Desperate

VERONICA

“As the smoke clears, I awaken,”

And untangle you from me,”

Would it make you feel better?”

To watch while I bleed?”

– Demi Lovato

***

Hailey didn’t notice me as she joined the lunch line with Oliver and Jax.

“I can’t believe she’s here,” I mumbled, my excitement about this new job quickly fading.

“That… sucks,” Erin said, giving me a sympathetic look. Lucy and Jo looked sorry for me too.

Great. Now I was the new girl with an old enemy here to ruin everything. Again.

But she wouldn’t get to me if I stayed out of her way.

“What department is she in?” I asked.

“She’s an intern in marketing,” Lucy answered.

I let out a sigh of relief. So, she wasn’t in my department. Good.

“Then everything’s fine,” I said, forcing myself to keep eating.

My wrist tingled, a reminder of what she’d once done to me, and I swear I could feel the thin scar beneath my eye.

My nightmare was here, and she was flirting with both my stepbrother and his best friend. I wish I could just get rid of her.

But I couldn’t, because I’d end up in jail, and jail is no fun. I didn’t want to go to jail. I just wanted her gone.

“I’m done,” I told my new friends and stood up. “I’ll see you later.”

“Sure,” they all murmured, exchanging sympathetic looks. I didn’t want their sympathy. But I guess there was nothing I could do about it.

I tossed my barely touched food in the trash, stormed out of the cafeteria, and headed back to my new office. Once there, I focused on the text I needed to translate.

Slowly, the floor filled with workers and eventually Jo came to the office next door. She looked at me with open sympathy, but I ignored her.

I was trying to focus on something so I wouldn’t do anything stupid.

A few hours passed and I finished two full texts and even managed to edit them for spelling errors.

I printed them and walked to Jax’s office, knocking softly.

“Come in,” he said. When I entered, he looked up from his work and asked, “Is there anything wrong, Miss Tanner?”

I walked over to the desk and put the papers down.

“Two texts,” I said flatly. “Can I go home now, Mr. Cole?”

He stood up and studied my face. Whatever he saw there made him frown. “Is everything alright?”

“Peachy,” I murmured, staring at the floor. “Can I please be excused for the day?”

Suddenly his hands were on my shoulders. I flinched at the touch and looked up at him. I realized then that I was hugging myself. Oh God.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his face serious and his eyes intense.

“N-Nothing,” I stammered, unable to look away from his.

“You sure about that?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Yes,” I said, steadier, and managed to look away. “Now, can you please answer my question, sir?”

“You don’t have to call me sir,” he snapped, his hands tightening on my shoulders. “Now I demand you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing!” I blurted out, giving him a desperate look. “I just really need to go home, that’s it!”

“Why?” he didn’t back down. I didn’t really expect him to, but it still annoyed me.

“You forgot your own rule already,” I said, my voice mocking, “I am not Veronica and you’re not Jax right now. You’re my boss, I’m your worker, and I don’t want to tell you what’s wrong with me because it’s private!”

“Fine then,” he said, releasing my shoulders. “You’re dismissed.”

“Thank you,” I spat, then turned to leave.

Just as my hand reached for the doorknob, Jax moved behind me, his hands on the door on either side of me, trapping me between his body and the door. I sucked in a sharp breath.

“Veronica,” he said lowly, his voice rough, his breath hot against my ear. “Please tell me what’s going on with you. I’m not your boss right now, and you’re not my worker since you’ve been dismissed.”

Oh, so that’s how he was playing it. When it suited him, his rules applied, but when he wanted to know something a boss shouldn’t know, he played a different card.

Fuck, he got me again. How could I be so naïve and stupid to think he’d given up on messing with me so easily? I should’ve considered the possibility he might bend his own rules, the jerk.

Usually, I loved games and challenges, but right now I couldn’t handle it.

Seeing Hailey had reopened an old wound, and I was feeling more vulnerable than I’d felt in the past two years.

“It’s none of your concern,” I told him, keeping my voice steady.

Suddenly, one of his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against him. Instinctively, I braced my hands on the door, and I realized it made me more vulnerable to him.

“I’m asking you nicely,” he whispered in my ear as his arm tightened around me, “I need to know what made you so unhappy so I can eliminate it.”

Eliminating Hailey is my job, not yours. I turned my head to look at him and found myself inches away from his lips. Ignoring the sudden tightening in my stomach, I said, “Why?”

He moved in closer, his body pressing against my back. “Why what?”

“Why do you care if I’m happy or not?”

My question seemed to surprise him. His eyes widened for a split second before he quickly masked his emotions. “Because.”

I frowned. “That’s not good enough.”

“Why?” he countered, raising an eyebrow. “Why do you care what I care about?”

Was he serious?

“Because you don’t need to care about me!” I couldn’t keep my cool any longer.

“And why’s that?”

“Because you’re not my damn boyfriend!” I shot back, my glare bouncing off him like a rubber ball.

His expression was unreadable. “Do you want me to be?”

What was his problem?

Taken aback, I retorted, “Of course not!”

Apparently, that was the wrong answer.

Suddenly, I was pinned against the door. I gasped as his body molded to mine.

His arms encircled my waist, his thigh wedged between my legs, pressing against my center. My body responded to his touch, and I gasped again as his mouth brushed my earlobe.

“Is the thought of being with me that awful?” His voice was deadly serious, making me swallow hard.

Flustered, I blurted out, “The thought of being with anyone is awful.”

“Commitment issues, huh,” he said, and then, to my utter shock, he licked my earlobe. Actually licked it.

Gasping and shuddering, I hissed, “Stop it.”

“Why?” he asked smoothly, “You seem to enjoy it.”

The problem was that I was enjoying it. But I wasn’t going to sleep with him again.

I wasn’t going to sleep with anyone I’d already been with, especially not now, when he was practically my boss.

“Please,” I whispered as he pressed his lips against my neck. “Stop.”

He bit my neck gently. I inhaled sharply and managed to say, “Jax, I mean it.”

“I’m sure you do,” he murmured. Then he spun me around, pressed me against the door, gripped the back of my neck, and kissed me.

I gasped, and he used the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth.

Electricity coursed through me at the touch of his lips, of his tongue, and I couldn’t suppress the tremors of desire.

His arms were around my waist, his body pinning me to the door. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers tangling in his messy hair as he deepened the kiss.

One of his hands grabbed my butt, squeezing and even slapping it a little. I didn’t mind. In fact, my body liked it. His hand moved from my butt to my center, cupping me through my pants.

I felt the heat of his hand through the fabric, and I moaned into his mouth. His touch sent sparks flying, and my body tingled in a way no man had ever made me feel before.

The chemistry between us was undeniable. I’d only ever felt this way once before. That night when I was drunk, when he took my virginity.

I’d thought it was the alcohol playing tricks on me. But now, sober and fully aware of what he was doing to me, I realized that the attraction was real.

The chemistry did exist.

And that realization, along with the reminder that I was sober, was what brought me back to reality.

I opened my eyes, which I didn’t remember closing, and pulled my mouth away from his.

“Stop,” I said, more firmly this time.

He did, but he was still pressing me against the door, his eyes filled with desire. He looked like he was ready to devour me. And my body was ready to be devoured.

But I couldn’t let that happen.

“Why?” he asked, not angry, but curious. As if I was some strange creature, or an interesting toy to play with.

Screw him.

Lifting my chin defiantly, I said, “Because I don’t do the same man twice.”

His expression darkened at my words. “I’m not just some man.”

True, but it didn’t matter.

“I also don’t do any man sober,” I told him, giving him a stern look, “and besides, it’s inappropriate. You’re my boss, whether you like it or not, and I’m your employee.”

“I heard people talking about how you didn’t date or sleep with any of the company’s employees, and I’m not going to be the exception.”

Although, for some strange reason, the idea of being the only one in the company he truly wanted made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Damn it.

He tilted his head, a strange glint in his dark blue eyes. “Why not?”

“Because!” I shot back, echoing his earlier response.

Now he smirked. To my surprise, and slight disappointment, he let me go and stepped back.

“Fair enough,” he conceded, giving me an amused look.

My cheeks flushed, and this time it wasn’t from lust. “What?”

He shook his head. “I’m just thinking we’re going to have a great time together.”

“I doubt that,” I said, crossing my arms. “Can I go now?”

Still smirking, he turned his back to me. “Have a safe trip home.”

“Thank you,” I snapped, finally opening the door and stepping outside, feeling flustered all over again thanks to him.

But all thoughts of Jax Cole vanished as I got into my beat-up car and drove home.

Instead, I was reminded of Hailey’s devilish face back in the cafeteria. I was working under the same roof as this monster.

I was grateful she worked in a different department. As long as I didn’t have to see her, I was okay. I didn’t even want to share the same air with her.

So, the plan was to stay out of her sight. That should be easy, right?

Right.

***

What I needed to distract myself from Hailey and Jax was to get absolutely plastered. That’s exactly what I did that night, with Laura, since she was the only one around.

“I love you!” she yelled at me as we danced at Miasma. She was swaying tipsily, her slim figure attracting the attention of lustful men.

I laughed. “Love you too!”

“You’re my one and only, Veronica Tanner!” she declared, draping her arm around my shoulder, causing us to stumble and giggle.

“You too, for me, Laura Goldstein!” I shouted back joyfully and then we started kissing each other, still giggling. We were that drunk.

Two guys approached us, probably turned on by our make out session, and luckily the cuter one was hitting on me.

I played along, letting him grind against me, and soon we were kissing as well, and he was guiding me toward one of the private rooms at the back of the club.

Once inside, clothes were shed and before long, he was thrusting inside of me.

Even through my drunken fog, I could see Jax’s face in my mind. The memory of his kiss from earlier that day made me moan loudly.

The guy currently fucking me, proud, thought he was doing something right and started groping my breasts and touching me all over.

But it wasn’t him who made me climax at least three times. It was the memory of Jax’s touch, Jax’s lips, Jax’s eyes, Jax’s everything.

Jax.

Jax.

Jax.

I couldn’t shake this jerk from my thoughts. And when the guy came, I whimpered, imagining it was Jax instead.

An hour later, I was back in the same private room with another guy. I’d never been with two men in one night, but tonight was different.

I needed to remember who I was, what I wanted to be, and that was a free, single woman in her prime who wanted to have wild sex with strangers and say fuck you to anyone who judged.

I wanted to be the carefree woman I’d been for the past three months.

I wanted Jax out of my head.

And so that night, I didn’t stop at two. I went for four.

And when I got home, I went to bed, feeling like the dirty little slut I was.

“No one is ever going to love you! You’re scum! You’re nothing! I’m going to kill you so the world won’t have to see more fat girls like you!”

Hailey Pritchard’s words were the lullaby that lulled me to sleep as I cried.