A Child to Heal Them
Auteur·e
Louisa Heaton
Lectures
18,7K
Chapitres
9
Chapter One
SHE COULDN’T SEE the road. There were too many people criss-crossing in front of her. This way. That. Seemingly with no order to their lives.
Women were heading home from the market with goods balanced in baskets atop their heads, babies strapped to their backs in swathes of fabric. Cattle chewed the cud at the side of the road, as if bored with life, idling alongside market traders who were much more vibrant, calling out, selling their goods—brightly patterned fabrics, spices and vegetables—whilst loud pop music blared from speakers she couldn’t see.
Her nose was filled with the scents of food—fresh fish, caught that day, being the strongest.
Tasha Kincaid urged her off-roader forward, sounding the horn as much as she could. Thick, choking dust was being kicked up from the tyres as she revved the engine, desperate to get through the crowds, anxious to get back to the Serendipity, on the far side of town, because of her passenger, lying on the back seat, unmoving.
Children were not meant to be this still. This quiet.
The Serendipity had anchored just two days ago. She’d taken the children in her class to see it. The vast vessel, a floating hospital ship, sat there in the waters of the Mozambique Channel, waiting to give aid to those who needed it for free.
The children in her class had drawn pictures of the boat, and she’d used the lesson to teach them about kindness and giving. About helping others. They’d even been able to go on board briefly and talk to one or two of the nurses, who had generously given their time.
Maria and Rob were from Ireland and were volunteers, helping out on board for six months before returning to their paying jobs back home.
Back in class, she had pinned the children’s pictures to the peeling walls of the classroom, instantly brightening up the place with their happy colours. That had been the day she’d first found herself worrying about Abeje.
Abeje was Tasha’s star pupil. She tried not to have favourites. All the orphaned children in her class were special, brilliant and curious. But Abeje was different.
She had been orphaned at a young age after both her parents had died, and the only home she’d ever known was the Sunshine Children’s Centre. She’d never had a proper family, but she was bright and intelligent. A deep thinker. A philosopher. And she wanted to be a doctor.
The similarities between them had struck Tasha hard. She recognised that gleam in her eyes. That yearning and thirst for knowledge. To do well. She wanted to let Abeje know that she could be anything she chose to be—that Tasha would help give her that chance. That the whole world could be hers as long as she pursued a passion.
But on the day they’d visited the Serendipity—the day that Tasha would have expected Abeje to be at her most attentive, her most intrigued and excited—Abeje had seemed somehow off. A little listless. A little tired, and complaining of a headache.
All children got sick. It was inevitable. So when Abeje hadn’t come to school the next day Tasha had figured she was probably just taking a day to recuperate. Knowing that Abeje had no mother or father to soothe her brow, she’d thought it might be a nice gesture to go to the children’s centre and check on her, take her some pretty flowers to brighten her room. Just to let her know that she was being thought of and worried about.
But the second she’d seen Abeje, semi-conscious and sweating, Tasha had known that there was something to be worried about. With the matron’s blessing, she’d scooped Abeje up into her car and had screeched away in a trail of thick red dust in an effort to get to the hospital ship.
The vehicle hit a pothole and Abeje moaned as the car bounced them around in their seats. Tasha risked a quick glance. The poor girl was drenched through with sweat and the sun was glaring down at them, burning everything it cast its gaze upon.
‘Not far now, sweetie! We’re nearly there...just stay with me!’
Horrible thoughts were rushing through her head—meningitis, encephalitis. Maybe a waterborne infection? A slideshow of horrific images passed through her brain, courtesy of the books she’d once studied.
She could smell the docks as they inched closer. The heat, the brine, the dust. The fish caught during that morning’s outing were only now being brought back to port. Fruit, meat, chickens in cages were all piled high, the chickens squawking and flapping, the busy trade causing human traffic that she had to struggle to get through.
She cursed quietly, biting her lip, hitting the horn in frustration as the giant sides of the ship loomed over her—so near and yet so far. The car was surrounded by a thick crowd of people and she was making minimum progress.
Growling, she stopped the car, put her keys in her pocket, scooped Abeje into her arms and began to push her way through the throngs of people.
‘Excuse me! Sorry! Can I just squeeze through?’
Suddenly she was at the gangplank, Abeje heavy in her arms.
She ran up it, panting in the heat, sweat prickling her underarms, her back. The coolness of the ship’s interior was welcoming. The air-conditioning a blessing. For her, at least.
Desperately she tried to remember her way around the ship from the brief tour they’d taken a few days ago. The emergency clinic was down this corridor.
Hefting Abeje into a firmer grip, she ran down it and burst through the double doors into the clinic, where there was a twenty-bed ward. ‘I need help!’ she yelled at Maria and Rob, who were making up a bed with new sheets.
Tasha ran to a spare bed and laid Abeje down upon it as gently as she could. The two nurses moved towards the bed.
‘She’s sick! I don’t know what’s wrong, but I think it’s serious! Please help her!’
She stepped back as the two nurses rushed forward. It was hard to fight the urge to do something herself. To let go. To give her precious charge up into a stranger’s hands.
‘What’s going on?’
The male voice instantly cut through the haste. Authoritative. English. The sort of voice that made you turn around and pay attention to the speaker.
It was a voice she’d heard before. One that took her right back to her childhood.
To that moment.
Him.
It can’t be...
Surely she was wrong? Memories were fickle, and she’d done her level best to forget his very existence. How he looked. How he sounded. The voice that she had once closed her eyes to listen to.
Tasha glanced over her shoulder...
At the man that had once torn her heart in two.
Only now her heart was galloping, her head was pounding with incredulity and her mouth was dry, clogged with all the dust from the road. She was aware of sweat drenching her skin.
How can it be him?
How is he here? In this place?
They’d been children. She just thirteen years old. Him three years older. And it might have been an adolescent crush, something silly, but she remembered the pain and the humiliation all too well, even now. It was like being that teenage girl all over again.
‘Quinn?’
The doctor frowned at her briefly, clearly wondering how she knew his name, but then his attention was returned to Abeje, who lay still on the bed. ‘Tell me her symptoms. When it began.’
Tasha blinked hard, still not quite believing that he was here. Of all the places in the world he might have gone he was here. On this ship.
As if from a world away, unable to tear her gaze from his face, she began to relay Abeje’s symptoms, stunned into numbness and a creeping sense of hurt. The box she’d put him in, and all her feelings about him—the box that she’d locked and hidden away for all these years—was finally beginning to crack open, creating a canyon of a scar upon her heart.
* * *
There was something about the tall blonde who had just appeared in his clinic. Something weirdly familiar. But he didn’t have time to place her. He’d thought he knew most of the English people here in Ntembe, but obviously not.
Perhaps she was new? She had corkscrew honeyed curls, deep blue eyes and a mask of sun-kissed freckles across her nose. Cute.
But he didn’t have time to think about her, much as he would like to. She wasn’t the important one. The most important female at this point in time was the semi-conscious one lying on the bed—not the one who somehow knew his name.
Quinn examined the young girl, his stethoscope already in his ears, the metal diaphragm at its end already upon her clammy chest. She was about six years old, a little underweight, but not so much that it concerned him. She had a temperature of nearly one hundred and three degrees, sweats and chills. Drowsy. Flu-like symptoms.
His first concern was malaria. ‘Has she been vomiting?’
The blonde shook her head, curls shimmering. She looked terrified. Almost as if she were afraid to look at the little girl on the bed. As if she was shutting herself down.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Any family history I should know about?’
She shook her head, looking at him in apology, cheeks colouring.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Has she been given anything?’
There was a pained expression in those blue eyes of hers.
‘I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m just her teacher.’
He listened to her heart. It sounded good, if a little rapid. Her chest was clear at the moment. Checking her eyes and the palms of her hands, he saw she seemed pale, and the possibility of anaemia assured him that malaria was probably the case here.
‘Let’s get her on an intravenous drip and get some blood drawn so we can do a rapid diagnostic test. She’s probably going to need anti-malarials.’
‘You think this is malaria?’ the woman asked, heartbreak in her voice.
‘It looks like it. The bloods will let us know for sure. You’re her teacher?’
She looked frightened. On edge. Her arms were wrapped around herself protectively, making her look smaller.
‘Yes.’
‘Are any of your other students sick?’
She shook her head. ‘I didn’t think... I’m sorry. I don’t know.’
It seemed there was a lot she didn’t know. But he didn’t want to get frustrated with her. This wasn’t the first time a patient had turned up at the ship with no one knowing anything about them. Sometimes they’d get dumped there. Abandoned.
‘Can I sit with her?’
‘You’ve taken anti-malaria tablets before coming over here?’
She nodded.
‘Good. Then you can stay.’
There was something about those eyes of hers. Something familiar. Oceanic blue and just as deep. Thick, dark lashes enveloping them. Where had he seen them before?
He held out his hand, determined to find out. ‘Dr Quinn Shapiro.’
Hesitantly she took his hand, as if she’d been asked to touch a live, hissing and spitting cobra. ‘Tasha Kincaid.’
Tasha Kincaid. The name didn’t ring a bell. Perhaps he was mistaken about her being familiar somehow? Some people just had that type of face...
Though she seems to know me...
‘Nice to meet you.’
She looked at him strangely. Questioningly. Surprised. Relieved?
‘Likewise.’
* * *
Nice to meet him? Quinn Shapiro? Here on the Serendipity? Of all the hospital ships in all the world, he had to be on this one? Off the coast of Africa? What were the chances?
She didn’t want to think about what he’d done. What he’d said. About how he’d made her feel. So small. So unimportant. So ugly. Those feelings she’d stamped down on long ago, determined not to let them affect her self-confidence.
It had been a struggle for a while, especially because she’d been at such a vulnerable, impressionable age, but she’d done it. The only way she’d been able to carry on had been to pretend it had never happened.
Tasha sat by Abeje’s bed, holding her student’s hand. Abeje was sleeping now, her face restful in repose, her chapped lips slightly parted. Her skin was hot to the touch—boiling. Her small body was fighting a battle that had no definite outcome. The rapid test, which had given a result within minutes of their arrival, had shown that it was malaria.
‘Don’t you die on me,’ she whispered to her small charge, hoping that her just saying those words would make some higher power hear them and infuse the little girl with a fighting spirit. ‘Do you hear me? You’ve got to pull through this. You’ve got to fight it. You can’t give in.’
‘How’s she doing?’
Quinn’s voice behind her had Tasha leaping to her feet, her heart thundering like galloping horses, her cheeks flushing red. She turned around, stared at him, resisting the urge to start yelling at him. To humiliate him. To embarrass him the way he had once done her.
Trying her best to hold the bitterness back, she said, ‘She’s sleeping.’
‘That’s good. Her body needs rest.’
Yes, it did. So did she. But her own tiredness, her own endless, exhausting fear, was something she had to dismiss right now. Her body was once again thrumming to the presence of Quinn Shapiro, apparently having forgotten that years ago she’d made a decision never to be attracted to him ever again.
Who knew the human body could be so treacherous? It apparently had a mind of its own...was reacting to him in ways she couldn’t control.
He clearly didn’t recognise her. The last time she’d seen him she’d been thirteen years old, chubby and grubby, and he’d been sixteen. Just three years older, but seemingly so worldly-wise, so mature, so stunning. And so handsome. With a dazzling smile that had made her heart go pitter-pat.
Her newly teenaged little heart hadn’t stood a chance when Quinn had first appeared on her radar. Tall and rangy, with a blond quiff, captain of his school’s rugby team, he’d had an easy charm and boy band good-looks. She, on the other hand, had found comfort in food and books, and her wild mass of unconquered curls had earned her the nickname Nit-Nat. Just because she’d once caught nits and spread them to the other kids in the children’s home.
She’d never thought that was fair. It could have happened to any of them. Every time she’d itched and scratched, her fingers buried in the mass of her thick curls, the other kids would run away from her, laughing. She’d spent many hours in front of the matron, painfully enduring the process of the nit comb that kept getting stuck in the knots of her hair. They’d even used a special shampoo, but it had stunk, earning her even more nicknames.
Her misery had been punctuated with happiness at Quinn’s visits. She had been regularly ensnared by Quinn’s smiles and friendly open manner to the other kids at the home when he’d visited to pick up his best mate Dexter.
Her crush on Quinn had been absolute! She’d drawn hearts in her notebooks and put her initials and his inside them with a little arrow. Signed her name with his surname—Natasha Shapiro. It had looked so exotic, so stylish, so grown-up. Everything she had not been, but aspired to be.
She’d try to chat with Dexter, as casually as she could, trying to get information. Quinn wanted to travel the world. To be a doctor. To change people’s lives.
Could he have been any dreamier?
His dreams she had decided to make hers. She’d always enjoyed medical dramas on the television. Always liked to try and guess what was wrong with people and sometimes would get it right. So she had decided that she, too, would go to medical school when she was older. She would travel the world and treat people and make them better and everyone she tended to would be just so grateful to her. Thankful to her for saving their lives. She would be adored. Loved at last. No one would look down on her ever again...
But it hadn’t worked out that way. Following someone else’s dreams had only brought her nightmares.
‘I wonder if you could do me a favour?’ Quinn asked.
Once upon a time she would have jumped to do any favour he’d asked of her. But now she felt cautious. Wary of getting hurt again. Wary of awakening that mean streak he’d once unleashed upon her.
‘What is it?’
‘I need you to check on the other children in your class and at the children’s home. Could you do that for me? Report back if any of them are sick?’
She thought about his request. Was it possible that the others might be sick? She hadn’t even considered the idea. Once she’d seen the state Abeje was in her only thought had been to get her help.
‘You think they might be?’
‘It’s a possibility. The bloods show we’re dealing with the parasite plasmodium falciparum. It’s an aggressive strain. We’re treating with chloroquine and ACTs.’
Tasha frowned. ‘Because some falciparum parasites are immune to the chloroquine?’
He raised a single eyebrow. ‘That’s right. How did you know?’
She shrugged. ‘Oh, I...er... I think I read that somewhere. Before I came over here.’
‘Well, it’s just as a back-up.’
She thought about having to leave the ship. Leave Abeje behind. ‘I don’t want to leave her alone.’
‘She’s in safe hands.’
Of course. Of course he would say that. He still believed in medicine and his skill to save this little girl’s life. Her own belief was a little more battered. But then, as his words began to have more potency the longer they lingered in her brain, she thought about the other children in her class—Machupa, Tabia, Claudette, Habib and the others—all those little faces, all those little people she had come to care so much about. She knew she had to do the right thing and go and check on them.
‘Of course. You’re right. I’ll go right now.’
She had to get away from him. Needed some breathing room. Some time to think.
‘Wait.’ He held up his hand as she moved to slink past him. ‘I think maybe I ought to come with you—and you need to have a drink first. It’s the middle of the day and you’ve had nothing since your arrival. You need to hydrate.’
Her stomach was churning. How would she be able to drink anything? He wanted to go with her.
‘I can do it by myself,’ she said quietly.
What’s happening to me? How has he turned me into a mouse again?
‘I insist. Abeje doesn’t need her teacher collapsing on her as well, does she?’
Tasha sat down in her chair and looked at the sleeping girl. So young and already fighting for her life. How much more bad luck did she need to experience at such a young age? There was no one else to sit by her bedside. Just Tasha. And, yes, she did need to look after herself. No one else would do it for her. But she felt herself bristling at his suggestion. Ordering her about. Telling her what was best for her. Even more so because he was right.
I’m going to have to deal with it.
If the other kids were sick, wouldn’t it be better to have a real doctor by her side?
‘Okay.’
‘How do you like it?’
She blinked. ‘What?’
‘Your tea.’
He smiled, and the devastating power of it—the familiarity, the punch-in-the-gut strength of it—almost winded her. Those teeth... That dimple in his right cheek...
Remember what he did to you.
‘Er...milk. One sugar.’
His eyes creased as he smiled again, bookending the corners with lines that had never been there before, but that just increased his attraction. How did the nurses get any work done around him? How did anyone concentrate? Were they immune? Had they had some sort of vaccination? Because if they had then she damn well wanted one for herself!
She’d worked so hard to forget this man. And she’d thought she’d been successful. It had just been a crush, as a child—so what? He’d broken her heart badly—but who cared? It had been years ago. Years.
And it turned out he didn’t even recognise her.
Or remember her.
If she was so forgettable, then she wanted to make sure he meant just as little to her now.
She did not need his help or advice. She knew what she was looking out for. And the idea of spending more time with him when she wasn’t prepared for this unexpected onslaught only made her feel sick.
He was not the man she wanted by her side.
* * *
Quinn hauled himself into the passenger seat as Tasha gunned the engine. There seemed to be fewer people about now, the morning market trade dissipating, so she was able to reverse easily and begin the drive back to the Sunshine Children’s Centre.
Her nerves were on edge. She felt prickly. Uncomfortable. He still hadn’t recognised her and she was in two minds about telling him who she was.
If Abeje recovered quickly, perhaps there would be no need to tell him anything? But her gut reaction was that Abeje was in for a long fight and that it would take some time before they saw any signs of recovery. Malaria was an aggressive disease in this part of the world still, and she’d racked her brains to try and remember what she knew about the condition.
A single mosquito bite was all it took to get infected, and most people showed symptoms within a couple of weeks of being bitten. The terrible thing was that it could be fatal if treatment was delayed. She could only hope that they had got to Abeje in time. A combination of drugs was slowly being dripped into Abeje’s system through an IV. She hoped it was enough.
‘What made you come to Africa to teach?’
So he wanted to do small talk? Though she wasn’t sure if any talk with him would ever be small for her.
‘I just did.’
The desire to keep her life away from his scrutiny was strong. He’d already ridiculed her once. It might have been years ago, but that didn’t mean the pain was any less. Being with him now made her feel raw again. Unguarded. The wound in her heart, open to infection.
‘You’ve always taught English?’
‘No.’
‘What did you do before?’
She glared at him as she drove, before turning back to keep an eye on the road. It was none of his business.
‘This and that.’
‘Mystery woman, huh?’
Without looking at him, she knew he was smiling. She heard it in his voice. He really had no idea, did he?
So two-faced! Trying to charm a woman you once thought so little of.
‘What made you take a post on the ship?’
There was a pause before he answered, allowing time for the potholes in the road to bounce them around, so that their shoulders bashed into each other briefly before the car was righted again.
‘I needed a change. I’d spent some time working in British hospitals, but I felt like stretching my wings. I didn’t want to become stale, you know? Complacent. I needed a new challenge.’
‘Well, Africa certainly does that to you.’
He nodded. ‘It does.’ He turned to look at her. ‘Did you come out here for a challenge?’
What could she tell him? That she’d come here on pure instinct? That teaching at schools in the UK had worn down her spirit?
Such long, gruelling hours, weighed down by the gazillions of reports and lesson plans and resources she’d had to create. Hours spent on assessments and figure-juggling that would never see the light of day but had to be there in case the inspectors turned up. Weeks spent worrying about work politics and staffroom gossip and pressure from the senior management team to be constantly at the top of her game.
She’d just wanted to teach. She’d wanted to forget all the rest and get back to what she enjoyed. Seeing the face of a child light up with understanding. Being with children who were eager to learn. She’d wanted to get back to grass roots. Find her joy again. Her spirit.
Africa had always seemed to her an exotic place—both beautiful and dangerous at the same time—and after going to a seminar in which the speaker had talked about her time teaching in Senegal she’d found an agency and signed right up. She’d needed to get away from the everyday. She’d needed to find something special.
And she had. It had brightened her heart, coming here. Given her exactly what she’d needed.
‘I came out here to make a difference.’
He nodded in understanding. ‘I know what you mean.’
She doubted it. She imagined that Quinn’s life had always been rosy. Nothing too horrendous or upsetting for him. Surely he must have cruised through life? Privileged and well off?
Tasha drove on through the hot, dusty streets of Ntembe. She was glad that Quinn had made her drink that tea. She had needed it. And now she was hungry, too, but that would have to wait. They had children to check up on.
She parked the vehicle outside the centre.
The Sunshine Children’s Centre was a long, low building, with a corrugated tin roof and a hand-painted sign made by the children. There was a bright yellow sun in one corner, its rays stretching across the sign, behind the words, and in another corner, if you looked hard enough, beyond the accumulation of dust, there was a child’s face with a big, happy smile.
‘This is it.’
‘How many children live here?’
‘Fifty-three. Most of them girls.’
They got out of the car and dusted themselves down. ‘How many of them are your students?’
‘Ten—though others go to the same school. They’re just in different classes.’
‘We should check them all—hand out anti-malarials just in case.’
She nodded. Yes, it was best to err on the side of caution. Preventative medicine was better than reactive medicine.
‘Okay. I’ll introduce you to the house matron—her name’s Jamila.’
‘Lead the way.’
She led him into the interior, explained the situation to Jamila and told her what they wanted to do to check on the children. Permission was given for them to treat them.
Tasha was glad it wasn’t a school day, so the children were all at the centre, though some of the boys were out at the back, playing football. All seemed to be in good health. None of them were showing signs of illness or fever.
‘Looks like Abeje was the unlucky one.’
Jamila stepped forward. ‘Abeje travelled with an aunt back to her village two weeks ago.’
‘With Ada?’ Tasha asked.
‘Yes. The village is about a two-hour drive from here. Do you think she could have got infected there?’
Tasha looked at Quinn and he nodded. It was a distinct possibility.
‘I wonder if anyone is sick at the village? Is it remote? Do they have any medical facilities nearby?’
Jamila shook her head. ‘The Serendipity is the closest they have.’
Quinn frowned. ‘They might feel they’re too sick to travel. Perhaps we ought to go out there? Check on everyone?’
‘Do you have enough medication?’
‘We’ll have to go back and restock. Maybe get a nurse to come along, too. You’ll come, Tasha, won’t you?’
At one stage in her life she would have jumped at the opportunity. But this was different. She didn’t need to go if Quinn and a nurse were going. As far as they knew she was just a teacher. They didn’t need her. Besides, she wanted to stay here and keep an eye on Abeje. Taking a trip with Quinn was her idea of hell!
‘You won’t need me.’
‘Nonsense! As Abeje’s teacher you’ll be able to explain why we have to do this. Introduce us to the aunt. Talk to the villagers.’
‘I barely know Ada. I’ve met her maybe once. Perhaps twice.’
‘More times than any of us.’
The way he was looking at her was dangerous. As if he needed her. Wanted her. Desperately. And it was doing strange things to her insides. Confusing things.
Okay, so more hands on deck might help get the medication distributed more quickly, and she couldn’t expect him to take many medical personnel from the ship to help. Some of them needed to stay behind. To look after Abeje, for one thing.
She could feel her resolve weakening and she hated that. Just like before, she was being pulled deeper and deeper into Quinn’s world.
‘Fine. Okay.’ She nodded quickly, hating herself for giving in. Imagining already how difficult it would be to spend so much time in his company.
‘Great.’ He beamed. ‘And whilst we’re getting there you can tell me how you know me—because I sure as hell can’t place where you’re from.’
She froze as he walked back outside.
So there was something, then. He recognised her as being familiar, but couldn’t place her.
How would he react when he realised she was Nit-Nat? How would he feel? Would he have forgotten what he did? What he’d said? Who she was? How he’d destroyed her little heart in a matter of minutes?
She wanted him to suffer. To feel uncomfortable. To apologise and grovel for her forgiveness...
Part of her wondered if it was better just to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about. To insist that they’d never met before. But a stronger part of her wanted to let him know their connection. Their history. To surprise him and have him see how she had changed. She was no longer a chubby, nit-infested, braces-wearing girl in secondhand clothes.
She had not changed for him. She’d just grown up and been battered by life in so many ways. Life had given her plenty of challenges—killing her parents when she was young, making her grow up in a children’s home, having Quinn humiliate her, her job destroy her and her marriage break down. And yet she had come through it all. Was still standing. Still able to find joy in her life. To enjoy it. To feel worthwhile.
Was fate, or karma, or whatever it was called, finished messing with her life?
She hoped so. But the fact that she was here and Quinn was here and they were together made her suspect that fate hadn’t finished putting her through the wringer just yet.
Tasha stepped out into the sunshine, shielding her eyes from the worst of the sun’s rays. She climbed into the vehicle, started the engine and turned to look at him, butterflies somersaulting in her stomach, her mouth dry.
It was time. She had to say it.
Just say it. Get it out there.
‘You do know me. I’m Tasha Kincaid now—but you might know me by my former name, Natasha Drummond.’
She saw him frown, think, and then his eyebrows rose in surprise as his eyes widened.
‘That’s right. You’re in a car with Nit-Nat.’
