Rescuing Dawn

Dawn pushed the half eaten sandwich away, wishing she’d remembered to bring in the meal she’d prepared. Then she wouldn’t be stuck eating the pieces of cardboard the cafeteria jokingly labeled “Ham and salad sandwich.” She drank down the rest of her soda, hoping the sweet taste of the lemon and lime drink would wash away the lingering bad taste.

“Hey, Dawn, how are you?”

She didn’t know if it was surprise or the casual way in which the voice sounded behind her, but she found herself choking on her drink. A couple of slaps on the back stopped the coughing but her eyes were tearing up. Taking a couple of deep breaths, she looked up and her eyes connected with the amused ones owned by the person she hadn’t seen in a week.

Andrew.

The delusional part of her had hoped he’d taken the hint and was going to leave her alone. The practical, smarter part of her said the only reason she hadn’t seen him was because he was probably doing a rotation of days off or day shifts.

“Don’t you know it’s dangerous to sneak up on a person when they don’t expect it and when they’re drinking?”

“I couldn’t see that you were drinking, sorry.”

Dawn laughed at the contrite look he sent her way. It felt good to laugh at something spontaneous and random.

“That’s okay.” Dawn picked up her can and took another sip, never taking her eyes off Andrew. It was the first time she’d truly looked at him since he’d careened back into her life. Considering all the time he must have spent in the sun while sailing numerous times around the world, his skin didn’t have that weathered sunburned look. There were faint lines around his eyes, suggesting he’d squinted against the sun. His nose was still straight and his lips…well, his lips were full and plump and the urge to taste them again was strong.

Dawn sat a little straighter in her chair. Where had that thought come from? Maybe she was more tired than she thought she was. Tonight was the first in her new night rotation; she was usually full of energy. But then again, the man in front of her had invaded her dreams over the last few days, making her sleep more broken than it usually was. Also his coffee invitations had been going around and around in her mind. She’d been hit with the “what ifs” again. She wondered if he’d ask her again. What would her answer be if he did?

“You’re thinking very hard there, anything exciting?” he asked with a smile as he pulled out a chair and sat opposite her.

There was no way she was going to tell him what she’d been thinking. He would take it the totally wrong way.

“Nothing too exciting, let me assure you.” Dawn flicked the ring pull while gripping the can tightly, as if it was a handrail on a rope bridge. “So why are you here? And where’s your partner?”

It seemed strange to Dawn that he was relaxing in the chair as if he had no care in the world. If he’d been here with an emergency, there was no way his partner would let him wander off for endless minutes.

“I finished my shift and thought I’d come and say hi.”

“Why?”

“Well…” He leaned forward and Dawn relinquished her hold on the can and sat back as far as she could in her chair. Even with the expanse of the table, she could still feel his magnetism pulling her into his orbit. “I wanted to see you. Is that a crime?”

“No, but how did you know I was working tonight and where to find me?” The desire to reach out and touch her hand to his was so out of character for her. She’d closed herself off from all emotions, from feeling anything towards any other person for the last two years. Yet within the space of seeing Andrew again, she was reconsidering her actions. It would be the worst thing she could do. Let herself care for another person. She’d already survived one broken heart courtesy of Andrew. She’d barely survived the loss of both Tom and Brody. She had to remember those feelings. That time of total devastation when thoughts so dark had entered her mind.

“You’re thinking hard again.”

“And you’re not answering my question. How did you know where to find me?”

“I know you’ve had a tough time the last couple of years, but why make such a big deal about me coming and saying hi. I thought we could be friends.” He stood and placed his hands on the table. “But if it’s such a problem I’ll go and not bother coming back. Enjoy your lonely life.”

Dawn sucked in a breath as he walked away from her. His words were cruel, but deep down she knew they were true. She couldn’t help being defensive around him. His presence brought back so many memories. Memories she didn’t want to face.

She got up and raced after him. “Wait, Andrew. Stop.”

She reached his side and touched his arm. “Please, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is. Seeing you is, I don’t know, difficult.”

***

If he were sensible, he’d walk away. He didn’t need the stress of trying so hard to connect with Dawn. But the moment he walked into the ER that first time, he knew his past was being shoved in his face for a reason. He knew he’d done wrong by her when he’d walked out all those years ago. His guilt had kept him company for the first six months he was sailing around the world, pitting himself against the elements. He’d always been the one to put himself in danger, as if by doing that he would be forgiven for walking out on the woman who’d given so much of herself to him.

But he understood what she meant when she’d said it was difficult to see him. He deserved her anger.

“I know, and I’m not helping, always pushing myself into your orbit when you’ve made it clear that you don’t want me there.” Andrew gave into the desires that had been filling him since the moment he’d seen her again. He reached out and ran his fingers down her cheek. “But I find I can’t help myself. I want to talk to you, see you.”

It took everything in him not to move a little closer and kiss her. He had no right to do that. She’d made her wishes clear. As she closed her eyes, he wondered what was going through her mind right at that moment.

“Drew.” She whispered the word and it shot straight to his heart. She’d only ever called him that when they had been in the throes of passion, sharing something he hadn’t found in another woman’s arms. He’d eventually stopped looking for that elusive feeling and started ignoring the flirtatious glances women sent his way. It had been a long time since he’d let himself give in to his basic needs. Needs that were screaming to be answered now that he had seen Dawn again. “Please don’t say those things to me. I can’t give you what you think you want from me. I don’t even know why you want them from me.”

A scraping of a chair was all it took to bring the sounds of the noisy cafeteria back into his conscious hearing. From the moment she’d touched his arm, his focus had solely been on Dawn. Any thought of where their conversation was taking place was pushed from his mind.

He took a step back from Dawn and looked around the room. He could see that they were the object of interest from the patrons of the cafeteria. He groaned out loud. This was probably the last thing she wanted. To be the focus of gossip.

“I want a chance to talk, without interruption. Without it being down in the ER. Without it being in the middle of the cafeteria.”

The mention of the word cafeteria had the color leeching from Dawn’s face. Clearly she had forgotten where they were too. He watched as she shook her head, dislodging some silky tendrils from her pulled back hairstyle. He stuck his hands in his pockets as the temptation to run those silky strands through his fingers was strong. He remembered when they were dating how he used to twist his fingers through her hair, creating soft curls that fell the moment he loosened his fingers.

“You’re right, this isn’t the place to talk. In fact, this isn’t the place for what just happened between us.” She looked him square in the face, her eyes sparking green fire at him. “I get off at seven tomorrow morning. If you’re not working, meet me out the front and we can go for that coffee you’ve bugged me for.”

She didn’t wait for a response, just turned on her heel and left. A smile broke out over Andrew’s face. Finally, he was going to get to spend some time with her. He knew it would only be a short time, but it was a start. He didn’t know why she’d changed her mind so abruptly from no to yes, but he was going to take whatever he could get from her. He was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

***

Finally, she was free. Dawn had felt she’d been in the ER for twenty-four hours, not twelve. The shift had dragged. They’d been busy, so she’d thought that would’ve made the time fly by. Instead she had constantly watched the clock, willing the hands to move faster than they were.

She went into the staff room, relieved that she was the only one in there, and opened her locker. She looked into the mirror taped on the inside of the door. She gave the reflection a half smile. It was ridiculous to be doing this. She’d never worried about her appearance after a shift, why should she worry now?

Because you’re meeting Andrew. What a mistake that is going to be.

She shoved that voice to the back of her mind. That was the same voice that had told her on numerous occasions that her life was over. It wasn’t a good voice to believe in.

She returned her attention to her hair. It was mussed but not overly so—it would pass. She couldn’t do much about the bags under eyes. But did it really matter? Andrew knew she was finishing up a night shift. He’d just have to deal with it.

Reaching into the locker she pulled out the lip gloss she had buried at the back and swiped some over her lips. Satisfied with how she looked, she grabbed her bag and shut the door.

“Hey, Dawn.”

Dawn turned at the sound of the voice behind her. She had wanted to escape before anyone arrived. But it was Phoebe, and Dawn knew she wouldn’t give her too much of a hard time.

“Hey yourself, Phoebe. How are you?” Dawn looked at the other girl and noticed her eyes appeared strained, as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“Can’t complain, no one listens anyway.” Phoebe paused and looked at her. “Where are you going?” she eventually asked.

“Meeting a friend for coffee.” It was sort of the truth. Phoebe didn’t have to know that the friend was male and was a paramedic that had come into the ER a couple of times. Or this was the first time in forever that she was going to meet someone after her shift.

“Uh huh. Well have a good time.”

“Thanks, and have a good shift.” Dawn made her escape, glad that Phoebe seemed distracted and hadn’t pressed her for more information about who she was meeting.

Dawn hurried down the hallway and to the staff exit that would lead her to the side of the ambulance bay. She’d told Andrew she’d meet him out front but hadn’t given an exact location. She hadn’t thought about it. She’d surprised herself when she told him she’d meet him after her shift. It had been the last thing on her mind. She’d wanted to snatch the words back the moment she said them, but it was too late. To be honest, part of her did want to meet with him. She hoped he wasn’t waiting at the front desk. He wouldn’t be that obvious, would he?

She was making her way to the front of the ambulance bay when she saw him walking towards her. She stopped in her tracks—even from a distance he commanded attention with his sure-footed stride.

Taking a deep breath, Dawn continued to walk towards him. When she got to within a couple of feet of him, she stopped again and waited to see if he would come into her personal space or stop where he was. He took that one step closer and she had to fight the urge to close the distance and lay her head on his chest. Let his arms hold her, like they had done so many times before.

“Hey,” she whispered breathlessly. She sounded like an excited schoolgirl, and if truth be told, deep in her belly excitement crackled like a fire eagerly eating up all in its path. It had been a long time since she’d felt like that. She would let herself feel this way for a few more minutes, before stamping the fire out with a bucket load of reality. Excitement never really led to anything solid. After a while the excitement faded, proving what a hollow emotion it could be.

“Hey yourself, how was your shift?” he asked.

She had to stop herself from pulling her arm away when he cupped her elbow, to lead her in the direction he’d come from. The spark of electricity that had been there from the first moment they’d touched was still there. If anything, it was a lot stronger.

“Long.” Dawn could feel heat rising up her neck and it wasn’t from the sun that was rising higher in the sky. She might as well have just said she’d missed him and had counted down the milliseconds until her shift had finished and she could see him again. “You know how it can be; busy shifts but uneventful, meaning the evening drags. How was your night?” she asked in desperation before giving more of herself away.

“Long—and lonely.”

Dawn stifled the groan that almost erupted from her. “Do you have a roommate?” She hoped by asking the inane question any thoughts of how they could solve their “loneliness” would be avoided.

“No, no roommate. I like living by myself. Besides I’m renting this one bedroom place which is no bigger than a postage stamp. But I’ll be moving shortly into a townhouse I’ve purchased.”

The news that he’d bought a place surprised her. She was sure that he was only going to be staying in town for a short while. Buying real estate meant permanence, something that was out of character for him.

“I’m surprised you bought a place, I would’ve thought renting would’ve suited your lifestyle.”

She felt his shrug as he still had a hold of her elbow and when he spoke his voice was a little deeper. A little more emotional than she’d heard before. “Lifestyles change. People change. In the end you do what you have to do.”

There was definitely a deeper meaning underneath those words, but she didn’t have the right to ask him what his problems were. In fact, she didn’t need to know what his problems were. They were two people going for a coffee, and that was all. After they’d had their coffee, they would part and only see each other when and if he came into the ER. She was positive one coffee would be all they would share.

Conversation between them stalled after Andrew’s declaration and Dawn was happy with that. They walked along the sidewalk, towards the café that she’d driven past every evening and morning on her way to and from work. She’d only been in there once and that had been when she’d once met Sophie and Phoebe for a catch-up before her shift.

They reached the café, and Andrew held the door open for her.

“What will you have?” he asked.

“I’ll have a hot chocolate, thanks.” She chose a drink that, hopefully, wouldn’t keep her awake when she got home. Although getting to sleep would be elusive because of the man standing at her side.

“Okay, one hot chocolate coming up.” Andrew craned his neck to the left. “There’s a table at the back, why don’t you grab it and I’ll bring the drinks down.”

“Sure.” Dawn was glad to have a few moments by herself to get her emotions under control. It was just a casual catch up. That’s all it was. It wasn’t a date and it certainly wasn’t the start of a relationship.

Whoa. Where had that thought come from? Did she need reminding of what happened to her the last time she was in a relationship with Andrew? Did she need reminding that relationships lead to heartbreak? Did she need reminding that she’d almost given in to the darkness when her son and husband had died?

Perhaps having a drink with Andrew was a bad idea. She’d purposely stayed away from any sort of involvement with the opposite sex for this reason. She couldn’t risk her heart again.

She went to stand, but Andrew arrived at the table with a tray holding two mugs, the steam from them drawling lazy circles in the air. Also on the tray was a basket containing some pastries. Her stomach grumbled when the aroma of the cherry Danish hit her senses. Her favorite pastry. Maybe she could stay for a few minutes and eat something; she usually had something to eat when she got home before she had a shower and then went to bed.

“I figured you’d be hungry and when I saw they had your favorite, I knew I had to get it for you.”

As he laid it before her, the opportunity to object or stand to say that she really should go had disappeared. He placed her drink beside the basket and then slid into the opposite side of the booth. She noticed that he had some sort of breakfast sandwich. A typical male breakfast, full of carbs and protein.

She picked up the Danish and bit into the corner. She closed her eyes as the tartness from the cherries woke up her taste buds.

Dawn washed down her mouthful with a sip of hot chocolate. It was so decadent. The chocolate was creamy and smooth. Another thing she could get totally addicted to.

“You look as if you haven’t spoiled yourself for ages.”

So caught up in the food and drink, she’d forgotten that Andrew was sitting across from her.

“I usually go straight home after work. I’ve got a routine that works.” She took another sip of her drink. “But if I’d known what a good café this was, I would stop here every day.”

His laugh rippled down her back, like the smooth hot chocolate sliding down her throat. “I don’t think that would be a bad thing. You need to spoil yourself every now and then. Plus, they have cherry Danishes.”

She joined him in his laughter. “True, they do indeed. I’m surprised you remembered I liked them.”

The laughter died in his eyes and a seriousness she’d never seen before entered Andrew’s eyes. They were stormy now and her enjoyment in the food faded on the spot. “I’ve never forgotten anything about you, Dawn.