he had connections here in Thailand. In fact, he had connections everywhere so what he’d done for Layla had been easy. Everything her parents had ever done for her had made her life easier. Which was one of the reasons Arlo had always called her spoiled. She’d taken advantage of that from time to time. Until Arlo had pointed that out.
Still, her parents always supported her in what she wanted to do. Sometimes the support was a little grudging, since their ideas of what they wanted for her were entirely different from what Layla wanted for herself. But there hadn’t been a time since she was a little girl that she’d seen herself as anything other than a doctor, and now Layla was on her way to do some doctoring in the jungle with a man who’d been her partner for two years. Talk about an improbable situation.
“Two years,” she said out loud, as she swerved to miss a rut in the dirt road. Arlo Benedict had been at her level during their medical residency, and the arrangement to share an apartment had been a practical one. For Arlo, it had been about money. His grandfather, Ollie, had been supporting him through school, but just barely, since his own surgery was quite costly to operate. And Arlo’s parents—they were like Arlo was now. Jungle doctors, living on practically nothing.
When Layla had first met Arlo, he’d been struggling. Not complaining, though. But his life had been hard, and he hadn’t had many extras. No going out with friends for pizza and beer. Working an extra job when he’d really needed to be studying. He had been so dedicated—dedicated in a way she’d never seen in anyone, and she admired that. Plus, he was easy on the eye, and maybe she’d had a little crush.
She didn’t know for sure, but when she’d mentioned she had a bedroom to rent, he’d jumped at the chance. Layla had told herself that having someone there was simply a matter of practicality. But in the case of asking Arlo to be her roomie, it had possibly been something more. Certainly, she’d been open to suggestions at the time. He had been smart, drop-dead gorgeous and quite emphatic that he’d be gone once his residence was completed.
Arlo had come with everything she’d wanted, and something she hadn’t wanted—a long-term relationship. She hadn’t been about to tie herself up that way until she’d started climbing the ladder, and that had still been a long way off.
Well, she had been wrong about the relationship. Just being with Arlo had made her want to be with him all the more. No, he had not been a long-termer and, yes, he had been clear he wouldn’t stay. But being with Arlo for two years had changed her. Made her want things she hadn’t known she wanted. Made her want Arlo in ways she’d known he hadn’t been available.
Had it been the challenge of him, or the allure? Probably some of both. But when her real feelings had started getting in the way, the allure had taken over in a big way. Not that it mattered because, in the end, he’d left her. It was always his plan, he’d told her. But she’d truly thought she could change his mind.
Unfortunately, Layla couldn’t. And their ending had been bad. Arguments they’d never had before. Shouting. Crying. Naturally, she’d blamed Arlo for everything but, deep down, she’d always known she couldn’t hang onto him. She’d just tried ignoring it.
Initially, Arlo’s resistance at accepting her offer, and he did resist, had been quelled by her declaration that theirs would be a friends-only situation. Sure, she’d wanted more. Which, as it had turned out, had been the case with Arlo as well. And within two weeks a cozy night when two weary surgical residents had shared a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn on the couch had turned into...
Of course, there’d been early morning promises that what they’d done was a one-time thing. Except it wasn’t. For two years. Now, nearly five years down the road, while Layla was perfectly on track with her career, Arlo was the loose end she needed to tie up because she didn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life. Because she was a total washout when it came to relationships—just ask Brad, her only attempt at another relationship after Arlo. Then there was the whole ticking of the biological clock thing going on. Yet she couldn’t take that step forward because—well, she was blaming it on their lack of closure, even though they’d both known, at the start, that Arlo would eventually go one way and she another.
It had seemed easy enough when they’d talked about it, but when the time had come, it wasn’t. Had Layla loved Arlo then? Yes, in a lot of different ways. But had she loved him enough to give up her dreams to follow his? No. Absolutely not. And neither had he been prepared to give up his dreams for her.
So, why was she here? To be honest with herself, she’d jumped at the chance before she’d thought it through. And once she’d committed, she wasn’t going to back down. Her plan—her only plan—to earn this promotion was do everything required to move her forward.
To back out of two months in a Thailand jungle hospital with her former lover would shove her back, not push her forward. So, here she was, feeling a lot of trepidation about Arlo’s reaction if Ollie hadn’t contacted him yet, and scared to death of a two-month commitment that, at one point in her life, might have turned into a lifetime commitment, had things worked out differently.
As her dad always said, Whatever it takes to get you to the next level. And while Layla didn’t know if this assignment would do that, it would certainly allow her to experience a side of medicine she knew little about. That, if nothing else, was a good thing as it would help make her a better doctor. So in two months she could be a better doctor who’d finally shut the door on an old relationship. It was good. All good because she needed Ollie to see she was a team player. Sometimes she wasn’t. Layla knew her reputation—she could be a little aloof, sometimes standing alone.
But growing up the way she had, with a photojournalist father who made documentaries all over the world, and her mother a film actress who, like her father, worked all over the world, she’d learned to be independent at a young age. Sometimes she could be too independent, which wasn’t necessarily in her best interest all the time. Even she recognized that. Although Arlo had pointed that out as well. More times than she cared to remember.
Still, most memories Layla had of her parents were of one or both of them walking away from her, going off in pursuit of their careers, which, if nothing else, had been the impetus for her independence. Arlo walking away had simply shored up what was already there—the notion that she wasn’t worth hanging around for. And for Layla, hiding behind the stone wall of independence she’d built around herself was easier than risking another rejection. She’d assumed that over time she’d learn to be happy there. Well, happy enough.
But sometimes the memories of a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn and what that had started did slip in. They hung on more tenaciously than almost any other memory of her life. And it was because of that memory Layla had been stalled in a place where there was no room for her. Where she wasn’t wanted. A place she had to fix and move beyond.
While this trip to Thailand to work with Arlo had been providential, it was also necessary. It was her chance to prove to herself that the feelings she’d had for Arlo were simply feelings meant only for that time and place, and had no bearing on anything else in her life. Then, and even now.
So, where was she anyway? Normally a quick check of an online map site was all Layla needed, but there was no cell reception out here, let alone a road that had been charted on a map. So she was only guessing she was headed in the right direction. A direction where she didn’t expect modern facilities, let alone the basics like running water and electricity.
That’s what Arlo had told her he’d come from, and that’s what he’d always said would be the kind of place he would practice his medicine. He’d grown up in the jungle, traveled with his parents, who were both doctors. And it’s what he’d said he wanted for his own life as he simply fit there better. Shortly, she would see if he did.
Layla looked ahead of her, saw a man riding atop an elephant and nearly ran herself off the road staring at him. It wasn’t the elephant that got her, though, not even the crater she swerved to avoid hitting. It was the wavering turn out of the swerve that wobbled her back and forth across the road. Unfortunately, it resulted in her landing in a drainage ditch with a flat tire, the front end down, back end up. Royally stuck and—she checked her phone even though it was pointless, and the result was what she expected—there was no way to contact anyone, anywhere.
“Damn it,” Layla huffed, throwing her phone back into the car as she stood alone on the road, trying to figure out what to do. “No bars. Not a single, lousy blip on the bar indicator.” Her first test out here, and she was already failing it.
After walking around her car several times, assessing and reassessing the situation, Layla finally sat down in the dirt, hoping someone would come by to help her. Someone in a truck with a tow rope, she hoped. Maybe even Arlo? But the only person who did pass was a withered little old man with a pushcart filled with fruits and herbs. He smiled graciously at her, then began a long-winded discussion, none of which she understood. After he finished speaking, he tipped his straw hat to her, picked up the hand grips of his cart and meandered on down the road at a pace that would favor a snail in a race.
“Well, so much for that,” Layla said, deciding to hike on down the road and hope that somewhere along the way she stumbled on someone who could help her. Or maybe even stumble on the village itself.
An hour later, making very little progress due to the road conditions, Layla stopped to rest, sitting down on a roadside rock and watching some kind of wild pig munching the droppings of a papaya tree. And this was why she and Arlo hadn’t succeeded at their relationship. They’d talked about it ad nauseam for the last few months they’d been together. While she’d never been in the jungle, she could see it in detail through Arlo’s description. There were good people here, leading extremely hard lives, in a place where nothing came easily. Transportation was limited, according to Arlo. As were communications. It was his passion, and she didn’t condemn him for it. But it wasn’t her passion. She wasn’t the kind of person who could survive here. Even two months were beginning to seem like an eternity.
“You and your passion, Arlo,” Layla grumbled, as she stood to resume her hike. Much to her surprise, the little man with the pushcart was coming back into view. Slowly.
Was he coming to rescue her? Her knight in shining armor? A man with a receding hairline, bushy gray eyebrows and some wispy chin fringe?
Naturally, when he arrived at her side, he was already chattering words she still didn’t understand. His gestures were clear, though. She was to climb into the part-empty cart and be pushed wherever he wanted to take her. “Village by the big fig tree,” she said, knowing he wouldn’t understand the English interpretation of the village’s name. But she couldn’t pronounce it in Thai and any mispronounced attempt might land her someplace she didn’t want to go, so she pointed to a small fig tree sapling off the side of the road, then attempted to gesture a much larger tree. Wouldn’t Arlo just laugh at her now, standing in the middle of nowhere playing a game of charades?
“Big fig tree,” Layla said a couple of times, even though the man had no idea what she was saying. He smiled, though, let her charade herself into more embarrassment before he gestured her to the cart again. Her taxi was waiting, and she couldn’t have been happier to see it, despite the prickly straw in the bottom, and the caged chickens she had to share her ride with. Oh, and the dog. The little old man had picked up a scraggly, lap-sized brown and white mutt somewhere along the way.
So, forcing a gracious smile, Layla climbed in, found a spot among the other passengers and shut her eyes. All those years ago, when Arlo had walked away from her, calling her too damned ambitious, it had hurt, even though it was true. Today—right this moment—she was glad her ambitions had kept her in modern society, as this was simply too hard already, and she hadn’t even started.
Maybe it was what Arlo wanted from his life, living here and practicing jungle medicine, and maybe he was one of the most benevolent, altruistic and humane people she’d ever known, but none of this was for her, and if she hadn’t known it then, she surely did now.
“Of all the doctors in the world, he sent you?” Arlo shook his head, not in disbelief so much as amusement. “You working in the jungle is as improbable as me working in a modern hospital somewhere. But you’ve certainly got the skill I need, so...” He visibly bit back a laugh. “Welcome.”
Layla opened her eyes, which she’d purposely kept shut so she could avoid the full picture of her impetuous volunteering, and there he was, taking away her breath the way he always had. Only maybe a little more since the jungle setting made him seem...better.
Tall, roguishly handsome as ever and a little weathered, which became him. His blond hair looked sun bleached, and it was long, still with its gentle curl. She’d always liked those curls and the way they had felt in her fingers. And the penetrating blue eyes that still penetrated. But the thing that had always attracted her most were his dimples. Honest-to-gosh sexy dimples when he smiled.
“I’d have made my grand entrance differently if I could have, but I suppose this works,” she said as she picked straw from her hair. “Oh, and to answer your question, yes, he sent me.”
“He didn’t tell me it was you he was sending,” Arlo said.
“Probably because he was as surprised as I was that it was my hand that went up first to volunteer. Also, because he couldn’t get in touch with you.”
“Ah, yes. It’s all about the soon-to-be-open assistant chief position, isn’t it? When he told me he was going to announce it, I assumed you’d be the one fighting to get to the front of the line. Didn’t count on Ollie sending you out here as part of your climb up his ladder, though. Especially since we haven’t spoken in five years.”
“Three,” she corrected. “We spoke that time you came to New York to visit him.”
“One word, Layla. You said hello in passing.”
“And you acknowledged it by bobbing your head and grunting.”
“That’s not exactly speaking.”
“I was civil,” she said, trying to right herself in the cart, wishing Arlo would help her out so she wouldn’t look quite so undignified. But he was standing back, arms folded across his chest, the way he’d always done when they’d argued. So, was he expecting this to turn into an argument? “And in a hurry.”
“You were always in a hurry, Layla. And I’m assuming it’s paying off, taking on more and more just to prove yourself to him.”
“Not denying it,” she said.
“Nope, you never did. I think I saw that in you the first time we met.”
Of course, Arlo could see what he wanted to see in her. That was part of their fundamental problem. What he wanted versus what she wanted. Or, in their case, needed. “Part of my basic make-up, I suppose. But I never heard you object,” she said, stepping out of the cart, trying not to disturb the chickens while also trying to shoo the dog back in.
“Probably because I didn’t object. I liked your ambition. I was raised by pacifist parents who took things as they came, which is pretty much my style. Someone with your kind of ambition—I don’t recall ever seeing it in anyone before you. Not living in the jungle for as long as I did. It was an eye-opener for me, and also...well, sexy.”
Layla turned to thank the old man for the ride by bowing to him, then tucked a few Thai coins into his hand which he pocketed eagerly as he returned her bow, then scurried away with his cart. “Right up until the day you walked out.” She brushed the straw off her backside, then stood at the bottom of the rough-hewn wooden stairs and looked up at Arlo. “It’s two months. You need the help, I’m available, and—”
“And in the bargain it makes you look good because you want that promotion. You haven’t changed, Layla. I’ll give you credit for that. Where you are now is where you were when we split. Still trying to climb that ladder.”
“I’m not the only one in the running.”
“No, but you’re the only one who’d come to Thailand to impress him. That’s huge, even if you don’t want to admit it.”
“I also came to see a side of medicine I’ve never seen.” And try to make things right between them—things that seemed like they were already off to a shaky start.
“I offered you that. Remember?”
“For a lifetime, Arlo. You wanted a lifetime commitment and we weren’t even...” Layla wanted to say in love, but that was implied. Their relationship had been about many things, but love had never been mentioned. In fact, because of their circumstances, she was sure that was the reason it never had been mentioned. It was too complicated. It got in the way. There were no compromises that would work for both of them. Even though her feelings for him might have been—well, that didn’t matter now, did it?
“Anyway, Ollie’s deal is for two months. I couldn’t have done a lifetime, Arlo. You knew that from the beginning. But I can do two months, and you do need that help. So this is good for both of us. You get an extra doctor for a while and I gain extra knowledge.” And closure, because she really did need to move on, and the only way she could think to do it was ending things better with Arlo.
But for Arlo? She’d spent too much time wondering if he’d needed more at the end the way she had. Now she had two months to find out, and put things into proper perspective. Then, hopefully, close the book on that story once and for all.
“Do you really think that helping the boss’s grandson will get you any special notice? Ollie’s not like that, Layla. In fact, it could go against you, volunteering to come here, when he knows how badly we ended. He could look at it as being very manipulative. I mean, if I were in his place, I might.”
“Or he could look at it as a way for me to improve my skills.” And, keeping her fingers crossed, she was on the inside track because of her work. Nothing else. “So, in the meantime, I’ve got my medical bag with me, but my personal bags are in my car, which is stuck in a ditch somewhere between here and God only knows where. Do you know someone who can go get my car unstuck and bring it here?” She looked up at the sign over the door behind Arlo and smiled. “Seriously, you named this place Happy Hospital?”
They’d actually named this hospital together years ago. They were being silly one night, and maybe a little drunk, and the pillow talk had turned to the kind of hospital where each of them could see themselves in the future. Naturally, Layla had described something large and state-of-the art, whereas he’d simply said he wanted to work at a happy hospital. She hadn’t remembered that until now. Apparently, he hadn’t forgotten it. In a way, it made her feel flattered that he’d thought of her.
“Things are simple here, Layla. I know you’re not used to that, but that’s how we are. And the hospital name fits because when we don’t have enough insulin to treat all our patients and don’t have the means to go get it for another week or two, or when some other hospital like this one is ahead of us on the list, pushing us down the waiting list, we can either go all gloom and doom over our situation or try to make the best of it. Being happy with what we have helps.”
“I didn’t mean to imply it was a bad name, Arlo. But out here, in the middle of the jungle, it just seems—out of place.”
“People are just as happy here as they are where you come from. It’s all relative to their expectations.”
“But are you happy here, Arlo? I know you always said this is what you wanted, but sometimes I’ve wondered what might have happened to you if you’d gone into your grandfather’s surgery the way he’d wanted, or accepted any of the offers you had.”
“I was happy here when I was a kid, traipsing around from village to village with my parents, and I still am. It was the choice I had to make because I wouldn’t have been happy anyplace else, practicing any other kind of medicine.”
He’d never doubted his decision either. He’d lived the traditional life for a while, and he’d lived this life. Ultimately, this was where he wanted to be. Where his heart was. And when he and Layla were together, that had always been the thing she couldn’t, or had refused to understand. Accepting a position elsewhere might have been easier, but easier didn’t mean better. At least, not for him.
“Anyway, I don’t really have good sleeping accommodations for you. Tallaja, my assistant, usually sleeps in the ward when we have patients or the office when we don’t. He’s pretty flexible about that, but I’m guessing you won’t be.”
“As long as I have mosquito netting, it doesn’t matter.”
“Seriously? You’ve been doing your homework, haven’t you?”
“I don’t step into things blindly, Arlo. Except maybe our relationship.”
“I never considered it being blind. Not one day of it.” Arlo stepped aside as Layla marched up steps and pushed past him into Happy Hospital, brushing up against him just slightly, but enough to raise goosebumps on his arms. It was a familiar feeling—one he didn’t want to have. But every time she’d ever touched him, even innocently like just now, she’d caused that reaction that would, inevitably, lead to another reaction, then another, until... Damn. Why these thoughts? Why now when he was just coming to terms with the fact that he would never have enough to offer anyone else a decent life?
Even when he had been with Layla, Arlo had always known she would come to her senses about who he was and what he’d never have to offer her. It hadn’t stopped him from getting involved, but it had always held him back from getting too involved. Back at the beginning, he’d drawn his own line in the sand then taken good care never, ever to step over it, except for that one moment near the end when he’d asked her to come to Thailand with him.
Stupid mistake. He’d known that as the words had come out, and he’d still felt the sting of her rejection a week later when he’d walked away, even though he’d always known how she would answer if he’d asked. “So, look around. There’s not much to see, but it could be a lot worse.”
Layla stopped just inside the hospital door, looked around and turned back to face him. “How many people can you accommodate?” she asked.
“Ten on the worst day ever. We do a lot of our treatment in-home because people here prefer it that way. But for the most part we dispense our medicine and treatments any way we can. My goal isn’t so much the ‘where’ as the ‘what.’”
And it wasn’t an easy goal. Already he could tell that Layla was chastising herself for volunteering. She liked her creature comforts too much. And to think there’d been a time when he’d imagined they could work shoulder to shoulder here, that she wouldn’t be bothered by the overall difficulty of pretty much everything. Well, he’d been wrong about that. Stars in his eyes. That’s what he told himself afterward. Or maybe it had been the first time in his life he’d connected to a woman the way he had Layla.
Unfortunately, his situation doomed a relationship. But, if he were to pack up and leave for the sake of love, chances were nobody would come to take his place. The thought of letting down the people in his care made Arlo queasy and with that came the unrelenting knowledge that letting himself down was his course to follow. Forever alone. So, this is where he was, however it had happened. His choice, of course. And in that he’d been as stubborn or independent as he’d accused Layla of being.
“Your other option is to share my hut. It has a little more privacy—not much—but it’s someplace where you can get away when you need to. Unless there’s an emergency, people here know not to bother me when I’m in there.” Arlo hadn’t intended to ask her but now that he had, he didn’t regret it.
When they had been together, they’d had fun evenings. Sitting, talking. Laughing. So maybe that was a bit of nostalgia creeping in. But those had been nice times and he didn’t mind the reminders. Because once he and Layla had been very good together. Unfortunately, that had ended, but maybe having her here could shut the book on the bad and leave him with only the good. He hoped so as he didn’t want to carry the weight of the bad with him for the rest of his life and, if he planned to spend that life alone, he wanted the good memories to look back on.
“You don’t have to stand there looking so stressed, Arlo. I can do this job. Even more, I want to do this job.”
“Because it’s just another rung higher on your climb.”
“Yes. I won’t lie about that. Ollie needs team players in his surgery, and that’s what I’ve been for quite a while now.”
“Is it a struggle? Because I’ve never seen you as a team player. And I don’t say that to offend you. But you always prided yourself on standing alone.”
Layla laughed. “Because when you knew me, that’s all I’d ever done. Stood alone. So, it’s always a struggle joining in, and I know that. So does Ollie. But this promotion means everything, so I’ve got a lot of work to do if I want to earn it. That demon of ambition is still there, Arlo, chipping away at me, and I thought something unexpected, like coming here, to the last place I thought I’d ever want to be, would help me learn what I need to know outside what I already know.”
Arlo cocked his head and looked at her for a moment, then smiled. “I thought maybe he’d twisted your arm.”
“You’re the only one who ever tried to twist my arm and look how that turned out.”
“I still can’t believe you chose this, Layla. What were his other options?”
“Going to a sister hospital in Miami or working as assistant surgeon for a football team. Both short-term, fill-in positions like this. So, to be honest, I’m as surprised as you that I raised my hand for this. Especially since it scares me that I won’t have what it takes to give your patients what they need. And you scare me, because—well, you fit here, and I don’t.” Layla bit down hard on her lip, and for a moment stared off into space.
“I—I don’t want to fail, Arlo. I want to be the kind of person who can step into a situation—any situation—and do what needs to be done. I mean, you’ve always known I have a huge fear of failure. And look at me now—marching into the center ring, pretty much without a clue. For me, this is really pushing the envelope, as they say. And while the whole you and me relationship thing is off the table, I need to be able to depend on you to help me, or at least point me in the right direction so I can figure it out myself.
“Even though being here and doing what I’m about to do scares me, I don’t want to take the easy way out.” Like giving in and going with him when she’d always known the life he led would make her miserable. Oh, she’d weighed the decision, for months. Made the mental pros and cons list. But in the end one thing had always tilted out of proportion to everything else—to be the best doctor she could be meant she had to be satisfied with her lifestyle.
What Arlo offered would never satisfy her. And, sure, maybe that was the leaning of the materialistic girl in her, but it was something that couldn’t be overlooked. Layla had lost sleep over it, paced a rut in the carpet, bitten her nails to the quick, trying to figure out how to change herself, but, in the end, even her feelings for Arlo hadn’t been strong enough to bring that about. Sadly, that was the answer. If she’d loved him enough, she should have been able to make the necessary changes in herself. But she couldn’t, which meant she hadn’t.
“Nope. You never were easy, and you never took the easy way out.”
Arlo was decked out in tan cargo shorts and a faded navy blue T-shirt with the Voltaire saying on it: The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. He looked like he belonged here. Layla was glad for him because she’d never really found that yet—a place where she belonged.
Working with Ollie in his hospital was good, and she liked it. But did she love it? She wanted to, but because there seemed to be such a long distance between like and love, she wondered if love could really exist—for what she did, or for the person she might spend her life with. The bottom line was she didn’t know. Wasn’t even sure she knew what love was.
“Maybe not being easy was some of my charm?”
“You had many charms, Layla. Trust me, you had more charm than you ever gave yourself credit for.”
“You’re just saying that because I was... convenient.”
“You were a lot of things, but convenient was never one of them.” He chuckled. “Even if I hadn’t been raised in the jungle where I really didn’t have much of an opportunity to get to know women, I’d have never called you convenient. Not in anything.”
“Should I take that as a compliment?”
“There were many, many times I took it as a frustration. But it’s who you were. Maybe still are. And, yes, it is a compliment because I did like your independence. It made you different from the others.”
“Ah, yes. All the girls chasing after jungle boy. You did have your fair share, didn’t you?”
“None who could hold my attention the way you did.”
“Do you have someone now, Arlo? Are you married, or otherwise committed? I mean, I think Ollie might have told me, but you know how he is, the way he keeps as much to himself as possible. And I think he’s gone out of his way not to mention you because, well—you know. It was awkward.”
“There’s no one. I did see someone in Bangkok for a while after I got back, but it didn’t work out. She wanted attention all the time, and I didn’t often have time to get there to give it to her. And she wouldn’t come here. Eventually, she got to be very clingy, then demanding, when I refused an offer in one of the hospitals there. She’d set it up, assuming I’d take it but, well—you know me. You can take the jungle doc out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the jungle doc. I didn’t conform enough for her and I certainly didn’t want her to assume she could control me with a good job offer.”
Arlo shook his head. “We lasted six long, difficult months then she met someone who could—and eventually did—give her all the things she wanted that I couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m not. She did much better than me. Besides, it’s the story of my life. I can’t bring anything to a relationship but me. I’ve got no money. Where I live—well, you’ll see that for yourself. I don’t own things. I work ridiculous hours. It wouldn’t be fair of me to expect anybody to live that life, and it wasn’t fair of me back then to ask you to, then end it the way I did, when you told me all the reasons you couldn’t. At the time I was so...angry. Eventually I realized that anger was disappointment, and not in you. But in myself for expecting that I could ever have any kind of real relationship in my life since I have nothing to offer.”
“You have yourself. If someone loves you, that should be enough.”
“But that’s not enough, Layla. You know it and I know it. But I made this choice, it was a promise to my mother. Now a lot of people depend on me. And if not me...there’s nobody.”
Layla shook her head as well. “I almost got myself into something once, but it’s a long, complicated story. Girl on rebound meets wrong boy, mistakes his overtures for true love, boy tries to change girl to fit his mold, girl’s not the type to bend into anybody’s mold. In the end not a heartbreaker so much as an eye-opener and a huge caution that I’m better sticking to something where my heart doesn’t get involved.” And the last sentence of it went something like: Besides, he didn’t measure up to Arlo. But Arlo didn’t need to know that.
“Sorry to hear that. Even sorrier that I had a part in it.”
She forced a sad smile to her face. “The truth is, I don’t know what love is, Arlo. I recognize the kind my parents gave me—more obligatory love than the genuine thing. And don’t get me wrong. They’ve spent a lifetime trying hard, not always getting it right, but trying. Which, I suppose, is love in some variation. At least the only way they knew how to give it. Then there’s what I felt for you, which came with a time limit. I thought if I ignored it, it would magically disappear. Then Brad... I don’t get it right, or don’t do something right. Not sure which.”
“Your parents you can’t help. With me—us—the boundaries were there before we...” He swallowed hard. “Before we turned our friendship into something it wasn’t meant to be. And with Brad, everybody makes that mistake sooner or later. The rebound affair. That’s what I had with Gayle, I suppose. Someone to fill in the gaps.”
“Then you were rebounding from me even though we weren’t...”
“Readjusting,” he said.
“I like that. And maybe that’s what I was doing...readjusting.” Readjusting to life after Arlo. Yet here she was, the one place she didn’t belong given the feelings for him she’d had. But this time she was prepared. At least, she hoped she was. Because she needed to close this chapter. Even after all this time. “So, now that we know each other’s biggest mistakes, how about showing me your hut?”
“Are you sure you’d actually stay with me after...”
“Just consider it like sleeping in on-call. Remember those days during our residency after long, hard hours where you barely had time to eat, let alone sleep, when any bed would do as long as the person occupying the bed next to you didn’t snore?” She paused for a moment, and despite herself laughed. “You didn’t start snoring, did you?”
“Haven’t had any complaints. At least, on the nights when I sleep in the hospital, the patients I’m watching haven’t said anything. Neither has Chauncy.”
“Who’s Chauncy?”
Arlo chuckled. “You’ll meet him soon enough. And probably get to sleep with him as well.”
She didn’t know what this was about, but his eyes were sparkling with laughter the way she remembered. It was nice seeing that again. Nice being part of it.
“No door?” she asked, as he pulled back the mosquito netting on his hut to let her in.
“Not yet. It’s on the list of things I want, but the hospital gets the little funding we raise, not me, so it’s not a priority.”
A quick look revealed a small area where he prepared food, a desk off in one corner, a couple of rough-hewn chairs and a thin curtain separating a small area at the back from the rest of what was, essentially, a one-room hut. It was clear, and as basic a space as she’d ever seen, and she could picture Arlo living here. He’d always been a man of simple needs—something she’d admired about him. “So...no facilities?”
“Over at the hospital. Once you get used to it, it’s not so bad.”
“Bad, as in...?”
“Adequate. A hose through a window that brings water from a tank outside and takes a while to prime and get running. Or you can heat a bucket of water on the stove over there if you prefer a warm bath.” He smiled. “I’ve lived in much more primitive digs than this so, to me, this is all good.”
“Primitive for me was that weekend you took me to a cabin in the Catskills. Remember that?”
“It had indoor plumbing,” he said defensively, smiling.
“And I had to carry in wood to the fireplace. In my life, a fireplace is turned on with a little knob off to the side. One little flick, gas turns on and, voilà, a fire.” That had been a nice holiday, though. A wonderful holiday. No trappings like her parents required. Just simplicity and—the two of them. Snow outside, safe and warm with Arlo inside. Feeling protected by him. Drinking hot chocolate. Playing chess for hours on end. Making love for even more hours. Watching, through the plate-glass window, the snow coming down outside and being glad she was in Arlo’s arms, inside. Perfect.
He chuckled. “I always did say you were a wimp.”
“So, where’s the switch to turn on your lights?” she asked, looking around for it.
“I have a generator, but fuel to run it’s pretty expensive and hard to come by out here, so most of the time I light the place with a kerosene lamp. And candles. One of the women here makes candles for me.”
While Ollie had tried to prepare Layla for Arlo’s lifestyle, he hadn’t come close. Yet she was here anyway. But it was only for two months, which did concern her—not the lack of amenities but being so close to Arlo because, already, memories she didn’t want coming back were flooding in. The Catskills. Going to farmers’ markets on the weekends. Reading out loud to each other at night—she liked Charles Dickens, he liked Stephen King. The way he’d always shown up at the hospital to walk her home when it was dark. Or check the oil and battery in her car, then go fill it up to make sure she wouldn’t get stranded somewhere on the road. The big things...the little things. The things she’d taken for granted. So many of them were coming back to her now.
She’d expected some of that, but not so much, which made her wonder if what she’d thought of as a nice romance, or even an intense one at times, had really been much more. She knew she’d fallen in love with Arlo, but suddenly some of their memories were tearing at her heart. Even so, she didn’t regret her decision to come to Thailand as there was a possibility she needed closure much more than she’d thought she did.
“And this is how you get along on a daily basis?” she asked, wondering if she could as well. Because she didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Arlo. There’d been too many times when he’d teased her about being a spoiled little rich girl, which had bothered her more than she’d expected it to. What she wanted more than anything was to show him she could do this on her own. Live this way. Be a good doctor. Be someone he respected. Because that’s the one thing she’d never been sure she’d had from him—his respect. And now, even after all this time, she wanted it. Why? She didn’t know. But it mattered. Mattered much more than she’d have ever guessed it would.
