Big & Beautiful 2: Lush & Lovely

I wanted to believe in love, I really did. After so many examples of love in my life you would think it would have been easy for me to believe in love. My parents’ marriage was still going strong after thirty-two years, my older sister was happily married, even my best friend found love.

But I was still skeptical.

I thought I was in love once, but I learned after that how one-sided love could be. Love isn’t equal or fair. Love isn’t a partnership. Love is manipulation and deceit. Love is putting yourself ahead of someone else.

Love is not the story they tell you about in the movies.

Movies let you believe love could be happy, fair even. They show people going out of their way to help and care for the person they say they love. But I knew the truth.

Love always showed its true colors. Love always told you one thing and did another. Love hurt you when you dropped your guard.

Love was never unconditional.

But friendship I could handle. Friendship was easy. I could love my friends because we never demanded anything from each other. Friendship was different than love, in all the good ways.

I reminded myself of that when I walked into work early one Saturday morning. I’d known Aidan Matthews for years, working together at the Winterville Regional Airport for the Transportation Security Administration, or TSA. Aidan was exactly the sort of man that a woman would drool over. He had dark brown hair that always seemed just a little too long, soft brown eyes that held his secrets, broad shoulders, biceps the size of my head, a chest you could feast on for days, abs to dream about, and hands that could make a woman scream.

At least that’s what I’ve read.

The screaming part, not about his hands.

Sex went by the wayside with love for me, both disappearing from my life long ago. Aidan almost made me want to try it again, but I couldn’t ruin our friendship. We had a comfortable, fun friendship. The kind where it was funny when he asked me out every week. For the last few months. Every single week. Truthfully, he was wearing me down, but I knew he wasn’t serious. If you could see Aidan you would understand. He was a man every woman wanted and I was the woman no woman wanted to be.

At size 20, I was hardly what any man would consider a catch. I was the one they would throw back. The one they’d look at and wonder why I never took care of myself, not what he could do to take care of me.

Of course I wouldn’t let him if he tried. Any man, not just Aidan. I took care of myself.

Once upon a time I was something to look at, thin and perky. I was a cheerleader in high school. The kind every girl hated with a big smile, a nice rack, and that perfect ponytail that only cheerleaders seem to be able to create. I attracted lots of attention from men, and my high school classmates. I got boyfriends easily and was stupid enough to fall in love with one of them.

I learned my lesson from him. All the lessons that made me who I was, I learned from him.

I also learned that fat girls don’t get raped. It was enough of a reason for me to pack on the pounds.

Which brought me back to Aidan. If we weren’t friends, I would assume he just thought I’d be an easy lay and that was why he kept asking me out. But as we got closer, I realized he was a good guy, on top of being hotter than hell. He could get any woman, but he appeared to be chasing me. I figured he just thought he’d boost my ego a little.

At least he was fun to talk to.

I walked into the meeting room at the start of our shift. Aidan and I worked the same schedule, which always kept things interesting. You would think working at an airport would be exciting, but really it was a pain in the ass. Most of the travelers acted like they were VIPs even though they were no different than anyone else out there. In a small airport like Winterville, we only had one security checkpoint so everyone had to wait in line together. Most of the time it wasn’t too bad, but every so often you’d get one of those passengers who thought the line should part for them. It could get exciting.

Aidan handed me a cup of coffee, one cream and two sugars, just like I liked it, when I reached him. When I thanked him, he said, “I’m just hoping to win you over. I’m starting to wonder if you’re one of those women who only likes a man she has to chase.”

I grinned over the edge of my cup at him. “I’m one of those women who doesn’t like men.”

“Ooh, really? Let me enjoy that idea for a minute. Can I get video of that?” he teased, misinterpreting my statement on purpose.

I slapped his arm, not missing out on the chance to appreciate the firm muscle beneath his shirt. “You know that’s not what I meant. I just meant I’ve given up dating. Men are too much trouble and love isn’t reality.”

I saw a flash of something across his eyes, like pain or anger. He covered it quickly and turned the charm back on as he leaned into me. “You just haven’t met the right man. Losers aren’t worth it, but a real man, one who knows how to treat you, like me… You’ll be begging me to never leave you if you ever give me a chance.”

I threw my head back and laughed with him, loving the light in his rich brown eyes. “Does that line ever work?”

He laughed harder and winked at me. “You tell me. Is it making you reconsider going out with me?”

I rolled my eyes at him, laughing at the teasing sparkle in his eyes. “If I thought you were actually serious I would think about it, but I know I’m just a distraction at work. When you leave here I have no doubt a line of women follow you around begging for you to never leave them.”

Aidan’s eyes narrowed at me, a challenge in them. He leaned closer and opened his mouth to say something but our boss, Miriam, walked in before he could respond.

“Okay, everyone. Today should be a pretty ordinary day. Yesterday was a good day around here and last night went well so we should be up for a quiet day. The only new thing we have is a Do Not Fly order for one man. His name is Robert Stewart. Here’s his picture. I’ve added it to the list and posted the new updates at your stations. Let’s get started out there.”

I drained the last of my coffee and filed out of the meeting room with the others. Aidan reached for my elbow as we walked out the door.

“What are you doing after work today?”

The corner of my mouth turned up as I thought about my plans. It’d only been a few weeks since I’d met Charlie, the owner of my new favorite bakery, Bite Me!, but I already loved her. She was funny and sweet and her cupcakes were good enough to replace any man. That afternoon was her grand opening party.

“I’m meeting some friends at a grand opening for Bite Me!, the new bakery in town. Why?”

Aidan smiled, a quiet knowing smile. It made me nervous. All of a sudden I was sweating. I didn’t know what he was smiling about but it was a smile that told me he thought he had me. The tables were turning and I’d handed him the key.

“Can I join you? I’d love to meet your friends and see you with your hair down.”

I let out the breath I was holding. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. He wasn’t demanding anything, or manipulating me. He was simply asking to join me at a public event. One where my friends would be. One that would mean letting him into my world. One that would give me the chance to drool over him just a little bit more.

“Sure, why not. The party is most of the afternoon so I’m heading over there after my shift. It’s on Lake Effect Lane in that strip mall.”

Aidan nodded and released my elbow. “I know where that is. I’m looking forward to spending the afternoon with you. And just so you know,” he said as he leaned closer. His breath tickled my ear and sent my brain spinning in odd directions, “I’m always serious about asking you out. Now that I know you never considered it, I’ll make sure my intentions are more clear in the future.”

My pulse kicked up as Aidan’s possessive tone flooded my veins. Instead of being scared, like I thought I’d be, I was inexplicably excited. I almost wanted to push him to see exactly what he was going to do to change my mind.

Aidan stepped back so quickly I nearly fell over. I didn’t realize I was leaning against him, my fingers drifting along his shirt, until he moved away from me. A sly smile crossed his perfect lips, and he turned to walk beside me to our station.

Lucky for me, Aidan and I were positioned behind the x-ray machine together. Usually I would watch the machine, and he would inspect bags more closely when we worked that station. It worked well for me because I could hide. Being out of sight of the passengers and crew that passed through the airport meant I was unlikely to receive snide remarks or hear comments about my weight.

You’d think people who were traveling had better things to do than make fun of me, right? Well, unfortunately when they got pissed, they lashed out at whoever was around. Since no one would dream of lashing out at Aidan, I got the brunt of their rudeness, especially if I had to inspect their bags.

Aidan knew I liked to hide, even though he really didn’t understand why. It was just another one of those things that meant he was a good friend. He did things to help make me comfortable without needing to know why he was doing them.

How could I even consider losing that?

My traitorous body would have to close back up and return to the celibate life it’d been living. Losing a friend like Aidan wasn’t worth a few hours of what wouldn’t be fun anyway. I’d rather sit and talk to him for a few hours than have him sweating above me and having to fake what I’m sure would be another horrid excuse for sex. It wasn’t even worth the time.

I knew something was missing from my life, but I was pretty certain I wouldn’t find it under Aidan. I didn’t know where I’d find it, but sex had never been an answer for me and there was no way it would be now.

I pushed away thoughts of Aidan and the emptiness in my life as the airline employees approached the security checkpoint. There were three gates inside the terminal and each gate worked a different airline, so we had to check through their employees. We’d gotten to know each of them a little over the years even though we only saw each other in passing.

But that was more than enough for some of them.

Zoey Sanders was one of those. A few seconds to scan her designer purse was always more than enough time to remind myself how much of a bitch she was. It didn’t help that she was perfect with her long glossy brown hair and perfect amber highlights. Her brown eyes were made up in that smoky look that would have suited a night club better than an airport but somehow she pulled it off. Her charcoal pencil skirt and fitted white blouse showed off her super skinny figure, with a few too many buttons opened in case anyone wasn’t sure how perfect her breasts were.

“Hi Aidan,” she cooed.

“Hey Zoey. How are you this morning?” Aidan asked with a smile. I hated when he smiled at her. The bitch had more than enough confidence and then he had to smile at her like she made the sun rise. It made me nuts.

Which bugged the shit out of me.

“I’m much better now that I know you’re here to keep us safe. What are you doing after work today?” Her eyes drifted over him, not hiding that she was checking him out. Her intentions were pretty fucking obvious. And even though I had no right to him, I hated that I couldn’t do a damn thing except stand there and listen to him make plans to screw her later instead of going out with me.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Sorry, Zoey, I’ve already got plans.”

I’m not sure who was more surprised, her or me. Aidan kept moving, sliding her bag to the end of the belt and then dragging over the purse of the woman behind her.

“What about next weekend?” Zoey tried again.

“I’m not sure. Probably not though. I’ve got a lot going on Zoey.”

She reached for her purse but leaned toward him, giving him a view down the front of her shirt as she arched her back. He didn’t glance away from her eyes and I felt my inner slut give a little cheer that he’d not only turned her down but he hadn’t mind-fucked her boobs.

“You know where to find me. Any time Aidan,” she purred before she turned and sauntered off. I rolled my eyes but didn’t look at Aidan. Zoey was definitely one of those women who made sex seem like it would be fun. She must be better at faking it than I was. Who cared? I had no reason to be jealous of Zoey, we were in completely different leagues so it’s not like I was actually competing with her. But it felt good that Aidan hadn’t broken his plans with me so he could go out with her, and that he was going to spend the day talking with me instead of pawing at Zoey.

“So what do you think that No Fly passenger did?” Aidan asked. “Last one had skipped out on child support for ten years and they were trying to get him into prison. What do you think about this one?”

I smiled, welcoming back the conversation between Aidan and me. It was a running joke between us, to come up with stories for all the No Fly passengers. It made the day pass a little quicker when we found things funny about our job.

“I’m thinking he’s a trust fund brat who ran out when his dad told him he couldn’t join the circus.”

Aidan laughed with me, his hands brushing mine as he reached to pause the screen, looking more closely at the bag under the x-ray. He sent the bag rolling again and looked down at me. “I was thinking his ex found out he traded in her diamond ring for a cubic zirconia and pawned the diamonds.”

“Ooh, that would piss me off. Well, if I liked diamonds.”

“What woman doesn’t like diamonds?” Aidan asked, amused.

“Well, me. I guess I figure no one else should tell me what jewelry I should wear. Diamonds are pretty, but it feels like everyone has a diamond, at least everyone who’s married or engaged. I’d rather have something unusual, like tanzanite.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful. And it’s different. I’m also a fan of amethyst, sapphires, and peridot which is my birthstone. They’re gorgeous, but different than a plain old diamond. Then again, it doesn’t really matter. No man is ever going to buy me jewelry.”

“I would,” Aidan said softly, his lips close enough that I could feel his breath on my neck.

I threw my head back and laughed. “You’re hilarious. That’s right up there with asking me out all the time. You must think I have really low self-esteem to keep acting like you like me.”

Aidan’s eyes met mine and my breath got stuck in my throat, but before he could say anything our morning rush set in, giving me the perfect escape from his heated eyes. And the raw lust I saw in them.