First Chance Book 5

Jason

I don’t come from a tragic past. I’ve always been emotionally stable. No trust issues, no tough exterior because of past hurts.

Unlike the other guys, they’ve all been messed up, both mentally and emotionally.

If I had to navigate through the same crap they’ve had to, I would have crumbled, because honestly, I’m just not that strong.

These guys are my brothers and I respect them like no other. When I see them overcoming every hurdle, emerging stronger and better, it makes me envious.

Envious that I haven’t had to deal with the same crap, angry that my parents let me sail through life so easily. I lack that experience.

I’ve never had to defend myself. I’ve never had to want something desperately. I’ve never been hungry for anything but success.

I want to have to fight for something, to go to war for a need or want. Just to prove to myself that I can come out the other side a better man.

I want to fight, just not with Raven.

But it seems like this morning, like every morning, she can’t start her day without picking a fight with someone.

Today, it appears to be my turn, because her metaphorical dagger is pointed at me.

“Will you watch what the fuck you’re doing?” she yells at me, just as I accidentally bump her elbow while passing by.

“Sorry, it wasn’t intentional.” I mumble, barely awake myself.

“Sure it wasn’t.”

“Listen, I just woke up, so could you please hold off on your need to argue with me until I’m fully awake.”

“I just woke up too. It would have been nice if people were careful where they were going.”

I raise an eyebrow.

“What’s your problem? It was an accident. Do you need me to spell it out for you? A-C-C-I-D-E-N-T. Accident. I didn’t walk into the kitchen with the sole purpose of bumping into your arm.

“I came in here to get a cup of coffee, from my coffee pot. Or do I need your permission, your highness?”

“Oh, so this is that kind of house, where you label everything you buy? No one can use your stuff, is that it? Maybe that’s why you bumped into me, because I used your coffee pot?”

What?

“You’re insane, completely off your rocker. Trying to play mind games, twisting things around on me.

“But you know what? I’m just going to end this here and now. By responding to you, I’m only feeding your need for conflict. I’m just—I’m done with it.”

I grab a coffee mug from the cupboard and start making my morning brew. One cup is my limit, though. Any more and the caffeine would overwhelm me.

Apart from my alcohol, all I consume is water and this one cup.

I’m sensitive to caffeine—my hands shake, my stomach churns with the need to move. I don’t like the feeling of a caffeine high, but a mug gives me that small jolt I need to wake up.

“So, are you part of the band or something?”

“Are you still here, Raven?” I ask, stirring creamer into my mug.

“Seriously, are you a roadie? Maybe a bus driver? You must be important for them to let you live with them. So what is it?”

“Are you a fan of Steele’s Army?” I ask her, surprised that she doesn’t know who I am.

Even after meeting me months ago at the bar where Abby met Gage, we chatted for a bit, she was nice then actually. She wanted to come back with me, but I couldn’t do it.

She was more than a little drunk, which made her vulnerable. I took a taxi back to her place, carried her up to her apartment, tucked her in, and left.

I still have morals and values. If a woman comes onto me and she’s drunk, it’s an absolute no-go. I’m out.

“Not as big a fan as Abby is, but she got us all into Steele’s Army when we were younger. Of course I’m a fan,” Raven finally answers.

“And you still don’t know who I am?” I ask, turning to face her.

She pauses for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. She pulls the left bottom corner of her perfectly pink lip in and nibbles on it with her teeth. She doesn’t recognize me.

“Well, why don’t we start over, shall we? You already know my name, Jason, some call me Jase. I am the drummer for Steele’s Army.” I extend my hand towards her.

“You’re lying. You know they’re going to be pissed when I tell them you’re an imposter, right?”

I look at her.

“Seriously? You don’t believe me?”

“Has someone actually fallen for that?” She pauses, her eyebrows raised in question.

“Oh my God, someone really has? That’s a story you’ll have to share, after everyone wakes up, so they’ll know what you’re up to.”

I decide to play along. She woke up wanting to be mad at the world this morning and take it out on me, then so be it, she can fall for this.

Can’t wait until everyone wakes up.

“Yeah, sure I’ll share the story of how I introduced myself as a drummer for Steele’s Army and someone fell for it.”

She smiles.

I smile back.

It feels like we’re in a boxing ring—the bell just rang to signal the end of the round—and we retreat to our corners.

Right now, it’s the end of the first round. My back's against the turnbuckle and Raven and I just keep exchanging glances that translate into silent threats.

She’s got this look on her face, like she’s got me cornered. Like she’s about to leave me high and dry, right there on the sidewalk for all the guys to see.

I’m playing it cool, though. My eyes are saying, Please, don’t spill my secret. I’m terrified. But inside, I’m cracking up.

Gage and Zepp have been my buddies for what feels like forever. We know each other inside and out, even when they think they’ve got secrets.

They’ll play along with her, act all mad, maybe even pretend to kick me out of my own house. Just to mess with her.

But it’s all in good fun. They’ll let her in on the joke eventually.

The silence stretches on. I take a slow sip of my morning brew while she sits across from me, hands resting on the counter. It’s a silent standoff, broken only by the sound of footsteps.

Gage, Selena, Abagail, and Zepp all wander into the kitchen.

“Morning, Rave,” Abagail greets Raven.

Raven just nods, and Abby pours herself a cup of coffee. Gage follows suit. Zepp and Selena take seats next to Raven.

“So what’s on the agenda today?” Selena asks, all bubbly.

“We haven’t decided yet. Thought we’d all figure it out together,” Abagail replies.

“I’m up for anything, but first I need to tell you guys something. Your roommate is a total fraud. He shoved me this morning.”

I interrupt her. “I did not shove you. Every time you tell this story, it gets more and more exaggerated.

“It was a tiny bump, and you turned it into a full-on body slam. Now you’re saying I shoved you? You’re losing it.”

Everyone’s quiet, just watching the drama unfold.

“But that’s not even the worst part. He’s a total fraud.”

“How so?” Zepp asks her.

I can’t help but grin.

“He told me he was your drummer.”

Abagail and Selena burst out laughing.

But Gage and Zepp, they look at me. I give them a wink.

“Really? He’s pretending to be our drummer?” Gage asks her.

Raven nods.

Zepp stands up from his stool. “Who are you, really? How could you do this to us? We let you into our home, gave you a place to stay, and this is how you repay us?

“You’re going around telling people you’re in our band? That you’re a musician? You’re so ungrateful. Get out. We want you out. Go pack your stuff and leave.”

“I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. Living with you guys has been amazing. But do you really have to kick me out? It was just a little misunderstanding.”

“Pack your stuff and leave. You’re fired, too,” Gage backs up Zepp.

I’m trying so hard not to laugh.

“This is all your fault. You just had to tell them I shoved you, didn’t you? You couldn’t keep our little secret, could you?

“This is all on you. Thanks a lot.” I direct my fake anger at Raven, adding a little dramatic flair.

I leave them in the kitchen and head upstairs to my room. Not to pack, but to get ready for whatever they’ve got planned for the day.

She can stew in her decision to not believe me for a little while longer.

***

“I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become.”

-Oprah Winfrey~