After the Silence
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Rula Sinara
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Prologue
ZOE CORALLIS HELD her breath as the door to the baby’s room clicked shut. She counted five seconds before daring to tiptoe away, cleared a good five feet before exhaling, then scurried to the kitchen.
“Mommy, I finished copying down my spelling words and the oven just beeped,” Maddie said, jumping off the kitchen stool and stuffing her notebook into her brown-and-pink gingham backpack. “Did you want to check them?”
Zoe chuckled as she turned off the oven timer before it could ring and wake up Ryan. Maddie, knowing full well there wouldn’t be homework checks this afternoon, already had her backpack zipped up.
“I trust you, sweetie,” she said as she pulled two round pans of Ben’s favorite banana cake out of the oven and set them on the stovetop to cool. She dipped her head, teaming up with the effervescent light spilling through the window, and scanned the counter for rogue crumbs. Spotless.
“Is he almost here?” Maddie asked.
Zoe glanced at the oven clock for the hundredth time since morning. Three-fifty. Which meant the cream-cheese frosting and strawberries weren’t going to make it onto the cake until after Ben arrived, and she’d wanted everything perfect and ready. After ten months of hell, he deserved to come home to peace and quiet. And Zoe knew how much having the house calm and clean helped him recover from experiences he never discussed and she didn’t dare imagine.
Zoe held Maddie’s cheeks and kissed her pert little nose. “Almost.” She gave Maddie’s two dark braids a playful tug, then took her backpack from her hand. “I’ll put this away. Do me a huge favor and go help Chad pick up his toys so Daddy doesn’t trip on them.”
“Okay.” Maddie tucked her stool under the counter, then cupped her hands against her chest. “Can we tell him about the puppy yet?” she whispered. Chad was too young to be trusted with a secret, and Maddie was nearing bursting point, not being able to share their plans to raise a puppy. Zoe was so exhausted today that she had fleeting second thoughts about the yearlong commitment—raising a puppy for a service-and-guide-dog-training organization that was known for helping veterans—but seeing her daughter’s face beaming reaffirmed her decision. Maddie loved animals, and the experience would not only be great for the kids, it would be great for Ben, too. Her gift to him. A way to serve...from home.
“Let’s give Daddy a day to settle in before we tell him. Think you can keep it hush until tomorrow morning?” With the pup scheduled to arrive in five days, they’d definitely need to tell Ben as soon as possible. Breakfast time would be good. Maddie scrunched her face as if she’d sucked on a lemon and dropped her arms.
“Fine. I’ll survive,” she said with a dramatic sigh.
Zoe watched her daughter skip into the family room off the kitchen and half listened to her coaxing her four-year-old brother to clean up rather than play. He protested. Loudly. Peace and quiet were near impossible on a good day. She sure hoped the antibiotics for Ryan’s ear infection would kick in so he’d sleep through tonight. That, or Ben was going to need earplugs. Zoe rubbed her forehead. With no caffeine because of nursing and no more than three hours of sleep last night, she knew anticipation was the only thing keeping her from crashing. She felt guilty for not taking the kids to get Ben, but with a sick baby and the wait time involved, it just wasn’t possible. It wasn’t his first homecoming, but it felt like it. Every time he made it home safely, she couldn’t shake the niggling fear that they’d used up their good luck. Zoe’s eyes burned. She’d give her life to know that Ben would be safe and sound forever.
She swallowed hard and reached for the baby monitor perched on the counter by the fridge, and made sure Chad hadn’t fiddled with the volume setting. She would not break down. Not in front of the kids, and certainly not in front of Ben. He’d be dealing with jet lag and exhaustion. He didn’t need her falling apart at the sight of him, too. Not when she wanted so badly to convince him not to reenlist—again—and that this was the place to be.
Home.
And changing her shirt would be a good move. Even she, immune as she was, could smell the sour tang of baby burp on her shoulder.
“Maddie. Chad. I’ll be right back. Hide the toy box behind the sofa when you’re done.”
“Daddy!” The creak of the front door, thud of a duffel bag hitting the floor and Chad’s squeal sent an explosion of everything pure, wonderful and fated surging through Zoe and lodging in her throat. The sight of him standing in the doorway did her in.
“Ben.” She could barely hear her own voice over the wail from the baby monitor.
His lips curved into the crooked smile that had charmed her from day one. Zoe held back for the kids and thanked her stars when Ryan’s cry through the monitor mellowed to a gurgle, then silence. She watched as Ben knelt down to hug Chad, then held one free arm out to a suddenly shy Maddie. Chad was young enough to get excited over the idea of Daddy, but Maddie’s uncertainty broke Zoe’s heart. At nine, she was realizing just how much of a stranger her dad really was. Seeing her finally wrap her arms around him set Zoe’s tears in action. He stood up, and in seconds Zoe ambushed him, legs around his waist. Her lips met his in a long, warm kiss. She ran her hands along the stubble that shaded his face and kissed his neck, letting herself get enveloped in the strength, warmth and scent that was only his.
“I missed you. Oh, man, I missed you,” she whispered.
“I missed you, too,” he said, nuzzling her hair and holding her firmly against his chest. He didn’t let go. Zoe loved that he didn’t let go—in spite of the fact that the aroma of baby burp couldn’t have escaped his keen marine senses.
“Something smells good,” he said.
Zoe laughed and pulled back.
“I need to change my shirt.”
“Me, too. I’ll be right behind you. I need to set my bags in the bedroom.”
Zoe stroked his cheek again. “By the way, I’m making your favorite cake, and as soon as I change, I need to run to Bentley’s to pick up dinner.”
Ben flattened his hand against his heart.
“You’re the best. With extra cheese?”
“Made to order just for you,” Zoe said. Ben loved her home-cooked meals, but ordering his favorite burger from the same pub where they’d gone on their very first date had become a homecoming tradition. Thank goodness Maddie had reminded her this morning. Lack of sleep nurtured brain fog.
Zoe fingered his collar, then rested her hands on his shoulders. Whatever had been bugging him, they were finally face-to-face. They’d sort it out. She knew he worried about money. But once he met his son, nothing else would matter.
She hoped.
“Ryan is sleeping, barely, but you have to come see him. Mom says he looks like me, but I don’t know. I think he has your nose.”
“Poor kid,” Ben said, ruffling Chad’s hair before picking up his oversize duffel and following Zoe toward the bedroom hallway to the right of the kitchen.
“Poor kid has an ear infection. He might be cranky when he wakes up, but I won’t take long. Maddie can help you.”
“Yep, he likes me,” Maddie said, looking at Zoe for confirmation.
“How could he not? You’re the greatest big sis and helper ever,” Zoe said, letting Ben enter the master bedroom ahead of her. Maddie looked expectantly at her father for approval, but he just set his bag near the foot of the bed and looked around the room without a word, as if he’d entered a hotel room and needed to get his bearings. It happened whenever he came home. And by the time they’d find a new rhythm and his awkward, withdrawn silences would subside, he’d get ready to head out again.
But not this time. Zoe needed to convince him that he’d served enough and that she needed him here with her. The kids needed their dad.
Zoe rubbed Maddie’s shoulder and gave her an encouraging smile.
“Do me a favor. Go touch a finger to one of the cakes and see if it’s cool enough to frost. You can start on it while I pick up dinner.”
“Okay!” Maddie ran down the hall, the hurt of her dad not responding seemingly forgotten.
Chad scrambled up the side of the bed and started jumping.
“Get down, buddy, before you fall,” Ben said, scooping him by the waist and setting him on the floor.
Zoe slipped into their small walk-in closet and quickly changed. She couldn’t help feeling a little nervous and self-conscious around him. The last time he’d seen her she’d barely begun showing, but Ryan was only four weeks old and, as slim as she was, she was still battling the remains of belly flab and stretch marks. She stepped out just as Ben pulled an army-green cap from his bag and put it on Chad’s head.
“I’ll be back in fifteen minutes,” she said.
“No, wait,” he said. “I can go. You stay in case the baby wakes up.” The baby. Not Ryan.
“Ben, you’ll be fine. He was up all night, so I don’t think he’ll wake up for a while. Just go take a peek at him.”
Ben started to protest, and Zoe put her fingertips to his mouth, then ran her thumb along his bottom lip in promise. “Go meet your son. Spend a little time with the kids. They go to bed pretty early. You’ll survive.”
Ben covered her hand with his, then let her slip away.
* * *
SOME THINGS WERE not meant to be miniature.
Ben cocked his head and looked at his swaddled son. Poor thing really did have his nose. Don’t worry, bud, you’ll grow into it. He was actually a cute little thing, little being a scary word. With the same caution he’d use to handle a live grenade, he reached down and laid his hand against Ryan’s chest. The pulsing of that tiny infant heart against his callused palm blew him away. Innocence. It killed him that he had taken part in bringing another innocent child into a world ravaged with so many evils and dangers...but he had. And it was his duty to make sure his family was provided for and no harm came to them.
Wow. Kid number three. Ben swiped his palm down his face. Higher bills, expenses and college tuition...which meant no way could he give up his steady pay and benefits. Not yet. He was more valuable to them on duty anyway. Whenever he was home, his time was dedicated to fun and relaxation with Zoe and the kids. If he had to tackle child rearing on a daily basis, he’d probably just mess up what Zoe had going. She was the most amazing wife a marine—any man, for that matter—could have. The most incredible, patient woman and mother he knew. And they had a system. His career meant they’d be safe and provided for and she...she held down the fort and made it all worthwhile. It worked for them, and she seemed happy enough.
He hadn’t had any doubts about her happiness until she’d recently begun talking, via Skype, about how relieved she was that his duty was ending, and she wouldn’t have to live day to day worrying about the infamous knock on the door. He’d let it go. Arguing over his decision to reenlist wasn’t something he’d wanted to get into on a computer screen. Especially not with her pregnancy hormones out of whack. The way he figured things, he didn’t have an option. Not with a growing family.
The doorbell rang, and Ben froze, expecting the baby to wake up. He pulled his hand away, careful not to cause any air turbulence. Put a real grenade in his palm and he’d deal with it. A crying infant with a loaded diaper? Now, that was a weapon he had no intention of handling.
“Daddy, the door!”
His breath caught, both from fear that she’d wake the baby and from the sound of Daddy from his daughter’s lips. He rushed out of the room, intent on forestalling the next ring of the bell.
“Mommy says to leave the door answering to her,” Maddie explained from behind a disaster of frosting and what he hoped was cake. Chad, perched on a stool next to her, was licking white goop off his hands.
Oh, boy. Zoe’ll be back soon. Zoe’ll be back soon.
“Make sure your brother doesn’t fall,” Ben said, pointing at Chad for emphasis. Man. At least they knew not to open the door to strangers.
Ben reached the front door and swung it wide, not in the mood for visitors, but half expecting Zoe’s parents. Grandma could handle the goop.
The ground rippled beneath his feet when he saw the uniforms. His adrenaline jacked into high gear.
He was overreacting. Maybe this time PTSD had won out. They were probably just door-to-door fund-raising. They still did that, right? He scratched impatiently at his forehead, irritated with himself for going into battle mode.
“Yes, officers?”
“Sir, is this the home of Zoe Corallis?”
Is this the home of Zoe Corallis?
An icy cold bled across his chest. He shook his head, refusing to listen to what instinct told him they were going to say. This wasn’t right. This was supposed to be home.
Ben’s chest heaved, and his knuckles whitened against the door frame. The officer’s words blistered in his ears. Is this the home of Zoe Corallis? Car accident... We’re sorry.
“No. No.” He shook his head emphatically, his words sounding like military orders even to himself. He fisted his shirt, where Zoe’s touch still lingered.
“Maddie, take Chad to Ryan’s room and stay there until I say.” He turned to be sure they obeyed and was met with stunned looks. “Now! Go!”
Maddie helped her brother down and they disappeared like frightened prey. Ben braced his hands against the door frame, trying to process what was happening, then, like the friends he’d seen pelleted with shrapnel, he buckled and hit the floor.
Zoe.
