Trauma Kink - Book cover

Trauma Kink

Ivy White

Chapter 4

ARRI

“How do you feel at this very moment?” he asks me and I stay quiet. I don’t know what his facial expressions are, but my guess is that he’s squinting his eyes at me. I visualize his face and smile.

“At ease, peaceful and happy,” I tell him with a grin traveling from ear to ear. I’m kind of out of it right now.

He must think that I’m weird, but this is who I am when I switch to my submissive mindset.

I relax and allow for all of my worries, problems, negative thoughts, depression, and my darkness disappear. I don’t know how I do it, but I call it switching characters.

Pushing the blindfold up, I turn myself around to look at him. I’m five foot five and he’s tall. I couldn’t even guess what his height is because he towers above me.

Smiling, I pull it off my head and place it in his hand.

“I won’t kick off. I have the utmost respect for you,” I tell him honestly. He nods, and I walk over to the sofa, taking a seat.

Looking down at my wet clothes, I feel a cool breeze drift through the room. I’m freezing.

“Why are you not trying to run?” he asks me and I shrug my shoulders.

What position could be worse than this? I think that I have finally hit rock bottom, and from here, I see a tall mountain that I can climb.

This right here is the definition of hell, and my worst fear that I’m living out.

Let me tell you though, my mind was making up a future expectation that this result couldn’t be further away from. I actually do feel at peace with myself and my situation.

“I’ve been in worse situations than this. When I was a little girl, I didn’t have a life, and when I finally turned eighteen, I could go out after my trial.

“I didn’t like it, the world felt like a big place, and after my abusive ex-boyfriend forced me to have sex with him, I kind of fell into the trap of becoming a submissive.

“At the time, I hated what he was doing to me, but then I found that I still needed to be treated like I had no feelings, and to know that I wasn’t going to be killed in my sleep at the same time, you know?

“I got with my first Dominant when I managed to escape my ex-boyfriend’s grasp, and from there it expanded to three. My third one and I couldn’t see eye to eye, so we broke it off.

“Now I’m here, I’ve found out that you’re a Dominant and you look like you want to make me an offer. What is it?” He gives me a swift nod and walks to the door, opens it, and then closes it instantly.

“Have you ever sat back and thought that life can be scary at times? Especially when you step foot in a lifestyle that you know very well, yet you meet someone who makes you question everything?

“You second-guess what will come next and when your adrenaline hits an all-time high, you feel as if you are flying across the sky.

“You are petrified to look down, yet when you are in a contained space you feel somewhat safe. It’s strange, isn’t it?” he tells me. I stand up, watching him enter the room again.

Nodding my head, I smile. Yes, that’s what being a submissive is supposed to be like, but I cannot get myself into the mindset to experience it!

Walking over to me, he pushes his hand inside his pocket and pulls out a knife. Moving to stand behind me, he places his hand on my forehead with the knife against my windpipe.

I swallow, looking at our reflection in the screens. I’m not scared of death, I’m at peace with it, so if he does drag the knife across my throat, I will close my eyes and accept the end for what it is.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” I gulp and my adrenaline kicks in. My legs start to shake as I keep my hands down my sides.

Is this fear? I thought that I was afraid of being trapped inside an office with a man who has more guns than any gun shop.

This reaction I’m having is completely different to what I felt when I stepped foot inside this room with him.

“Darkness surrounds us all differently. For some, it can be emotional, for others, physical scars, and for the select few, it can be in a form of play.

“You’ve switched out your physical and emotional, replacing them with play. Good choice.” He removes the knife from my throat and lets me go, stepping back. I don’t know how to take him so I stay planted on the spot.

“I would do anything for the right Master,” I mumble, dropping my head down.

I’m feeling sad because I lost who I was at such a young age, I’m devastated that me and my previous Master couldn’t make things work. Sometimes I feel like a failure.

“And you hope that I will give you a chance and not kill you. Is that what you’re trying to get across to me?” He pours himself another drink and I watch him from the corner of my eye.

“Yes. Not just because of death. I would love to die, but I get told all of the time that there’s more to life than what I’ve experienced.”

Walking over to me, he places his hand under my jaw and raises my head. I look up into his ocean-blue eyes.

“Is no sex a problem for you? If I was to not be sexual, how would you feel about that?”

Guiding my head back, he tilts the glass in his hand and some of the alcohol slides inside my mouth. I let it travel down my throat, leaving a burning sensation behind.

“Happy to be under your control. I’m to serve, not receive. Gifts are earned.” I breathe out a deep breath, and he nods.

GRAYSON

I’m trying to open up. It’s not easy for me, but when I’m watching a woman sacrifice herself for my needs and desires, it’s hard to resist. Offered there on a plate for me to take. Why would I turn a blind eye to that?

As my eyes squint, pleasure unfolds and twists deeper than a knife deep inside me.

In my mind’s eye, she caves and gives up all control, her consent is given, her life is passed over into the palm of my hand. She’s excited but nervous about what could unfold.

I can see it in her body language and her expressions. Powerful.

I know that her stomach is in a twisted knot; her moans can be heard from deep within as I close my eyes and bask in the harmonious picture that I have rolling around inside my head.

I can hear her groans, and the thought of not having to soundproof my room makes it all the more better.

I love to listen to the cries, the laughter, the groans, and inside my mind as I slide my fingers down her sensitive flesh, I can see her body in front of me, free to touch, free to smell, free to taste and do with as I please.

So fucking fragile, yet her skin can tear and heal quicker than you would expect with some aftercare. Anyone can listen in as I make her gloriously hit an all-time high without the need for drugs. Her blood will be clean.

Stopping, I can watch and smile as she braces herself for me.

That almighty build up to the top, her back arched as she reaches that all-so-amazing climax that she’s been craving since she stepped foot inside my house.

I can place an intense bite on the side of her neck, and a stinging sensation will be left in its wake. Unpredictable, she will call it, but it goes deeper than that.

I’m now in the darkness. I’ve joined the rest of my family. I’ve found happiness there. The question is, will she willingly accept what I have to offer her?

Then again, she doesn’t have a choice. I call the shots, and she’s fucked up the connection that I had with my cousin. Scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. It’s as simple as that.

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