I Didn't Belong to You 1

JAMIE

A couple of hours before I turned eighteen, Sarah, my best friend, and I decided to go for a movie. When that movie was over, we went for a walk down the street.

It was a friendly neighborhood, so we knew we had nothing to worry about.

I had already celebrated my birthday with my parents the day before. Tonight it was just me and Sarah. Even her boyfriend, Daniel, wasn’t with us.

I wanted to spend one last evening with her before I went away to study to become a vet nurse.

“I can’t believe that in a couple of days we won’t see each other as much as we do now,” Sarah said as we walked.

“We can always facetime every day,” I suggested.

She stopped walking and sighed. “I know, but it won’t be the same thing.”

I saw tears well up in her eyes, ready to fall.

“No, we won’t do this tonight!” I said. “If you cry, I’ll cry. Okay?”

Sarah wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder. “Daniel and I went all the way last night after we left your house.”

“You did what?!” I shouted louder than necessary.

Sarah pulled away from me and clamped her hand over my mouth.

“Shh! Not so loud!” she said, looking around to see if anyone had heard me shout.

I grabbed her wrist and removed her hand from my mouth. “How was it?” I made sure to whisper this time.

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. “Okay, I guess.”

I raised my eyebrows, tilting my head slightly to the side.

“What? It was both our first time. It’s not like I have something to compare it with!” she defended herself when she saw my reaction.

Okay, now I have to know.

I took her arm and dragged her to sit on a nearby bench.

“Did it hurt?” I asked, sitting beside her.

She started to rub her hands together. “At first, but then it felt good when the pain disappeared.”

Good for her. At least one of us was lucky enough to do it with a person we loved.

It was not that I wasn’t ready to go all the way—just the idea that I might get to have this experience with Finn woke something up in me.

Ugh, why did I even think like this? We weren’t even together. Wait, was I jealous of Sarah? Hope not.

“Why the sad face?” Sarah asked, rubbing her hand up and down my back to soothe me.

“I always thought my first time would be with Finn. I know this will never happen, but I just can’t get it out of my head. Believe me, I’ve tried.

“That’s why I let my first kiss be with Douglass.” I sighed as I revealed this to her.

“I can’t believe your first kiss was with that douchebag,” she said, pulling her hand away.

I heard the disgust in her voice, but I didn’t blame her. I felt the same way.

Sarah started tapping her feet on the ground, appearing deep in thought. “Wait, wait, wait! Isn’t Finn in town? We saw him yesterday. Why won’t you go to him and tell him how you truly feel?”

“What? Are you crazy? He’s my brother’s best friend! Besides, I don’t think he ever saw me like that!” I felt my heart stop just at the mere thought of her suggestion.

“Why not? You’re so beautiful! I’m sure Finn saw that too. He still calls you ‘Jem’ every time he sees you.”

I looked at her with a shocked expression on my face. I couldn’t believe what she was suggesting to me.

“You can’t be serious? You want me to go over there, knock on his door, and say, ‘Hey, now that I’m no longer a minor, wanna do it?’” I said sarcastically.

“If you do it like that, you’re going to scare him away for sure.”

I stood up from the bench and started to walk back and forth in front of Sarah. “I can’t believe you’d even consider me doing this!” I said, still pacing.

“Why not? This is maybe the only chance you’ll ever get. You’re leaving for two years to become a vet nurse. You don’t know when you’ll see him again. If he says no, well, you’ll have reason enough to finally forget him.”

Sighing, I sat back down next to Sarah, tilting my head back to gaze at the stars.

“It’s not that simple,” I said after a moment, rubbing my face.

“Yes, it is. We only live once. Do you want to look back and regret not having seized this opportunity that presents itself to you?”

I closed my eyes to think this through.

***

I stood outside the door of Finn’s hotel room, praying that he didn’t have a girl in there with him. I still couldn’t believe that Sarah had persuaded me to do this.

Why couldn’t life be simple sometimes?

I knew he was here because I had heard him telling my brother yesterday.

Okay, here goes nothing! I thought, giving myself the push I needed for doing this.

With a trembling hand, I managed to knock on the door. My heart was pounding harder and harder in my chest, and the longer I waited for him to open the door, the more anxious I got.

“Jem? What are you doing here at this hour?” Finn asked as soon as he opened the door. He looked surprised to see me here.

“I came here to speak to you. Um, can I come in, please?” I tried to sound as normal as possible so he wouldn’t see how anxious I was.

“Of course, come in, darling. Is everything okay?” he asked as I entered the room.

“Everything is fine,” I replied.

Now that I was here, standing in front of him, I couldn’t help but wonder why the hell I had come. Damn it! I hadn’t thought this through.

Let your heart speak for itself, a little voice said in my head.

Before I could change my mind, I went up to him and grabbed his face. Then I stood on tiptoe and kissed him right on the lips.

To my surprise, I felt him respond, his lips moving against mine.

My pounding heart stopped beating altogether. I couldn’t believe he was kissing me!

And then, just as fast as our kiss had started, it came to an end. Finn grabbed both of my shoulders and pushed me slightly away from him.

“What the fuck, Jamie?” he cried.

Great, now he was angry.

“I wanted you to know how I felt about you, that’s all.” I kept my eyes trained on the floor.

“You’re a minor. Where do you think that would have led?” he asked, scolding me as if I was ten years old or something.

“Well, technically I’m eighteen now,” I tried to defend myself, my eyes still downcast.

When I felt ready, I looked up at him. He seemed to be pondering what I had just told him.

Wait, was he considering this?

He sighed. “You need to get your head out of the clouds, Jem—”

“Stop calling me that!” I snapped before he could even finish that sentence.

I don’t know why I did that. All I knew was that I felt so ashamed of myself. Now I could finally go on with my life and forget about him.

Before either of us could say another word, I turned around and walked toward the door…