A Father This Christmas?
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Louisa Heaton
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10
Chapter One
‘QUICK, EVA, TAKE my pulse!’
Eva turned to her friend. What was wrong?
‘What? Are you ill?’
She placed her fingers on Sarah’s pulse point on her wrist and looked with concern at her friend as she counted beats. But Sarah wasn’t looking at her—she was focussed on something or someone behind Eva, across the minors department, towards the entrance. She was seemingly fascinated, with a sparkle in her eyes and a slow smile creeping across her face as she looked someone up and down.
‘Sex on a stick at one o’clock.’
‘What?’
Why was she being ridiculous? Eva swivelled in her seat to see who was making Sarah act like that and her eyes fell upon the one man she’d thought she’d never, ever see again.
Jacob.
Dressed all in black, in what had to be tailored clothes, considering how well they fit, with his tousled dark hair and a five-o’clock shadow, a red-tubed stethoscope draped casually around his neck, he looked stunning.
Well dressed, powerful.
Virile.
More so than four years ago, if that were possible. Time had been overly generous to Jacob, bestowing upon him masculine maturity in a well-defined body that simply oozed sex appeal.
She’d begun to believe that she’d imagined this perfect man. That her one hot night with him that Christmas Eve four years ago had been a figment of her imagination. Despite the obvious, startling reminder that it hadn’t been imaginary.
Their son.
Eva wanted the earth to swallow her up. Because then she wouldn’t have to face him. Wouldn’t have to explain to him that he was a father.
She could hardly believe that she had slept with a man she had only known for such a short time. Just because of something she’d felt when she’d looked at him. Taking him at face value—because, really, what else had she had to go on? He’d been in her arms, and they’d danced together in a slow, sultry melting of bodies... The way his hips had swayed, his groin had pressed against hers, the feel of him...
But now she was different. Stronger. She was no longer the young woman who had given her heart to a man who had only been a fantasy for just one night—a man she’d dreamed of after the fact.
Now she was more mature. A strong woman. A confident doctor. And there was no way she was going to let Jacob know how she was really feeling.
Terrified.
Still attracted...
I’m not! Just because it feels as if my heart is trying to leap from my chest...
She let go of Sarah’s wrist and deliberately turned her back on him.
There was so much he needed to know! So much she needed to tell him. She’d searched for him. Tried to let him know about Seb. But it had been impossible! Would he understand?
Her mouth felt dry, as if it was full of sawdust, and she knew if she were to talk to him her tongue would just stumble over the words. She groaned as her stomach flipped and swirled like snowflakes in a snow globe.
‘It’s probably that new doctor Clarkson mentioned earlier.’ She tried to sound as casual as she could. When Dr Clarkson, clinical lead of their A&E department, had mentioned they were getting a new doctor she’d initially been thrilled. Who didn’t need an extra pair of hands in A&E after all? Even if it was just temporary cover for Christmas.
But he hadn’t told her who was coming. Who the new doctor actually was.
Jacob Dolan.
The doctor who’d slept with her and then run off to Africa. The doctor who’d got her pregnant and then disappeared without leaving a trace!
Why did he have to look so good?
Sarah leaned forward to whisper to her, ‘Oh, my goodness, I’d really love to find him in my Christmas stocking...’ She licked her lips. ‘How on earth are we going to get any work done with him hanging around? I’m going to be spending all my time wiping drool off my chin and hoping the cleaners have enough wet-floor signs to dot around me.’
Eva grimaced a smile, but went back to her paperwork. All she had to do was write these notes. Write these notes and then maybe get the earth to open up and swallow her or something. Once he realised she was here—once he realised that she was the woman who had slept with him four years ago...
She could grab her coat and go. She could say she was sick or something.
No...that wouldn’t work. You only get a day off if you’re dying—nothing less...
Their son.
She could tell Dr Clarkson it was something to do with Seb.
This was her dream come true and her worst nightmare all rolled into one! Whilst once she had dreamed about what life might have been like for the pair of them if Jacob hadn’t disappeared, she was now faced with the fact that he was back. Here. In her department. And he would eventually need to be told about Seb.
She’d tried to tell him before.
I tried. I tried to track him down. But there was no trace! This isn’t my fault! He can’t hold me responsible for this!
She didn’t have to think about him being here. About him actually being in her A&E department. Standing mere metres away, looking even more alluring than he had before, if that were possible.
She’d hoped her imagination had got it wrong. That her memories of him were impaired. That perhaps he’d not been that stunning. That perhaps he’d have more in common with Quasimodo, or a troll, or something hopeful like that.
‘Look at him, Eva.’ Sarah glanced at her friend and frowned. ‘Eva? Why won’t you look at him? Oh, he’s coming over...’ Sarah scraped back her chair and stood up.
Eva sucked in a deep, steadying breath and felt her heart pound against her rib cage. This couldn’t be true! This couldn’t be happening! Not now. She wasn’t prepared for it. She’d dreamed about finding him and telling him about Seb for years, but now that the opportunity was upon her she was terrified.
‘Eva?’
That voice.
Chills trembled down her spine and she felt every single goosebump that prickled her skin.
She could see Sarah glance at her in surprise that somehow Eva knew this man. No doubt there would be an interrogation later, and she’d want all the details, but Eva was mindful that not only was this her workplace but she was a professional—and what business was it of anybody but her?
She dredged up what she hoped was a pleasant smile from somewhere—hoping it didn’t look like a ghastly rictus—and turned around, praying to any god that existed that she didn’t flush like a menopausal woman or look as if she was going to pass out.
Those blue eyes...
‘Jacob! Nice to see you again. It’s been a long time.’
Was her voice as strangled as it sounded to her? She hoped not. She was determined to be as professional as she could be. Professional and distanced. She was at least grateful for the fact that her voice was actually working. She’d felt so trapped and cornered suddenly she was amazed her voice hadn’t disappeared altogether, in a case of phobic aphasia.
She held out her hand for him to shake, as one colleague would to another. He raised a quizzical eyebrow and shook it, smiling that kilowatt smile.
Oh, help...
Eva kept the smile plastered on her face, not knowing what else to do. She had momentous, life-changing news for this man. But how could she tell him? Everyone knew she was a mother—it was bound to be mentioned to him at some point. All she needed was for someone to mention how old Seb was and Jacob would do a little maths, and then—
‘How have you been?’ he asked, smiling, looking her up and down. ‘You look great.’
She lifted her chin and smiled. ‘I’ve been fine. You?’
What had she expected? For him to say that his life had been awful without her? That after their one night he’d dreamed about her the way she had about him? Hah! Jacob Dolan had most likely coped absolutely fine without her!
‘I’ve been good. I can’t believe you actually work here.’
‘Well, I do.’ She struggled to think of something else to say. Something pleasant. Something...neutral. ‘This is Sarah Chambers—another A&E colleague.’
She introduced her friend and Sarah practically melted over him, shaking his hand as if she’d never let go, as if his hand was somehow magically feeding her oxygen or something.
Eva rolled her eyes at her friend’s blatant fawning, and when she could finally stand the overt flirting no longer she deliberately walked between them, so that their handshaking had to be broken off to allow her through.
‘Let me introduce you to everyone.’
Jacob dropped into step beside her. ‘Thanks. So...you’re going to be my new boss?’
She shook her head. No. Definitely not. ‘Dr Clarkson is clinical lead.’
‘How long have you been here?’
‘Since before I met you.’ She grimaced at how easily she’d referred to when they’d met. Now he would be remembering it, too.
She almost stopped walking. Couldn’t believe she’d referred to it. Her stomach became a solid lump of cold ice. Her feet felt as if they were inside concrete boots and walking was like trying to wade through molasses.
How do I tell him?
‘How was Africa?’
There. That was better. Turn the focus back onto him. It gave her time to breathe. Time to think. Time to formulate the answers she knew she’d have to provide.
‘Hot. And dry. But amazing. Life-changing.’
There was something odd in his voice then, and she voluntarily turned to look at him, trying not to be pulled by the lure of those sexy blue eyes that had got her into so much trouble in the first place.
‘It’s been life-changing here, too. But it sounds like you might have a few stories to tell?’
She could tell him a few! About what had happened after he’d left. About the decisions she’d had to make. How she’d done everything alone—as always. But she couldn’t right now. How could she? He’d only just got here. He’d only just arrived. Let the poor guy take his coat off before—
‘I certainly do. We ought to catch up some time.’
He paused briefly, then reached out to catch her arm. Electricity crackled along her skin like a lightning strike.
‘I’m glad you’re here.’
His touch burned her skin and she stared at him in shock before pulling her arm free. Unable to stand his close contact, and the effect it was having on her breathing and pulse rate, she stepped farther away, putting a trolley between them and distracting herself by fiddling with the pressed bed sheets, pillowcases and yellow blankets piled upon it.
She picked up one or two and took great interest in folding and refolding them, giving herself time to recover from his touch. To cool down. For her heart rate to slow.
Time to think of something to say.
How did you tell a man that he was a father? Completely out of the blue?
By the way, you ought to know...you’re a father.
No! She couldn’t say it like that. It wasn’t something you could come straight out with. There had to be some sort of preamble. An introduction.
Jacob? You remember that night we spent together? Look, I know we used protection, but somehow it didn’t work and...
Hmm... That didn’t seem all that marvellous, either.
Jacob...there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come straight out with it...you’re a father.
‘Let me show you around the department’ was what she came up with.
That was easier. By being professional, by not actually looking at him, she could almost forget...almost pretend he was someone else. A junior, maybe. A complete stranger.
She led him around the Minors area and then into Majors, Resus, Triage, the waiting room, stockrooms, sluice and cubicles, talking nonstop about all kinds of things—hospital policy, staff rotas, tricks to know when dealing with the computer—anything and everything but the one thing she wished she could talk to him about but was afraid to tell him.
She was talking so he didn’t have the chance to ask questions. And all the while aware of his proximity, his dark brooding outline, his expensive clothing, the feel of him near her once again.
She knew she was babbling. He was playing havoc with her senses. It was as if her body had been awoken by his presence. The way a flower reacted to the sun.
Her mind devilishly replayed a memory of his kiss. How his lips had felt upon hers. How they’d drifted ever so lightly across her skin, sending shivers of delicious delight through her body, arousing her nerve endings to touch in a way they had never been before, making her ache for more.
Eva could remember it all too well.
Every sizzling second of it.
Jacob had made her feel so alive! She’d had a long day at work that day, and when she’d made it to that party she’d felt exhausted—bereft of feeling. Yet in his arms she’d become energised, had tingled and yearned for his every touch, savouring every caress, consuming every desire and gasping her way through her ecstasy.
Feeling alive once again.
That one night had changed her entire life.
She shivered at the thought, those goosebumps rising again and her nipples hardening against her bra in expectancy. He was the only man who had ever made her feel that way. The only man she’d ever slept with since that night. The memory of him, the experience of him, had stopped her being intimate with any other. No one could measure up to his memory.
Not that there’d been anyone to challenge it, really.
Eva mumbled her way through the details of the filing system and how to operate the computer patient files, work through any glitches on the system, then asked him if he’d like to take on his first patient.
He cocked his head as he looked at her, trying to get her to make eye contact. ‘You okay? I mean, I hope our having to work together isn’t going to be uncomfortable?’
No, I’m not okay. You’re back! You’re back, and I had no warning. No time to prepare. And I have something momentous to tell you. And it will change your life. And I’m so aware of that and—
‘I’m fine. It’s...just been a difficult morning.’
He nodded in understanding. ‘Anything I can help with?’
‘No.’
He raised his eyebrow in such a perfect arch it was all she could do not to race into his arms there and then.
‘Are you sure?’
How are you with kids? Do you even like children? Because I have some news for you...
Eva sighed and shook her head.
No, she wasn’t sure.
She wasn’t sure at all.
How to tell him that he was father to a beautiful, bright, funny, gorgeous three-year-old boy, who obsessed over lions and tigers and looked exactly like him?
She swallowed a lump in her throat as fear overturned her stomach. Nausea unsettled her. A close sweat beaded her brow as guilt and shame overflowed from the box where she normally kept all those feelings tightly locked away.
What was she to do?
* * *
Eva slammed a patient file down hard on the doctors’ desk, the slap of cardboard on table echoing around the department, then sank heavily into a chair. Her fingertips punched into the keyboard as she began to write up some notes. She had no time. They were already running behind. Patients were filling up the waiting area and two were about to breach the four-hour limit.
Patients who had turned up because there were no district nurses to unblock catheters. Patients who were filling the corridors because there were no beds to put them in. Patients who were turning up just because they didn’t want to be alone at home and they needed someone to talk to just a couple of weeks before Christmas.
The need to immerse herself in work and forget about the new doctor was overwhelming.
If she absorbed herself in work it wouldn’t give her any time to think about him.
The guy who’d turned her neat little world around in just one night.
Even now she told herself she still didn’t know what had happened that night. How had he managed to put her under his spell? She knew it had been a difficult and long day at work. She’d almost not gone to that stupid party. But it had been Christmas Eve, and she’d put herself down to work on Christmas Day, and the need to celebrate the season, despite not having any family of her own, had made her go. Just to have a drink or two with friends. Chill out for a moment.
And she’d done that. Had actually been enjoying herself for a brief time when she’d noticed him across the room.
Those eyes. Those piercing blue eyes. But she had noticed something in his gaze. A loss—a grief so deep it had called to her.
She’d recognised emotional pain. And, having been in a similar place herself, she’d hoped she could soothe him. No one had ever helped her. But maybe she could help him? Just for a moment, if nothing else.
Then, when he’d noticed her, something had happened. Something weird and dreamlike. As if the rest of the world had melted away and it had been just the two of them, standing in front of each other. Close. Almost touching. He’d said his name and then she’d been in his arms. Dancing with him. Swaying with him. Their bodies mirroring the other, blending together, matching the other.
Melting into one.
There’d been something magical that night.
And it seemed he was still magical now!
How involved would he want to be with his child? He might not even care! He might not want anything to do with them! Perhaps he’d be the type of guy who only paid child support. She wouldn’t hate him for that. She’d be disappointed, but in fact she quite liked the idea that she wouldn’t have to share Seb. She enjoyed it being just the two of them. It had always just been the two of them. She’d never had to share him.
Jacob could be in a relationship already with someone else. A man who looked the way he did? Of course he would be! A man like him wouldn’t be single. If she’d ever entertained any grand idea that they would somehow end up together...
Her hand holding the pen trembled. She put it down for a moment and just sat for a second or two to pause and gather herself, to take in a deep breath and steady her jangled nerves. She could feel her heart slowing, could breathe more easily. Could act the professional doctor she believed herself to be.
Picking up her patient notes, she strode off to Minors.
* * *
Leo Rosetti had been brought in by his wife, Sonja. His knee hurt, and despite his taking painkillers at home nothing would touch it.
Eva entered the cubicle smiling, and closed the curtain behind her. ‘Good morning, Mr Rosetti. I’m Eva, one of the doctors here in A&E. Can you tell me what’s happened this morning to bring you in?’
There. That was better, she thought. Focus on the patients. Not on the fact that a certain someone had re-entered her life and turned it upside down and inside out.
‘Well, Doctor, I’ve got this terrible pain here.’ He leaned forward on the bed and rubbed at his left knee through his trousers. ‘It’s awful, I tell you. Really hurts.’
‘And how long has it been like this?’
‘Since the beginning of December now, and I really don’t feel well in myself, either. It’s not good for a person to live with pain day after day.’
No. It wasn’t. Especially the emotional kind.
‘He’s diabetic, Doctor,’ the wife interjected. ‘And he’s got osteoarthritis in both his knees. Had it for years. But he says this is different.’
Eva asked if he could roll up his trouser leg and she examined the grossly swollen knee. ‘Are you on any meds, Mr Rosetti?’
‘Leo, Doctor, please. I’m on metformin for the diabetes.’
She gave him a general check and then carried out a primary survey, asking questions about his general state of health, taking his BP and arranging for a full blood count and an X-ray, even though Leo said he hadn’t knocked or damaged the knee as far as he knew.
‘Will he be all right, Doctor? We’re going away this weekend.’
‘Oh, yes? Anywhere nice?’
‘Africa—well, Kenya specifically. We’re going on safari. Thought we’d do something different for Christmas, now that the kids have flown the nest.’
Africa. What was it with Africa?
She coloured as she thought of Jacob and what it had been like to see him again. That intense look in his eyes. Still with the power to make her go all weak at the knees as it once had.
Feeling guilty at having let her mind wander whilst she was with a patient, she smiled quickly. ‘I’ll be back in a moment to do the bloods.’
She pulled the curtain across and exhaled quietly and slowly, closing her eyes as she tried to gather her thoughts, her hand still clutching the curtain.
Seriously—what was going on here? Why was she allowing herself to get so worked up?
So Jacob was here? Big deal! He was just a guy. Just a...
I need to pull myself together!
This was not like her! She was normally an organised person. Efficient. She didn’t get distracted at work! There was too much at stake to let personal feelings get in the way whilst she was there.
A distracted doctor was a dangerous doctor.
She hurried back to her seat to write up her notes, managing a weak smile as Sarah settled next to her.
‘You okay?’
‘Sure!’ She tried to answer cheerily. ‘Just...you know...busy.’
‘Really? You seem a bit flushed about that new guy. Anything I can do?’
‘Short of growing another pair of arms? Seriously, I could really do without having to babysit a new doctor—’
‘So how do you know him?’
Her cheeks burned hot. ‘I don’t—not really. We only met once before.’
‘Come on! He knew your name! You know him. How come?’
Eva stared hard at her friend, afraid to give the answer. Afraid to voice the thing that mattered the most to her in the whole world.
Because he’s Seb’s father.
She muttered something unintelligible and hurried away.
* * *
Her patient, Leo, had his bloods done and sent off, and also an X-ray that showed osteoarthritic changes and some mild widening in the joint space of his knee. The blood cultures wouldn’t be available for three days, but his Hb levels were normal.
As the knee itself was hot and swollen, she felt it was wise to do a fine needle aspiration to draw off some of the fluid for testing. As she did so she noted that the fluid was quite cloudy, and she marked the tests to check for white blood cell count with differential, gram stain and culture.
She suspected a septic arthritis, and knew the joint would probably have to be drained until dry, as often as was necessary.
‘It shouldn’t affect your holiday as it’s important you keep moving, Leo.’
Mr Rosetti and his wife smiled at each other, and she was about to leave them alone and send the aspirated fluid to Pathology, when Jacob pulled open the curtain and asked if he could have a quick word.
Excusing herself from her patient, she stepped outside of the cubicle with him, feeling her heart race once again. What did he want? Had he found out about Seb?
Her brain quickly tried to formulate an answer about that. ‘Look, I meant to—’
‘There’s been a road accident. We’ve been phoned to let us know that a number of child casualties are coming our way.’
Children? Eva’s heart sank. She could only hope that the children about to come into the department would have simple minor injuries.
They began a hurried walk to Resus. Eva’s mind was focused firmly on the news. ‘Any idea of the number of casualties?’
‘Not at this stage. But it was a school minibus carrying a number of children across town. The police suspect they hit some black ice.’
Her heart thumped hard. She knew Seb’s school had been attending a Christmas church service today.
‘What age range?’
‘We don’t have any more details yet.’
It couldn’t be Seb’s school, Eva thought. Someone would have phoned her already.
‘Has anyone let Paeds know?’
He nodded. ‘I did. They’re sending a team down as soon as they’ve got people to spare.’
‘There’s no one free now?’
What was she doing? She shouldn’t raise her voice at him. It wasn’t his fault, was it?
They burst through into Resus.
‘What’s the ETA?’
A nurse put down the phone. ‘Seven minutes.’
‘Let’s get organised. Check equipment trolleys, monitors, sterile packs, gauze—everything and anything. We’ve an unknown number of paediatric casualties coming in and I want this to run smoothly. Let’s prepare for crush injuries, possible fractures, whiplash and maybe burns. Have we ordered blood?’
Sarah and another doctor, Brandon, arrived in Resus.
‘We’re on it.’
She nodded at both of them. ‘I’ll lead team one—Sarah, you can be team two... Brandon three.’
‘Where do you want me?’ asked Jacob.
Ideally as far away from me as possible.
‘Work with Brandon.’
‘Okay.’
He wrapped a plastic apron around himself and grabbed for gloves before glancing at the clock, walking away to join Brandon.
She watched him go, knowing that at some point she was going to have to tell him the truth.
Just not now.
Six minutes to go.
Eva pulled on her own apron and donned gloves, her heart pounding, her pulse thrumming like a well-oiled racing car.
Five minutes.
All eyes were on the clock.
Watching it tick down.
