Secrets of Sin: The Finale

MARI

Days have passed, and I’m losing my mind.

I can’t eat.

I can’t sleep.

I need my bear.

I need my Beast.

Everyone wants to help me, but no one can do a thing. No one can find him. No one can help.

I shuffle the halls of my house like a zombie in a post-apocalyptic movie.

Erik tries to console me, but he sounds so far away.

They all do.

Ross and Stevie check on me often, asking me if I’ve eaten if I need a snack.

Why is everyone so obsessed with food? As if food would help anything at a time like this.

Even Aurora knocks on my door from time to time just to see if I need anything.

I appreciate them. I really do, but I can’t stand to live this life without my bear. I need to know he’s okay; I need to know he’s alive, but no one can give me that.

No one.

What have we ever done to deserve this fresh hell?

I hate myself for even cursing in my mind, but I’m sick of this.

I don’t do this. I don’t get mad and rage. I don’t curse, and I don’t wish ill on anyone, but so help me.

If my husband isn’t returned to me, I’ll lose it. I’ll kill. I’ll rage against the pillars of the earth until I find him.

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror and cringe. Dark circles hang under my eyes.

I look worse than I feel.

No amount of makeup, and no amount of self-care can fix this.

Only my Benny can. Oh, god, I miss him.

I see Ben’s bathrobe hanging on the bathroom door, and I stifle a sob. I grab the soft cotton fabric and pull it close to my face. Inhaling his scent.

God, I miss the way he smells. The way he feels. His warmth.

I miss his rough, calloused hands gliding across my skin like I’m the most precious thing on earth.

No one has ever made me feel more loved than him. No one has made me feel valued and appreciated. More than that, no one has ever made me feel so seen.

He never judged me.

Not once.

Not even when he found out I was a stripper.

He was the one who stood by me, even when my brother wouldn’t.

Ben never asked me to change. He never told me I couldn’t have the life I wanted. Live the life I wanted. Ben just wanted me to be happy and live my own life. The way I want.

He respected me and made me feel like I was actually in charge of my life. He didn’t treat me like some fragile doll, telling me who I should be.

Not the way Erik did.

Erik has always meant well, but he had his own ideas of what he wanted me to be.

And I failed him.

Dang it, I did, but I don’t care.

I have to be my own person.

I chose my own path because I had someone like Ben in my corner. Rooting for me. Standing up for me. Loving me.

I can’t stand to sit in this house for another minute without him by my side.

I storm out of the bathroom, throwing off my robe.

I can’t stand to live in my thoughts. I need to sleep.

I have to stop my pity party and find a way to bring my husband home.

To save him.

Sleep comes for me, and the room spins. I lose all sense of time and space as visions of Ben dance in my head. I’m falling into darkness when his voice brings me to my senses.

“Hello, kitten,” his eyes penetrate me as he grabs me by the shoulders.

“Oh, Daddy, I’ve missed you,” I cry, pulling him into my arms.

“Have you been a good girl?” He raises a brow at me.

“I’m always a good girl, Daddy. I’m your good girl.” I grind my hips against his hard body.

“Then what should I punish you for if you are such a good girl?” Ben whispers, his lips brushing against my ears.

“Oh, Daddy, punish me for being good.” I lift my nightgown off.

I stand naked before him, and his eyes scan over my body.

“God, you are beautiful,” he snatches my butt in his hands. He squeezes hard, and I let out a gasp of desire.

“Oh, Daddy, I’ve missed you,” I hum as he traces kisses down my abdomen.

“And I missed you, kitten,” he traces kisses across my body.

I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t want to wake up. I want to stay in this moment with him forever.

“Benny?” I moan as his fingers push into my core.

“Yes, my love,” he sighs.

“Never leave me again,” I trace my fingers through his hair, and he moans again. I grip him by the scalp, making him look at me.

“I mean it. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to,” I seethe, and he melts into me.

He grabs me by the hips, thrusting himself inside me.

I dig my nails deep into his back.

I can see us both in the mirror. Crimson trails of pain slash up and down his flesh. I can’t believe I did that.

He growls with urgency as he pushes me against the wall.

“I want you. I need you.” His thrusts match the intensity of his words, and I cry in ecstasy.

“Take me, Daddy, make me feel good,” I groan.

“I never want you to feel anything but good,” Ben whispers in my ear.

Wetness pools between my thighs as I shift in my sleep.

My eyes pop open, and I look at the clock.

It’s only mid-afternoon.

It’s barely been an hour since I passed out.

I can’t even believe I’m in bed, but it’s been days since I slept, and I needed a break.

“Fudge.” I sigh as I look around my empty room.

My dream felt so real. For a moment, I actually thought he was home.

I thought my Beasty was with me, but here I lay with wet panties and no husband beside me.

My dream felt like a reality, and I wish more than anything that it was.

I need him.

I miss him.

I want him.

I trace my hands across his empty spot in the bed, and tears come for me. I sob silently, no one knowing that I’ve lost my mind.

That I’m losing it.

I am lost.

I don’t even know who I am without Ben. Without my Beasty.

God, above, help me.

I run my fingers over my chest, and I can almost feel him touching me.

Just like in my dream.

I can feel him on my skin. It was so real.

Why did I have to wake up? Why can’t I sleep?

I can’t just sit by while my husband is god knows where being tortured by god knows who. I can’t.

I grab his pillow and pull it close to my body, inhaling his smell.

I sob and wail. I scream until I am hoarse. And then I decide I’ve had enough. I won’t play the victim.

I won’t let this ruin my will.

I will find him and bring him home.

I am not some weak little kitten needing everyone to protect me.

I am strong.

I am fierce.

I can protect myself and my family.

I jump out of bed, pacing the room. “I will no longer sit here on my butt and wait for someone else to fudging rescue my husband.”

No one is here to hear me.

I am telling myself so that I will know. I am making promises to Ben, to me, to my family, and no one has to hear them but me. I can do this.

“Erik may promise it’ll be the last thing he ever does, and that’s fine, but I swear on my life, I’ll bring my Benny back or die trying.”

I look at myself in the mirror, squaring my shoulders, and I vow, “I’m coming, Beasty, I’m coming.”