Ignite Book 1: Heart of the Inferno
著者
A. Duncan
閲覧数
561K
チャプター
39
Lexi’s life has been one long lesson in survival. With grief clawing at her and a town that wants her gone, she lets her best friend sweep her away into something new. But starting over isn’t simple—not when secrets lurk in every corner, and the past refuses to stay buried. In the safety of two men who see her, who actually choose her, Lexi feels like she might finally belong. Yet the closer she gets, the sharper the risks become. Some truths are too heavy to ignore. Some choices are too dangerous to undo. And just when Lexi dares to hope, life proves her mother was right about one thing—it never turns out the way you plan.
Bury My Mother
LEXI
Today, I bury my mother—my best friend and anchor to this life.
I stand here, staring at the disturbed ground, chunks of dry, dusty, red dirt surrounding my high-heeled feet. Leaning down, I grab a handful.
I watch as the dirt slides through my fingers, hoping to feel the life force of the earth, but all I feel is emptiness.
I watch as they lower my mother into the sinking hole of the abyss.
My father stands beside me, taking another drag from his bottle of whiskey. We stopped on the way to the cemetery to pick it up, and the damn bottle is already half gone. “Good riddance.”
He spits on her casket and stumbles away, grabbing haphazardly around him.
He was never a good husband or a good father. There isn’t a day I don’t remember seeing him with some sort of bottle in his hand. The only time there isn’t one is when he’s passed out and it’s fallen onto the floor.
I always thought he would be the first one to go. I just knew his liver wouldn’t last as long as it has. You’d think with the amount of alcohol he inhales on a daily basis, he would have already succumbed to cirrhosis by now.
But nope…my beautiful, protective mother was the one to go first.
“Let’s go, Lexi! I need to stop by the liquor store on the way home!”
I take one last look into the dark hole that holds my mother’s plain brown casket. I take a single white rose from my bag to drop it on the casket, and I say a small prayer.
I pray that she’s happy now, free. No more worries or pain from the past.
She did the best she could to survive in a world that hurt her at every turn. Through it all, she never complained—not once. She always said this life was her trial and tribulation, her burdens to bear. When she stood before the Almighty, she wanted Him to be proud. He is proud, Mom.
“Alexis!”
I turn my head and look at the man who made me.
There’s nothing about me that resembles him in any way. The more I look, the dirtier I feel.
It’s that icky, skin-crawling grossness that slides down my body like a snake. The kind that makes you almost vomit.
You feel it right in the back of your throat, hoping with everything you have it stays down.
He barely tried to even put on a suit. His pants are wrinkled, and his tie hangs loose and uneven. His shirt isn’t even buttoned right and stained with who knows what.
There’s no jacket, and he’s wearing a pair of flip-flops for shoes. Don’t get me started on the smell.
Absolutely, positively gross.
“I love you, Mom. I promise, I’ll find a way out somehow.”
Walking to the car, I wonder if I could just push him out the passenger side door while driving ninety down the freeway and make it look like an accident. With my luck, he would survive and live to tell his drunken tale.
Getting behind the wheel, all I smell is old whiskey and body odor. I gag and roll the window down, hoping the fresh air will blow away the stench of the walking catastrophe beside me.
“Don’t forget to stop at the liquor store, dimwit, and I hope you don’t think you’re getting out of cooking. Just because your mother dropped dead don’t mean shit.”
“I’ll drop you off at the house and go to the store. I need to get a few things for supper anyway.”
“Whatever, as long as you get my whiskey and hurry the hell up! Your mama isn’t here to protect you anymore! I’ll do as I see fit. Something that should have been done a long time ago.”
I stiffen.
He beat my mom almost every day. She allowed it just so he wouldn’t come and hurt me.
She died because of me. Because her frail body couldn’t take the beatings anymore. One kick in the wrong place and her heart just stopped beating.
The bad part is, I consider my mom the lucky one.
After dropping off the sad excuse of a father, I drive to the nearest secluded beach. Living in South Florida makes that kind of hard, but since I grew up here, I know a few places.
I take my shoes off and feel the sand between my toes, shells scraping the bottoms of my feet.
I don’t want to go back—back to the dilapidated house with the falling shutters and the leaking roof. The house where the more you try to fix it, the more it breaks. You walk inside and all you smell is stale alcohol and mold.
Mom and I tried our best, but sometimes, even your best just isn’t good enough.
“I thought I’d find you here.”
I jump at the sound of his timbre voice in the silence of the autumn afternoon.
Maxwell just graduated college and is visiting before going to Canada to start a new job in Toronto.
Me? I never made it to college. My family couldn’t afford it. I worked at the diner to help Mom with the bills.
Now, I’m not sure how long it will be before those even start to pile up.
Maxwell, though—I’m happy he’s found his place in life. No matter what life throws at me, I’ll always be happy for my best friend. The one person who knows everything about me and still isn’t afraid to come around.
“Yeah. I had to get away from the stench.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the funeral. I figured your dad would throw a fit if he saw me there.”
“It’s okay, and he probably would have.”
He takes my hand and squeezes. He knows Mom protected me all these years. He also knows I stayed for her. I stayed to help her.
His touch usually calms me, but it also sets my emotions loose, and I feel those treacherous tears I’ve done so well at holding back spring forward. I try to blink them back. I try to keep myself in check, but this time, it’s not working.
As soon as Max takes me into his arms, I sob. Not a controlled, just-let-me-get-it-out kind of sob. It’s an uncontrolled, ugly, snotty cry to the point I start to hyperventilate.
He’s the only person who can make me feel the things I try so damn hard to hide.
“Breathe, Lexi, just breathe,” he says.
“I…can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
He takes my hand and puts it on his chest. “Here. Feel this. Feel me breathing. In and out. In and out. Slow and steady. Just feel me breathing.”
“I…can’t…do this anymore.”
“I know. I don’t want you to.”
“But what choice do I have?”
“You can come with me.”
My eyes snap up to his green ones. If we hadn’t been best friends since middle school, I’d probably be one of the many girls who’s had a crush on the unattainable Maxwell Hayes.
Ever since I met him, though, it’s been a friendship till the end.
Though I’m not blind. I will admit, with his dark hair, crystal green eyes, chiseled jaw, and fit body, Max is one hell of a catch.
“What?”
“Do you still have your passport my mom helped you get when you went with us on our last family vacation?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Pack all your shit tonight, Lex. I’ll come get you around midnight. There’s no way I’m leaving you here alone.”
“I can’t. I don’t have enough saved up yet.”
“I have your ticket already, and you’re staying with me and my friend, West. There’s plenty of room.”
“Max…”
“For once, Alexis…please, don’t argue with me on this.”
He said my whole name. He never calls me by my government name unless he’s mad or he’s serious about something. The question is, can I do it? Can I just get up and leave without saying anything?
I don’t owe my father any kind of explanation. I’m twenty-three years old, and he’s never done a damn thing for me. I can do as I please, and the last place I want to be is here.
I look at my best friend. The one person who has been with me through everything.
He takes a piece of my hair and tucks it behind my ear. “What do you say?”
“I’ll be ready.”
